Do any other ladies feel this way?

julieb123 · 6 months

Yep, and when I hear people laugh, I fear they're laughing at me.

secretzombie · 6 months

Can I share a small observance? I'm from Australia, and recently travelled to the US for a month. Over here, when I get yelled at on the street from passing cars, or random guys walking along, it's usually something like this: "You're ugly!" "You're a fucking bitch!" "Show us your tits you dog!"

So when I got to the US and everywhere I went, I got guys saying "damn girl, you so beautiful. Look at your eyes. I love your face. Smile for me gorgeous." I couldn't help but giggle every time. I'm sure that if you live with that every single day of your life, of course it gets frustrating to hear. But man, it was such a refreshing change to hear some NICE catcalls. I was really blown away by that cultural difference.

Also, I'm not meaning to say that you ladies in the US shouldn't feel uncomfortable when you get catcalled - it still sucks. That was just an observance of mine.

refenestration · 6 months

I have a guy friend who is always telling random strangers they're beautiful. He's never kidding or making fun of anyone either. He just wants to make people smile. Just another point of view.

Aynielle · 6 months

I feel like, as women, we are brought up with such self-destructive tendencies, when it comes to our own self-esteem, that it's hard for most of us to imagine that anyone thinks we are beautiful. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years, and I know he finds me attractive yet, when he compliments me, my first response is "No, I'm not," or some sort of deflecting comment. It's sad.

svalerii · 6 months

i always assume they're making fun of me and get really offended. or that they're talking to someone else.

gweezer · 6 months

That WAS how it was for me. The popular kids at the high school I went to all had a running joke to ask me out because "oh look, the uggo thinks she has a chance. How quaint!", There was one guy in particular who did it every single day, and his group of close friends did it quite often, then I would be 'asked out' by other random popular kids every once in a while. In other words, there were at least 20 different people who have 'asked me out' and it would happen at least once a day. I'm not exaggerating when I say it was the running joke

It lasted from the first day my freshman year, until halfway through my senior year when I decided I couldn't fucking handle it anymore and went homeschooled.

Now I can't get enough of it when guys flirt with me. I'm married, and would never even think about cheating, but it feels nice to hear it from someone who has never needed to say it. I don't know if I grew into my body, or if it's because I have slowly been building my confidence, but it seems to please the random masses. I know I should be offended by cat calls, but I gotta say....it feels damn good.

lavender_ · 6 months

This happens to me sometimes. I'm a pretty confident person, but sometimes I just have "those days".

osulip · 6 months

Yes. First I look around and see if there is any other girl the catcaller could have been yelling at. If I'm the only one around. I assume they're joking or just didn't actually see me...they just saw some sort of lady-figure and are just that lonely.

harmonixx · 6 months

It looks like I am the first person to say "No!"
It gives me confidence and stuff. And the compliment that guy yelled at you wasn't even sexual or anything, it's a lot classier than most catcalls I've received.

MalaTae · 6 months

When people make eye contact with me on the street i always try to subtly check if there's food all down my clothes or I forgot to put on shoes...

UltionisShadow · 6 months

This I do get, I also get a pang of fear that they are going to come try and talk to me or touch me. I then feel sick and hurry away.

I have no reason to feel like this, but i seriously fear strangers complimenting me in public, the louder they say it, the worse I feel.

thenewunkindness · 6 months

I think so too. Mostly because guys have bullied me since middle school :(

SpiderFan · 6 months

That's the feeling i get about certain girls I've tried to flirt with. What's going on?

6seaotter6 · 6 months

it happens all the time

zluruc · 6 months

Guys hitting on you are invading your space. They're not in it to genuinely compliment you as a person. It's a form of objectification. And if guys are in a group and catcall, it's usually because they're trying to impress each other, not you.

In other words--it's an insult.

Syntaximus · 6 months

A non-ribald catcall is still a catcall. If he had more tact then there wouldn't be any ambiguity.

ThunderstormLullaby · 6 months

Depends. I was in a BAND UNIFORM today going to the field for the show and someone from the stands that I passed said "hey, you're pretty!". Usually I take it as a compliment, unless the people look like they're douchebags. And then just ignore it, don't let them get to you.

