The only reason I'm with my girlfriend is because I'm afraid she'll kill herself

fishwish · 1 year

Plan a day to move.
Arrange for an apartment. Don't set up a forwarding address with the post office.
Make sure all of your bills come to you on-line instead of by mail.
Have a computer ready at the new apartment ready to go.
Take a day off work & when you know she will be at work. Turbo pack your stuff, hire movers to help you get it done fast. Don't worry about setting up your new place as much as getting everything over there.
If you have any documented proof of her threatening to kill herself keep it in a folder handy.
Be waiting when she gets out of work, in front of the apartment or house in the open where everyone can see to avoid issues of false accusations.
Break up with her when she arrives. Tell her you have already packed up and moved. Be nice, but firm. Don't say anything that may give her lingering hope about the relationship. If she threatens to kill herself or implement self harm, call the police and report it. Hand them the folder of any evidence of prior threats of self harm.
Go to your new apartment. Make a phone call to her parents. Tell them about the break up and the prior threats of suicide &/or self harm. Tell them you are sorry but you just can't deal with it any more & ask them to check in on her and make sure she gets adequate help if she needs it.
Cut all contact. Delete from facebook. Set e-mails from her to autodelete with a filter. Don't even read them. Hit the gym.

spraguep · 1 year

I'm guessing the suicide threat is just a method of controlling you. Sounds like it is working...

[deleted] · 1 year

she won't kill herself. and if she fucking does, you didn't do it, you leaving didn't do it, she did.

TheUltimateDouche · 1 year

DOCUMENT ALL HER THREATS OF SUICIDE AND MENTAL BREAKDOWNS. THEN KILL HER AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE. YOU'RE FREE

JordanJO · 1 year

I've been in a few relationships like this. Every time, I swear I wont again, but then I charge right back in, sticking my dick in the light socket. I cannot say this strongly enough:

Get out. You cannot take responsibility for her actions.

powersaucebar · 1 year

I can relate to your situation. Earlier this year I broke up with my severely depressed wife. I spoke to her parents and doctor first. A week after the break up she attempted suicide and VERY nearly died. Did this upset me? Hell yes! Did I feel guilty or responsible? Hell no. How she dealt with the break up was entirely HER choice. Please don't sacrifice your own happiness. Life is too short to not be truly happy.

Outofmany · 1 year

I was in the same situation - I can not tell you how much worse you're making by staying. Leaving sooner rather than later is the answer, make it sudden.

theL0rd · 1 year

been there. get out now

Saydrah · 1 year

I've been in this situation, with the genders reversed. I feel your pain and if I could give you a big hug and tell you in person that sacrificing yourself won't make her mentally healthy, I would. But all I have to offer is an Internet comment.

First of all, I would talk to her parents before the breakup. Tell them that their daughter is suicidal and that you intend to end the relationship but you don't want her to commit suicide. Give them a chance to rearrange their schedules to be with her as soon as you leave. If you have a good relationship at all with any of her friends, pick a close one who you can trust and tell them, too, and have them prepared to go over and be with her the minute you leave. She will probably be in crisis and in need of constant supervision for a few days at least--have that lined up before you go.

From now until when you leave, respond to suicide threats with, "If you are suicidal, you need immediate professional help. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't seek that help for you when I heard you say you want to kill yourself. If you are suicidal, I am calling an ambulance and we will go to the hospital to get you help now. Are you suicidal?"

Don't start fights or feed the chaos in the relationship. Don't accuse her of anything. In fact, stop telling her about how you feel about the relationship until you are ready to leave. You've made a decision. Dragging out the process is not going to change anything; it'll just prolong the amount of time that she feels this emotionally vulnerable and the length of time that you have to feel responsible for her mental health. Just step away from the emotional involvement with her and be practical for the rest of the relationship.

