MrUmbrellaPants

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What "amazing fact" or colloquialism do you know is actually wrong, and you're sick of correcting people about it? by TestZeroin AskReddit

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 0 points1 point ago

I get tons of nosebleeds, but this never helps me. It makes it worse.

I misread this every time I use it. by oPHILcialin funny

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 0 points1 point ago

Ah, yes, here we have a jar of Hepes, in it's pure form...

15 minutes ago I almost died. I was ratcheting a 3500 lbs boat onto a trailer and the hook point broke. It missed my head by less than an inch. What near death experiences have you had Redditors? by Ecuatorianoin AskReddit

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 0 points1 point ago

I was 15, climbing a mountain. The sketchiest part about the climb was this one ledge that was about a foot wide, and you had to cling to this boulder while inching along the ledge. I looked down at one point and there was a spider an inch from my hand. It might have been venomous—I don't know—but if I had been afraid of spiders, I would have let go in fright and been killed on the jagged rocks below. Only dimly registered that at the time, now the freakiest part of my life.

I'm a doctor who smokes. What are some of YOUR daily hypocrisies? by SaggyBallsHDin AskReddit

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 1 point2 points ago

You're on reddit? So am I! We should start a club or something.

For about 6 years of my life, people called me 'Mushroom' because of a simple misunderstanding. Do you have any weird nicknames that you love/hate? by FuckingSuperin AskReddit

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 0 points1 point ago

Not me, but my dick. In baseball, a few kids named their gloves as jokes. So after practice, I walked into a room, saying to the guys walking next to me, "I'm naming mine Bessie." A friend of mine already in the room only heard this last part and went, "You named your dick Bessie?!" I went along with it. Jokes were made for years afterward.

Spooning a homeless guy by Deifyedin travel

[–]MrUmbrellaPants -1 points0 points ago

There is of course the fact that they are poisonous.

Why is reddit so full of dicks lately? by Crimeodialin AskReddit

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 0 points1 point ago

We keep acting like reddit is a thing and not people. It is us. We cannot change us. So shut the fuck up, and downvote everyone on this thread because it doesn't help anyone or the community.

Ozzy having fun at the wax museum [x-post from /r/gifs] by NorthernGrimin funny

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 9 points10 points ago

He spent a year dead, for tax reasons.

IAmA REQUEST: Someone that has personally witnessed an exorcism. by vectormessiahin IAmA

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 0 points1 point ago

Demons are real! They are standing still!

The bane of the upper-middle class by HIMLINin AdviceAnimals

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 0 points1 point ago

Excuse me, sir. I've been wondering: how do you pronounce your name?

Reminder: it has been 1,071 days since Sean Hannity agreed to be waterboarded to prove it is merely "enhanced interrogation" rather than torture. by jmk4422in politics

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 1 point2 points ago

Downvote farmer here. Or a complete idiot. Either way, this is not the comment you are looking for.

People of Reddit: If your nationality had "trait bonuses" what would they be? by RevInstantin AskReddit

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 1 point2 points ago

He thought it was funny too. I think he actually helped come up with the idea.

People of Reddit: If your nationality had "trait bonuses" what would they be? by RevInstantin AskReddit

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 2 points3 points ago

I feel your pain! I have bushy-ish eyebrows too (not on the Portuguese level though) and one of them is a little above the other, so I have a permanent slightly quizzical look. I like it though.

People of Reddit: If your nationality had "trait bonuses" what would they be? by RevInstantin AskReddit

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 114 points115 points ago*

And also +400% eyebrows.

My friends and I recently ran a write-in campaign for school president for our Portuguese friend's eyebrows. I don't know how they could have lost. There was all this nonsense about body parts not being real candidates...

I wish this was me by BuckNastyProin AdviceAnimals

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 1 point2 points ago

[In the voice of the Vegan Police from Scot Pilgrim v. The World:] You wish this were you. Subjunctive mood, bitch.

Receipt Typo... hopefully by VicariousDin funny

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 7 points8 points ago

"Shit. We're dealing with a sysadmin."

Should cars have a "sorry" signal for when you accidentally pull a dick move? by BadWolf359in AskReddit

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 0 points1 point ago

You could tell the Canadians by looking at the people who always have it on!

So somebody actually said this in my health class today. by Fillyyin AdviceAnimals

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 0 points1 point ago

I had school today. Saturday school really sucks, believe me.

The Tallest Man On Earth - The Wild Hunt [1425 x 1425] by wahdayin AlbumArtPorn

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 4 points5 points ago

My favorite album right now.

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