I really, really hate my sister...

PaperFlower8 · 1 day

Very true. I guess I'll see if our relationship changes at all in the future... maybe once she leaves for University she'll get a dose of reality.

PaperFlower8 · 1 day

I'll give it a year or something. But, according to the DSM-IV, after age 18 it's no longer a personality disorder (read: temporary) because the individual's brain has been fully formed and they are fully developed etc.

PaperFlower8 · 1 day

I can't tell from your post whether or not you live together, but it seems like it.

We do not (thank god). I go to University in a city an hour and a half away. I am home for the summer, though.

PaperFlower8 · 1 day

Sure, they're underdeveloped. Hers are non-freaking-existent. FWIW, my parents looked up mental disorders and thought she has narcissistic personality disorder. I agree with not self diagnosing, though. That can and should only be done by mental health professionals.

PaperFlower8 · 1 day

Do you still live at home?

I don't, but she still managed to screw me over even from a distance. I feel grateful that I don't have to live with her for 8 months of the year (I usually spend summers at home) as she made my life a living hell.

Does your sister get a chance to treat you horribly often?

We never speak while I'm away at University. We rarely even speak when I'm home for the holidays. But yes, when she does get the opportunity to she does treat me horribly. Case in point: she slept with the most recent guy that I was seeing, that SHE set me up on a date with. Another example that happened this past weekend, I asked my dad why he brought our 80 pound dog on a long car trip because she's annoying and my sister retorted "YOU'RE annoying", very immature, I know.

stay away from them, and ignore their angry outbursts.

Staying away from her is easy enough, I work full time. But when she does have angry outbursts, it's hard to resist slapping her in the face, packing my bags, and moving back to the city that I go to school in.

no one will stick up for you and you feel completely alone.

This is definitely how I felt for the majority of my teenage years. Low and behold, nothing's changed and my parents still don't feel that they are responsible.

Thanks for your detailed answer, I hated getting the advice "rise above it" from my parents because from them it really means "we want to sweep this under the rug so shut up about it". But from someone who has gone through a similar situation, it has more depth and meaning to it. So, thank you for that <3 it's not always easy to do as you know.

PaperFlower8 · 2 days

Very low tolerance to frustration

Callous unconcern for the feelings of others

Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another

Markedly prone to blame others or offer plausible rationalizations for the behaviour that has brought them into conflict society

Good lord, this sounds like her.

PaperFlower8 · 2 days

Is that a recurring theme, them letting her get away with whatever she wants and telling you to just deal with the repercussions?

Yep, for most of my time living at home my sister would bully me, for example at the dinner table and my parents wouldn't do anything. I distinctly remember the worst time was when I was doing the dishes after dinner and my sister was sitting at the table calling me names and getting my brother to do the same. My mum was sitting right there and wouldn't do anything. I started screaming at them to stop which obviously just egged them on and they continued doing it. My dad shouted down about what the yelling was about, and got mad at me for screaming. My mum just said it wasn't her job to police us.

There have been other times when she has severely screwed up (crashing the car, not being home for curfew, getting black out drunk and having to be driven home by her friend's older brother, taking the family car out to a party that my mum said she wasn't allowed to go to) and she never gets a punishment, or if she does, she gets off early on "good behaviour"

Me, on the other hand, I haven't screwed up nearly as much as her. If I recall, I had 2 shots worth of alcohol in my room in grade 10 that my mum found and I was grounded for a month. It's very skewed and weird and I am not quite sure the dynamic.

PaperFlower8 · 2 days

if we had, if I had been a better big sister, maybe she'd be ok right now.

Don't blame yourself! even if you were a great big sister to her, she sounds like the type of person to buck advice (since she was a total bitch to you) just because it came from her older sister. She would have likely tried drugs anyway.

Thanks for the input, I wouldn't mind having a means of communication open for the future, but I'm home for the summer and we can't even talk to each other while living in the same house, she just spurts out immature bullshit :/ Also, she blocked me on FB.

