Pretty sure my wife is pregnant with Dobby the House Elf.

anitasanger · 2012-05-25T05:14:04.971755+00:00

A friend of mine said his son looked like a reptile in the first ultrasound so he started referring to his unborn son as lizard baby. Since he has been born the name has stuck so now all of his friends call him lizard baby. His wife is not a big fan of us anymore.

HeathenBarbie · 2012-05-25T04:30:43.815191+00:00

It works with all types of corks like the plastic ones that come in yellow tail bottles. And like heathenbarbie said the shoe is just to prevent it from hitting the wall directly and possibly shattering. I usually use a book to do it.

DatFrigginGuy · 19 days

So basically we should outlaw flip flips?

Edit: NotAFascistCucumber's post used to say "flip flips" but he edited it to make it look like i made the mistake. Just wanted everyone to know that this is not the case and that he is in fact a big fat phony.

Edit 2: Now he has edited it back to make me look like a fool with my first edit! Ohh you are a slippery one NotAFascistCucumber...

Edit 3: The only things around here that I'll be taking are pictures of you while you sleep

GingerGrapes · 20 days

I used an old pair of jeans to create a denim strap and then attached it to the banjo with two pieces of rope through a rivet at each end of the strap. Look around your house for materials and get creative!

eothins · 22 days

This is my go to joke... it's a good thing none of my friends are redditors

chloders · 23 days

My father and brother were away at a Boy Scout trip. On the day that they were coming home, our house phone rang and my Mom picked up. It was my Dad. My Mom hears sirens in the background and my Dad says, "There's been an accident" and all of a sudden his cellphone cuts out. The next 15 minutes before my Dad got service and called back were the most excruciating of my life as I imagined my brother dead.

My Dad as well as my brother and 3 other scouts had been in a car accident in which a drunk driver had rear-ended them at over 80 miles per hour while they were pulled over in the breakdown lane. After seeing the pictures of the accident it was a miracle that no one died. My heart didn't stop racing until I actually saw my brother step out of another car in front of my house hours later.

EazyEWilliamz · 23 days

How do you know when your little sister is on her period?

When your dad's dick tastes like blood.

DobyClark · 23 days

Downvote for not being on reddit enough... you gotta commit dude.

McStrauss · 27 days

I know

McStrauss · 27 days

DO NOT GET ON THE BUS TODAY!

moby323 · 1 month

Your reply is not even remotely relevant to TheRealMerlin's comment. I can only assume you replied there to be on top. Therefore you are a moocher and a whore. That is all.

LoRiMyErS · 1 month

I've checked my records and there is in fact no fourth movie. Proceed with your day, forget about this thread, and enjoy a blissful life.

eelstretching · 1 month

Boston...think college kids.

amylk12 · 1 month

Well Alzner made that mistake now. Can't wait to see a response to his shenanigans...

dontmindmejustlookin · 1 month

You should actually call up the number that they gave you. There isn't too much that you can do now, but your number is attached to the person who drew blood from you and who did not do it properly. It lets them know who is doing a poor job and needs retraining. On another note, in the next few days that bruise is going to turn all kinds of fun colors... enjoy!

emplusjay · 1 month

Peppermint Butler is my favorite.

GeorgeBats · 1 month

Say why is this called cadmium yellow, and why is this one cobalt blue... what strange names.

kmontreal · 1 month

Wait...who are you again?

vation · 1 month

well you can...

MAH-TEE · 2 months

stop shitting on other people's parades

kmisto · 2 months

I would pay good money for clothes designed by him. Datsyuk...the summer collection.

TheDementedNinja · 2 months

Are you worried that someday a smell-o-vision will be invented for your viewing and smelling pleasure, and you won't be able to partake?

zushiba · 2 months

Right... I get so tired of these people that burst into 7-11s yelling about how they need to buy kids for their crazy weekend. Use a little discretion please...

RationalX · 2 months

I've heard that kids wore baggy pants because it meant they were hand-me-downs. Bigger pants meant they had bigger older brothers so they were not to be fucked with.

callipygianking

TROPHY CASE

callipygianking

TROPHY CASE

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