I'm nearing my 30s, have never had intercourse, I have no money/assets/physique, I'm unemployed, and I have no marketable skills. I want to turn everything around in < 72 hours. What are your best life hacks??

shockfactor · 1 year

Cut off your legs and tell people you lost them in the war. People will think you're a hero and give you stuff for free.

doctor_alligator · 1 year

Reload a previous save state. Don't worry, the game is easily cheated, so you'll still have the Destitute Dirtbag achievement if you do so.

f8andbethere · 1 year

Find a social media website where you can post your witty quips and sarcastic observations in order to garner the admiration and earn the respect of other unemployable lovers of the SyFy channel that you'll never meet.

TheCannon · 1 year

Drink the blood of Brad Pitt.

upvotes_for_italics · 1 year

Alright to have sex the best thing to do is spend whatever remaining money you have on expensive clothes and cologne. Basically just go to bars / clubs every night and order straight vodka and you'll be good to go.

To get money, rob an ATM, I know it's scary the first time but trust me they usually open if you hit them with a hammer right below the screen. Child's play.

I recommend not working on your physique but if you really insist on it, try just eating bread. Bread is basically just air so it's a good way to lose weight fast.

As for marketable skills, no one who makes tons of money has marketable skills, so you need to adjust your job search, not your ability. Find someone's resume that says "business analyst", send it out to as many companies as you can, and you'll be making six figures in no time.

foonly · 1 year

Have you tried being brilliant, rich, funny, well-endowed, and gorgeous?

It worked for me!

PonyTheLoveMonkey · 1 year

Take out a life insurance policy on your family, kill them all then spend the payouts on hookers, plastic surgery and penis pumps. It's all their fault anyway so think of it as a profitable revenge.

Redfel · 1 year

Embrace Scientology

insomniaclyric · 1 year

Identity theft. Be who you want to be.

[deleted] · 1 year

Have you accepted Lord Satan as your own personal savior? I'll just leave this pamphlet here, you can fill out the postcard in the back, make sure to use red, protein-based ink.

ZombieChalmers · 1 year

Adult diapers, sir. They'll save you the time you need to get your life turned around.

itsnotlupus · 1 year

The answer is obvious. You have a problem with a lack of money, a lack of intercourse, and a lack of continued employment.

Turn tricks. You'll solve all of the above, as well as extend your social circles and acquire many fond experiences.

If you need someone to keep track of your schedule and keep you on task for a small premium, I know a guy.

Islandre · 1 year

Why not ask reddit for money? They seem like a generous bunch.

drexhex · 1 year

If you build it, they will come.

TheElitistCoup · 1 year

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start

Satros · 1 year

Start playing WoW

purebacon · 1 year

Ask the government for help.

sifumokung · 1 year

Buy cocaine and get some sluts hooked on it. Use your own product. When they run out of money, let them suck your dick for blow. Never use a condom. Spend the money on gold plating your furnishings.

Kardlonoc · 1 year

Go on a harrowing journey for at least 3 years around the world when you are destitute and pass yourself as a misguided savant. This is when you will build your physique and rugged looks. Scholarly types/ journalists will swoon over you and your tragic life and you will get full scholarships and perhaps a movie deal. Thus you have acquired money and fame. Chicks will flock to you and your mysterious travels after reading your book and they will all be easy lays. Thus using your fame and good looks you can pretty much get any job you want but you will want to milk the whole harrowing journey thing for as long as possible.

If you want to do in 72 hours... I dunno rob a bank for your dying kid or something.

gliscameria · 1 year

Sell coke.

jasno · 1 year

Become a white rapper and tell the world how gritty your caucasian life really is.

prozacprinsez · 1 year

Craigslist....... Trust me..., no matter what you look like you can find someone to pay you for sex. Might as well make the first time profitable. If they tell you they are into knives, they pay more!

[deleted] · 1 year

Find a hoboette and bang her. Aids or no aids.

Grue · 1 year

Turn your life to Jesus.

furburger · 1 year

IDDQD

TheSocraticApproach · 1 year

Get a top hat.

dandescendant · 1 year

get off your ass and start running, when you reach the sea stow away on a boat, travel the world and see far off new... on second thoughts, stay on reddit and masturbate vigorously.

[deleted] · 1 year

Grow a goatee, get a buzzcut, leather chaps and go gay. Then become a hooker slash bear porn star.

robotoast · 1 year

HIV/AIDS is perfect for this. The side effects of modern antiretroviral drugs are very minor. You'll attract tons of risk-seeking mates for intercourse. Employers will be forced to give you a job based on equal opportunities for disabled laws. Your coworkers will want to not work too closely with you, so in a few years they will give you a corner office with your own fridge and stop inviting you to meetings.

And, you'll never have to worry about getting HIV/AIDS!

freireib · 1 year

Fat chicks

[deleted] · 1 year

hack at your wrists until you pass out.

White_kimbo · 1 year

suck dick

duckshuck · 1 year

Ur fucked. Don't bother

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