Epic rejection by text message. What the heck happened?

Mass_Impact · 9 months

Haven't posted on here in a couple months because of work etc, but this caught my eye.

IMO you nailed it about the supplication. The kind of girl who refers to herself as an "alpha female" in my experience also takes herself too seriously, mentions how much she loves art/classic literature just so people know how refined she is, expects guys to compete for her, and is pretentious enough to send a text message like the one she sent you.

Obviously you know she's attracted to you, but to me it seems like she knows she could go pick up any shmuck from a bar, and 99% of those guys would probably make her a mixed tape (validating her opinion of how awesome she is).

I would play it cool, not call her 14 times apologizing for whatever, not make her a tape, not ask her wimpy-ass questions about what you did wrong...but since you're a better PUA than me, you're undoubtedly already on this track.

That's just my 4 cents. Good luck.

ArdentDrive · 9 months

The self-described "alpha female" defers to her friends for decisions on the men in her life? Ha!

She doesn't sound like the type of woman I'd want around. Supplicating her with the mixtape may have kept her with you a little longer, but it would also be the first of an endless series of hoops she would lay out in front of you, until she was bored with you.

PetiePal · 9 months

I think first off any woman who "declares" herself an Alpha Female may not be worth it to begin with. Just being 100% straightforward...if you two had great chemistry and the sex was great, and this wasn't about the mixtape not being done yet, the girl obviously has some other weird shit.

I mean seriously who says MY FRIEND AND I GIVE YOU THE THUMBS DOWN! BWAHAHAH. Especially if she's an Alpha, what? This isn't Roman times in the Coliseum lol. You shouldn't have to charm her friend "enough," if you're cordial and nice and didn't blatantly make the woman feel uncomfortable it's gotta either be the girl herself or she wasn't as interested as you were.

Probably nothing to be learned from this except don't get too attached too soon, and never count on your sex being something that will save you from rejection. I'd brush it off lightly and reply with something not mean or spiteful or like jealous etc but that acknowledges she had to go by her friend to make the decision.

Sometimes women just don't want their friend to be with someone else, whether it's bc they like their friend single and available, have someone else in mind for her, or perhaps you're a better catch that THAT girl's bf lol. (I've heard this straight from female friends before). Or perhaps you just didn't jive as well as you thought with her group of friends.

Either way look at this as wow, glad I found out now, one less I have to worry about, and on to the next one. Even Alpha women will be submissive to the right Alpha male

johnny878 · 9 months

yeah, bro. from my experience, when girls take you to meet their friends ASAP like that. she is unsure of what she thinks of you and wants input. i tend find asian girls the WORST by far with this type of behavior. I had an asian chick "happen" to have her best friends at a bar next door to the restuarant i chose for a 3rd date and we just had to stop by and say hi after. i kiss closed and never called her again.

Either way, she sounds like a massive bitch for sending that type of rejection. who cares if its a test, which i doubt, as its horrible behavior. if she is fucking with you, who cares, as its horrible behavior. Some times the prize isnt worth playing the game bro.

id probably of responded "well im glad i didnt wait for the 3rd date to putout ;), nice talking to you" thus making her feel like a slut.

but im petty and small, but her friends hate you anyways so you have nothing to lose lol

mrthrow · 9 months

Whichever it is, the appropriate course of action is to do nothing.

Edit: after reading some more responses, you could also agree and amplify considering the possibility that it's a massive shit test, but the "take care" leads me to believe it isn't.

bigbozz · 9 months

Ask her how her friend can give you a "thumbs down" when you haven't even slept with her yet!

LostOne87 · 9 months

No response if I received that text from a girl.

"Hi _____, my friend and I talked about ya and we're giving ya a thumbs down. Take care."

Completely rude.
Thumbs down?
All indicators point to this being a game and any games being played for romance lead to both parties losing, as nothing long-range is ever built solidly upon such imbalanced gaming. Quick sand and all that.
Auditions were over. She fucked you, multiple times, too, so how is this an audition?
Alpha Female is a shit-test, disqualifier that is indicative of an insecure person. Secure people do not need to boast about security; they just are. Does any man respect a guy that proclaims he is an Alpha male? No.

I don't think you did anything wrong. You win some, you lose some. This relationship got ahead of itself (i.e. sex, dates, romance, intermingling friends, etc) and busted up, which is like to happen on occasion. I've been there, done that, and pretty much all such confusing scenarios happen precisely like this.

Hot n heavy (sex, petting, making out etc)
Involved dates
Meet with friends

What might have happened is that, in spite of you doing your best to be ideal or perfect or integrate yourself into her world, that she didn't see it once it happened. Although the sex was good, sex can be good and two people still don't fit quite right socially. I'm sure you've been in similar situations given your prodigious history and experience?

Lastly, I am of the mindset that alot more females with BPD, HPD, NPD, and other mental/psychological disorders exist and function in our world and are likely found in a higher % of beautiful women than we want to admit. It's possible you stumbled across such a female, as there are already 3 glaring red flags for me...

