Kobe calling a ref a faggot is like Idra calling Alex Garfield a faggot. By insulting a ref, he's insulting the league, who employs him. Of course he'll get a fine for it.

Destiny called a random ladder opponent a gook. That's like Kobe calling some guy a faggot in a pickup game.

Kobe probably calls every fucking player he plays a faggot during the game. It's called trash talking, and Kobe's one of the most notorious trash talkers in the league. It's widely accepted in the NBA, even praised at times.