How do I lay an egg?

raping_dolphin · 11 months

Shove a Hen up your ass and wait 4-6 weeks.

GeneralDisorder · 11 months

There are some potential legal issues here but you should be plenty privy to this already. My personal recommendation is slow and sensual seduction with lots of romance. If you do it right the egg will lay you.

GregoryHouseMD · 11 months

Buy it dinner first.

D__ · 11 months

Narrower end pointing down.

drunk_otter · 11 months

Drink large amounts of white nail polish. The enamel will coat your stools and give them the appearance of eggs.

2oonhed · 11 months

First get an old tire, a big one, and stand in the middle of it.
Then, get a 5 gallon bucket and a wooden spoon.
Place the 5 gallon bucket over your head, and whack the outside of it vigorously until an egg pops out of your butt.

You should probably take your pants off for this or you might not know when the eggs come out.

Jafolio · 11 months

Swallow an egg whole. You must be very careful as to not break the egg as you ingest it, but it can be done. Within the next 24 hours you should lay said egg.

Mccmangus · 11 months

When you feel something stirring, squat on something soft like your pillow and just PUSH really hard.

LeSpatula · 11 months

As a professional chicken I can tell you, you will know when the time has come.

archanoid · 11 months

First, become Carlos Mencia...

Holzmann · 11 months

Push until you hear/feel ripping.

rottatate · 11 months

Start with a fairly large egg, preferably ostrich or tyrannosaur. In a pot if water, bring the egg to a boil. Remove the egg immediately as you don't want it hard, just firmed up to the point where it's not runny. Cool the egg. Take a large drill bit (I can't tell you exactly how large without meeting you in person) and CAREFULLY bore a hole onto the bottom of the egg, being sure not to let the insides drip out. Using a high grade sandpaper, smooth the edges of the hole you just bored until they are no longer sharp to the touch. Add a pinch of salt inside the egg. Then, take your erect penis and insert it into the ostrich (or tyrannosaur) repeatedly until you ejaculate. Serve the cooked egg as a dinner appetizer.

drippysoap · 11 months

You're a duck BROTHER! Duck brothers don't lay eggs.

gliscameria · 11 months

Ram a baby chick way up into your pee hole. As it decomposes it will fertilize your testicles. They will turn into eggs and fall off.

PartyPenguin · 11 months

You'd need to party with a penguin

whosbloodisthat · 11 months

I recommend taking it to dinner and a movie and then just see how the night progresses.

Lone_Wolf · 11 months

Use plenty of lube.

beautifullydepressed · 11 months

This is a difficult process. What you will need is an Egg, salt, 151 rum, some pants, and a stick

Pull your pants down
Generously pour 151 and salt on the egg for lubricant
Also feel free to pour the 151 and salt in your ass as well.
Relax, and slowly slide the raw egg up your ass
If it has not broken, take the stick and gently push it up more
If it breaks just remove the shells and start again, you will be able to find the shells by the engulfing burning sensation.

funetical · 11 months

Just smash you dick into it, it's not rape or nothin'.

snarkinator · 11 months

You must find a white woman who has swallowed an Asian man whole.

Then you must ask her out and put the moves on her.

saxmanb · 11 months

Fuck a chicken and wait nine months

Rakosman · 11 months

User: How do I lay an egg?

Jabberwacky: That is a drity question, sham on you.

vspazv · 11 months

Menstruate

you'll need to login or register to do that

create a new account

login