"alpha female," I know so-called alpha females and they don't remark they are alpha female. they probably wouldn't even know what it means because they are so concerned with other pursuits to boast about bullshit.
texting you to say 'thumbs down' is just rude.
would you tell a female that you are no longer interested by relaying the conversation you had with a male friend over how you weren't interested? not likely. even an alpha female has more social graces than to 'thumbs down' you.

RLopez2 · 9 months

I would wager that the mixed tape was more of a mixed late anti-slut defense/shit test. She had a great time with you but feels like its more of a sex thing and less about her. While you were able to converse with the guy well; I think that its more important to concentrate on the bff, especially if this was something you wanted to continue. If she was feeling unsure about you, all it would take was her friend feeling like she was ignored and "encouraging" her to push away from you.

I think its a probably a lost cause, time to move on... Really the only way to save this would to be out having a great time and have her see that, then she would realize what she missed out on. Worst case scenario: you're out having a great time.

btw thanks for posting here so much, its always a great read.

alphaasfuck · 9 months

I havn't posted in about a fucking year because I've been mostly figuring out LTR game - Tofu. Tofu you've run into the same problem I've run in to a couple times. While males often have the competitive drive to be better than other males and also their mates and be the superior catch - Because they are SO FUCKING RARE - I doubt you've run into females that simply must feel as though they have the upper hand in any relationship. I know you rarely let that happen with girls you are interested in, developing interest and attraction very early. I have a similar style.

However, I have had very similar experiences with hyper-sexual women.

Here are several things you should think about: Does she often talk about other men in the past about how they pleased her - even on the verge of trying to make you seem inadequate? Does she seem to enjoy your company in the present only to later appear to be lukewarm?

Here's my perspective. Girls like this came from the same background most of us do (ugly duckling- admit it.) and suddenly realize they can be a sexual being if they want to be. They have trouble getting attached to the people they should be to mistrust issues and value drama over meaningful relationships.

Mostly never worth the trouble. Never forget there are girls like that out there.

They tend to go through a different type of LMR. As soon as they feel a relationship developing and FEELINGS involved they jump ship. Maybe you just fucking did TOO well. It's happened to girls I've dated, as well as to me personally. After being with great sex buddies for a long time, when feelings start to develop I wanted to fucking BAIL. Never put the pussy on a pedestal and all that shit. But the inclinations I got from seduction paid off. I never over invested and it ended up being a beneficial relationship for us both... fuck I've go to finish this post later. Getting too drunk.

P.S. As much as we tell newbies that failure is their fault (to try and make them learn)...sometimes girls just aren't worth the effort.

l3fth4nd · 9 months

I would text "Hilarious, come over I want to ravage you." but that's just me. It sounds like she's fucking with you. Even if she isn't, you're better off believing she is.

EDIT: If she is fucking with you and you take her seriously, she acts like she meant what she said or she gives you a break and tells you she's kidding but you lose attraction. If she isn't fucking with you, the fact that you're unreactive will make her more attracted and give you a better shot at fuck buddy status, or eventually LTR. Yeah, you might have lost points because the friend doesn't want your nuts but you can probably save face by remaining unreactive and eventually the friend will realise you're the shit.

pjhollow · 9 months

Thumbs down? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

exmaniex · 9 months

I don't have much to add, but how old is she? Seems like something a flighty tween might pull as poorly thought out shit test. I say poorly thought out because it's almost the opposite of a shit test -- a high value male would have very little option other than walking away.

That said, I would do just that ... text back "no worries, have a good one", and if it turns out to have been a test, make her work hard to get back into your universe.

It's still kinda throwing me off though. So weird. I can understand your frustration. Let us know what happens.

sknkpop · 9 months

Honestly man, before you go on the "hunt" have some kind of endgame. I mean, no-ho-ho g'damn way would I waste the time of day with a woman who was supposedly "alpha" and relied on the advice of her friends (in my experience, the friends are devil children - appease them not), if all I wanted was to get laid.

On a serious note, on a general, self-dignified note, when I meet people, socialise and make new acquaintances, friends, booty calls and intimate relationships the desired effect of the first meeting is to create interest in me. For these people to enjoy and connect with my best qualities - to like me because I'm likable, and fun. I expect them to use their own judgement, and not rely on what some random, unimportant person to the relationship, has to say.

Why the heck should any guy feel he needs to appease someone's friends anyway? If they're good people, great! But if they're just outright bitchy, moronic, air-wasters? Why bother? The likelihood is that being involved in that crowd'll only make you bitter, and possibly homicidal.

The way I see it, this chica doesn't have character. She's not someone you'd want to be involved with - 'cause later down the track? You'll likely hear this, "So my girlfriend ??? saw you at x place and said you were with some girl. Who is this fuckin' whore?" - And it'll likely be your sister, and when you say, "That fuckin' whore is my sister." you'll wind up getting some shit thrown at you, resulting in, "Well you should tell me where you're going!" - which makes you her bitch - anyone with self-respect has a voice that screams "Fuck that!"

Avoid the stuck up ladies who're self-obsessed, rely too heavily on their friends and pretend like they're the alpha. Don't put your dick in what has the potential for crazy.

