Advice, Please?

atta_girl · 7 days

That was incredibly helpful, thank you so much. I plan on taking any prospective car to a mechanic, but I don't want to blow money on one that I wouldn't have wasted my time on, had I known better. Thanks again :)

atta_girl · 9 days

Of course she thinks the issues are focused on her looks. I never said that she wasn't focused on her looks as the root cause of the issues she brought up. I don't think she thinks they're the sole cause of them, though. OP, care to weigh in??

I feel like we're kinda dancing in circles. I see your point, and I see the OP's point as well. I do not think that her experience, and perception of her life should be negated, but fleshed out with constructive commentary like yours. Just because her looks aren't the sole cause of the problems she brings up, doesn't mean that they aren't a factor, or main cause of some of them.

atta_girl · 9 days

hah. Me, too.

atta_girl · 9 days

But they could. Pointing out that there could always be some other motivation is pretty invalidating. She also didn't say that the problems she brought up were limited to her, or to good looking people. That's a pretty big leap assumption to make.

reluctantenthusiast · 9 days

"Never mind what he can be. Focus on what he is" This is the best relationship advice, ever.

reluctantenthusiast · 9 days

That's why I left my ex husband. I looked at his mother, and thought "well, fuck, I ain't gonna end up like that". She was just so goddamned miserable, and resigned to it.

reluctantenthusiast · 9 days

When you are isolated form people who care for you, when you run every possible decision by him or what you know his preferences to be. When you choose the path of least resistance, because you can't stand how mad/manipulative he becomes when he doesn't get his way. That's when the bad outweighs the good, and it's time to run like hell.

reluctantenthusiast · 9 days

I don't mean to be terse, what I mean to say is that you seem to have a clear perception of the situation, and will come to a conclusion sooner than later.

reluctantenthusiast · 9 days

You already know the answer to your questions. Set your justifications aside and look at the bare facts.

bowa · 9 days

Like I said, I haven't read all of the threads you're referencing. I have read some, though. I haven't really gotten then sense that any of them blamed all interpersonal problems on their looks, though. It seemed to me that they were just highlighting those particular interactions because of the issue they were discussing.

I absolutely agree that you can have a profound effect on how people treat you, and that is probably an element of every conflict. I also agree that the victim mentality leads to a lot of problems that you bring on yourself. Your points are definitely constructive criticism, though I think they only address an aspect of the problem that these women ar talking about. There is a certain amount of conflict, or predjudice that really is in the hands of the other person. You can't actually control how other people treat you, though you can often greatly influence it.

atta_girl · 9 days

I agree. I can't speak for the OP, but it does really suck when people hate on you for how you look, though. I can't even complain about it, I end up making fun of myself. "Why, why did god make me so beauuuutiful!?" Then I laugh and remind myself that there are always mean people.

atta_girl · 9 days

I don't know anything about other people's motivations, but I do know about people's impressions. I know because lots of people have told me, after they get to know me that I am as nice as I appeared to be with my friends/coworkers. They are suprised, cause they thought being good looking makes you an automatic elitist. No assumptions, personal experience and direct communication. Granted, this hasn't happened to me as much as the OP. Mostly I am so friendly to everyone right off the bat that they know I'm nice.

bowa · 9 days

I think that women are coming here and talking about their negative experiences that stem from being conventionally good looking, because they percieve this as a safe place to do so. It's a taboo thing to talk about. I haven't read all of the threads that you are referencing, so I can't defend the OPs, or what I think their intent is. I have experienced an enormous amount of predjudice, judgement and aggression for being a pretty woman. I wouldn't change myself if I could, I'm happy with myself and have learned to deal with all my personal challenges.

I think it should be okay for women to come here and talk about their problems and get some feedback that is both supportive and maybe even constructive. If you just want to negate a woman's experience, or feel like they are whining, you could just read another thread. I don't mean that in an agressive way, I just think you shouldn't waste your own time.

atta_girl · 9 days

I'm being sarcastic. Of course everyone has problems, that doesn't invalidate the OP.

atta_girl · 9 days

Sorry, I am actually serious. My sister in law was actually exactly like that bitchy popular, pretty girl, though. She would giggle and be so swete to her friends, then be viscious to everyone else. It was wild.

atta_girl · 9 days

hit the nail on the head, sister.

atta_girl · 9 days

Good advice.

atta_girl · 9 days

I am so behind your first paragraph. Heaven forbid a woman ever say she thinks she's good looking. I agree about the thick skin bit, too. But....isn't it okay to admit, sometimes that the kinds of things the OP is talking about bother her? I don't think she's letting it ruin her life or anything, she's just kinda kveching.

atta_girl · 9 days

You can't say you're discriminated for bein good looking because non good looking people get discrminated against, too. You should also not complain for being any other minority, because almost everyone is discriminated against in some way.

atta_girl · 9 days

I am smiling and happy and joking with my friends all the time. May, many people have assumed that like the popular high school girl in movies, my happiness is reserved for friends and I am mean to everyone else.

atta_girl · 9 days

I've been told that a hundred times. They say they were intimidated by me, and that I am not at all how they thought I would be. They then tell me I'm really funny and smart. Ergo: they thought I was dumb and humorless and unapprochable. Cause I'm pretty. Thanks.

atta_girl · 9 days

I was reading this and thinking "oh, they are gonna have a fit about this". Thing is, people tell you that if you're pretty you shouldn't complain. Your problems are irrelevant, or imagined. I have been paying for being pretty my whole life. It's not the most horrible thing in the world, but it is okay to say that something widely considered to be a blessing can being you suffering. The things men have said to me since I was thirteen are just outrageous. The things they've done to me, my god. Having my opinion invalidated because I'm too pretty to be smart is horrible. Having women who have never been considered pretty decide upon meeting me that they will be mean to me is incredibly common.

There's so much support for anyone who is in a minority, or a fringe group. But, how dare you say that people have judged you for being a good looking woman. Sometimes it's like walking around with a target on your back.

wifeofcookiemonster · 9 days

I only feel it when I try to (if that makes sense) It is so very, very small. They are one-size-fits-all. Your uterus holds it in place, and it's up past your cervix.

irish24 · 9 days

You've got a looong way to go :) You'll like it/be miserable at intervals. Congratulations!

atta_girl

TROPHY CASE

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