I'm 20 years old and I just found out I'm pregnant. I'm scared. What do I do now?

chimpwizard · 3 months

Talk to Planned Parenthood. They will be able to give you much better advice than reddit.

House_of_Suns · 3 months

There are three basic options.

Abortion is one of them. Cost can be an issue, but remember - this is your choice, and no one else's. Find your local clinic and inquire. You can get help there.

Adoption is another. There are agencies that would be happy to connect you with parents unable to conceive. You can take a hiatus from college.

Finally, you could keep this child - though it does not sound like you want to.

There are no wrong choices. There is only your choice.

jennyrodo · 3 months

Post this in 2XC. They know of tons of resources and will offer support, advice, and will make you feel less alone.

sospechoso · 3 months

If you do decide to get an abortion, please remember: More women have been through this than you think. As of 2008, about 28% of U.S. women ages 15-64 have had abortions. Just because no one talks about it, doesn't mean you don't meet women every day who have been in your shoes.

Most importantly, having an abortion does not make you a bad person. Don't let guilt or stigma make this choice for you. I wish you the best.

mellolizard · 3 months

Go to Planned Parenthood, they will help out a lot.

I can't even afford a $500 abortion procedure right now

You may have to beg and ask for money from friends and even family to help out with the procedure. Because if you cannot afford the abortion, then you will certainly not be able to afford raising the child.

Chicken_n_beer · 3 months

I had an abortion when I was your age. Looking back now, I know I did the right thing. I'm sure you have people in your life who will help you. My female friends were incredibly supportive. Please PM me if you would like to talk about it.

ThanatosOfOne · 3 months

Oh honey, do you not have family you can turn to? I couldn't imagine if this happened to one of my daughters and they didn't come to their mother or I. Please, I understand that this is a situation that does maybe warrant freaking out, but try to stay calm. Whatever choice you come up with, it needs to be for the best for you. There are no right or wrong answers in this situation and whatever you decide is the right decision. Internet hugs for you :(

everhood13 · 3 months

If you are close to Amarillo, TX, I will go to the clinic with you and hold you hand for whatever you choose.

Remnika · 3 months

Hello. Just wanted to pop in and say that I am a 20 year old female who had the same situation as you did. Here is my advice: If you're leaning towards an abortion, definitely talk to Planned Parenthood like so many others have already stated. The sooner you get one, the easier it will be on your wallet, and on your body. The abortion hurts about as much as a pap smear because they mildly sedate you, and it is a very short procedure. It is scary but think about it- you won't be alone because a bunch of other strangers will be there to do the same thing and will likely be feeling the same exact feelings that you are! Afterwards, you will probably have recurring thoughts about "What if I kept the baby?" It can get very maddening and you might hate yourself for getting an abortion. But then try to consider that you lack of funds for an abortion definitely means that you more than completely lack the funds to handle a child. For example, Birthing a baby at a hospital in my area will cost about $4,000 with insurance, while you have none. Also keep in mind the benefit for you- You will be able to keep your schedule of school and whatever else it is that you do without being anchored by a child who will always need to be supervised. You can have a child, of course! But this may not be the right time for you to have one. Think about yourself in this situation, because if you end up messed up and psychotic after the birth of the child, and decide to keep it, Then that will only negatively affect the child. Of course, there is also the option of adoption. There are two different methods: Closed adoption and open adoption. The title of each is pretty much self-explanatory. Closed adoptions entail that you never hear from your child or how they are doing, which can lead to both the parent and child to depression. The child will almost always grow up resenting you, and wondering why you did not want them, while you will spend almost everyday wondering how they are doing. In an open adoption, you meet the adopting parents and you get the opportunity to be in the child's life, but it will also more than likely end in resentment on the child's end. There is also the option to keep the child. This is when you would reach out to your friends and family for support. You might have to move in with your parents if you decide to keep the child. It will be hard work and expensive work, and you will have to put your college education on hold. Check out your state's welfare opportunities if you decide on this option- There are probably several opportunities for you to get aid from the government to provide food, diapers, and insurance for your child. You will definitely need insurance for your child, though, because the baby needs to go to the pediatrician's office several times throughout the year to get shots and have check-ups and whatnot. Your social life, also, will be very limited. And it will be very frustrating and difficult. You will have the gratitude and love of your child, though.

I know what you're going through. You are now faced with a very difficult decision. I will stress that you must make this decision alone. Don't tell anyone that you know, due to the risk of being guilt-tripped into doing something that you would otherwise not want to do. I wish you a happy life and the best of luck.

AMerrickanGirl · 3 months

Make him split the cost of the abortion.