(On a end note; Women can be alpha. The thing is? Someone who actually is an Alpha doesn't have to prove shit - and doesn't throw their weight around at every opportunity - most women who think they're alpha are really just crazy / snobby gals with a god complex.)

ZorbaTHut · 9 months

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ryno55 · 9 months

this one is not worth your effort. imo your mistake was letting her lead by choosing the venue+crowd and bringing you into her world instead of vice versa.

AtticusFynch · 9 months

The only response I can think of is the Roissy classic:

8==>

Tyrone_Gomez · 9 months

Keep your sense of humor- it's your life, and you sound like you do very well. I'd go for the witty/cocky/neg type reply like:

"Oh, so you WERE faking it!"

or

"Wow, how many guys did you review THIS week?"

or

"Is reviewing guys a part time or full time profession for you?"

And BTW "tape"... Do you kids still use that term? Did she actually ask for a cassette tape of music?(!)

fragglemook · 9 months

What difference does it make anyway? You banged her. Case closed. Next. Unless you want a relationship with her (/r/relationshipadvice), in which case meeting HER friends on a second date is jumping through her hoops and you're so deep into gaming that you didn't see the obvious territorial mistake.

I thought I did a good job socializing with her friends.

You shouldn't have met them in the first place. That was the shit test. Bait,Hook,Reel,Reel...reeeeell. She just wanted to show you off to them like a new trinket. Most chicks have dumb boring idiot friends who talk about shit anyway. Turning up to a social gathering with them where it's implicitly expected you must try to please them will just make you look like a major tool.

You would have been more successful if you turned up, got into an argument with one of her bitch friends and gamed the waitress before leaving halfway through the evening without saying anything.

But of course, you already fucked her, so it has gone beyond A-C-S to relationship advice.

steeg · 9 months

Maybe you laid her friend and never recognized her.

EvaSylvestre · 9 months

As an undercover lesbian and a female, here's what I'd do: Take a hot girl out to the bar she went to (does she frequent that place? do you know where she DOES frequent?) and be nice if you run into her. VERY casual... not concerned about what she did at all.

In this, you're instantly irresistable. You're hot enough for hot girls (and she will wonder if she's hotter/smarter than the other girl to you), you're badass enough to have moved on so quickly (meh, right?), and you're with someone (which drives superficial women bonkers)...

(and yes, how she broke it off with you leads me to believe she is massively superficial... i mean, does she always do what her friends tell her?!)

Fuck it. You're too pimp for that noise.

DuDEwithAGuN · 9 months

She sounds like a bitch.

GeorgeKelbyJr · 9 months

No response is appropriate.

Diagnosis: Cluster-B personality, specifically: Antisocial Personality Disorder. -- The nerve! Shifting the blame for her rejecting you on her friends. -- What that tells you is that nothing is ever her fault. That's a recipe for disaster.

As an observation on other comments:

"... thumbs down" is just plain rude. See APD, above.
"... alpha female" is questionable. See BPD (a Cluster-B disorder).
sex on the first date? See NPD (a Cluster-B disorder) ... and a Slut. There's no other word for it.

Dude, you dodged a bullet! Move on.

notlurkinganymoar · 9 months

What the hell is this? lol. Seriously fucking weird. I agree with most people on here who say she is trying to get her to chase you, in which case it's not worth your time. You are the prize, abundance mentality, etc.

However, I would followup with one very simple text: "?" Same thing I would do in person if a girl said some shit like that. Just scruntch the eyebrows and give a quizzical look like she's either an idiot or fucking insane. It's a surefire way to tell if it's a shit test or not. Let us know how it goes.

As an aside, I'm probably coming up to the city again this weekend, so I look forward to working some game with you.

chickenbeef · 9 months

She's a bitch. You hit it already. Who cares. Dont overthink this. Keep it movin. As far as a response to the text.. there's too many "PUA" lines thrown around here. That shit is cringe worthy. Personally, I would have responded "LOL" and deleted her number. Dont chase, replace.

g_for_gnome · 9 months

I had a similar experience, HOWEVER, it was one of her male friends who sent it when she left her phone unattended. I just texted back 'what the fuck?' and found out after that. Turns out the guy liked her, sent the text, deleted it, hoped I would walk away like you seem to be doing.

If she did send it, then my guess is that she's teasing. If she's worth it, play along. Jesus, I'm married in my thirties and always laugh at young pricks who are too 'alpha' to bend their backs for some sex. Just text a 'what the fuck' type message to show you've got some self-respect and don't want to be treated like a jerk.

mouth55 · 9 months

I think the mistake you made was not picking up on what was going on at the bar: Anytime a girl invites you to meet her friends, you're being tested. When you're dating a girl, even ultra-casually, you're dating her friends too. If this girl went out of her way to call herself an "alpha-female" she's clearly seeking validation and has some insecurities. I agree with ExMormon that she proved how pretentious she is with that text. Honestly, I'd either not respond and move on, or send her a quick 'your shit don't stink either text' and leave the ball in her court. In any case, the obvious answer is to not pursue her.

