Mundane topic (not related to drama of any sort): Chest binders?

ratta_tata_tat · 4 months

I found this sub through a mention on r/ainbow

ratta_tata_tat · 4 months

Cool! I had no idea I was transgender! I thought I was just a fake of some sort... well, of both sorts. Fake man, fake woman, fake wtf.

Zazie_Lavender · 4 months

You might like these earrings, they go both ways easily. Getting used to the larger gauge isn't hard (use lotion when putting them in) They are quite elegant and are suitable for both masculine and feminine days. http://www.bodycircle.com/merchant.ihtml?pid=11&lastcatid=2&step=4

Zazie_Lavender · 4 months

I find it helpful to have my size information written down on a little slip of paper... even though I know my own size, it makes me feel a little more confident because I can hold the paper and match it to the garment, then I look like I'm just some guy in the women's section, doing my best to shop for someone. It's also useful as something I can show to staff, if I should ever be questioned.

I do this, too!

ratta_tata_tat · 4 months

I'm not trans, I'm dual-gendered. Can I be here?

And like the bisexual redditor, I apologize in advance if I inadvertently offend someone, and ask that people point out my errors and tell me how to fix what I say wrong.

FavoriteColorGray · 5 months

Cutting it all short (1 1/2 inch) and making it spike all over with super-hold gel lets you go both ways.

Female - brush the "sideburns" back or forward paralleling cheekbones

Male - brush the "sideburns" down paralleling the jawline (not forward, that looks pixie and ruins the effect) For the male look, be sure the "sideburns" aren't too long.

Short spikes are just confusing enough socially that you can make sideburns be indicators.

APileOfQuestions · 5 months

I'm constantly fighting my tendency to be perceived as male. Doesn't matter what I wear. 30 years of "Sir" and "Son" and "Him" and "He." Ugh.

Probably the only time I wasn't mistaken was the last trimester of pregnancy when I was HUGE.

There are times I identify strongly as male and with male prerogatives, but I rarely want to be seen as male in public.

Androgyny is not for me - I'm wholly one or the other, never "neither."

I may be odd in the bi-gender world, because I want to be seen as my born gender.

2E1HSB · 5 months

I have very large hips (48 inches) but am regularly seen as male even while wearing skirts and revealing tops. (I've got huge boobs as well.) This is upsetting for the times (probably 99.9% of the time) when I want to be perceived publicly as my biological gender, which is female.

When I first threw myself at the mercy of r/asktransgender some very kind folks pointed me toward some body-language info.

Basically, it doesn't really matter what the body OR the clothes are like - how you move is the major cue.

Unlock your knees. Drop your tailbone. Imagine pressing your knees away from each other without moving your feet. Pull your lower belly flat. Lift your chest (don't worry, your boobs won't look wrong). Let your arms swing naturally toward the sides of your thighs. Biological men have a very hard time locking their knees, while biological women lock their knees all the time. Standing with your knees unlocked makes your muscles work harder, your hips look narrower, your pelvis tilts to press your pubic bone forward, and if you're packing makes the bulge look more natural.

notamansowhy · 5 months

I've done some of that with things like my Doc Martens: hot magenta.

While I feel bi-gendered, I get caught in a knot (and deeply upset) by being mistaken for the "wrong" gender than the one I feel at the time. I am biologically female, but am constantly mistaken for male when I want to be seen as female (even in a short skirt and camisole with shoulder length hair).

I'm starting to think it must be the way I move, the way I hold myself. The male aspect is standing out too loudly despite the clothing cues. Jimminy Christmas, I've had children and have huge boobs... it boggles my mind that I can't wear jeans and a sweatshirt while feeling happily female and be seen as female!

AmethystO · 6 months

My name is non-English, and has both a male and a female version. But the opposite gender side of me has had a completely different name for 30 years.

Quite a conundrum.

SevenCubed · 6 months

I'm also feeling as though I belong to both. Not in a middle zone, but truly both.

It was a bit shocking to discover that not everyone is this way, even at least a little. Still struggling to figure out how to let both sides have expression appropriately.

Very, very grateful to know that I'm not alone!

APileOfQuestions · 6 months

I only just started to realize I'm bigendered (thanks to the lovely and supportive people here on r/asktransgender). It's been such a relief just to have a word to use, and to finally make sense of my experiences, that I'm still in a whirl.

