I did it!!!

rozas8890 · 2012-05-25T13:30:55.804400+00:00

Awesome! I can relate, because I used to be somewhat of a fundamentalist Christian. When I was dating my now wife, she tried to be religious, I think because she knew it meant a lot to me. But she didn't like my family's church (didn't buy into the pentecostal nature of it) and was more open to things like evolution than I was. I eventually admitted to myself and her that I was an atheist, which I think gave her the courage to admit it as well. Now we've discovered another commonality that has made us even better friends. It's really great.

I hope things turn out well for both of you.

RileyCoyote · 2012-05-25T13:21:50.988200+00:00

Oh, ok. I see what you're saying. After reading your conversation with Doctorwubwub, your mom doesn't sound like the extreme fundamentalist type to me. And if your dad is a pretty rational guy, the risks of you telling them might not be too high. Ultimately, I think that's something you have to decide for yourself though. Good luck, and keep us posted! :)

ThrowawayBananaPeel · 1 day

Sounds like you've got the right idea. I understand it's a delicate situation. It's the same way between me and my parents. And my wife and I know it's going to get more complicated when we have children and my parents want to do things like teach them bible stories and such.

And yeah, volunteering at a homeless shelter sounds like a great idea.

ThrowawayBananaPeel · 1 day

Well, the way I see it, you've got your own family to worry about now. You don't have to "come out" to them if you don't want to, but If your parents want to take your kids to church or try to convince you to go against your will, you have every right to say no. If that situation comes up, I say just try to do it in the nicest way possible. And if someone's feelings are hurt even though you've kindly explained your opinion, then it's not really your fault, I think. I know it sucks if that happens, but I think standing up for your family is important.

RileyCoyote · 1 day

You're still young and rely on your parents. It basically depends on how much of a burden it really is to you, compared to the risks of what would happen if you told your mom. I would suggest waiting, at least for a while.

Also, what exactly are you meaning when you say it might hurt her if you don't tell her?

instig888 · 2 days

Ok, cool. I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed that. I thought about emailing the clergy project and maybe the Richard Dawkins Foundation about it, but i just didn't have the time. Maybe I will today.

instig888 · 3 days

Wait, I'm not the only one who listens to Moody a bit? Cool. :) I catch just the beginning of the second hour of In The Market on my way home from work. Curiosity gets the best of me.

But back on topic, it seemed to me like they couldn't even get basic facts about the Clergy Project right, though, because it sounded to me like they kept claiming that Theresa McBain started it. Did anyone else notice that?

gburgdan · 4 days

Thanks for at least saying that it will happen. Now I don't have to worry anymore!

Nicosayshi · 4 days

That was also my wedding day. It was a fun coincidence!

Edit to emphasize that I am not saying the world ended when I got married. Just that we all had fun joking about it. :)

Sanwi · 4 days

All very good suggestions. Especially Evid3c3's video series, which I've found very interesting.

Black_Sheep666 · 8 days

Thanks for posting an update. I was wondering how things were going for you since your dad found out. I think what it boils down to is that this is extremely important to your dad, like you said. In his mind, you've made a terrible choice and need to be convinced otherwise. Maybe you should point out the good qualities in your boyfriend to your dad. Show him that he isn't a terrible person. Your dad is trying to make you feel guilty, I think. In my opinion, you shouldn't.

AnOnlineHandle · 10 days

I agree with you. I've gotten that sort of extreme emotional reaction from family members before. It is a very personal thing, and so when you start pointing out problems, you have to expect some retaliation. I'd be great if everyone could think about their beliefs logically and not let emotion get in the way, but the reality is that just doesn't happen a lot of the time.

Black_Sheep666 · 12 days

I just saw your update, and had to comment again. That is some messed up shit. That's the only way I can think to put it. It makes me so sad to read that a parent would treat their child like that all because of religion. Do you have any idea what you're going to do now? How has your mom reacted? If you need to talk to someone, I'm willing to listen.