TeacherOfTeachers · 3 months

ok ok

about three years ago i got a girl pregnant. let me first say i'm sorry that the dad is unsupportive and i'm sorry that this is happening to you.

what happened in my situation is we chose to give the baby to adoption. she went to live with her parents in florida and i stayed at the school. we used Bethany Services, which is a Christian adoption agency (i'm an atheist but she was christian, at the time i just cared about her finding a family, didn't care for the family's religion). they were great, we got to meet the potential parents and interview them. they were a great couple. the mother was a geologist and the father was an ex-marine and he worked at a firm. they have a beautiful home in georgia.

now, even though this worked out very well for us, it was very hard on the mother to carry the baby for 9 months and then have to let her go. and we were fortunate enough that her parents were somewhat supportive and gave her a place to escape to to avoid the attention and drama that some of her peers would give her for being pregnant and not getting married.

in the end, it's all up to you. you'll have to consider how much support your parents would give you (or maybe friends) and if you think you could handle adoption. pregnancy is a very hard ordeal to go through (never experienced it obviously, but i got to see what my ex had to go through). even if you know you can handle it, consider how it might affect the next 9 months. will you be able to have some, if any college classes? how? you'll also have to consider if you feel more comfortable with abortion and how you might go about getting the money for one. if adoption nor abortion are options, think also about keeping the baby. what it'll do for your career and your finances.

i hope this has been helpful. feel free to PM me or comment here if you have any questions or just someone to talk to. i know how hard it is, even though i wasn't the one pregnant. and remember, the only wrong choice is the one that isn't yours.

charbo187 · 3 months

it'll be ok.

bunnybunbun · 3 months

[deleted]

drpeery · 3 months

I went through a near exact situation except that the father told me to keep it and then went to get drunk with his friends. I chose to get an abortion and just barely made enough money to pay for it. But if you choose the abortion route you have to be absolutely sure you can handle this. All your emotions will crash on you before and after the abortion. I did go to Planned Parenthood and they were amazing, some of the nicest people and doctors I've ever met. But there is another choice aside from abortion and keeping the baby. Adopting it out is a possibility. There are many many people who want a child.

Also, don't let anyone guilt you into or out of the decision you come upon. They don't know your situation like you do because they are not you and have no right to have a say in your decision, including the father. Good luck.

redbelly · 3 months

We love you.

krakenknuckles · 3 months

Wait till the morning and call a Planned Parenthood to discuss your options. They won't encourage you one way or the other towards termination, but can give you honest advice and discuss payment options/assistance if you decide to terminate.

YOU HAVE OPTIONS - I know it's probably really shocking and scary right now, but once the shock wears off and you can think more clearly you can make more rational decisions about the most important things to be thinking about...

Are you comfortable (emotionally, intellectually, spiritually etc) with abortion? If so, are you comfortable with it for yourself in this situation? If the answer is yes you definitely need to be contacting your baby-daddy for assistance with the procedure. Though again, contact Planned Parenthood as soon as you can to discuss your other options.

If the answer is no you still have the option of carrying to term and then placing the baby up for adoption. There are many couples looking to adopt healthy young babies, many of them may be willing to assist with medical expenses and possibly even tuition. This sound a lot like commoditizing your baby, but those couples usually think about as more a reciprocal gift-giving and you should too. Of course the double-edged sword of the adoption option is that it will be your body undergoing the rigors of pregnancy, and there may be consequences of reputation with your peers and family about an unwanted pregnancy (depending upon your specific situation).

You'll have to decide which of all of these things means the most to you, and what you are most comfortable with. It is your decision how to handle this pregnancy, no one can make that choice for you.

Are there any close friends or family you can lean on for support/advice?

PATT0N · 3 months

How about talking to your parents? They might have insight for you.

Vahnya · 3 months

As someone who's had to make this decision, no option is an easy option, and no option is the wrong action.

I can tell you that no matter what you decide you will have your pros and cons play constantly in your head. It is not an easy decision.

Please know that no matter what you decide you will realize it was the right one. The best advice I can give before you make your decision is talk to someone you know and trust. I do not know your relationship with your family but if it is good I would recommend talking to them- sometimes they can give much better advice and insight into the situation since it would/might affect them on a personal level.

Planned Parenthood and counselling (with either decision) is good since they know what they're talking about. I know it'll seem foreign to let a stranger in on something that makes you anxious and is incredibly personal, but trust me whenI say they know what the fuck they're doing.

There's always help out there. You'll be fine.

japaneseknotweed · 3 months

Go to Planned Parenthood,

then if you want more reddit support, go post on /r/TwoXChromosomes.
If you decide to have an abortion and want company for the appointment, you'll find someone with a similar experience to go with you.

hellocat · 3 months

r/twoxchromosomes will give you actual support and advice. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you are strong and capable and worthy of love no matter what you decide. Good luck.

Wayfarer7 · 3 months

I was adopted from birth. I have never known who my biological parents are and I have no wish to ever meet them, as I do not feel that they are my true parents. With that in mind, I am incredibly thankful to them for giving me my life. I Grew up with a great family, and can remember many times being thankful that I was able to live this life rather than being aborted. Please don't take this as me trying to brow beat you into a decision one way or the other. Ultimately it is your life and your decisions. Just thought I'd share my story. I don't know how adoption works nation or world wide, but I do know that in my state the adoptive parents will typically cover all medical costs, vitamins, classes for the pregnany.

bluescholars · 3 months

take a loan out to abort it, those interest payments are less expensive than a baby.

havenotthefoggiest · 3 months

Hello! Please don't let me be buried in the comments, I really would like to talk to you about this. I was in the same exact boat as you when I was 18. YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND IT WILL BE OK, keep this in the foremost part of your brain. It will be ok, you are not alone, it will be ok.

