Three years ago I was raped at a party. AMAA

lftl · 2 years

Was the person video taping a friend of the guy who raped you?

I'm just trying to figure out why someone decides to video tape someone getting raped.

OuchLOLcom · 2 years

You're lucky they had video. The prosecutor wouldn't even press charges on my sister's rapist.

scarrister · 2 years

Have you ever watched the video you mentioned?

If so, do you believe partygoers could have honestly assumed it was consensual?

frenris · 2 years

Apologies for my tone, but-

You were at the party with friends: how the fuck did they let this happen?

I mean these were people who knew you had a boyfriend, who knew you were a virgin, and no one noticed that you were having sex with an acquaintance while on a couch?

dirtyler · 2 years

It's absolutely crazy. Your friends are the worst friends ever. To tape someone getting fucked in the middle of the party? Come on, you had a boyfriend and they presumably knew it. Didn't they see that you were unconscious before the sex? Or after the sex? Or is it ok to have sex with someone who just can't say no?

This story is absolutely ridiculous, I would never ever talk to those "friends" again. Shit.

SpeedOfDark · 2 years

So what happened to your boyfriend? Are you still together?

nazihatinchimp · 2 years

The man took a plea bargain for sexual assault and got probation.

Good thing he didn't sell anyone any marijuana at that party or he really could've got in trouble.

winrawr · 2 years

I'm so sorry you had to deal with something this horrible, it must take incredible strength to get through something like that.

What ever came of the pregnancy? Did you keep the baby?

nazbot · 2 years

Reading this made me feel sick.

duke127 · 2 years

How did your boyfriend take this? I'm not trying to imply that it was even close to what you went through but I went through a similar situation with my current girlfriend.

I am a very nice, polite, mild mannered person and I've never even been in a fight (even though I'm pretty big). I'm pretty sure I would have Mark Mcgwired the dude to death had it not been for her begging me not to.

I understand that this is a bad move. I know that I'm not any good to anyone in jail, but I really do understand the "crime of passion" thing now.

marcusahle · 2 years

Can you collect child support from this guy?

ratbastid · 2 years

How are you now? How is motherhood?

(EDIT: I realize there are a lot of "tones" that could be heard with. There's no sarcasm there--I'm actually asking. You've described the depression you went into; I'm curious how things are these days.)

IAmNotResigned · 2 years

I am genuinely curious, and can't help but ask this: Since you were a virgin when you were raped, have you had sex since? If not, what are your views toward sex? If so, how did it make you feel? Also, how -if at all- has your view on abortion changed?

sassifrass · 2 years

I'm so sorry about the pain that you've suffered from this.

I have a general question as to wth was going on at a party when it's just okay to start having sex (obviously rape in your case) with someone right on the couch in front of a bunch of strangers? Is this normal? At what point does the owner of the place say "ok you crazy kids, off my furniture"?

snowball666 · 2 years

I have no questions, just my condolences. No one should have to deal with what you have.

McTestes · 2 years

Did this stop you from going to college?

astern · 2 years

How do you feel about the plea bargain? Did they consult you before offering your rapist a deal? Will he at least have to register as a sex offender?

pernicat · 2 years

This story makes me think about a time one of my friends passed out on a couch and this guy kept trying to get on the couch with her. She was making out with this guy earlier in the night, but that was as far as it went. Later on after she passed out on the couch he got on the couch with her, pulled up her shirt, and started to fondle her. When I saw this I made him get off the couch, and told him to leave her alone. For the rest of the evening he kept trying to get on the couch with her, and I kept stopping him. I don't know if the guy would have done anything or not, but your story makes me wonder what could have happened had I not been there to stop him.

raped_throwaway · 2 years

I've never told anyone this before, but I've been meaning to, and so why the hell not tell the internet.

I was raped, once, and it tore me up inside; I have scars to this day. I woke up the next day feeling terrible, having been very drunk the night before, and went to defecate. Out came more blood than I've ever seen anyone bleed along with several pieces of meat.