Make your plans to leave, make sure you have someone ready to go be with her when you do, and then leave. Change your phone number and block her number and her email address and her IM handles. Be watchful of your surroundings; if she finds you and stalks you, get a restraining order. But I think it is more likely you'll have the same experience I did--once the festering wound of the relationship is gone, no matter how desperately the suicidal person thought they wanted to cling to it, they'll begin to heal more thoroughly without the relationship than they ever could have if it had lasted.

xoites · 1 year

Leave. Right now. Get off of Reddit. Pack your shit and walk out the door. Don't even say a word. Disappear. Scram. Vamoose!

Never contact this woman again. She is responsible for her actions. Not you.

Don't even worry if she is alive or dead. Don't look back.

Get out or throw your entire life away.

Stoodius · 1 year

Dude my girlfriend went through the same thing with her ex. He was crazy manipulative, basically made her feel real guilty for breaking up with him. First told her he was gonna kill himself, then he started telling her he had a heart disease. He guilted her into coming to see him one time a few months after they had broken up. He kept trying to have sex with her, told her he just wanted to eat her out own last time before he died. She didn't know whether to believe him or not, but felt incredibly guilty and bad for the psychopath so she lays there frozen like a statue. He tells her he wants to have sex with her, she says no a bunch of times and he just does it anyway as she just lays there. They dated for four years so I can't even fathom how that change from boyfriend to rapist nutjob must have made her feel. Long story short, don't let anyone victimize you by letting them play victim. People like that are simply pathetic and weak. (almost always too weak to actually do the deed). If she's holding herself hostage it's just a sham. Trust me, when i found out about this whole thing I told the kid he was never getting the girl back and that I would be his Kevorkian if he really wanted to die. The threats stopped right after.

maverickps · 1 year

I was in the same situation for two years until recently. My girl had no friends or social life outside of me and was depressed all the time, her life was not really going anywhere. I think we both knew that while we loved each other, we were not in the type of deep love that leads to marriage. I knew about 6 months in that I should probably get out as it was bad for her and for me. I was worried that left alone with her cats in her apartment i wouldn't hear from her for a few days and would get a call from her parents telling me she had killed herself. It was a scary situation for sure.

I tried being an asshole, that didn't work. I got a job where I went out of town all the time, that didnt work. I tried getting her to go out and meet friends, and that didnt work. I forcefully made her play Portal, then she got into HL2 and TF2. She even got into WoW for a few months, and I think she still plays. While it did lead to some good times for us, it only prolonged the fact of the matter that we were two people who did not belong together.

I tried being super nice, I tried being super strict. I tried being supportive and i tried not giving a shit about whatever she said. It got so bad it made me the asshole who cared so little about whatever she had to say that I had basically completely tuned her out in public to the point where i would cut her off mid sentence because my brain was processing whatever she said as just background noise and made me look like a dick in front of others.

Here is the solution I found, and it is two parts: set up something where they will be with friends or family. I kept telling mine she needed to probably live with her parents again until things got settled for her. 80% complete. Still couldnt break up with her tho because when you are buzzed on a saturday night and someone calls u and wants to jump your bones, its hard to say no, esp when they are your girlfriend.

Next, I started talking to other girls. Girls I have found are great motivators for guys by some quirk of evolution. It was clear as mud that this particular girl was interested in me, but the prospect in and of itself was enough to follow my dick AND be a gentleman at the same time. I told the old girl that it was over, we would never get married and I won't keep wasting her time. Now the old girl is presumably alive (i see her signed in most days) and doing ok. And I have moved on with getting much better at work and dating much better (maybe) women.

tl;dr tell her to move in with someone who is family and has to care for her; find a new girl who will motivate u to grow the balls needed to break it off with the old one.

fallentree · 1 year

Tell someone else so that they can support her. I'd tell her parents.

the_pin · 1 year

The only way out of this thing, is to kill yourself instead. Pull the old switcharoo, or wait, maybe that is what is good for the goose is good for the gander? I don't even know what a gander is anyway...must be a goose that had the old switcharoo pulled on it.

