My father used to be the manager of the parts department at a car dealership. One day one of the workers found a box that was sealed with packing tape, but felt empty. So he opened it and found a glob of semen. He promptly reported it to my father. There was a general consensus around the department that "Donnie" was the Box Bater, but my father needed proof. Anytime Donnie would take a break my father would shadow him. After a few days my father "just happened" to walk into a seldom used storage room at the same time that Donnie was whacking it into a box. So, unsatisfied and still with a hard on, Donnie gets walked to my father's office to get fired. After telling Donnie to clean out his desk, my father steps out and announces to everyone in the most serious voice, "If Donnie asks you to give him a hand... just say 'no'."