Now, with that said, let me tell you my long story with hopes you can figure out your own. I was almost done with my first year of school, dating someone I thought I loved. When I found out I was pregnant I was floored. When I told him I was pregnant, he told me to abort. I considered it, but realized I would have had to pay for it, I had no health insurance, I had no income, and I was not about to tell my parents (Ultra Conservative Catholic, thought sex was only for prostitutes, ect.) I needed financial help to abort a fetus. Having a child would ruin all chances of education, a life, and having a supportive family. Adoption seemed like the only choice I had. I had experience with adoption, being adopted at birth myself. I figured I could go the open adoption route and see what would happen. I told my parents when I was about 2 months in that I was pregnant and was considering adoption. They had told me not to come home after college, that I was cut off from them, ect. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when i told the father I wanted to go for adoption. He told me "I hope you miscarry. I want nothing to do with this, get away from me." I went and lived with some truly amazing friends for the next few months, until I was about five months in. My parents at that point had told me to come home, they would give me a place to live so long as I would never tell anyone about my situation they knew. I agreed only because I had yet to visit a doctor and find an adoption agency and I was starting to worry. within a week I had set up a meeting with a fantastic social worker who was honestly the most helpful person though my experience. She made me feel very included and was incredibly open with me. She assured me all bills will be taken care of (they were, even maternity clothes!) and that she would do her best to find a good family for me. She came one day with over 30 photo albums from families that met my requirements, and I immediately felt drawn to one family. I won't tell their details for their privacy, but we met three different times during the pregnancy and I could just tell how much they loved each other and genuinely wanted to be good parents. They were the ones who actively wanted to pursue an open adoption with them, which spoke to me. They were even in the delivery room with me before I had to be given an emergency c-section. We now keep in loose contact, emails and pictures through mail... I am not comfortable yet talking to them vocally and my son (whose now 2!) until he is a bit older and understands what adoption is.

I will not tell you this is an easy path. It has led me into the deepest depression I have only just recently gotten myself out of. Adoption is rough to say the very very least. Less than a half hour after my c-section, I had to sign the papers relinquishing my child. I was still shaking from all the pain meds and could barely scratch out my name. In the end though, I look at his pictures with his parents, and his new brother (they had gotten pregnant a month before my son was born, I am ecstatic he has a brother now, and its clear they are bound to get into a lot of trouble hehe) I am confident I had made the best decision for me. I am not going to say adoption is for everyone, and you shouldn't consider it if you know you cannot go through with it. The attachment to your child will grow, but know with something like open adoption and if you have the love and support of a family (even if they are not your own) you will get through this. I want you to know you can talk to me, PM Me, Hell, I will send you a pm with my phone number in case its 3 am and you need someone to talk to, because I know what your are going through, and you need to know you are not alone. I'm sorry for the wall of text that probably doesn't even sound coherent, your post touched me deeply and want you to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

EDIT: I wanted to add something about the father. After I had moved in with my parents and met with my social worker, i was told i needed to track him down to sign the papers and for medical history. He had destroyed his phone, moved away, and I couldn't find him on my own or through freinds. My adoption lawyer hired a PI and had him followed and served him the papers. He signed them and I never ever had to speak to him again. At no cost to me.

TLDR: I was in this same position, I went the adoption route, but want you to know no matter what you choose, you are not alone and I want to help in any way I can.

ayb · 3 months

I put a bun in the oven with a 19 year old girl when I was in college. It was a pretty highbrow place, but they still directed us to Planned Parenthood. I gotta tell you, it sucked as a process to go through with someone you love. It sucked to imagine who your child would have been. It sucked when rumors went around when one of you told one loose lipped friend.

That being said, though both of us came from decent families, we were not ready to have a kid. So we pulled the plug and, honestly, parts of me regret it, but parts of me know it was far and away the right thing to do. She never seemed to regret it. I remember her saying straight up there was no way she was going to start raising a kid at 20.

Some people are meant to be young parents. Obviously it's yours to think about. We got through it. She got married when she was in her 30s and has a happy baby now.

Anyway, best of luck to you and I hope the wind blows gently on your back.

EDIT: If you are not trolling and this is for real, I can tell you that it would help to have a trusted friend. Someone to drive you to the exam. Someone to drive you to the operation. Someone that can sit with you on the rest bed afterward and then drive you home afterward. Someone who will sit and talk with you while you are healing psychically and mentally for the couple weeks afterward.

vicoli · 3 months

Hi. I am 20 and pregnant as well. I won't bore you with my story, but you can PM me if you have any questions and I will tell you what actions I've taken after recently leaving my (emotionally) abusive boyfriend. I was pregnant once before and decided to terminate so I can also shed some light on my experience with that if you'd like.

