I hear they ban people here, so where can I get me one a' them fancy new bans that's so popular these days? I'd like a real nice one, not too expensive; one which fits sensibly, folds down for easy storage and can survive moderately harsh weather but also be put to use in semiformal applications. I'd also like to have one which can create a bowl of crème brûlée in under 5 minutes and gives buttock massages. Do you carry any models which have all or at least most of the features I'm looking for? I also have a couple used ones I'd like to get credit for in trade.