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My wife meets Lydia (self.skyrim)

submitted ago* by bollockitis

My real-life* wife walked in as I was clearing out a dungeon with Lydia. My wife saw Lydia and said, "Who is that? Are you cheating on me?"

"No," I said. "That's my housecarl."

"Your housegirl? What kind of game is this?"

"No, no. My housecarl. It's like a servant or a bodyguard."

"But aren't you a dragon-killer or something? Why do you need a bodyguard?"

"Well," I said. "She does help fight, but she mostly carries my shit. Look." I then opened a trading screen with Lydia, who then said on cue, "I am sworn to carry your burdens."

My wife said, "She sounds real happy about it. Is she cute? Is she always that... horny?" Lydia had been wearing the horned iron helmet, so her face was partially obscured.

"Yeah," I said. "I guess she's cute."

I then removed the helmet from Lydia's inventory so my wife could see her face. She looked for a moment and then said, "Yeah, put her fucking helmet back on."

EDITED to clarify that this was an actual conversation between my real life wife and myself, not an in-game wife.

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[–]diotharflair 87 points88 points ago

I accidentally shot Lydia in the back of the head once and my wife remarked, "bitch got what she deserved." I asked her what she meant by that and she said, "you draw your bow, take time to aim a head-shot, and then she just runs in there like a child that has had too much candy and intercepts that arrow with the back of her head." I felt really good about shooting Lydia that time.

[–]yokhai 5 points6 points ago

Lydia was out of her element.

[–]watert03 0 points1 point ago

I wish i could upvote this more. Actually laughed out loud. Upvote for your wife too.

[–]mistrowl 52 points53 points ago

LOL'd at "Your housegirl? What kind of game is this?" haha

[–]drojretiE 24 points25 points ago

Oh mighty Thane, please clear my filthy dungeons!

  • Excerpt from the upcoming volume of The Lusty Argonian Maid

[–]trmnlPC 14 points15 points ago

Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.

[–]gingerking87 87 points88 points ago

i thought you meant your wife in skyrim, and i thought 'wow i can't believe skyrim is this interactive' it took me a couple of seconds

[–]moxar 28 points29 points ago

you can get a wife IRL too?!

[–]Egyptomaki 19 points20 points ago

I read the entire thing like this, only realizing my mistake on seeing this comment

[–]oneyeartrip 15 points16 points ago

I think it's perfect acceptable to not recognize that people who play Skyrim could have wives.

Not because married people can't like video games. I'm shocked that marriages can survive THIS game.

[–]DJGibbon 2 points3 points ago

Both a TV and a gaming monitor in the front room, man.

She watches the shows that I can't stand while I play games, and being in the same room just feels a lot better.

[–]Sacrului 322 points323 points ago

If this is serious, my advice is to run, run now.

[–]mohoff 20 points21 points ago

even better

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

At least Lydia follows you...

[–]TalasPC 56 points57 points ago

Why would anyone downvote this man?! It's sound advice, run while you still can! (Marriage is just a title, it's not too late...)

[–]bollockitis[S] 155 points156 points ago

Nah, she was just screwing around with me. We often say shit like this to one another just for kicks. She finds it particularly funny because all of this is happening in a game world. She loses no opportunity to gently make fun of me for being a nerd.

[–]SoapBoxOneflair 62 points63 points ago

I know where you are coming from. I have the same relationship with my girlfriend. She makes hilarious jokes, in a sort of 'in character as the jealous girlfriend' persona. Not unlike the comedic style of Stephen Colbert. But it is hard to get that to translate correctly on the internet without hefty explanation. I thought your post was hilarious, thank you.

[–]ComicOzzyPC 45 points46 points ago

My wife does the same, but in a way that keeps me guessing as to whether or not she's serious. Trollwife.

[–]formermormon 20 points21 points ago

No, this is a trollwife.

[–]miserygrumpflair 2 points3 points ago

I'll see your trollwife and raise you one troll couple.

[–]DoctorBagelsflair 24 points25 points ago

Those are the best kind and you're lucky to have one. Without going too deep into psychology, this behavior help your wife love you long time.

[–]bluebogle 16 points17 points ago

He would know, he's a doctor... of sorts.

