Angry at male sexuality

catherinethegrape · 4 months

Maybe it would be useful to break it down and figure out what the mixture of things is that's pissing you off. Is it male supremacy (men have systematically more power and women are systematically more hated), hetero normativity (heterosexuality is normal, everything else is marginal), rape culture (women gotta give it up for men, male sexuality is predicated on 'getting' women), something else, or a combination?

There's stuff to get involved in 'bout all of those, and it can help to meet other people who identify the same social problems that you're feeling burned by. Feminist groups take on male supremacy and rape culture and queer activism groups take on heteronormativity (not as many of the latter as there are feminist groups, but you might get lucky with where you live).

runamok1022 · 4 months

Do you have an example of something that sets off this feelong? I so rarely contemplate male sexuality that I could not think of any examples of it off the top of my head.

mckatze · 4 months

I'm not really an expert in this sooo... I don't know your history or anything, but if they're really overpowering and uncontrollable it might be good to look into an lgbt-friendly therapist? Someone to just talk through this with you and maybe help you find why you're feeling this way.

QueerlyBeloved · 4 months

What kind of comments are setting you off like this?

BlessedIAmAW · 4 months

Man here. Speaking by experience, is pretty much impossible, or extremely hard to suppress feelings and emotions when they are so strong, if you don't address the cause of them.

One think I learned doing therapy, is that labels also could be very good in some circumstances. To place a label in something is to place it in a container that make easier to deal with it.

You need to find out what is the cause of this feelings you are having. They came from hate? From fear? From resentment caused by past experiences? A lot of times this kind of feelings come from unresolved intern conflicts, and instead of face them, we deflect what we feel about them to the exterior. That rage is a good trick of our brain, it keep us focus in the outside, so we don't have to look at our inner selves, a place that we could be avoiding for some reason.

Of course, I'm just guessing. But I'm sure that you need to focus in find the cause of this, more than in ways to try to ignore it.

If you have some questions, or want to know more about male perspective of things, just PM me.

LittleMissAmy · 4 months

It often angers me when hetero men express their sexuality in a space where it is not safe for me to do the same. In fact, I'm in such a situation as I write this.

killercacti · 4 months

I think it would be useful to try and look at it from the outside--like how homophobic people look at us. They feel angry and disgust at the idea of two girls kissing, or two dudes, or whatever. Maybe thinking of it that way would help put your thoughts into perspective? They can't help their sexual attractions any more than you can.

stonecow · 4 months

males deserve a sexuality just as much as females and genderqueers do. what kind of comments do you mean?

4 months

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[deleted] · 4 months

I hear you. Got lots of male buddies and even though they know I'm queer and they can't change it, they still "try" from time to time, which just pisses me off, deeply. Here we are, years of friendship, and the dude is trying a cheap trick on me at a bar. While I'm looking at chicks.
What bothers me I believe is as lady lovers our stuff's been hijacked by the straight media and culture - mostly as a toy for straight guys. Katy Perry and all that. "Lesbian" porn... Also, boys are far more susceptible to fall prey to "male culture" where apparently you just have to turn every effing thing into a "that's what she said" joke. While you're talking about, like spaghetti or something oh so erotic like that. Which just shoves the "male culture" thing right in your face again. Also, online is just so much worse than out there. Trust me dudes don't act nearly as tactless in person - they lack the balls to do so (plus being in front of a human being sometimes remind them a chick's a human) It's a regrettable hivemind thing; also, the more they say shit, the more likely they are to be basement nerds who have never touched a woman. Dudes who have had success with ladies don't need to validate themselves like that. I suggest making your boundaries and annoyances known to your buddies and explain why it's a bit annoying. A lot of my male friends are a lot more careful now - on top of that, they have learned a lot from me which they can apply to the ladies they date. They are gentlemen really, when you take the time to explain. Everybody's happy.
The others, those who apparently just can't stop objectifying, are no longer my buddies, one slip too many. I lost respect. Maybe one day they will grow up but everybody's patience has limits. Also remember: this is the Internet, we are all mad here. Hope this helps!

gayfoot · 4 months

When I find men dominating space with rude remarks about sex, I dominate back by discussing my own sexual ideas and worldview.

There is a saying from relational-cultural theory that "Men sacrifice the group for the sake of themselves. Women sacrifice themselves for the sake of the group."

I try to stay aware of when I'm sacrificing myself for the sake of men.

Karl_Rover · 4 months

That sounds really stressful. I feel the same way towards people who don't take adequate care of their pets. I deal with these feelings by taking decent care of my pets, donating to local animal charities, and focusing on keeping an open and accepting mind when in the presence of triggering behaviors. I find it helps greatly. Perhaps you can chanmel your rage into action as others have suggested. Also try to accept the opposite idea from what you are feeling, that is, accept that men do exist in all their various forms as men are but a subset of humankind as well. Therefore some men will always piss u off no matter what so fuck em you now have more important projects (ie activism, etc) to occupy your engeries. Like paris hilton says about haters "at least they are talking about me. Im not talking shit about them cuz i dont even know who they are." oh and if i really have a lot of rage i rearrange my furniture. Zaps all that energy & refreshes my view...Helps immensely :)

chokobunny · 4 months

Hi. Best wishes to you.

I have difficulty interacting with people in the real world.

I'm the same.

Lately I have been getting more and more frustrated and angry with anything in any way related to male sexuality.

It can be kind of a pain in the neck sometimes, yeah.

Maybe it would help to think of this kind of attitude as a mental disorder or a disease?

[edit] I mean their attitude.

I know these aren't normal feelings

They're not "weird" or "crazy" feelings. If somebody is rude or deceptive to us, it's natural to feel hurt.

borensoren · 4 months

This is a really interesting/favorite topic of mine (dude up in herr). It's almost impossible to answer your question specifically since as others have mentioned there could be so many things going on to make those feelings happen it's pointless speculating.

Male sexuality is an odd boat, and the cultural idea that is broadcast to us that women don't enjoy sex unless they're ho-bags makes it even stranger. I hope you can find some peace.

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