Muficita · 6 months

Ten years ago I would've assumed he was either making fun of me or talking to someone else. I'm 35 now and I believe in my beauty. Doesn't hurt that my husband also believes in it and tells me so frequently.

nightstrike · 6 months

I used to get offended and give them the quit shitting me look until I was like 17yrs old. But ever since I got to university I've never felt more comfortable in my own skin and I didn't do anything different between HS and College.

Now I just take it as a compliment and return with a compliment of my own. But I do have plenty of girl friends now who are this way and I admit to getting very irritated with them and sometimes thinking they're just fishing for compliments. I think its ridiculous how many women don't see themselves as beautiful or continue to deny it even when those around them swear that they are indeed beautiful.

serrabellum · 6 months

When I was in high school, I had a guy tell me my voice was very sexy and I nearly punched him in the face (balled up fist and all). This is due to years upon years of being made fun of for having a lisp. He was actually complimenting me, and since then I have tried to actively understand that, yes, I am indeed an attractive person.

So are you :)

Hyonam · 6 months

There are some girls in my class' at college that I just genuinely want to compliment. For example a girl in my Japanese class always looks amazing every day and I want to tell her that without it being more then a compliment or me coming off creepy, and there is another girl in my eastern religions class that has the most beautiful hair I've seen to date. As a guy with no ulterior motives can I compliment them? I'm assuming its all in how I say it.

Valintiin · 6 months

Yes! Everyone is like, in disbelief... but I've never seen myself as "pretty".

chrelibar3 · 6 months

Okay darn it all after reading this post AND all the comments on the thread I only have one thing to say...: ALL OF YOU ARE DROP DEAD GORGEOUS AND BEAUTIFUL WOMEN. DON'T LET ANYONE MAKE YOU THINK OTHERWISE AND DO NOT THINK LESS OF YOURSELF. YOU ARE ALL AMAZING AND INCREDIBLY WORTH IT.

peace72012 · 6 months

I do this as well. :-\

CastleAargh · 6 months

I always awkwardly look around for the person I assume they must be talking to. And then i just cringe at my actions haha

CmdrCutie · 6 months

I don't know if I'm just being a paranoid parrot, or if people look at me a lot in public and at school o_O In those moments, I'm not sure if I look good or look terrible...

kit10mit10s · 6 months

Aww! I love this! Personally, I'm a fan of positive comments, so whenever i'm out and about (and with the help of a little alcohol) I LOVELOVELOVE shouting compliments at people. I don't even have to be driving! I like seeing people smile.

And, I totes know what you mean. Whenever a guy shouts at me, i feel like it's insincere, and it's really not their fault. It's really my own head that messes with me in these situations. I normally give a sheepish grin and walk away as quickly as possible... but! if i'm feeling sassy, i give a huge kick in the air and say, "THANKS, DUDE!" and strut away. :P

eyodir · 6 months

The one and only time in my life anyone gave me any indication that they thought fondly of me (a girl approached me and told me she had a friend that thought I was cute), my knee-jerk reaction was a cavalcade of fear and panic, quickly followed by a nervous, dismissive laugh and the unbearable flood of doubt and suspect that I was someone's joke.

In a way, I feel guilty, like I potentially turned down someone in some terrible second-hand chain of information, who was probably just as terrified and neurotic of the prospective attention as I was.

It's self loathing for me. I know myself so closely, so completely, and that intimate relationship is an eternally sinking ship . So how can anyone else ever really say anything good about me, and at that, complete strangers? They don't know the depths of me, so how could they ever say anything and mean it?

Mephistia · 6 months

Yes. In fact, I've started making a real effort to just say, "Thank you," instead of responding with, "Ha, thanks, but I look awful." I've noticed this is a recurring trend among many women, to deny compliments (and then, in my case, complain when my husband doesn't compliment me). I've discussed it with both males and females, and the consensus seems to be:

Females: Don't even realize, most of the time, that they're refuting compliments. Think they're being humble/ honest/ realistic.
Males: Frustrated with women who, when they're complimented, basically send the message to the compliment-giver that they (the compliment giver) is stupid and blind (by refusing the compliment).

Lesson learned: When someone tells me I write well, or that I'm really smart, or that my hair/ make-up/ clothing looks awesome, or that they love my smile/ eyes/ laugh, I do not respond with, "Thanks, but so-n-so writes better," or, "Oh, no, so-in-so is much smarter!," or "Oh, so-n-so wears this a lot better than I do," or, "Have you seen so-n-so? She looks awesome today."