[–]miserygrumpflair 2 points3 points ago

His medical credentials seem kosher.

[–]changtronic 1 point2 points ago

No, this is a trollwife.

[–]Roth69 7 points8 points ago

troll wife?

[–]ComicOzzyPC 6 points7 points ago

OH GOD WHY?

[–]DragonRaptor 0 points1 point ago

My wife bought me porn DVD's without my prior knowledge, I appreciated the gesture of acceptance of me being a man, but I gave her heck, and explained how abundent it is for free on the internet. And I don't have to watch the legal disclaimers at the beginning.

[–]haymakers9th 2 points3 points ago*

it's always funny

"And my coworker said she wished Rammstein was playing in the US again and I told her there's a sho-"

"WOAH BITCH BETTER BACK THE FUCK OFF MY MAN"

[–]haywirePC 5 points6 points ago

Definitely, playfully fucking with you shows confidence in the strength of a relationship.

[–]horseyhorseyhorsey 15 points16 points ago

in that case you are now free to refer to her as your housecarl. Invite some [skyrim-aware] friends over for dinner. Make sure your wife can hear you:

"Sure. 8:30? Great. My housecarl will be doing the cooking"

[–]CatalystParadoxPC 0 points1 point ago

siiiigh

"I am sworn to carry your burdens..."

[–]TalasPC 13 points14 points ago

Gently? I'd hate to see what the angry sex is like >.>

[–]shincintoPC 36 points37 points ago

I wouldn't mind seeing it.

[–]HenkieVV 21 points22 points ago

Depends on what she looks like without her helmet on...

[–]21CWstx 27 points28 points ago

doesn't matter had sex

[–]toxn54 11 points12 points ago

My girlfriend actually is jealous of Lydia :(

[–][deleted] 43 points44 points ago

Hands don't have the ability to feel jealousy.

[–]Boolderdashflair 11 points12 points ago

I dunno, Pamela Handerson seems to get pretty jealous of Handgelina Jolie when I give her the attention for a while.

[–]CharlieOscar 6 points7 points ago

** Palmela Handerson

[–]toxn54 -1 points0 points ago

Don't know if that was supposed to be an xbox live burn, or explaining why you don't understand my issue.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Nah. An xbox live burn would be, "FAGGOT I FUCKED YOUR MOM LAST NIGHT N-WORD N-WORD N-WORD!"

I own a PS3. I'm more refined than that.

[–]toxn54 -1 points0 points ago

Actually you're the first one I've heard that from, never heard that on XBOX live. PS3 doesn't have as bad of a trash talking problem. But no one there talks and when they do it's through a grainy headphone set.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Oh. Ok.

[–]TheoQ99XBOX 17 points18 points ago

You just need to start loading random stuff onto your girlfriend then.

[–]xDegausserxflair 26 points27 points ago

Into*

[–]Typhoios 22 points23 points ago

Your girlfriend is actually a moron.

[–]MonsieurFixit 8 points9 points ago

Would your girlfriend put her life on the line to protect you from a overlord draugr?

Lydia should be jealous of your girlfriend.

[–]Gonzok 5 points6 points ago

I definitely spend more time with Lydia these days.

[–]Modoroxflair 2 points3 points ago

You could kill Lydia and appease your girlfriend or...

[–]glassbowflair 1 point2 points ago

Mine doesn't like Forsworn armor, so Anneke Crag-Jumper wears elven armor whenever she's around. ;_;

[–]indirect_storyteller 2 points3 points ago

I downvoted it just to see what it looked like, then immediately upvoted it xD

[–]myownsoul 1 point2 points ago

Upvote for good advice

[–]trustedsourceflair 18 points19 points ago

"You're wife sounds insecure." -The man who routinely murders Taarie for backhandedly insulting his fashion sense.

[–]SweetLeafKushflair 35 points36 points ago

For a minute there, I thought this was all real in game dialogue.

[–]cycophukPC 14 points15 points ago

Funny. For a minute there, I thought this was all real life dialogue.

[–]DearIntertubesflair 20 points21 points ago

Funny. For a minute there, I thought this was all real wife dialogue.

[–]Roth69 7 points8 points ago

Funny. For a minute there, I thought raabaflabsdalfg;dsdddddd

[–]reyvehn 43 points44 points ago*

Thank you for not posting this as a range rage comic :)

edit: damn swype!

