It's been 1 month since he broke up with me after 2 years, I've been doing well but tonight I feel so sad. Just need to talk...

banana_phoney · 10 days

No good tips except to focus really hard on something else and divert your passion and energy to there.

I don't think it is healthy in the long run to fall in love with someone else, and it is also kind of like dissing your last relationship. I don't know. I ditto your sentiment about not being in a rush, and working on myself... although every damn day I'm wondering what he's doing. I noticed today he changed his facebook profile picture which made me agonise for hours. SO DUMB. Good grief.

psychgirl88 · 10 days

I think I'm the same - having the ability to love others very deeply. When I say I care, I really care, although I don't fall in love easily, I'm a very committed person. My ex used to say that I'm too black and white, but I like to think of myself as a person of principle. And according to my principles, when you say you love someone, you mean it, you ACT it, you show it.

I know what you mean by the bubble, sometimes I feel it too and everything becomes crystal clear for a while, but it seems to come back :( ah well, good luck with your date, have fun!

banana_phoney · 10 days

I second that last sentence - can't wait for the future. I know what you mean by it being tough in the mornings. I wake up every morning after disturbed dreams and the first thing that hits me is how much I miss him. Then I grab my phone and check his facebook compulsively (we are not friends). Then I check his friends' facebooks. It's insane, and if I was telling this to a friend, I would tell them they are insane, but I just can't snap out of it.

You sound like a nice guy though and I'm sure you will meet someone more deserving of your care and affection.

fuzzyclover · 12 days

You sound a lot like me, and he sounds a bit like my ex, really selfish, and focused only on his own needs.

And yet, I still miss my ex and would probably take him back in a heartbeat.

No easy answers unfortunately :( the mind know what you should do (i.e. no contact, drop the jerk) but I know how it feels when your heart is pulling you in the opposite direction.

Good luck and stay strong.

Pezza_94 · 12 days

Congratulations and good luck! :)

banana_phoney · 12 days

You are right, I need to accept the reality that things don't always work out. But sometimes they do, and it's that tantalising "sometimes" that gets to me. I re-watched "He's Just Not That Into You" the other night (I know some people think it's a stupid movie, and I agree some parts of it are exaggerated and stupid). We all want to be the "exception" when in reality, we are just the rule. The rule being, if someone loves you they will not break up with you. If someone wants to be with you they will call. And once something is broken, it can never be fixed again.

I love the doggie :) my favourite breed of dog! I've always wanted either a Labrador or a golden retriever, and I have already picked out a name - Loki! (I know it doesn't fit a yellow dog :P) Thank you so much for your compassion.

banana_phoney · 12 days

Thank you. I am definitely not ready to date or see anyone right now, although my friends are trying to introduce me to some guys. On paper, these potential dates seem nice and are more successful, mature and superficially more attractive than him. It's hard to hate him. Sometimes I feel angry at him, but in the aftermath of anger, there is only sorrow.

banana_phoney · 12 days

I hope you feel better soon too :) I really feel like you understand what I am going through, and that helps a lot.

banana_phoney · 12 days

Warning: pathetic emo internet rant because I can't/don't want to do it in real life. I apologise for being annoying, I promise I am not like this usually or in real life. Just... the thoughts swirling around my head. I need to let them out.

I still love him. Not because I think he is perfect or I because I don't think I will meet anyone else. But because he "got" me. We knew each other's lame jokes before they were said. We knew what the other person liked - technology, games, puns. We knew each other's weaknesses, we knew how to make each other laugh.

I knew his faults, too. He's 28 but immature for his age. Untidy, disorganized, bad at managing his finances, didn't keep in contact with friends. I helped him with these things, helped him save money, organise his life, encouraged him to reach out to long lost friends. I had a bad temper and he was a relationship noob who although well intentioned, would say and do insensitive things that hurt my feelings. He was and probably still is a guy who doesn't know what he wants. He's 28 but his friends are all 21. He's still in school whereas myself and all my friends are all working full time. He quits when the going gets tough not only in our relationship but in other aspects of his life. He thinks that throwing away the old and re-inventing himself will bring happiness. He has re-invented himself so many times. But the only time I felt he was himself and happy was when he was with me, cooking together, watching Xmen on the couch, going on roadtrips on a whim, talking until 3am about everything and nothing. He told me he had put all the partying and drinking games behind. That he had found who he really was.

I helped him through difficult times in his life and he helped me through mine. We both grew up a lot and learned a lot from each other. But we couldn't make it through this one I guess.

I introduced him to reddit, and we had our own shared Dropbox where we would share pictures of cute animals from /r/aww A few weeks ago, I noticed he had gone in and deleted 3 random pictures, but he left all the others and didn't leave the folder or delete the others... somehow in my mind this has translated into he still loves me, and doesn't want to let go either. We've deleted each other off facebook but I can still see myself tagged in his pictures. Hundreds of them. And I can't forget the way he hugged me as I handed his things to him the day we broke up. He hugged me like his heart was breaking too.

No contact is good, because I need time to think too. About what I want, what I deserve. I love him, I hate him. I miss him, I want him. I want to move on, I don't want to let go.

Thank you for all your kind words everyone. Some have reopened old wounds but I think in doing so it has let out some of the poison that has been eating away inside me. I know I will be OK one day. We will all be OK.

psychgirl88 · 12 days

Could I ask, how long did it take for you, and how long were you together?