ImKumarYo · 9 months

I texted you something along these lines as a response earlier: "The two of you decided it's a no-go? I guess I'll have to settle for just you then"

Girl sounds like a total cunt though, exactly the girl I'm after lol. Except that she's Asian. No soul.

moodysunshine · 9 months

She sounds like a bitch who enjoys toying with people for shits and giggles. Then proceeds to score you with her friends afterwards. =/ Maybe she was just in it for the sex and attention.

[deleted] · 9 months

You've said before you're not in the best shape. That could be the deal breaker with her friends. If ya don't look like arm candy, then she'll find someone who does.

[deleted] · 9 months

sounds like she found your /r/seduction handle

ihahp · 9 months

I really hate that askSeddit is different than seddit. But in the past I've been told to post questions in AskSeddit.

So, are we going back on that? 100 comments seems to say we are.

Let's get rid of AskSeddit.

synapticimpact · 9 months

I feel like you'll know more about how to read the situation than I would, dude.

If it weren't you I'd probably chalk it up to lack of impression based on her friend giving you the thumbs down (and her agreeing enough to send it in a text message), letting her pick the location and crowd. But it is you, so I'm a bit lost here.

Another thing to consider is that she might have felt like she was in over her head? With what you've given me to work with is that she seems like she needs to feel like shes in control and if you were at a point you felt you could sit back and say "check" (going off your 'smooth sailing' bit here) regardless of what situation she put you in she could have been intimidated. So she needed a way to scoot your bishop aside.

If either of these ring with you you'll definitely know where to move from there better than I do, hoping I can function as a bit of a sounding board here.

skullshoes · 9 months

Can you ever imagine a man saying something like that? It makes me nauseous when people talk to each other this way. This child is not worth your time, sir.

rib-bit · 9 months

chicks don't say "we're giving ya a thumbs down" unless it's a game. if she were really dum,ping you she would not have used "we" -- imo

Whisper · 9 months

She, being a self-proclaimed alpha female, wants guys to supplicate to her.

Pretty much. Seduction isn't just about whether sex will happen, it's also about negotiating the power balance under which it will happen.

She gave you compliance tests, you didn't comply. So you were obedient and subordinate enough for her, and she nexted you.

Unless you're into dominatrixes, I'd say you dodged a bullet.

yokhai · 9 months

You and I both know what happened. Lessons on not giving a fuck ;)

blue_strat · 9 months

Ignore her and move on.

debman3 · 9 months

What the actual fuck. This girl sounds like someone I wouldn't date. You had sex with her, good, now move on.

THEMACGOD · 9 months

Tell her, "Cool... Enjoy!"

JannMDK · 9 months

I've found that when people need to tell me who or what they are, like f.ex. 'alpha female', it's usually because they are incapable of showing it through their actions. The image you get from them doesn't correspond with the one they want to emit, so they spend a lot of time trying to convince you verbally instead. It usually works in the short run, until you've been around them long enough for the inconsistencies to become to overwhelming.

Or they use a word they find positive to excuse behavior that is usually negative. "It's not that I'm insecure and try to hide it by being a bitch, I'm just an alpha female"

derpiato · 9 months

was it this chick? http://hotalphafemale.com/

tedfahrvergnugent · 9 months

Only response, "lame". Plenty of fish, abundance mentality, etc... Makes for a fun story though of which I imagine you have many.

worthwhilethrowaway · 9 months

Since things ENDED bad, you're focusing only on the last interaction you had with her. Don't do that. You really need to go back to the beginning and look at everything together, and see where things started to go bad, not when they finally manifested themselves in a recognizable way.

smokin' hot Asian-American girl who fancies herself to be an "alpha female." (her words)

so you know that pretty much everything she does is going to be a test... it's like she flat out told you, "I will never be real with you, and i'm actively looking for a reason to end things with you." Personally that type of personality is just annoying. anyway...

she texted me and said I better be working on that mixed tape for her.

Like SHE said, she's an alpha female... this was a test... You say you "ignored the request." Does this mean you just didn't answer? I personally think you should have said exactly what you were thinking, because she was hoping you would ignore the request or say yes (so that she could ditch you). Just say, "No," and when she prods say, "mix tapes are for people in relationships," or something to that effect. The non-response probably got her thinking, which is probably why she brought the friends to audition you.

as for her text:

Hi TofuTofu, my friend(the girl one) and I talked about ya and we're giving ya a thumbs down. Take care.

just say "I didn't know you were thinking about this longterm. no problem." or just flat out "np"

Nickerz · 9 months

Sounds like a failed shit test.

unicorn787 · 9 months

dude, who cares?