[–]peitsad 9 points10 points ago

*rage

[–]lordsmish 9 points10 points ago

Ranged*

[–]nonatalflair 11 points12 points ago

You rang?

[–]lordsmish 10 points11 points ago

Orangotang?

[–]Fork-Hflair 12 points13 points ago

Yes this is ape

[–]21CWstx 10 points11 points ago

rape?

[–]BigRCG 8 points9 points ago

where?

[–]Tehodrakis 6 points7 points ago*

blows whistle

[–]xmuzzyxflair 1 point2 points ago

look at the boxes around this comment become smaller and smaller

[–]aRealSomebody 0 points1 point ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCildVCn2No&t=0m8s

[–]iamjstnflair 29 points30 points ago

Protip: Don't call your State Farm agent at 3 in the morning. Your wife might catch you and think you're cheating on her.

[–]Fishookedflair 14 points15 points ago

"She sounds hideous!" 'Well, she's a guy, so.....'

[–]jimthedestroyerPS3 0 points1 point ago

"What are you wearing?" "Uh, slacks.."

[–]blackoutbizPS3 6 points7 points ago

This is why I moved to Windhelm.

[–]mxyz 11 points12 points ago

My wife and I both decided to marry Ysolda in each of our universes.

[–]jacoboflair 10 points11 points ago

my wife thinks Lydia is hot, and i should divorce Ysolda and marry her.

[–]sid9102flair 6 points7 points ago

You can do that with the console. For some reason Lydia's marriage dialogue is all in there, they just removed the option to marry her.

[–]SpectatorsXBOX 4 points5 points ago

I couldn't damn stand Ysolda, the whole: "Yes my love?" "Hello, my love!" was so unrealistic in my imagination.

I wouldn't marry a woman who greeted me like that.

[–]DearIntertubesflair 12 points13 points ago

does it help that she's a drug dealer on the side?

[–]Badger68 6 points7 points ago

I married her and never managed to trigger that side of her. No wonder she always has money for me while her store inventory never seems to change.

[–]savagestarshine 7 points8 points ago

did you get her the mammoth tusk dildo she asked for?

[–]SanePsychoXBOX 0 points1 point ago

Psh... She doesn't need that when she has Iona to keep her company.

[–]tomatobobflair 6 points7 points ago

She is?

[–]savagestarshine 10 points11 points ago

skooma skank

[–]pescador7flair 2 points3 points ago

There are wifes in game that aren't like that? Oh please tell who.

[–]Scanning_lazers 4 points5 points ago

Thats why I went with Aela, best companion that can't die, gives you cash and cooks you meals in the middle of fucking nowhere, and doesn't talk none-fucking-stop.

[–]savagestarshine 3 points4 points ago

and always wears hot little strappy numbers, and can train you in Archery.

[–]Scanning_lazers 1 point2 points ago

Which you can then take from her afterwords without a complaint.

Amazing.

[–]AzianBoy 4 points5 points ago

I had to reread this to understand that this wasn't real in-game dialogue. I'd ditch Lydia now if I were you bro, the alternative might be worse. . .

[–]Chrischn89 2 points3 points ago

Same here... thought his ingame wife appeared in the dungeon and I was like wtf?

[–]justskiddingflair 3 points4 points ago

I guess I'm the opposite. I pestered my boyfriend about who he was going to pick to marry in Fable (he doesn't play skyrim). And now I've asked his opinions on who I should pick in Skyrim.

...Also at least half the marriageable men are balding or not terribly appealing in some other way... Bah. Maybe I just go for Aela... Or use the console and find another Khajiit. :P

[–]Sparrows413flair 8 points9 points ago

Farkas says hello. (As does Vilkas)

[–]emixtt 0 points1 point ago

Farkas is my favorite. I have a little bit of an actual crush on him.

[–]gloaming 6 points7 points ago

He played Fable and doesn't play Skyrim? Time for a new boyfriend!

[–]justskiddingflair 6 points7 points ago

Nooooooooo. I will convert him... in time. Besides, he watches Ponies with me, and that's enough.

