UPDATE: I'm "that guy".

fake_words · 3 months

To clarify - the vitriol and hostility to which I referred were my own. They were my immediate and knee-jerk reactions to seeing myself sized up and judged unworthy by the great anonymous - people who didn't know me and didn't have any contextual cues with which to temper their judgment. Then I realized that because they were removed, they probably had a better viewpoint than I did...I saw what they saw for once.

The comments I received were harsh and acerbic, yes, but they were also honest, and I'm trying to remember that.

fake_words · 3 months

Absolutely.

First off, apologies. Perhaps troll was the wrong word. I wasn't meaning to come off as aggressive or defensive to you....quite the opposite, actually. I knew that if I got angry, it would be seen as protesting too much, as it were; if I said nothing, well that defeats the purpose. I tried to strike a middle ground and I guess I jumbled my intention.

The best way I can sum myself up is....up until this past week, I was proud, in a way, of how I was acting. Of how I could get away with these things. Cue anonymous internet boasting, because even I know not to burn bridges like that in person Truth be told, I'd erase that comment....but part of me thinks it should stay. I didn't create the name Fake-Words last week as a troll attempt, nor have I made up a false persona for karma. This is a throwaway account and the name isn't important.

Also....I'm not sure what I'd stand to gain if this were an elaborate joke. If I wanted approval, I can at least say there are many other things I've done which would legitimately deserve it; I hope I haven't subconsciously slipped to such a low level.

All in all, and tl;dr:

its one thing to tell yourself you're a badass. It's another thing entirely when dozens of people collectively call you a bad person who is also an ass, and you realize the wording makes all the difference.

PS - I'm writing this on my phone so it's tough to edit and format, I'll fix it up later. Sorry if there are issues.

fake_words · 3 months

All good points. As these people have been pointing out, yes, it appears I have those tendencies.

I never claimed to be fixed....just that I am acknowledging a very large problem in my social skills and mindset.

I'll try to be more aware of how I write from now on though. It would be a good subtle reinforcement that I shouldn't raise myself above anyone.

With that said, though, I am proud of my achievements and intelligence, especially considering my childhood. That doesn't make me perfect; just a person who, admittedly, likes validation.

fake_words · 3 months

I have a feeling that, regardless of whether I confirmed or denied your suspicions, any reply I make would be tantamount to feeding a troll.

As much as I'd like to argue behind a veil of anonymity....I'm just going to say this: I didn't force you to come here, read this, and assert its truth value. You can believe anything you like about me, and I'm inclined to let it go, since I can't think of a suitable method of approbation. This is me, this is what I've done, and this thread is a very small, yet nonetheless cathartic baby step in the right direction.

fake_words · 3 months

Lots. Double digits.

I'm hesitant to start spewing off numbers, but it's enough to warrant facepalms. I'll be trying to straighten out my real-life karma from here on out, but it's a long and (I imagine) fairly arduous road.

fake_words · 3 months

Thanks. It seems to be going okay so far today...one step at a time.

Turns out it's actually fairly simple not to be an asshole, as long as you understand why you shouldn't be one....I wish they'd taught those kind of life lessons in university.

Starfarnology · 8 months

I have some pretty strong sociopathic tendencies...I consider myself better than most people, and believe that they should follow certain standards that I don't even hold myself to.

I.E., I'll freely use my roommate's things, take advantage of people's generosity, abuse my authority or my intelligence over others, twist innocuous words to my own ends, or manipulate situations to my benefit...all while claiming to be humble, genuine, and altruistic. And I get away with it, every time.

I won't even talk to girls who I don't think are attractive...even when I have to, for work or through contacts or whatever, I go out of my way to avoid being seen with them. I make very sure to never give off the impression of being in a relationship at all, and even avoid friendship signals if I can.

I treat my girlfriends/sexual partners well, but once I have them in bed I always make things as degrading as possible. I'm usually not happy unless I've gotten them to swallow, and I make sure to keep eye contact the whole time, just to make them feel a little bit less equal.

When I was 23, I slept with a 17 year old...mostly because it was easy. She thought it was a relationship, and I let her believe that, despite feeling nothing for her.

I have, on numerous occasions, slept with girls who were in relationships, often in the bed they share with their SO. Most recently, I stayed with a 'friend' and her trusting, very accommodating boyfriend...within 6 hours, I had had sex with her behind his back, and then stayed with them for four more days while he bought me food and went out of his way to make me feel welcome. I slept with her again on the morning I left, flew home, and promptly had sex with my then-girlfriend that night....not even 12 hours later.

If I can get away with cheating, I do, yet I expect full fidelity from those I'm with. There are many more double standards that don't stop there.

I HATE fat people. Seeing them out in public makes me feel ill. Double chins, guts hanging over belts, mouth-breathing, back rolls...I find them disgusting, and consider them inferior to "regular" size people.

I am extremely intelligent, and would be capable of doing incredible things if I had the motivation...but I don't. So instead, I coast along, letting other people do the work for me, because it's easier. And this way, I can manipulate the situation to make it seem like I've accomplished something, usually by stealing credit from someone else.

And I don't feel bad about any of this...to the contrary, I still feel like I'm superior. Deep down, I know it isn't true, but I honestly don't think I'll ever do anything about it, because I'm so used to being praised for being "the good guy"...

fake_words

TROPHY CASE

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