She's trying to make you chase her, so by not playing into her game, she loses (and you remain in control by effecting that loss). what's the point in chasing her? you already nailed her! (twice)! so unless you're in love with this girl I'd say it's better to just move on to the next one, and go carve that notch into your bedpost.

theleprechaun69 · 9 months

Judging by all the comments, it seems like when a guy proclaims himself "alpha" and simply moves on to the next one, he's a master PUA/social genius/God, but when a girl does the same, she must have some mental problems and be narcissistic. Huge double standard. Can't take the heat? Stay out of the kitchen.

spj36 · 9 months

An alpha female that gets help from friends about their mate choices. I lol'd

bookishboy · 9 months

Much like Global Thermonuclear War, this is a game whose only winning move is not to play. True, she's free to break her association with anyone she pleases, for any reason. The way she did with you is clearly fishing for a response. The fact that she's so transparently trying to provoke a response from you rather than communicate with you makes it unlikely that she's worth the continued pursuit. Any response at all, even an attempt at something clever which questions why an alpha female needs a guidance counselor for making decisions, is playing into her game.

The lack of any response in this case will throw her off her game more than any clever retort you could have come up with.

Walk away, live well and one day she'll bump into you or see you in public with another girl on your arm or surrounded by friends, and maybe, just maybe, she'll wonder what could have been.

Badk1d · 9 months

FYI: RooshV just linked this post on his twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/rooshv

Deaner3D · 9 months

you reply: "I'm flattered you talk to your friends about me. But I think we both know you had a good time. Take care of yourself."

9 months

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testmypatience · 9 months

1) Her problem. Nobody want's that.

2) I think this may be it. Still a stupid test.

3) "I'm ok with that." or any other response that means... you don't care. (I believe it is a test)

That is how I would read this situation.

EDIT:

I read somewhere that when friends are talking shit to your person of interest that you should respond with something like, "You're friends sound like awesome people"

TofuTofu · 9 months

There's some great advice in this thread already, and frankly I think you're not very alpha if you need some friend's input to make up your mind about a guy. But I'll add this which was my first reaction: I'd friendzone her. And if you succeed in that, I'd get her out for a coffee or whatever, and ask (with a smile of course) how the 'evaluation' exactly went.

Because, if anything, the answer (and more generally her line of thinking) might be fascinating. Perhaps they just happen to look for one very specific trait in a guy that you didn't display enough. Perhaps her friend didn't think you were very good-looking, and as you didn't bother to charm her at the date that's the only impression she got from you, and communicated that to your friend, who didn't want to loose face by saying you're attractive anyway. Whatever.

If you do end up talking to her again and find out the precise reason for the crazy message, be sure to let us know. But I don't doubt you will :-)

Lanko · 9 months

not much you can do at this point. (though I'd say you dodged a bullet) I find with the friend meetings, unless the other guy is obviously the alpha, you want to be gaming and entertaining the female friends. They're the ones who will pick you apart and judge you harshly when your back is turned, ESPECIALLY when dealing with the high rated HB's.

goobersmooch · 9 months

My advice:

Take it like a man, with your chin up. I'd probably come up with a response, but be completely neutral. I would probably respond with simply "Later."

eppey1 · 9 months

It's humbling to learn that this happens to even the best of us.

I'm thinking #1 is the best explanation.

edwardunknown · 9 months

I wish all girls were that direct but she sounds like a bitch, she could have put it a little nicer. With those texts you never know who you're really talking to but if it was really her you're lucky to be rid of her.

nappythrill22 · 9 months

If I can steal a couple ideas already stated here, and put the together:

l3fth4nd said: >Hilarious, come over I want to ravage you.

I think calling her on it being a joke is the first thing to do. If you were right and its all a joke, you know how to keep that joking banter up as well as anyone here, however, if she responds to inform you she wasn't joking, I'd go with a mix of Johnny878's "well im glad i didnt wait for the 3rd date to putout ;), nice talking to you" and ArdentDrives' "self-described "alpha female" defers to her friends for decisions on the men in her life? Ha!"

EDIT: as a side note, thank you Tofu for all you have done for all the rest of us.

SpookyKG · 9 months

She's running game on you, Tofu, and you should have realized that when it got you to the point of making a post :-D

All you can do is be more aloof... you may still win, but reengaging can't do anything but hurt you.

RcskaSedd · 9 months

Maybe because she has this Alpha Female reality that needs validation all the time Tofu tofu, And you aren't validating it because you are a fucking man. She wants to see if you're beta or not. From WHAT I'VE SEEN! Not experienced, most alpha female women want beta men, they want to them to take care of them, validate their reality, to chase her, anything beta. Because it will make them feel good about themselves.

Answer this, did she try to lead her friends? because i remember i delt with a Alpha female before who kept trying to make fun of me for trying to pick her up, all of her friends were laughing too, but every time I was alone with her friends while she was away they would all look at me like they wanted me.

i know this is just a bunch of cock theory but still, watching some RSD and observing some women, you really see what is going on in the world.

[deleted] · 9 months

This makes me think of my "What am I getting out of it?" post a while back. Rather than rejecting or ignoring demands, you can make a counter-demand of equal or greater value. I probably would have made her the mixtape but set the expectation that if I'm making her a mixtape, she's making me a mixtape too. I'm always up to be introduced to new music. I've never had a girl ask me for a mixtape, but in one of my more successful relationships recently I suggested trading mixtapes with a girl (she was musically inclined).

