The trick I used on my mother was all about the phrasing. My mom was a very delicate flower to handle as far as me coming back was concerned. Even now there are times when it's hard to forgive myself for not just swallowing my pride and going. Mostly because I feel like the stress it caused her led to her fatal heart attack. But I know and feel that I did the right thing by being honest to myself and not being fraudulent to her emotions.

I phrased it like this, "Mom, I know how important this ceremony is to you and to every other Jehovah's Witness that attends. I feel like in my current state of disbelief and my current life style, it would be insulting to those in attendance if I went to the memorial. This is something people genuinely value and adds meaning to their lives. Me attending and trying to pretend I believe insults your beliefs because it insinuates that pretending to believe for the sake of others is okay. I'd love to make you feel better for a night, but I don't want to insult your intelligence. We both know that I'm not a witness anymore."

This worked for her because it showed that I wasn't bitter or obstinate. She was always afraid I had turned out that way. I would have rather her think of me as indifferent but respectful. She was still upset I didn't go and there was really no way to avoid that. But ultimately, it would have felt stupid and dirty to me to mess with her emotions like that.