BREAKING NEWS

The FA have awarded yesterday’s FA Cup tie to Manchester United, accepting Patrice Evra's claim (after the referee had blown for full time) that his team had in fact scored at least ten goals and not just one. The fact that no players, supporters or officials, nor TV cameras’ were able to confirm the other ten or more goals, did not mean that Mr. Evra's claim was false. When interviewed immediately after the game, the accused Liverpool goalkeeper Pepe Reina admitted conceding one goal. This damning confession was enough to convince the FA panel that he must have conceded the other ten or more as claimed by Mr. Evra. The FA found Mr. Evra to be a very convincing witness on account of the fact that he is such a lovely bloke, has never been in trouble before, and claims to be fluent in several languages. Mr. Reina's testimony on the other hand was found to be totally unreliable in that he is Spanish (and we all know what they are like) and spoke mainly in Spanish through an interpreter. As Mr. Reina had admitted to conceding one goal, the FA panel concluded that the probability was that he had conceded more than one. Mr. Evra would not have been so adamant if he hadn't. The FA has therefore settled on Manchester United winning by a margin of 7 goals to 2 as the true final score. Pepe Reina and Liverpool Football Club have the right to appeal the score within the next 24 hours, but not overturn the defeat. If they do decide to appeal and lose the appeal, they will be immediately kicked out of all FA competitions for the next 8 years.