That said, I think that's a matter of personal preference rather than good pickup. Your post does make her seem high-maintenance and you may have dodged a bullet I wouldn't have. :)

FucksWithHiveMind · 9 months

It can be tons of things. Anything from her being a cunt to her friends hijacking her phone. I would try and guess whether she wants me to react to that text or not and do the opposite keeping in mind that I may not actually want to be associate with her after that text. Or get more clues from her with something along the lines of: "Curiosity piqued".

eric22vhs · 9 months

Is there decent material anyone can recommend on the whole "audition" thing, regarding her friends?

I lost a girl's attraction when things were going great after hanging out with her friends a couple of weeks ago. I was probably easing up on game, and definitely focussed more on the girl than her friends, but I remember consciously thinking her friends were kind of shitty, unwelcoming people. Like I said, at that point I was easing up on game, or at least not applying it towards her friends. Basically I was going in with a I'm just going to meet her friends and have a good time, I'm a well rounded guy, and frankly, doubt I'll be around people brighter, more well mannered, or more cultured than I am, so the last thing I was thinking was that I was on audition. It did catch my attention that they were kind of rude and unwelcoming to a guest (what I was viewing myself as around them), I just took it as immaturity.

Claytonius_Homeytron · 9 months

If she was truly alpha she would have told it to your face. You obviously don't need that shit. Move on...

KindaRipped · 9 months

Advice to all guys: Impress her friends, but be yourself. dont lie, they can tell, and even if they cant yet, they will be able to later, so its just better to be truthful from the start.

Girls arent hard to impress, but if you want to date a chick, her best friend is an important tool to making the relationship work. Girls discuss EVERYTHING, so its just better if her friend is on your side.

9 months

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Jrix · 9 months

Consider that you are a threat to her identity of control.

Also....

It's common advice to be told to win her girlfriends, but I really don't think it's emphasized enough. Unless she has an independent mind, her girlfriends will be law in the early stages of a relationship.

glassuser · 9 months

I'm going to go with one, with a side of her being a serial dater and wanting hot new cock after she got what she wanted out of you. But yeah, like ExMormonGettingLaid said, she's playing what she sees as an "alpha female". Ignore her for a week or two, then think about texting her to go do something like nothing happened.

howimetyourmeme · 9 months

As many others have said, she doesn't sound like a female alpha. You seem to be aware of the mistakes you made. If this girl is worth keeping around (and it sounds like she is not), then find a way to defy her expectations and game her again. It might be worth it for the challenge, but she does not sound like a quality girl. Move on.

revtrot · 9 months

IMHO her friends are jealous. so they convinced her to dump you. happens.

Polemicist82 · 9 months

Unless you for whatever reason you want to save something with this girl who sounds like she'll turn out to be a neurotic mess, you should either be the bigger man and let it go, or be the smaller man and tell her what your really think she should do with those 'thumbs' of hers.

derpiato · 9 months

I'm going to throw my lot in with people saying 'it's not worth much effort'.

This girl is obviously gaming you too, but she's not very good at it.

If you text back something clever it'll show her that you've put effort in. I would text back something like 'Cool as. Seeya later :)' And just leave it at that. She might text you later when she's feeling lonely or bored, if that happens, make sure you give it a nice long pause before you text back.

ad585 · 9 months

What was your response? Did you send it right away or after consulting r/seduction?

Only reason I ask is if it's a delayed response, you might as well go with no response. It will seem like you put in a lot of effort to come up with the perfect line. Just a thought..

SpiderFan · 9 months

You are way better of a PUA than I am. I offer no insight. Personally, I would say "Wow. Last time I'll ever put out on the first date."

huyvanbin · 9 months

Is this your OkCupid SNL #2?

I know the answer you'd give in this situation: keep going out, and keep up the good work. You're obviously too emotionally invested in this. And I can see why: she dangled herself in front of you, then rejected you. I know how it feels. But don't do the hamster wheel thing. Just move on.

I don't know what I'm talking about. But I've had a few, so here goes anyway. I don't know what you were looking for with her, since it seems like you specialize in one night stands. But a lot of women, especially women in their 30s on OkCupid, are looking for more than just fun sexy times. They want to find "the one". And it's quite invisible to them how many good experiences they're passing up in the process, because that's just not what they're looking for. Just like men who only have one thing on their minds.

Also, "alpha female" might not be the positive you think it is. It could be that she's thinking she neglected her personal relationships for her career, so here she is.

So I think she and her friend may have been screening you, they saw that you just wanted to have fun, they probably noticed that you're younger than she is and how that could make things awkward, so they decided to veto you and informed you of their decision. She probably doesn't think she was hurting you or intentionally being a bitch, just saving herself time by moving on.

Arrray · 9 months

3) This is a massive test to see if I'll chase her or not. 'E.g. she's testing to see if I was just in it for the sex.'

Seems like it is a massive test, but i don't think its because she thinks you are just in it for the sex. From the way i see it, i bet shes a sex fiend and doesn't even mind the casual sex. I think she is testing whether you chase her on not. Alpha females would like a guy chasing them i presume.

rhiz0me · 9 months

I know this scene all too well. I've seen it first hand either exmormongettinglaid is correct OR, it's highly possible that her friend, was slightly jealous and gave you the thumbs down because she felt she did not deserve you. the girl you were with is not actually the alpha female between the two of them, but her friend is, so she takes her word for it. her friend could likely be "training" her and also somewhat controlling her. they both remind me of exes i've had.