RightHandOfTheDevil · 3 months

The costs for an abortion far, FAR outweighs the costs of a child. If you don't think you're ready for it, you're not ready for it. My husband became a father at 17 and I became a step mum (unofficially) from 18. While we both obviously love him to death, there's no denying that having a child will get more and more expensive, emotionally draining, and time consuming, especially when they hit school age. His birth mother is always complaining to me that she wishes she never had kids. Awful to say, but I always think that having kids should never be a regret. From what you've said it sounds like the father isn't willing to help out, which will also make things very difficult long term (not to mention the lack of emotional support from a partner and father figure for your child). Are you willing to be a single mum and have to give up your freedom and suffer financially to take care of a child at your age? Im 23 and married and personally I don't even feel ready to have kids. If you feel like there's no way you can go through an abortion then you would need to come to terms with either adoption, or the very real possibilty of being a mother. I would definitely take everyone's advice with going to Planned Parenthood, and even going through some counselling to come to terms with it before making a decision.

rogue780 · 3 months

If it comes down to it, if you are willing, my wife and I would adopt your baby.

[deleted] · 3 months

I'm so sorry that you're scared. hugs

thangle · 3 months

What everyone else has said...but also: why are you dating/having sex with a shitbag? Seriously, please go re-evaluate your life after this is past you. You're in college, you're going to go on and do big things. Care enough about yourself not to have potential babies with total losers.

blightning65 · 3 months

I'm going to be blunt here.

Abort it.

Then have a kid if and when you want to.

feisty_ranga · 3 months

Talk to your family, not the internet. You'll be surprised how much they will help in the hours of need. It is a hard situation to judge, but I have had friend who are single mothers and don't know what they are doing. You need to ask yourself as well if you are ready for the responsibility of a child. If you don't think you can handle it, then don't put yourself through that. I know myself at the age of 23 could not handle it. Good luck.

khuddler · 3 months

A lot of people have been suggesting Planned Parenthood/school therapists/other things like that, so you've got that out of the way. However, if you don't have close friends/family that you can turn to, and feel that you need some support, I'd also try out TwoX. There will be many people who will support you and also probably have more specific suggestions seeing as it is a community of women and the people that care about them. Best of luck. :)

Mieks88 · 3 months

Been here. Done this. (I've chosen both abortion and going through with it.)PM me if you need. But you either need to a) grow up and accept that you're about to be a mother, or b) grow up and start looking harder at your options.

What Country/State/City(?) are you in?

knockknockneo · 3 months

I just want to tell you, I think that women who even plan their pregnancies experience some form of fear or terror, so please know that it's normal. You just found out. You have a bit of time to think about this, to let it sink in, and make a decision that way.

FrownSyndrome · 3 months

Abortion.

stopscopiesme · 3 months

My sister had a situation almost identical to yours. She got pregnant while in college, and the father of the baby is a douche. She couldn't bear to have an abortion, so she decided to give the baby up for adoption. My sister is also poor, so she qualified for our state's Medicaid program, and it covered pretty much all her medical costs for pregnancy and birth. (BTW, the accumlated cost of medical care throughout pregnancy will be waaaaaaaaaaaay more than 500). She visited adoption agencies and met prospective parents. There are so many couples just desperate for a newborn, and especially for a closed adoption. My sister stayed in college throughout her pregnancy, and it didn't have too much of a negative impact.

Ronaldo79 · 3 months

Came to see if this was my sister. Left at "college"

Fiendish · 3 months

get an abortion

beyron · 3 months

I'd say abortion, if you won't be able to support it and it's dad is already a raging alcoholic then just don't have it to begin with, save you a ton of trouble and the world is already overpopulated. We don't need anymore single moms.

strdg99 · 3 months

Planned Parenthood can help with counseling and assistance for whichever direction you choose to take whether it be abortion, adoption, or keeping it yourself.

[deleted] · 3 months

Considering how shitty the father is, you should probably have an abortion. Then, stop dealing with trashy people and finish school, then move away.

jfractal · 3 months

Hey there. You are not alone, and you eill get through this fine. I have been there too. Everyone else said what you need to do just fine. In the future, don't date any more felons or alcoholics. Learn a lesson here.

-blackenedwhite- · 3 months

honestly if your not going to be able to provide him/her with a good home you should abort him/her or give him/her up for adoption.

Zanalingus · 3 months

A barrel roll.

[deleted] · 3 months

Get the abortion

Artilleryclinton · 3 months

I imagine you've had enough people encouraging you to go to Planned Parenthood by now (which I am also firmly for), but whatever you do, please do NOT go to a crisis pregnancy center. Those are the places that you'll often see advertised with fairly innocuous names like "Happy Village Pregnancy Center" and offer "free pregnancy tests" which are nothing more than the plastic ones you can buy at the grocery store.