Sometimes I feel like I'm at "acceptance" but then the next day I feel like crap again :(

banana_phoney · 12 days

I feel you. True love is rare to find, and unfortunately sometimes it is not appreciated until it is too late.

Throwawayjingle · 14 days

It's like you read my mind :( even down to how long we were together... and taking one week to think. And now, I mean nothing to him, when 2 days before he broke up with me he said he loved me and nothing would ever change. People are unreliable.

heartbroken23 · 1 month

Crying every night since it happened a week ago. I don't want anybody to know so I do it in the car when I'm driving home and clean myself up before I get home. It just hurts so much.

talkmethroughthis · 1 month

I wish you the best but just a word of caution.

Towards the end of our relationship my bf was the same, spending more time with me, telling me we had a future, that he would rather spend time with me than stay home with his mom and he was only going back home because she kept nagging him.

It doesn't mean anything. We had vacations planned, tickets to see a show bought and paid for. One day before we broke up he was telling me how much he loved me.

And of course mom is oblivious.

I think threatening to break up is a bad sign. I'm sorry to be such a pooper. Just feeling really depressed at the moment and I guess your story is just eerily similar to mine :(

AkaiYoukai · 1 month

Thank you for the kind words. I have been going out a lot, made a calendar filled with things to look forward to, but I'm still crying every night by myself. I feel happy when I'm out but there's a choked up feeling in my chest at times and I just feel so profoundly sad. I can't put it into words and the only place I can talk about it is online where I don't feel as pathetic.

talkmethroughthis · 1 month

Had the same problem with my bf, basically fighting often because of his mum. Like you, we only hung out once a week and even then his mum would always be annoyed that he wasn't home. He said "breaking up is not an option" and that he loved me and wanted to work on things. His mum threw a hissy fit the same day and the next day he broke up with me.

Dating a momma's boy only leads to pain.

Oh and he was 28 and I'm 24... it just sucks.

You sound a lot like me, I was hot tempered too especially when we would make plans, then he would cancel because his mom wasn't happy he was going out again. Then I would cry and be upset. The day before we broke up, I asked him if we were going to make it through this, and he said yes. And that he loved me.

People say things and they might mean it at the time but in the end you don't know where their loyalties lie.

prettygirlresponse · 1 month

Your post made me cry :( it summaries how I feel exactly. Stuck with all the memories, whilst everyone is telling me to move on! Life is great! You'll do better! You'll see! It's not the end of the world!

AkaiYoukai · 1 month

I feel the same. I feel terrible right now :( like I'm breaking into pieces and I have nobody to talk to. I have a lot of friends who would be 100% supportive of me, but I feel like such a burden on everyone. It's been one week after a 2 year relationship, abruptly ended. I don't even know how I feel right now, I can't remember what he said to me. All I can remember is that one week ago we woke up beside each other, he was tickling and teasing me. Then his mum fought with him because he got home late and he decided to break it off with me.

I feel like I am dying on the inside. This is making no sense, I'm sorry. But it feels good to write it out. I want to talk to someone about it but I don't want to trouble my friends. I don't want to seem weak. I don't want them to see me cry.

netweight · 1 month

Me three :(

NoMoreFucks · 1 month

I was in the same situation except I'm 24 and he's 28. We were together for 2 years, travelled together, loved each other, everything. Mum lives overseas, came to visit. Guess what, he broke up with me last week. Because of mommy dear. It's not worth it... :(

Edit: Obviously there is a longer backstory. But the gist is the same. He would ditch me when his mom said so. I stood up for myself. He stood up to his mom. Mom got upset. He broke up with me. The end...

banana_phoney · 1 month

Thank you for your kind words. You cannot imagine how much it means to me to have people to bounce thoughts off. He will finish his studies at the end of 2013 and we are planning to live together after that. One of the reasons I kept pushing this topic was that I was afraid his parents would expect him to move back in with them, and he would comply. Or that they would expect us to live next door shudders kind of like an "Everybody Loves Raymond" type situation. YIKES.

RubberDonkey · 1 month

I'm on the conservative side and so this is definitely something I would be uncomfortable with. It just seems... sleazy. You could look at it two ways - one, it was within the 1 week "grace period" many other commenters are referring to, you've not yet fully committed and you should just let it slide. I tend not to think this, as to me, exclusive means exclusive whether it's been 1 week or 1 year. Or two - it was during the early/honeymoon part of the relationship, a time when many people are most engrossed with their new beau and enjoying exciting new sexytimes. It should be the time when you are most crazy about your partner. If he's sending sleazy messages to other girls during this time, what's going to happen later on during a rough patch when you are no longer the shiny new thing?

Fantasizing about other girls is ok, feeling wistful/remiscing about past encounters is ok, we're not the mind police here. But I think sending a graphic message is pretty inappropriate, and I AM extrapolating here, but I would feel insulted as I would feel he was putting it out there that given an opportunity in the future where he could tap that, he would.

banana_phoney · 1 month

I think a therapist/counsellor is a good idea. When we were talking about it yesterday, we had both brought up how hard it was talking about it between ourselves. A neutral third party is what we need, if/when things calm down.

banana_phoney · 1 month

We have talked it to death, probably overtalked it :( I really should have shut my mouth and just trusted that he was trying. She is going away for a week at the end of the month to visit his grandma so that'll be a breather.

banana_phoney

TROPHY CASE

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