3109 · 9 months

Hey, whatever happens. Do us a favor and update us yeah? We could actually learn something from this in the sense of dealing with a "thumbs down."

onebit · 9 months

"I'm sorry you feel that way. Wish you the best."

Warlizard · 9 months

Response:

"Your friend gave me the thumbs down too? Then why is she texting me?"

[deleted] · 9 months

I'm also with the people who agrees that she's a bitch. I'd be really pissed if I received that message from a girl.

So, first of all, I guess it's not your fault. You don't have problems to get girls, so go get another and ignore her completely.

However, we're all here to learn, so you probably want to learn why this happened. There are a bazillion reasons. It could be true her friend told her that. She might have fond another guy. She might like to be chased. Probably we'll never know.

I was thinking of something witty to reply her, but the other replies here have plenty of ideas. Good luck and post a follow-up if it works.

redd9 · 9 months

don't even reply to that shit message from her

bonsaiben · 9 months

Frankly, you already banged her twice, and she's kind of a bitch... who cares?

Alpha female...? She's like a dude...

boyfrienddestroyers · 9 months

It doesn't matter what happened. Next.

GorillaJ · 9 months

It's primarily #1. Treat it entirely like #3. Wish her well, brief but polite -- or ignore her entirely.

If she ever wants to reconnect, have her make you a mix tape.

_valtiel_ · 9 months

Why didn't you make her a mixtape? lol Just kidding. Game her friends as well, you have to. It's like a necessity.

Keep in mind. ALL Girls are insecure as f--k. They just say all this stuff. that they are an "Alpha Female" Words shouldn't be enough to convince you, it's the body language and her actions that should.

Words are just words. The Alpha Woman apparently still needs her friend to validate you.

_random_guy_ · 9 months

I wonder why you do care in the first place. Aside from that:

if you don't want to bang her again, johnny878's one-liner is just priceless - maybe I'd remove the last part, like this: well im glad i didnt wait for the 3rd date to put out ;) or, even better, well im glad *you** didnt wait for the 3rd date to put out*

if you do want to bang her again, and honestly after what she's done the sex must have been really amazing for you to want to go out of your way with this one, the only thing you can do now is wait - everything you could do right now is a loss. If, as it's probably like since she sounds like a huge attention whore, she'll contact you again, then and only then you will be able to do something. What exactly depends from her next message.

Interleukine-2 · 9 months

Not that I have anything against Seddit, but why do you guys like picking up dumb girls so much? This one was obviously a bimbo.

hevnztrash · 9 months

To me this translates to- She isn't secure with a man unless she has him in her pocket. The text is when she realized she wasn't going to get that and you are going to be your own man. Be glad for the sex and know you're better off.

iammagicmike · 9 months

I DEMAND A PHOTO OF THIS SO CALLED "ALPHA FEMALE"

because like hot asian chicks

9 months

[deleted]

scallleywag · 9 months

One thing I've learned about self-proclaimed "alpha-females" is that they have been burned in the past so that's why they act like that. Since it seems like she just randomly sent you that text without you texting her first I'm wondering if this was her preemptive move because she thought you weren't that into her. Girls usually just ignore guys they don't want to see again.

rosid · 9 months

She asked her friend to evaluate you? That's like bringing a friend along to see some real estate you want to buy. She's geared toward being negative toward you regardless of how stellar you are, it's really just how she justifies being asked to come at all. It's shitty and I think you're lucky to get out as quickly as you did; that is not behavior I would tolerate at all. I doubt you really did much wrong considering you've been intimate with her.

I'd send this back: "I enjoyed our time together, take care"

If you want a response where you can friendzone her, drop any ego and simply ask her where you went wrong with her, she might be the type who likes to "fix up" guys.

If you really want to try and get her back again: "I thought you were the kind of girl who made her own choices..."

clutchPUA · 9 months

Well from the days of mystery, he did stress winning over the friends to make your job easier. Guessing that applies even after the lay. What I'm assuming is this, you felt safe after you got the lay. But b/c her friend whos opinion is more important to her didn't approve, you got the boot.

[deleted] · 9 months

The only reason she'd do it like that is because she's still trying to inflate her own ego by rejecting guys she sees as attractive. Don't take it personally as it probably had little or nothing to do with your game. Girls like that have self-esteem issues and want to validate themselves. As long as you don't respond, you've won.

hahaboohoo · 9 months

Dude, you're a pro gamer with abundance of girls. It's not you, it's her. Abundance mentality, you can have any girl you want. All I can say is ditch the bitch. If a girl wrote that to me I'd ditch her and let her chase me and fight for my time, if she's lucky.

absurdconcept · 9 months

I don't know where her deal is, but I'm looking forward to her telling you next time over pillow talk. Update us, yeah?