As a general rule, if it's called a "pregnancy center" then it's not medical and not to be trusted. They are religious organizations--sometimes in disguise, sometimes not--and they will lie to you, emotionally manipulate you, do whatever they have to do to ensure that you DON'T get an abortion. They will show you tiny baby dolls the size of a pen cap and tell you that "this is what your baby looks like now." It's not true, and it's abusive. Please don't feel like you have to get an abortion if that's not what you feel is the best path for you, but don't let anyone else feed you lies about supporting you and then dump you as soon as you give birth.

bipolar-bear · 3 months

Don't kill it, just abort it

apple_jickeybean · 3 months

Anyone that says you're "stupid enough to get pregnant" is ignorant. Do what feels right for you. Talk to your family, friends, hell message me if you need someone. Plenty of people get abortions and live their lives without regret. Surely you have someone to go with you for the procedure.

If you choose to keep your baby, you can still be a great mother and go to college. Like I said, do what's right.

Best of luck to you. My heart really goes out to you.

DragonRaptor · 3 months

I'm going to be perfectly frank with you. $500 is far cheaper then having a baby, I have 2 kids. $500 will last you maybe the first 2 months of expenses. If you can't afford $500, you can't afford to raise the child properly. I would recommend abortion. If abortion is to abhorrent for you. then Look into giving the child up for adoption. Simply put, you don't sound ready to take care of a child, and taking care of a child is a massive responsibility.

bunnybunbun · 3 months

Have an abortion. Let Planned Parenthood know that the father split, doesn't want to help pay for the baby, that you have no insurance, no job, and you'll be fucked.

Also, call the father and tell him you can't afford the abortion.

PS. If you're in so-Cal, I'll be more than happy to go with you to the appointment.

I've had one myself and it was a pretty scary thing. However, two years later I don't really find myself being very sad about it. It's more regretful that I even put myself in that situation, but the actual process of aborting the baby (size of a rice grain, I looked at the ultrasound, 6 weeks ish) doesn't really stick to my mind or bother me. Sometimes when I see babies (especially cute Asian babies), I'll wonder what mine could have looked like, but it's really not that bad emotionally (or physically. I healed super fast.)

mjcronic · 3 months

I understand how terrifying it can be because I was 21 when I got pregnant with my first. I was in a different situation so I ended up having my baby but if what you say is true...(that your'e going through some financial troubles and you're poor)don't you think that raising a baby will cost a whole lot more than $500 upfront?
You know there are other options like open adoptions (if you would like to have some contact) and closed adoption. I would suggest you visit planned parenthood and get presented with all the facts before deciding. It WILL be a tough decision no matter what you decide, no one can make it for you. Whatever you do decide, it will be the right one for YOU.

fiddledeedee2 · 3 months

If you want to look into adoption, This website http://www.adoptingababy.org/ is a pretty cool site where you can choose the couple. Lots of times the couple will support you through your pregnancy and then help you get back on your feet. There are so many great options out there.

bschlenk · 3 months

Follow your heart. It's your decision and your decision only. Yes, the sooner you decide the better because abortions can get more expensive and painful as the pregnancy progresses, but take the time and make the right choice for you. It's your body and your life.

As a gay male, I'll never be faced with a decision like this so I can't even imagine what you're feeling, but I'll offer any support I can. Stay strong and whatever you decide make sure it's for you and no one else.

[deleted] · 3 months

Just want you to know, that if you go through with it, everything will be okay.

I myself had an abortion at 20/21. I was 5 and a half weeks. My reasoning isn't what's important here, but the fact that you'll be okay is.

I am very pro-choice, that is just the way I am, and I know we don't know eachother, but you're a young girl and you are clearly not ready for this responsibility.

It's scary, but the people who deal with women who have these procedures done are very kind and understanding. Trust me.

nitefang · 3 months

I actually did a small report on this for a college class, by no means a peer reviewed study or anything but I think it could be useful.

We found that it is surprisingly possible to raise a newborn and still go to college and graduate in 4 years. There are a lot of opportunities and programs out there that will help you, such as extremely inexpensive day cares made for college students, food stamps, all sorts of resources that can be found in a day of searching.

Having said that, we also found that it has to be about 50x easier to not raise child while going to school. I don't want to scare you, like I said, if you chose to keep it, you can do that and succeed, it isn't a death sentence to your future. However, it would be a challenge, a tough road that puts you to the test and whatever future you have planned will be put to risk and the future of the child. But it is possible for you to do it.

Anyway, I would talk to Planned Parenthood, they know a lot more than a college sophomore who just did a simple report on college pregnancies will. I hope everything works out.

GhostlyGirl · 3 months

Don't rule out adoption. It will be the hardest thing you'll ever do but it will be the best possible outcome for the baby.

menomenaa · 3 months

If you do go through with the abortion, look into the effects of post-partum depression on women who go through with the procedure. Planned Parenthood doesn't always mention this, and a lot of women don't expect it since it's most often associated with women who have a full-term pregnancy and birth.

My best friend had an abortion, and the subsequent depression. It felt different than regular depression, she was confused and suicidal about something she wasn't sure she had a right to be depressed about, since no one told her about PPD. Looking back on it now, she really needed to talk to someone about it.