Yeah, you definitely need to flip that shit up and commit suicide, see how she likes that shit...do it

mrowmrif2 · 1 year

Story time: I had a girlfriend like this through freshman/sophomore year in college... she'd get all weepy over the phone when i simply said i couldn't keep driving down to see her every weekend because i was burning all my cash on gas - i wasn't even breaking up with her, just asking for every other weekend! i put up with that "i can't go on without you; i need you here with me" horseshit for 6 months longer than i should have. then when i just couldn't take it anymore i called her bluff and hung up the phone.

audible sigh "Whatever." click

i didn't hear from her for awhile, then i went to see her over valentine's day (maybe 3 weeks later or so) - i even went as far as getting her a heart necklace to be nice... and then goodbye-fucked her. We didn't talk to each other again for many years. now i'm happily married and she's not dead - in fact, she's engaged to some other poor jackass, and she's done really well for herself after having moved on.

SO i advise the following: Don't be mean about it, just call her bluff. If she threatens to kill herself just leave or hang up and don't talk to her again. She doesn't love you. If she did she wouldn't put you through all the shit she has, and she certainly wouldn't try to keep you via guilt trip. Do her a favor and get both of you out of this hell of a relationship you've got going.

EDIT: I don't suggest the breakup sex. I told my brother to do the same to his cheating whore g/f and he ended up getting engaged to her right then and there the next time he saw her. /fail/ i did it because my situation allowed for it. plus i'm a dick, whereas you may not be.

batttygirl · 1 year

Ive been there. Im so so sorry you have to deal with it.
I called my BF's family, let them know we were breaking up, and they needed to keep an eye on my ex. I would get phone calls from him telling me how he was going to kill himself pretty frequently for a while. I ended that by going to where he was, getting him the car by telling him we were going to get coffee and talk. I then dropped him off at a hospital.
The funny part of the story is that I do archery, and the cops who met me at the hospital asked me if thats how he was going to kill himself. Im still not sure how someone would kill themselves with a bow and arrow. After that, I got no calls from him for a while, only updates from his family. He eventually called and thanked me.
Good luck. it sucks. PM me if you need anything.

HomerWells · 1 year

Don't leave me or I'll kill myself.

I don't care.

Don't leave me or I will make you feel intense guilt.

I don't care. You mistreat me.

Don't leave me or I will cry and make your life miserable forever and ever.

I don't care. You do that now. You will never change. that's why I'm leaving you.

But but but but I love you.

I don't care. Goodbye.

catlebrity · 1 year

Please do not listen to most of the advice here. She is manipulating you, and you need to get out, but that doesn't mean her threats are empty ones. Do whatever it takes to get her into some kind of treatment, even if it means calling the cops on her. Talk to a professional about this ASAP, like tomorrow, get more specific advice fro them. Call a hotline if you need a referral. You need help too, and the advice you're getting here is terrible, except for a few comments, like that of WitheredTree.

JamEaterBlues · 1 year

she threatens to kill herself and makes herself sick to dramatize it.

If she does this, the only person responsible for it will be her. Break up, and if she pulls this card, call her out on how abusive it is. Tell her that emotional abuse and manipulation has no place in a relationship, and whatever happens to her isn't your fault. Then leave and cut contact.

bluequail · 1 year

You let her. You leave her and she is free to do whatever she wants to do. You don't want to be in a relationship for that reason, I can promise (voice of experience here).

acupoftea · 1 year

To be honest, it's probably an empty threat. My friend dated a guy who had to be sent to a mental hospital for week because she didn't answer his calls for a week(not to be a bitch, he was just freaking her out by saying he loved her and wanted to be with her forever after dating for 2 weeks.). For some reason they stayed together for two years. She would tell me how when they would fight he would start hitting his head against a wall, pretend to pass out, then would "wake up" several minutes later and be like "What? What happened? What were we doing?" and threatening to cut off his dick because in his mind, sex was the reason their relationship was bad. Just ALL these crazy things. He, also, threatened to kill himself if she left him so she stayed in a miserable relationship for 2 years before she finally had enough and broke up with him. It's been 8 months and he never killed himself. I talked to him for awhile after and he kept saying he wanted to and making tons of little hints about it to the point where I almost called the police on him. But it was all an act. He just wanted attention. It's probably what she's doing. Break up with her and if she threatens to kill herself, call the police right then and there. It'll show her it's not something to joke about. She'll be fine in the long run.

