Discovered my 12 year old son purchased $150 worth of games online last night and now he is going to PAY. What are some creative ways you have been punished by your parents?

TheFabulousMsO · 3 days

Pillowcase full of xbox controllers.

JanusTheDoorman · 3 days

I don't really think being built on an assembly line degrades the E39 M5 in any way. It is still a very subtle sleeper with an axe murderer under the hood.

jewsicle · 14 days

Dangermouse?

scruffy01 · 1 month

I've got a big-ass outdoor cat named Steve, who is a bit of a dick, but also a genius (think Good Will Hunting). Whenever he is outside and wants to come in he picks at the screen on the window of whatever room we are in.

What he did that surprised me the most though was one time when he wanted to go outside. I was in the kitchen making dinner and he started meowing at me so I followed him to the door. I felt like being a pain in the ass and kept telling him "I don't know what you want steve!"

At one point it got to "OH! You want to go outside? Fuck. I forgot how to open the door..."

Sure as shit, the second I said it, he stood up on his hind legs and started pawing at the doorknob as though he was trying to grip and turn it. Bricks were shat.

greenjacketguy · 1 month

I know dick about clothes.

What I do know is that your wallpaper is fucking awesome.

hjelpme · 1 month

This time of year? They'd fucking love you.

brownmagician · 1 month

When I was rebuilding the engine for my truck I was always amazed at my buddy's dad's ability to catch a bolt or nut mid-air. I usually just try to back away slowly and watch where it goes. That guy never let something hit the ground.

Someone needs to invent a large electromagnet that goes in an engine bay that turns on at the utterance of the word "Fuck!"

Ryan911T · 1 month

I've got to ask...Why a prius and not a VW diesel?

F_E_M_A · 2 months

For the past five years I have wanted to start a coffin making business and call it mourning wood.

secaedelcielo · 2 months

Not mine but my lady friend's from about a month ago.

Chick at work: "What day is Black Friday on this year?"

Lady friend: "...you mean what date is it on?"

Chick at work: "No, I'm hoping it falls on a Saturday so I won't have to work."

Lady friend: ಠ_ಠ

That's right folks, Black Friday, on a Saturday.

APairOfPants · 2 months

Giving a fuck.

kidinschool · 2 months

So, why aren't cars painted with this stuff yet?

Slap253 · 2 months

Badass eight year old.

TheSpiffySpaceman · 2 months

"You want some of this, bitch?!"

rjromero · 2 months

Food then adderall then coffee then oh dear God this calculus homework is fascinating!

Tahiriv1 · 3 months

Last day of school at a christian grade school. I think it was 5th grade (my last year there because all but one and a half teachers I had were nucking futs). I decided to do something "crazy" for the last day and color my hair orange with some of that neon hair gel stuff. Another kid decided to join in by using a magic marker on his hair. I was sent to the principal halfway through the day because I was "drawing attention away from God and to myself".

tl;dr I started an anti-christian cult of children with colored hair.

upvotesforalll · 3 months

Most auto parts stores have code readers that will plug in to just about any vehicle newer than 1990. They will read the fault code for free so you can figure out what exactly is wrong and possibly reset it so it shuts up.

TheTaoOfBill · 3 months

"I really hope Black Friday falls on a Saturday this year. I'm not available so I wouldn't have to work!"

A) You work Black Friday regardless of availability or not.

B) WHAT?!

poserkidsrus · 4 months

Do NOT, under any circumstances, fuck up the timing. If it is off one tooth it won't run right, if it's off several teeth you will grenade the motor.

When you torque the head bolts, mark each one off on a sheet. When I did my head gasket I had to warm up the motor for 20 minutes then torque all the bolts 30 degrees. I had a moment of panic when I forgot which one I had done last and thought I had screwed the pooch.

Take lots and lots of pictures and label every last damned bolt as clearly as possible. If possible, arrange everything in the sequence of how it came off and number each item so when you're putting it all back you can just go in reverse.

Good luck!!

jawdaw · 4 months

Why don't you buy a gu-

gypsy activity

Oh...right...Europe...Go get a broken bottle?

Novux · 4 months

Ah, makes sense. I really wish we could legally run euro plates in the US. Our license plates are unnecessarily fugly.

rufdiedorkan · 4 months

Everyone who drives a car damned well better be able to change a tire and jump start it. It really isn't as hard as you are trying to make it. Also, being a woman is not an excuse to not know how to change a tire. You'll probably get dirty and it won't be fun but at least you won't be getting raped in the ditch while someone drives their (probably very annoyed) ass out to change it for you.

Novux · 4 months

Hold the phone...Don't people usually put the euro plate on but keep the DOT plate in the windshield so as not to upset the piggies? What gives?

liferebootdotcom · 4 months

Why not just bring the wall charger and not have to dick around with it?

Hoodliner · 4 months

Where did you hide the body?

nerdofnerds

TROPHY CASE

nerdofnerds

TROPHY CASE

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