My college had great free counseling, look into it at yours.

drmzbig · 3 months

STOP! Think this through. He obviously doesn't give a shit. If you want to continue your education, I would say visit Planned Parenthood as Chimpwizard advized. You must realize what a life changing thing pregnancy is. YOU will be responsible to raise this child, make sure that you instill good morals, help with homework, sports, scouts, whatever. You are young, so think long and hard about it. This happened to me, but I was 26, established, and ok with my decision to do it alone. You have a lot to think about. Good luck.

SpleeBeans · 3 months

I sent you this in a message, but I just want to post it in the thread as well, in case anyone else is under these circumstances.

I understand you're scared, and I'm not here to preach to you, just to give you a larger scope of your options. Most of the young pregnancies on reddit ended up in abortion, and that's 100% OK if that's what you choose to do, but I have a shit-ton of pamphlets of government programs because I'm 17 and decided to keep the baby. So here's what I know.

Your state does have free health care. In Wisconsin, where I am, it's called Badger Care. State health does NOT look into your family's income, just yours and yours alone. You do not make enough money to go to the doctor's on your own, so they will pay for your pre-natal appointments and the birthing. If you decide to keep the baby, you need to make an appointment right away at a family clinic.

At my clinic, Aurora Health Care, they just waived the bills until I could get all signed up in Badger Care. Once that's all clear, they'll be paying for it in full. All they needed was an interview, bank statements, and proof of pregnancy, which is a letter signed by my doctor.

There's a lot of programs for single moms. A lot of scholarships and such. The government will give you food stamps so you can eat healthy and have a healthy baby, they will give you stamps for baby diapers, and they'll give you stamps for formula. If you decide to breastfeed, they'll get you breast pumps. The government does not just leave you out on the side of the road.

Your baby will also have free health care, so they'll get their vaccines and such until you get on your feet, even if that's several years from now. There are many state and government programs made up so that you can get help with daycare.

A baby at this age is not the end of the world, and women with less have made it through more. Having a baby may not be your choice, but I want you to be aware of that option.

Nipplepiss · 3 months

Someone, somewhere, wants that baby, and can take care of it. An adoption agency can set you up with parents who will help pay to bring that child into the world.

The_Insurance · 3 months

The father and I had split up a week or two ago

emotional abuse and alcoholism

felon and currently on probation

You know what, yes, get a fucking abortion. And then, in the future, stop making such terrible fucking choices when it comes to who you fuck. And get some birth control.

ay23j · 3 months

Get an abortion. At the moment it may seem like a tough decision and it is, but you are way too young. Not only will becoming a parent end your hopes of finishing college, but it also will end your life. I know it sounds bad, but to be a good parent you have to give your life to your kid. A 20 year old will also not be able to give a baby a good life. I'm sure there have been exceptions, but for the most part 20 is too young.

cindylouwhovian · 3 months

Be happy you're not 16.

Oid · 3 months

I guess I can play the insensitive prick again....

You dated an abusive alcoholic ex-con and got knocked up? Really didn't think that one through did you?

Real simple rule I have kept through out my life..... If you don't want to be stuck with a person forever, or raise a kid with them? Don't fuck them.

And when you do fuck? Use fucking protection. Have a fucking plan ahead of time in case shit happens.

It's not like you were never told where the fuck babies come from.

_femme · 3 months

There is a national abortion foundation that might help pay half or so. Plus the clinic itself may help. I don't have the number but I am sure you can google it and find something.

redkey42 · 3 months

Unfortuantely, I would be leaning toward abortion. That sperm donor sounds like a nasty piece of work. Keeping the baby means you WILL have to see him again. Repeatedly.

kmj17 · 3 months

To be direct- if you are that scared of "going through even an abortion" by yourself, keep in mind how much harder it would be to go through an entire pregnancy and possibly raising a child by yourself. As others have suggested, Planned Parenthood is a very good option. I'm also in college, with very little income, and they cover all of my birth control expenses. Becoming pregnant at this point in my life is absolutely fucking terrifying, and I can only imagine how scary it must be for you. Best of luck to you!

tootiefruity112 · 3 months

Take a day or two and breathe. While this decision needs to be made soon, it doesn't have to be made this second. Then, look into Planned Parenthood.

ReyTheRed · 3 months

Someone else suggested talking to Planned Parenthood, which is definitely what you should do, they can give you expert advise on what your options are.

I suggest you get the abortion. You aren't in a position to give a child the best possible chance right now, and we really don't need any more people on this planet. Also, having the kid will be a huge strain on your life.

newcomplaint · 3 months

I doubt you want to have a child with him.

imalittlebirdie · 3 months

Focus on what will be best for you, and take good care of yourself.

Unless you go to a religious college there's probably good support on campus, in terms of both getting you the medical and psychological support you need. Planned Parenthood is also super awesome.