gregastory · 1 year

I don't have any advice to add, but good luck: to the both of you.

urbancamp · 1 year

Dude - get out as soon as you can. I recently got out of this type of relationship after 2.5 years. It was madness! It was bad getting into it and bad getting out. I tried numerous times to break up and she just kept threatening to kill herself and/or change for the better. I did everything I could to get her to be better (therapy, better relationship with her own family, etc). It was all in vain because most of it was an act to tie me down. As soon as I left for good (3 months now) she went back to her self destructive self but has not killed herself. Just go and forget about her. It's easier said than done, but it needs to be. Move on and don't stick your dick in THAT much craziness again!

freman79 · 1 year

She is manipulating you and you are letting her, it is never going to get better. If you really feel like she could kill herself, tell one of her friends or family what is going on. After that, break up with her. You're going to have to stay strong, this is an unhealthy relationship and you have to get out of it. You aren't responsible for her.

waffleninja · 1 year

Finish the job then.

[deleted] · 1 year

I don't have any advice to offer really, because everyone else in this thread, especially fishwish, covered all bases.

I'm really sorry to hear about the misery in your relationship, and the fear. In my relationship, I'm the one at risk for suicide, and my boyfriend stays with me too. We constantly work on him staying because he wants to, and not because I'll self-destruct if he leaves. (So far, so good!)

If she's not working on it, make sure others can watch her (call the police, her parents, etc.), then just get out of there. It's one thing for a couple to be in love while one has a problem, and another for a couple to exist through entrapment.

ColdYogurt · 1 year

Read The Sociopath Next Door.

Next time she threatens to kill herself, call 911 and tell them you think she's a threat to herself. If she's faking for attention, it'll become really obvious, and if she isn't she'll get the help she needs.

psychminor01 · 1 year

If she threatens to kill herself, tell her you're calling the police to get her help if she's serious. If she says she's serious, call the police.

[deleted] · 1 year

If she really want to kill herself, she'll do it whether she's with you or not. Just dump abusive bitch. If she kills herself, get drunk and fucking celebrate, because you'll be free of her.

[deleted] · 1 year

Leaf.

ameoba · 1 year

Dump the bitch now. If she threatens to kill herself, lock yourself in the bathroom and call the police.

l_one · 1 year

My mom did exactly this to my dad for something like 2 1/2 years. I almost killed myself from the stress (I was in high school at the time, not the most emotionally mature age to handle that) that she put us through and I know it wasn't healthy for my dad. She's divorced now and many states separated with all of my dad's retirement savings. To this day I still hate her for what she put us through and have broken all contact.

I only wish the divorce had happened sooner.

AllTheKingsHorses · 1 year

As far as practical advice as to how to do it... well you know her better than I do so that makes YOU the expert. I can tell you this however: If she is going to kill herself she is going to do with whether you are with her or not. The same holds true of the opposite. If you are really that worried all you can do is offer her some suicide prevention numbers. If she actually tries in front of you then call the cops, get her Baker acted and GTFO.

Up-The-Butt_Jesus · 1 year

So if she dies, does that make reddit an accessory to murder?

crisskro · 1 year

Had two ex girlfriends who tried this. I didn't care. It's not a legitimate threat anyway, and they didn't do it.

Also, I knew another girl who tried this with her boyfriend. She even took some pills to scare him. Good thing she took aspirin.

WitheredTree · 1 year

I don't agree with most of the posts here - the fact is that people who say they are suicidal, often commit suicide. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2246136/ Our goal is not to let this happen, and at the same time find a solution for your problem. Do not just walk away - yet.

You, my friend, are an 'enabler' and you should read-up on this, as you are as much at 'fault' as she is. I don't have a solution, as your post is only one side of the conversation, and she might have an entirely different slant on your viewpoints. http://www.livestrong.com/article/14675-enabling-personality/

She needs help, you need help - both of you need to seek counseling immediately and I would suggest both of you going to emergency psychiatric.

fishwish · 1 year

I sort of wonder if anyone would be advocating seeking help for the ex before breakup if the genders were reversed in this situation.

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