Reddit, how skilled would you say you are at wiping your own ass? (Serious question)

Bda2371 · 2012-05-24T16:15:02.953988+00:00

At 41 I've had plenty of practice but I can't say I'm that good at it. In competition I often fail to qualify and have to watch the true talents perform. Back in the day I did receive a Bronze at the Helsinki Invitational Wipe but that was the year the Russian boycotted so I wasn't up against the kind of talent Eastern Europe is famous for.

CaptHandsomeBeard · 2012-05-24T15:59:54.446797+00:00

Because most HR reps are much too overworked to read through hundreds of resume with no set style. Also the software used to weed out unqualified candidates has just as hard a time. Your actual resume will only be looked at if you are a finalist.

Clayburn · 2012-05-24T15:57:19.362115+00:00

But how would you communicate the message to the select 3 billion? Who chooses?

Clayburn · 2012-05-24T15:56:22.150808+00:00

Nope.

There are not enough nuclear weapons on earth, to kill everyone in the US.

The Rand Corporation studied this in the mid 1980's.

They estimated that in a full scale nuclear war, that ~14,000 warheads would be used.

~40% of the world's population would die from direct effects of the nukes, radiation, starvation or disease.

A nuclear weapons has a killing radius of around ~113 sq miles.

The USA has 3.7 million sq miles. This would require ~32,700 nuclear weapons.

Given population increase and spread since the 1980s I would guess 40% is a much higher number than today's reality.

Now if the goal is kill 50%+ time will take care of that for you. The devastation to the world's infrastructure would be irreparable and over time the population would continue to drop due to disease and famine but not in the first year.

Clayburn · 2012-05-24T14:57:54.544293+00:00

Convincing everybody to kill everybody is the harder part. Remember World War II went on for years and the death toll was huge but was still less than 79 million with bullets, bombs and gas.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_War_II_casualties

Clayburn · 2012-05-24T14:42:52.860380+00:00

Not possible. All the nuclear weapons would not be able to kill half the world's population in 8 months. It would take at least 5 years probably more.

Clayburn · 2012-05-24T14:07:32.132509+00:00

I would did a statistical analysis of high birth locations. I would collect every relevant metric including sustainability, resource allocation and cultural factors. Based on this analysis a phase 1 volunteer effort of recommended child births per family would be implemented for high risk regions. This would be accompanied by a global advertising effort to educate people in the need for reducing the birth rate. After 10 - 20 years I would collect and analyze the new data to determine if birth rates were trending down to achieve the desired levels. If not phase 2 might be implemented which would include enforced 1 child policies.

If more rapid population reduction is required a more drastic program would be needed. This could include licensing requirements for child birth. Unlicensed children would be taken away and raised by childless couples while the birth parents would be subjected to criminal charges.

Clayburn · 2012-05-24T13:48:23.785791+00:00

Catchy.

Cripplef1ght · 2012-05-24T13:46:20.747284+00:00

I think cows eat people there.

Cripplef1ght · 2012-05-24T13:45:43.064947+00:00

"In a sick parody of George Orwell's 1984, each home has a radio in the wall that blares propaganda at given times, and cannot be turned off. Each home in North Korean cities also must have well-maintained portraits of Kim Jong-il and Kim Il-sung. " - Source

Edit: In the USA we call this "Fox News" <zing!>

helvetica82 · 2012-05-24T13:43:26.822310+00:00

Russian Roulette?

If you win you'll be on such a high you won't even notice the nerves and if you lose... Well who needs that job anyways?

smartdapper · 2012-05-24T13:41:11.938952+00:00

In the 1930s and 40s Hanes workers were only allowed to wear Hanes produced clothing to work. As women began entering the work force the company refused to change its policy despite the mutual embarrassment of both men and women. One modest Hanes designer solved the problem by developing a new clothing type from the heavy cotton fabric stock. He called it "sweat pants".

broccolifart · 2012-05-24T13:17:46.245500+00:00

Credit Cards charge merchants fees. If you pay cash the merchants makes a couple of % more.

However "new" jewelry is so ridiculously overprice you could get a 50% price discount and still be paying too much. I'd recommend looking for a ring at a used gold shop. Or better yet give your wife a much more meaningful and lasting gift like a house.

Nit0 · 2012-05-24T13:05:57.263767+00:00

More like /r/TheSimpsons

http://eyeonspringfield.tumblr.com/post/19874930468/uh-sir-why-dont-you-just-use-real-cows-cows

themisc · 2012-05-24T08:47:43.796258+00:00

Reddit hardcore: my cat is blocking part of my monitor so I'll pet him. I didn't see the dog until I finished

Nit0 · 2012-05-24T08:40:10.437667+00:00

It's not a real zebra. You can't use real zebras in film they end up looking like little horses. For a zebra you just stick a bunch of black & white cats together. Course in these days of highdef the cleanup work to hide the tails and faces is all done on computer.

riedmae · 2012-05-24T08:29:03.000025+00:00

Coincidentally My 9 year old is giving a report on this very subject. Who knew it was karma gold? Excuse me, gotta go check his homework bag...

TIL: We won world war II!

dolanada · 1 day

Yeah, it's your bedtime anyway. Ask daddy to tuck you in that special way. Just keep telling yourself it tastes like icecream.

Lorimor · 1 day

That was my reaction.

dolanada · 1 day

I've had other trailer trash and the problem is there's nothing to hang on to. I probably have to use the back door to avoid ripping you apart if your skinny. Besides what a stereotype. I say bigger and you think fat. If I were describing a man you'd probably think penis.

Maybe you should go finish your homework. Mom says you're pretty close to having to stay back this year and there's not much time left.

grayrobot · 1 day

Head first so I wouldn't end up as a vegetable.

dolanada · 1 day

How would I protect you? She would kill BOTH of us. She is bigger, stronger and has the key to the gun closet (not that she would need it). Of course I want to continue fucking you. Everybody should have a sperm dumpster and you can be mine.

Lorimor · 1 day

More people die from infection than snake bites though if I should find a cobra in the toilet I would freak the f*ck out.

In case you haven't seen this (warning: snakes)

Lorimor · 1 day

She's right

Lorimor · 1 day

Are you concerned about the aerosol effect of fecal bacteria getting on your laptop?

Lorimor

TROPHY CASE

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