Edit: also, tons of internet hugs your way.

gr00ve88 · 3 months

personally, i mean im not a girl but, i'd get an abortion because think about what kind of life the kid will have if you had it. You can't support him, you are in school, your parents don't seem to be on board, no father figure.... then think about YOUR career. You would probably have to quit school and find a job. Make the right choice, not the most pleasant, but the right choice.

eitauisunity · 3 months

Flush it out.

imeuru · 3 months

I am a non-religious person who gave my baby up for adoption when I was just 15. If you feel like talking, just pm me.

eMigo · 3 months

Get an abortion, it's the smart choice.

cespinal · 3 months

Abortion or an hero

catchmeifyoucant · 3 months

When I told the father,

Could have been my FWB up until that point. Thank god.

borderlinebadger · 3 months

abort abort abort

wasp_ent · 3 months

I'm an 18 year old but I feel like I would go with the abortion because I am simply not ready to take full responsibility of a child ie another human being. If you don't have money for an abortion, then you don't have money to raise one. That's just my opinion and you don't have to take a word for it.

Clearly_a_fake_name · 3 months

The Father does sound like a dick, however I am completly pro abortion. Why bring a life into this world if you cant care or look after it? It will also surley destroy your eductation and will harm your progression through life for a long time. If your lucky, you may be able to train in some skills in 21 years time, and hopefully start a career, unless of course you choose to nursery/daycare whilst you work or you settle down with a man and he becomes a stay at home Dad.

Im not trying to scare you, Im not trying to be rude, but my honest opinion is 'If your not sure if your ready for a baby, your not."

starlinguk · 3 months

I am pro choice, and I won't blame you for having an abortion at all, but have you thought about putting the child up for adoption?

OxfordDictionary · 3 months

There's an /adoption subreddit if you want more info there. Good luck, sweetheart. Did you read the post about how you can get on Badgercare and they will pay your medical expenses and stuff?

TriRemorse · 3 months

It is at times like this when I'm happy I don't live in USA. I think me and my ex payed about the equivalent (spelling?) of 20 USD for our abortion, and it saved or lives.
Listen, even if it's expensive now, an abortion will save you a shitload of money in the long run, and also you don't have to take care of a child on your own and give up your whole life.

EDIT: Spelling

Jckruz · 3 months

I am pro-choice. However, you can also choose to have the baby.

It may seem impossible to finish school and have a child, but many women do it. Also, being a single mother is hard, but it is doable.

I am the product of a 17 year old woman getting pregnant, and even though her family offered to pay for the abortion she refused.

SgianDubh · 3 months

Stop using the word "I" and start using the word "We." Unless your name is Mary, and felon split up or not, he's part of the picture.

MonadMan · 3 months

Join a pregnancy support on meetup.com in your city to find ways of support. Raise him/her to be the opposite of its father: loving, supportive, and a vigilant citizen.

SonVolt · 3 months

Call MTV?

Honestly, that was the first thought that popped into my head. Then I remembered that I was talking to a real person and snapped out of it. Here's my personal undeveloped opinion from the information i have been provided. Eradicate assholes like the father from your life. Talk to planned parenthood? I guess... talk to your family and good friends. Own up to this... I am sorry if that sounds harsh. My opinion shouldn't mean anything to you. Find some one you know and trust in real life and ask them. Best of luck to you.

gizram84 · 3 months

Maybe you should have thought about it before you let a convict ejaculate inside your vagina.

Having said that, please get the abortion.. I'm begging you. Get a credit card or a loan if you must, but please don't bring a human into this world that has your genes. Plus, if you can't afford a $500 abortion, how are you going to afford the tens of thousands it's going to take to raise a child through 18?

graciespook · 3 months

A lot of advice to go to Planned Parenthood. Agreed. Lots of resources available. If you decide abortion is just not something you want to do, you can always opt for adoption. The legitimate adoption agencies can even provide you with prenatal care and counselling in the process.

The choice is yours. But it sounds like (and this is just my opinion), raising a child with no money would be the worst thing you can do. Sure you would love your child, but living with a child and no money is one of the worst feelings or things you could possibly do. If you don't opt for abortion, adoption is another solid alternative.

PLEASE do not try and patch things up with the father. Staying together or trying to make things work with someone who has serious issues is not the way to go. Do you want to do that with a man who may turn to violence and you expose a child to that? Or have you break up and in a worse position than before?

CJDreadd · 3 months

In the midst of stress it's east to cloud yourself in worry and despair, and although it's difficult to see any sort of good or hope in a dark situation, know that you will get through this. No matter which path you take, you will be okay.

Reach out to those who love you.

fgtanon · 3 months

Slightly relevant, although I don't know for sure if I'm actually pregnant or not. I woke up this morning, feeling a bit sick and lethargic. Sharp pains in my stomach, and ugh.. I just don't even know. I'm scared. Well, I'm 17. Yesterday, I had sex for the first time; ever, and I told him to pull it out before he came. I didn't use a condom, and now I'm suddenly realizing how serious this might be, I've researched it and read about people not being able to feel it happening in them.

All I can think of is how he didn't even give a shit, he was careless with everything and I'm scared. We've talked before about kids and stuff and he told me he sees himself spending his life with me. I've told him I don't even want a kid, but he insists on it. I never took any of this seriously, until now, but believe me, I'm scared.