Interested_but_dumb · 7 days

Sure it's a generalization, but it has its basis in reality. Look above, this girl has cheated on every single one of her boyfriends.

It's better not to bank on the idea that a partner will change if they do cheat on you, as 95% of the time they will cheat again and you'll get hurt again, but this time, it'll be your fault.

Interested_but_dumb · 7 days

This was a hard post to read, stylistically. Terrible grammar.

But yes, you did do the right thing!

rejectedandguilty · 8 days

My heart goes out to you, sweetheart <3

I can’t even realize whether he has actually done anything to me or whether I’m just complaining about something entirely normal.

This is very much a not normal situation. He is manipulative, abusive, and controlling.

I hope you get help for yourself and come to terms with the fact that none of this was your fault. Take it from someone who internalizes everything and blames myself rather than others, this is not your fault. <3

PaperFlower8 · 8 days

Yikes, I wish people would stop assuming that I have my own interests in mind! I don't have feelings for him x_x but you're right about him being a liar, and I guess I have to take what he says about her with a grain of salt.

PaperFlower8 · 8 days

It only happened once, about a year ago. I stopped any and all contact as more than friends once I found out he had a gf!

PaperFlower8 · 8 days

I love the smell of relationship napalm in the morning.

Oh, the imagery

PaperFlower8 · 8 days

I really don't have feelings for him, haha. Isn't it normal for friends to care about their relationships if they ask you for advice?

PaperFlower8 · 8 days

No no, read my post again. I don't want to date him. He is my friend, and he keeps asking for my advice/bitching about his girlfriend to me. I tell him every time that he needs to dump her, and he won't listen. I was looking for advice on what else I can do.

PaperFlower8 · 9 days

He has hinted that he wants therapy (I'm studying as a Psych major and he jokes about me finishing my degree so I can "fix him"). He has anger problems, too, so this is a good idea.

PaperFlower8 · 9 days

I know that it feels good to be preferred over the person they should be preferring, and it's a great ego boost

I found it to be quite the opposite, actually. I thought I wasn't preferred but just a way to get back at her or something. I know his track record with girls and how he claims nothing compares to this other girl, so it's easy to feel insignificant to him.

if anything, your presence is a massive slap in the face.

I don't want her to feel like that even though I don't know her. Should I stop being friends with this guy?

PaperFlower8 · 9 days

Too bad he's too insecure to be alone :/ he jumps from relationship to relationship

PaperFlower8 · 9 days

He definitely has cheated on her, because he hooked up with me. But I don't know if he has continued to. I'm not sure what kind of girl she is, I've only met her once, and she seemed pretty sweet and quiet.

I guarantee he's not telling you some stuff he's pulled

Probably true, I get a fishy vibe from him sometimes.

Try to tell him that this is not a normal or healthy relationship, but recognize that he may not listen and you have to accept that he'll figure it out on his own.

You're right, he hasn't listened. I guess it is something he'll have to realize over time, who knows when that will be though, if he hasn't left after 2 years :/

But he has to stop this with you.

Yeah, I felt uncomfortable that he used me. I was really angry, actually. But it happened so long ago and we talked about it and sort of worked it out. I'll tell him that I don't want him to bitch about his girlfriend anymore, though, if he isn't planning to do something about it.

He's using you like the pointiest of tools to jab at her

Yeah, he says that she is jealous of me or something :/ which is silly because I wanted nothing to do with him once I found out they were together... but I don't like that he is using me to make her insecure.

rejectedandrecycled · 9 days

No... from a fellow SAP, just no.

PaperFlower8 · 9 days

I'm just surprised it hasn't already!

PaperFlower8 · 9 days

Thank for for this in detail analysis and the distinction between being willing to work through problems and having the drug do it for you. I am not at all afraid to work through these issues sober, in fact they cross my mind daily and I try to find new solutions but am drawing a blank. Thus, I hope acid can provide some new perspectives on this issue that has become so tainted by my emotions.

PaperFlower8

TROPHY CASE

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