I drove home, told my folks I was sick, and stayed in my bathroom for three days bleeding and staring into space. I don't remember that night at all. I'm not even sure that I was raped. I certainly wouldn't press charges against anyone, I'm just...

I've been to a doctor since then. It's quite a relief to be able say I'm STD-free. The scar I mentioned, though? It's an anal fissure, which is basically a not as bad version of a hemorrhoid. It has a tendency to bleed, though, if anything aggravates it: if I have a lot of blood thinners (my allergy medicine, caffeine, alcohol), excessive mental stress (like finals this week), or physical stress (a particularly large poop, anal sex).

luvduv1088 · 2 years

dear SpeedOfDark. you dont know me, but we have a few things in common, while my rape did not (unfortunately) result in a child, (and everyday i wish more and more that it had) i would have made the same decision to keep him/her. my rape happened when i was very young, and while thearapy and repression work to deal with the memories, not being able to concieve >because of internal scarring< has been the worst part. and like you my rapist got off scott free. (he was 15 at the time) and because of that the "he's a just a kid, he still has a bright future" defence was used, it was the primary reason that no charges were pressed. he's not even on a sex offenders list. and while i am childless (with not much hope of ever conceiving at age 21) he is married and has a 2yr old son.

and to anyone who says that rape is about "power" or "sex" your both wrong and your both right. because there is no ONE reason.

and so, SpeedOfDark - i hope you cherish your little boy for all the women out there who's lives were turned upside down in a different way, like mine was. my deepest condolences

Barackattack · 2 years

Was an under-aged drinking charge ever brought up with you (assuming you are in the US)?

SpeedOfDark · 2 years

How did you decide you were going to keep the baby? Was adoption or abortion an option for you?

I can't imagine having my rapist's baby...holy fuck.

How do you manage with being a parent under these circumstances.

ghostchamber · 2 years

I find it very difficult to believe that a party of people would allow such a thing to a friend they knew to be horribly drunk. One would think someone would say "That's not her boyfriend, and she is shitfaced, and saving herself for marriage. Maybe we should step in?"

callmeK · 2 years

I want to start by saying I feel for you truly. I know you said you do recieve some child support for you son. Has this person/thing ever attempted to want to see him? If not what if he ever does? I knew someone that was raped and kept the child and ended up having to go to court because he fought for visitation and won! It disgusted everyone that that could happen.

WineInACan · 2 years

How old was the guy?

kabuto · 2 years

Somebody had this video all along and didn't come forward even though it must have been obvious that you were unconscious and raped?

shredGNAR · 2 years

Sorry you had to go through this. You said the couch is in the living room...I'm surprised nobody at the party had any sense stop it, being out in the open and all. Everybody gets too drunk once in a while. It's not you're fault some people are scum of the earth. I hope you don't blame yourself for any of this.

[deleted] · 2 years

I think one of the most important lessons to be drawn from this story will be overlooked by a lot of people:

It was my first time drinking and I had way too much. I ended up falling asleep on a couch in the living room.

This is as much a story about the retarded way the US deals with youth and drinking as it is about rape. So many stories like this, or drunk driving stories, consist of teens inexperienced at drinking not knowing the consequences of having way too much, what it feels like to be drunk, etc. In a perfect world, parents would gradually introduce alcohol to their kids at a young age so that they can learn and understand its effects in a safe, controlled environment, rather than a crazy party. Plus, that way kids wouldn't see alcohol as some special thing that they can finally try now that they're out from under their parents' wings. If parents took this kind of stance, I guarantee there'd be fewer stories like this.

EDIT: changed "children" to "teens". No idea why I typed children at first, sounded really condescending.

ChaosMotor · 2 years

An ex-gf lost her virginity in much the same way - went to a 'friend's' house where he fed her liquor until she passed out, and then he raped her. She thought it was her fault for years, because she got drunk with him, and never did anything about it.

SpeedOfDark · 2 years

I assume that you're Christian? If so, as a fellow Christian, I'm curious as to what kind of reaction you got from your church. I know that we have a terrible tendency to be an awful judgmental bunch of people.