[–]Kaeltan 2 points3 points ago

Balimund, the smith in Riften is a cool dude. One of the few dudes that comes with his own house too.

[–]pull_the_other_one 0 points1 point ago

I like Erik ("the Slayer"), he's so eager to help as a follower. I dropped him back at home when I did the companion quests tho. Will need to go back and put a ring on it next time I pass by Rorikstead.

[–]jimthedestroyerPS3 3 points4 points ago

Next thing you know you'll find your wife in a dungeon with Sven.

That's when thing's go ALL bad.

[–]Minkiminks 7 points8 points ago

This kind of thing happens.. My husband is already packing his bags to make room for Erik the Slayer.

[–]Swetrollflair 6 points7 points ago

Skyrim>Wife

[–]Chrischn89 1 point2 points ago

Skyrim=Wife

[–]Fishookedflair 7 points8 points ago

Skyrim=Life

[–]theprophecyMNM 2 points3 points ago

Skyrim + In-Game Wife = (No Life - Wife in Life)2

[–]helven 2 points3 points ago

Nothing existed before 11/11/11? Everything was a dream before then!!!

[–]samtheman578XBOX 8 points9 points ago

LOL my I told my friend she was my housecarl. She asked what that is, so I said she does stuff for me. She then proceeded to call her my dirty house hooker all night ._.

[–]TsunamiMommy 2 points3 points ago

Related question: If Lydia dies and I continue on, will she come back later? Or will I have to go back and get all my valuables once I have carrying capacity?

[–]omnilynxflair 4 points5 points ago

She does not resurrect, no.

[–]TsunamiMommy 20 points21 points ago

Lazy bitch

[–]raiden3600 1 point2 points ago

supposedly she will have a grave near the house of dead in windhelm i think.

[–]EternalDensityPC 2 points3 points ago

"Lydia had been wearing the horned iron helmet" - same here!

[–]shane_lxiflair 2 points3 points ago

I downloaded the Catherine(sp?) demo on xbox the other day and my Wife stumbled upon it when she was looking for the Netflix app. She thought it was a sex/relationship sim or something, lol. I almost got in trouble over such a shitty game...

[–]ehode 1 point2 points ago

My Lydia died pretty quickly after getting her. Never had a chance for my wife to make fun of my in game woman. :(

[–]solid_sephiroth 1 point2 points ago

Just wait till the Game of Thrones game comes out.

[–]lonedog 1 point2 points ago

The first time I was putzing around with Lydia, my wife looks over her lap top and is like "Who is that?" "Her name is Lydia, she's my baggage handler." "She take an arrow to the knee too?" I looked at her in shock and then we laughed. I had no clue she was onto the whole "arrow to the knee" meme

[–]Toast_One_Seven 1 point2 points ago

You should've seen my wife's reaction when she walked in right as the "sex scene" from Mass Effect started...yeesh.

[–]SebCSflair 8 points9 points ago

Your wife sounds insecure.

[–]ChalgakillerBG 3 points4 points ago

Scumbag wife - sees a woman video game character with you, OH GOD HE'S CHEAING ON ME!

[–]upthedown12 0 points1 point ago

Well written, I thought you were strange until I finished reading

[–]leapthemanflair 0 points1 point ago

My wife torched Lydia to death by accident while pissing off guards in Markarth.

[–]n4t 0 points1 point ago

Haha housegirl. Ok, I'll admit I used to be the curious wife, sorry sorry. And then I started playing Skyrim and now I have a wild obsession with Lydia. I swear, when she dies I will cry my eyes out.

[–]XanII 0 points1 point ago

Get out. Get out now. :D

[–]miss_science 0 points1 point ago

It wasn't until I read the top comment that I realised you meant real life wife, not Skyrim wife. I thought they were quite odd dialogue options!

[–]Zarathustra92 -1 points0 points ago

I used to know a dude who had a girlfriend who made rules about interactions with other women like this, she smashed his 360 because she saw Cortana in Halo 3.

[–]junglistt -1 points0 points ago

Haha that is hilarious man, I don't have a wife so I don't get to have funny Skyrim conversations with 'her'. Keep posting any other funny things the wife might say lol, I love hearing wives reactions/comments on the game.

[–]LordRygor -1 points0 points ago

This post was so funny. I got it!

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