Black_Sheep666 · 13 days

I like your idea of having the parents meet the significant other. Maybe that will help, assuming the parents are even willing. If you have a couple more years of school left and you're worried about finances from your parents, I would be a little hesitant to tell them outright. If you do want to tell them, one thing I would suggest is to emphasize that it's only your stance on one issue that's changed; you're still the same person overall. You haven't suddenly gone morally bankrupt. Hopefully they'll understand. Good luck.

snake_zero · 13 days

Ok. That's pretty common, I think. Were they pretty upset when they found out you were an atheist?

snake_zero · 14 days

Thank you for sharing. I'm glad that you and your brother get along now.

I'm just curious, does your family know you and your brother are atheists, and if so, how have they reacted?

neonrose · 15 days

I think one important point to make is that you're still the same person; you haven't suddenly gone morally bankrupt.

dangerousbirde · 16 days

I don't get that vibe at all. I think what he's trying to say is that it's fun to help someone learn something new. It's great to see their face light up as they figure it out and it starts to make sense to them. That, in turn, makes him happy. Not that it gives him an ego trip. At least, that's what I get out of it.

thisismyqq · 16 days

I think I can relate to what you're going through a little bit. My wife and I stopped going to the church I grew up in a few years ago. It was very sudden; we were there one Sunday, and then we decided to never go back. I had been a part of the Sunday morning worship team (trumpet player), so while I wasn't close to everybody there, people generally knew who I was. Looking back, at the time I was on a path towards atheism, but I think my wife was more willing to leave than I was. It was a tough change for me. Of course I'm glad now that I got out of that environment. I don't miss the preaching or the beliefs. But sometimes I look back and realize that I miss the people, the sense of community. They were nice people. What's helped me is finding ways to make new friends out of other interests. I hope you can do the same. Also, please remember that you have friends here, and if you use IRC at all, come hang out in #reddit-atheism on Freenode. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then just disregard that. :P

Good luck, and I hope you make some new friends.

womingzijiao · 20 days

I can definitely relate to what you're going through right now. I joined a Christian group when I started college, stuck with them for about 3 years or so until I didn't have the time to go to meetings anymore, and finally admitted to myself that I didn't believe in God anymore during my last semester.

Whether you should tell your parents or not is entirely up to you. As for friends, I know it can suck when you lose some, but the good thing is you can make new ones. Find another organization related to something else that you really enjoy. For me during college that was the computer science club, and I still have friends that I've met through it. Also, don't forget that you've got a great community of atheists here on Reddit. If you use IRC at all, there's the #reddit-atheism channel on Freenode. I like to hang out there during the week when I'm at work. So if you want you can pop in there and talk to people.

As for your girlfriend, that's a pretty tough situation. I think you have the right idea though. It's not fair to her to lie to her. Honesty is always the best choice in those cases, in my opinion. It might have bad consequences, but I think you'll feel a lot better.

Good luck.

timelesscurrent · 21 days

Yeah, I'm enjoying them as well.

Dicearx · 21 days

Atheism is simply a stance on a single issue: do you think that gods exist.

I_AM_NOW · 21 days

You kind of answered your own question, I think. Bring kids up in religion from the moment they're born. Instill in them that strong belief that questioning is wrong, that science is misguided, that their ancient book has all the answers. Then the hope is that they will continue to "keep the faith" throughout their life until they have children, and the cycle begins again.

I find myself asking the same question sometimes; how can people in this day and age, when we have the Internet and so many other advances in communication, go on believing this stuff? I think "get 'em young" is a big part of that. That's why examples like the one you gave of that 13 year old bother me so much.

RamsesThePigeon · 21 days

Doubt fueling faith. That's a very interesting perspective; one that I don't know if I've thought about before. You've made me think about how best to talk about atheism to others. Thanks.

timelesscurrent · 22 days

Is this something you're struggling with or trying to make a decision about, or were you just curious about the opinions of others on the topic?

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