Did you have to "go public" with the story of your rape in order to get past the assumptions people made about you? Did people gossip and spread the story behind your back?

phsboggs · 2 years

That sick fuck should be in jail. End of story.

DasPuppetFunk · 2 years

This happened to a friend of my brother. But her rapist didn't go to jail. So my brother crashed a party this guy was at (literally busting in the door). And kicked the guys ass. Now my brother is a felon. Yay justice system.

locobyron · 2 years

Are you going to tell your child what happened?

Kowai03 · 2 years

How could no one realise wtf was going on? That part makes me the angriest I think.

filenotfounderror · 2 years

So someone videotaped this instead of stopping him?

jotux · 2 years

I generally try to keep it pretty light hearted on reddit. (but) This is an issue that I'm very sensitive about. I just want to say that I'm sorry you've gone through this. What happens to men that makes it acceptable, in their mind, to rape someone?!?!? I hear so many people say it's a play for power, but if they've been raped, then they know it's very much about sex. It's so horrible and it ruins lives.

I think that you're extremely brave for keeping your son. I have two daughters and cannot imagine having to one day explain that they're the result of rape. No matter what, though, I'm sure what happened doesn't take away the love you have for your little boy.

**I can't believe he videotaped himself raping you and only got probation. Disgusting.

shwonk · 2 years

What's your favorite color?

infinite · 2 years

Welcome to the USA. Raped at a party where kids <21 were abusing alcohol and she keeps the baby due to religion. I think the solution here is giving kids more responsibility at an earlier age. When I lived in Europe, 15 year old kids would party and drink alcohol, it was accepted, and by the time they were out on their own at 18, binge drinking was stupid and boring. Taking a step back from all this I'll have to pinpoint over protection and not educating kids/being open with kids about drinking, sex, etc. Everything's a taboo so when they do indulge it's overboard, culminating at the age of 21 when you drink until you're crawling home. We mock France a lot, but goddamn, my French girlfriend was very open about sex, from making sure I was tested for AIDS before having sex to laughing about and telling sexual jokes. But she didn't dwell on it, it was just.. more natural and like talking about the weather. I once covered up a picture of a nude girl on a magazine and she laughed at me for my idiocy, rightfully so. She also was lectured by an American girl about how horrible her currency was for having a nude picture of a woman. I just get a sense that the real problem here is religion and having a stick up the ass. Then people find themselves in horrible situations such as this. I'm not blaming her one bit but our culture as a whole.

thebluedevil · 2 years

People not getting involved in stopping a rape in a party situation is a lot more common than people seem to think. It's very unfortunate and sad what you had to go through.

Have you done anything in terms of raising awareness/activism since? Not that you should feel obliged to, but out of curiosity because a lot of activists I know in that area had been raped.

krizo · 2 years

Does the rapist have any sort of visitation rights or custody of the child?

nycdk · 2 years

To balance things out, I just want to say you weren't really responsible in drinking until you were plastered. However, you did say that, and we're all young and we all make mistakes. It sucks that your first mistake, you were raped.

Did you ever meet with the rapist afterward or confront him?

odeusebrasileiro · 2 years

Why no abortion? Dont you remember the rape everytime you look at the child?

SpeedOfDark · 2 years

So wait, someone made a video and couldn't tell that it wasn't consensual? Or that you weren't passed out? Where was your boyfriend during this?

Did you ever talk to the guy and ask him why he did it?

prioryofsion · 2 years

Just be assured that karma will one day rear its ugly head on that sleazeball, probably resulting in him getting raped by someone with a gargantuan package.

Fudgefactor7 · 2 years

General rhetorical: when people saw you were out of it, why the flying fuck didn't they get involved?! Jeebus, that's messed up! I'm sorry that happened. Plea bargain? For that? I'd stab that mofo in the neck just to watch him bleed to death.

Brendanui · 2 years

Everything about this IAmA reeks of reddiquette degredation. Since when did blind sympathy take presidence over legitimate debate?

Yes, rape is terrible. Yes, we're all sympathetic. Why does that mean anyone who post anything EXCEPT 'omg i so sry' is downvoted to oblivion?

I am disappoint.

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