So, tl;dr, I might be pregnant. I don't wanna be pregnant; I never wanted kids. I wanted to adopt a fucking child. And now is the first time I've ever considered being a christian, just so I could pray to fucking god that I'm not pregnant.

Sorry, my story isn't as bad as yours. But I'm so glad I read this, it really makes me so much more comfortable that there's another person out there in the same-ish sort of situation. Anyway, what you do with your body is your choice. I've already decided that if I am pregnant, it's going to be aborted. Too young for this fucking shit. And you, if you actually wanna have it, and take care of it, go for it. But if you're honestly not ready for a baby, just don't do it. I can only imagine how hellish it would be to be put up for adoption and never knowing who your real parents are. aaannnyway. i hope the best of luck to you.

kawaiipiranha · 3 months

Wow what a nightmare... Just reading about the father made me really angry. There really are some terrible people out there.

You really gotta get some advice from professionals. I guess planned parenthood is your best bet. Everything will work out. :)

babeh_maker · 3 months

don't know if anyone told you about this, didn't feel like sifting through all the comments, but /r/babybumps is a great subreddit for shit like this. and no coat hanger jokes.

nchrist4 · 3 months

Well you're a little too old for MTV unfortunately

[deleted] · 3 months

$500 won't get you through the first month of having a baby. Put it on a credit card, eat ramen for a month, do whatever to get rid of it. Imagine being 21 years old with a baby, no college degree and a drunk-ass baby daddy.

[deleted] · 3 months

http://www.fundabortionnow.org/explore

They might be able to help you pay for an abortion if you choose to have one. No one here can make this decision for you, it's up to you to do what you feel is best for yourself. Regardless of what you choose, it will be ok.

BexterV · 3 months

x-post on r/twoxchromosomes those ladies will know how to help you out

byrd20 · 3 months

Go to Planned Parenthood! This is one of the main reasons this organization exists. I know you are scared, but talk to your best friend and one of the professionals at PP. You will possibly want someone there to hold your hand during this decision. It is a decision only you can make so do not tell friends who may have religious feelings toward this issue. Good luck with this & just know that there are many organizations to help you no matter what decision you make.

Okuhou · 3 months

I was 21 and scared as hell.... hell, I went as far as figuring out where to go... but I didn't do it and now I have a beautiful 4 minth old son who I love more than anything. My advice to you is give it time. You don't have to make your decision this instant. Just don't make this decision out of fear and hopelessness. I don't know you but I'm here foe you and will do whatever I can to help including getting you what I can if you do decide to keep him/her and I bet a ton of other parents on here would do the same. Reddit is known for its good will :)

emmalou1212 · 3 months

my mom had me when she was 20 and in college. her and my dad weren't together either and i have a great relationship with both of them. before you have an abortion really think it through. there are so many people who want to have kids but can't. have you thought about adoption?

TurboHank · 3 months

Had sex with a felon, on probation, and an abusive alcoholic guy.

NOW you want help?

Do you even want to continue the cycle your parents inflicted on you?

picalo · 3 months

3 options. Abortion, adoption, grow up and raise the child.

gprime · 3 months

Well let's see...

He is a felon and currently on probation

Ah, your problem is you're a complete idiot and you make stupid decisions. Sure hope you change that before your child is born.

pissflap · 3 months

maybe you should have asked these sorts of questions and examined these issues before you decided to accept a mans penis in your vagina without benefit of birth control.

[deleted] · 3 months

First, I'm a little bias because my mom was very much in your situation and I'm pretty happy that she chose not to have an abortion.

I don't know what your beliefs are regarding abortion....if you're pro-choice and are "comfortable" getting an abortion, then do it. You will save a lot of money and get more sleep and blah blah blah. If you're only leaning toward abortion because you can't pay for a child, then re-consider. My mom has told me so many times that she's so glad that she didn't have an abortion. She finished school by working her ass off, got a job, married and is now pretty happy. It's not impossible. Having a child does not mean that you're doomed to failure. More difficult things have been done by lesser people.

This is going to be a huge decision. Don't make up your mind in one day, either way. Talk to Planned Parenthood. Are you religious? If so, a priest/pastor/rabbi might be able to offer you guidance. Speak with your parents/family/friends. Reddit is not the place to get answers.

On the plus side, at least that scumbag boyfriend of yours gone.

the1npc · 3 months

rhymes with babortion

bugseverywhere · 3 months

Wait, you're in college and got knocked up by a felon? And when you told him, he recommended an abortion?

He might be smarter than you.

You are in college and you decide to give a felon a chance? You actively had sex with a felon whilst going to university? And you were shocked he was less than a gentleman? While having sexual relations with a felon?

Are you sure college is for you?

And yes, you should get an abortion. I bet reddit would hold a fundraiser for you. I have a five.

bobaconstrictor · 3 months

Not trying to be a dick but...

You are 20 years old. You made a decision to have unprotected sex with your partner. You got pregnant. Woman the hell up and do what you have to do.

There are only two choices: Keep it or abort it.

In other words: Deal wit' it.

EDIT: WTF? Why all the downvotes? I sayin' the same shit everyone else is, just more to the point.

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