But I can tell you where my thoughts go as I think about your questions.

Gender expression - I have two distinct ways of dressing and apparently also VERY distinct ways of carrying myself - to the point that I can be wearing revealing feminine clothing and still be mistaken for a man. I try to make sure my "masculine" or androgynous clothes have a feminine twist (pink Doc Martens, for example) because I am horrified when I'm mistaken for male in public. At home I dress however feels right and I am shopping for packers with the intent of actually buying one instead of my eternal window shopping. (I've got plenty of dildos... they don't pack!)

I think being bigendered is probably easier for a genetic female. Girls can wear boy clothes and be seen as cute or just utilitarian. Girls can be tough and be admired for it, while boys get picked on for being gentle.

My answer wouldn't change if I knew the biological gender of the person asking. It is what I think and feel at this time, and has no bearing on the person asking.

notamansowhy · 7 months

Thank you for the link and the definition, this is so helpful!

notamansowhy · 7 months

No, I don't think you're wrong. I now think due to this thread that I may be bigender, but I want to be seen by society as female. The male aspect is very private to me (so far) and seems to have been spilling uncontrollably into the non-private outside.

That probably means I'm not trans in the sense I've always thought trans to mean, and probably in the same sense you meant.

I'm so grateful to all of you, this has been an amazing day for me!

notamansowhy · 7 months

"These are people who feel trans sometimes but would say that if they ever switched physical sex they would still feel trans. It sounds like this might apply to you."

Absolutely. I had no idea there was a name for it! Wow! I feel like I could cry, this is so amazing!

(I've still got to figure out how to present as female and be seen as female - which is the vast majority of the time- instead of being mistaken for male, but I feel so incredible right now!)

notamansowhy · 7 months

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen! I cannot even begin to tell you how much your kindness means to me! I was feeling very frustrated and very alone with this. You all have made me feel like I'm not alone, and the weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Thank you, very much!

notamansowhy · 7 months

I've never heard of bi-gender. Can you explain it some for me?

notamansowhy · 7 months

Can you tell me where to look for those? It might be just what I need. Thanks!

notamansowhy · 7 months

No, I don't think so. There are things I envy about men, but I don't think I want to be one instead of being a woman.

Now, if I could magically switch from one to the other at a whim, you bet yer sweet bippy, I'd go for that! :)

Or if I could go back in time to when I was in pre-school and switch, yes, I'd probably do that. I do realize that I might be thinking the grass would be greener on the other side if I lived my life over.

I am very femme, and am quite comfortable in my skin when I'm dressed to the nines. It feels right. I'm also a bit of a tomboy, and am very comfortable in gender-neutral sneakers and jeans... until someone calls me "son" or "sir" or yells insults at me from a car (which happens a lot) then I'm very uncomfortable and off-balance.

notamansowhy · 7 months

How does one change the way you use space?

Obviously it's more than just how I look, because yesterday I had a carload of teenagers behind me yell, "Hey, man, you're a fag!" as I walked down the sidewalk. They couldn't see my face, it must've been how I moved. And it was ambiguous enough they thought I was a gay man.

You may have just hit the nail on the head!

notamansowhy · 7 months

No pics. I look completely female. I'm never mistaken for male in pictures, even wearing jeans. Only in person, and people can be looking right at me, even in situations like at restaurants after having taken my order and then ask "would you like anything else, sir?" The most ridiculous restaurant mistake was when I was wearing a low-cut purple lacy shirt and purple rhinestone hairclips and a woman mistook me for a man after taking my long and somewhat complicated order.

notamansowhy · 7 months

Just to add: I remember getting yelled at as a kid for wanting to wear boy's clothes (age 5 or 6) and feeling jubilant when I got away with it as I got older. That same sense of jubilation kicked in the first time I put on a harness and wore a dildo. In college I joked that I was a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Also while in college I went to therapy and at one point the therapist asked me if I'd ever wished I was a man, I answered "of course, doesn't everyone?" She told me that is common among children who have been anally raped, and that was the end of that discussion. But always -even when wearing "male" things- I've been upset to be seen as a man.

notamansowhy

TROPHY CASE

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