I respond with a smile and a thank you. That is all. No need to comment with my own thoughts on the situation.

newcomplaint · 6 months

Yes, although I know I'm attractive. I have social anxiety, so, if I hear someone whistle or holler at me, I think they're making fun of me. I start to question whether they thought I was attractive or they just though I was weird. But fuck them, I have an awesome boyfriend.

Ishmael999 · 6 months

Yeah, I definitely don't think of myself as attractive.

juzoe · 6 months

most definitely. if i ever catch a guy looking at me i stop at the next bathroom i pass to make sure that my makeup isn't smeared or there isn't like a bug on my face or something...

[deleted] · 6 months

I totally feel like this. It's like, there's NO way he would have the balls to say that and be serious.

maycausedrowsiness · 6 months

Yes, except not with catcalls. I rarely can understand what's being shouted at me (usually coming from cars driving by). When I was in middle/high school, if a guy asked me out, I thought he was making fun of me (and sometimes he most definitely was). It was a game a lot of assholes would play for laughs. He/she would go up to someone who's an outsider and/or unattractive, ask the person out, and go back to his/her table of friends, laughing. Fucking kids. grumble grumble...

AMerrickanGirl · 6 months

Take it at face value and learn how to smile prettily and say "Thank you very much". It's best to never assume that you know another person's motives anyway.

ieatdinosaurs · 6 months

If anyone ever hit on me, I might be able to tell you :( Nah just kidding. 'You're beautiful' is an odd thing to yell at someone on the street (as opposed to 'you're so hot babay'), but a nice one. I'm sure you are beautiful. <3

nameless_faceless · 6 months

When I was younger, yes. No one looks at me anymore because I am 44... sniff, sniff. But 20 years ago, I always worried that people were making fun of me.

eugenedubbed · 6 months

I live in a rural part of South America, where I am the only white person in probably a 3 hour driving radius. I hear things like this about 30 times a day and I just weant to PUNCH them. I have to ignore it of course, and most of the time I just barely even hear it anymore (it's been almost a year and a half here now) but it builds up and sometimes I just want to kill everyone, or else just crawl in my bed and never show my face here again.

Holaaa, gringaaaa, que bonitaaaa, tus ojoooos, preciosa, princesa.... All at once sometimes. Kill me please.

BlazerMorte · 6 months

Guy, and yes, definitely feel that way. Condescending or delusional, either way.

faithface · 6 months

Yuuuup. When I was in Jr High (before I discovered a sense of fashion/makeup/health etc) I had popular guys that would pretend to ask me out as a joke. Notttt fun.

shebillah · 6 months

When I was in jr high, I had a really big crush on some guy named Eric. One day in class he whispered to me, "I really like your style". I was euphoric for the rest of the day until I realized my shirt was inside out. From that day on, every time he spoke to me, I spat out nasty insults.

merlanai · 6 months

Yes, I was conditioned into reacting that way by years of insult compliments in school.

Raddpixie · 6 months

Yes!

In fact just last night a waiter at my work asked me out sort of and I completely though he must be joking because only my SO and lesbians think I'm attractive (dont know what it is but apparently the ladies love me).

I was walking to my station and he said," so why won't you go on a date with me?" it caught me off guard so all I could reply was "what?" later when he saw me again he said "so was that a maybe?" I turned him down but the I honestly thought there was no way this guy was legitimately asking me on a date and the whole thing must be a joke somehow.

cafe_bustello · 6 months

REALLY happy I'm not alone in this! I thought I was just weird.

32_flavors · 6 months

I don't think it's all about self-esteem. When men are making catcalls (whether they mean to or not) it's about disrespect. They are drawing attention to your body and appearance, making you an object for their gaze. Sure, they may intend to compliment you, but regardless of intentions, street harassment (aka catcalls) is sexual harassment. They remind women of their inferior status and their worthlessness if they are not pretty.

That said, I often have very mixed feelings about them. Sometimes I feel good (because like most women I want to be seen as pretty) but most often I feel ashamed, embarrassed and put-down by them. Not because I don't see myself as beautiful but because I'm sick of being judged by my appearance alone.

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