I wish I could meet this girl, just to see what kind of girl said something like this, haha.

absolutkiss · 9 months

Mixtape. Not mixed tape. Everyone please stop saying mixed tape. Arghh

mister1986 · 9 months

Whatever you do, do not text her back. This is feed into her already inflated ego.

TheGarethJones · 9 months

Hey guys, Gareth Jones here. I just started posting on here as we (ABCs Of Attraction) are doing an IAMA next week and thought I should peek around a bit and this seems to be a really interesting situation that raises a whole bunch of interesting questions.

As opposed to trying to solve the problem, let me tell you what goes through my mind when I think about this situation.

First: Everyone here can probably agree that the most interesting part of this interaction is that you've already had sex with this girl a whole bunch of times and then it all went awry only after that. This makes me think two things; it's either bad sex or completely in her head. Let's assume that she wouldn't have come back for sex the second time around, so that it's something going on in her head.

The next thing I think of after I proceed through that conclusion is the discussion of her being an 'alpha female' as you described. That's all well and good, but I, again, think of two things when rolling over that concept: 1) She's telling you about it (which I liken to when people say they are 'awesome' at something: They usually aren't) and 2) how she basically didn't act like a real alpha female would (showing up to your place before a date is a 'we are obviously going to have sex' situation for socially calibrated, high-value women and my experience with true alpha females is that they very rarely put themselves in that situation, as the control is entirely yours: Location, plan, execution, seduction). I think she said she was an alpha female, acted a bit stiff, and you grabbed onto it and took it as a truth. Even when we look farther, why would an Alpha Female need to confer with her friend to decide if you're good enough. She's just demonstrating beta-hood to another girl. HUGE red flag.

Next, I start thinking about this; if she's not an AF, why would she say that she is? In most cases, this is a challenge to get you to rise to the occasion. Women want to be dominated, women want to be lead, women want a strong man to have control, and what would weed out the weaklings and kickstart true alpha males better than by saying "I'm the alpha"? A beta male will say "Okay, I wonder how I deal with this" and an Alpha male is going to laugh in her face and say "Whatever, let's go back to my place and you can tell me more about that." It sounded like you did that fairly well until the night out with her friends.

In the case of spending a lot of time with her male friends, yes, I think that's not what she needed but, as far as I can tell, she didn't really give you much indication that's what she wanted in particular. However, it should be said that it is your JOB as a male to make her female friends like you. She's inviting you out with them so she can show you off, not so she can increase the size of her social circle. Girls don't have to have sex with guys to have them orbiting. I would have gone in there and flirted and smiled and teased the girls just like she would do to you. It would make them like you, but they would also understand that you're there as AF's date, so it would be both safe and playful. Give the guys respect, that's all they ever want. You flirt with the girls>the girls like you>The guys want to get to know you>the guys talk to you. Once you charm the girls, you'll have a reason to hang out with the guys. If you haven't done that, it will look like you're just avoiding the girls and from what I understand of how she's framing all this stuff in her own head, she's gonna pigeonhole you as a chickenshit. And that's foul. (3 puns in a row!)

Her text is a DEFINITE test, however, we don't know what of and my brain sees it two ways (as usual). 1) She wants to reject you before rejection happens on her end in some way. A lot of times I get this when girls see that they are getting attached to a guy that doesn't "seem" right for them or is not the "type" they are looking for. In that case, the only response would be something SUPER dominant, maybe even a little dismissive, but that ALWAYS keeps her talking (I use what I call Baits, or things that will keep the conversation going, i.e. "Oh, Darn. I'll keep that in mind. How did you say you knew her, again?" - this is a good shot at being dismissive of the text WITHOUT BEING RUDE and continuing the conversation). The #2 way I see it is if it is a plain old shit test to see how supplicative/dominant you'll be to a dismissal. They are both verrrrry similar, but you're going to get a lot more leeway with your response if this is the case. I will generally brush off the dismissal and continue forward with more Baiting in much the same way as the other response.

Though, I'll respond very similarly to both cases (because it's INCREDIBLY hard to find out what her motivation is), your return rate for the second scenario will be much higher because she WANTS to keep talking (as is the case of ANY ultimatum: She wouldn't have contacted you at all if she had no interest in you), whereas, in the first scenario, it's kind of a romantic sendoff because she is doing something she doesn't want to do. Girls will do stuff like that a lot and it still wigs me out.

Things to think about: -Make sure not to offend her because she will take it as an excuse to tell herself you're an asshole and she deserves better. The self-esteem on anyone that is self-proclaimed ANYTHING is always a little hazy. Cocky funny will set this off IMMEDIATELY, so avoid it and avoid sarcasm, too. -Pure, honest dominance and a solid frame is your best bet. Think: Daniel Craig as James Bond; has a job to do, doesn't give a fuck, but is never actively displaying he doesn't give a fuck (This is actually called The Dark Triad. It's like narcissism, psychopathy and machiavellianism all mixed together. Google that shit.) -She's probably real nuts and, while I admire you're analysis of the situation and your desire to push forward, really nuts girls are better stories than they are girlfriends.

Cool post and I hope I didn't rattle on annoyingly!

[deleted] · 8 months

17 days later ... what happened ?

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