Parents of Reddit is is truth that you "love your child" the minute he gets born? Do you love one of your children more than the other?

spongeBond · 4 months

THIS IS MY CHILD

THERE ARE MANY LIKE IT

BUT THIS ONE IS MINE

radiomix · 4 months

I cried with my wife when both of my children were born and I cried when I got to hold them for the first time. I love both of my children to no end. I wouldn't say I love one more than the other, but my 1 year old son requires more of my attention than my 5 year old daughter. For that reason I like to have Daddy Daughter nights on a regular basis so I can spend time with her where my attention is all about her. My wife and I also try to go out and eat with just her from time to time. This gives her a chance to get attention from both of us as well as be around my wife and I and watch two adults interact with each other in a nurturing way with out us having to split our attention with my son.

nohopeleftforanyone · 4 months

I was scared shitless before my daughter was born. I wasn't ready to give up partying/vodka/cigs/vids. My wife had high blood pressure in the weeks before the due date so the doctors determined it would need to be induced. They gave us a choice of about 7 days of when the induction could occur. Being my selfish self, I wanted the latest possible day, that way I could get every last moment of possible "freedom" I could. The night before the induction, I was borderline depressed, feeling my fun life was coming to a close and a life of tedious child caring and sleepless nights await.

I have never been so wrong about something in my entire life. Something happens that minute when they are born, an unconditional love that you likely have never felt. The miracle of life happening in front of you, of something which you created, is a surreal experience that really can't be put into words. It's a magical, almost supernatural moment.

My daughter is now my best friend. I look forward to nothing more than the next time I get to see her and hang out with her. I go to bed at night thinking of how awesome she is and how lucky I am to have her. If I got to do it over again, I would have done the induction right away, I feel like a screwed myself out of hanging out with her for an extra 6 days. Partying/vodka/cigs/vids is so lame in comparison.

Gewehr43 · 4 months

I became a dad 6 months ago. I loved my kid the second he was born. However, I am still waiting for that moment when I feel completely bonded to him. Right now, I still feel like I'm babysitting.

If you're expecting, don't buy into that "you're going to fall in love the second the child is born" bullshit, because it may be just that. Bullshit. Before my kid was born, only one person told me that he didn't bond with his son for months. I wish I'd listened more closely.

The older he gets, the more fun he gets and things are going really well. I love the little guy, but I'm still waiting for a true bonding moment.

SampleBins · 4 months

No. Being pregnant felt like I had a parasite growing in me. Once he was born, I was just glad he was out. The first little while with him was so overwhelming, I wished I could just give him to someone else. Then I started to feel responsible for him, then a bit affectionate. The first time I felt a pang of love was when he first smiled at me at about a month old. Then I fell in love slowly, and loved him more and more as his personality unfolded. Now I think he's amazing and I'd give my life for him in an instant.

Nikoli_Delphinki · 4 months

I don't have kids myself but I asked my mom a similar question before and got an answer. Essentially it amounted to, "I love you both the same, very much. But your sister pisses me off far more often." I'd expect I'd love my kids but I highly doubt I'd always like them.

xbenzerox · 4 months

I'll even go as far as to say that I love my own child with my wife...but I also love the child she had AFTER we divorced with another man who left her. As mad as I was at her, he didn't have a dad for the first year of his life, so I was there. It's not the child's fault and I love that little boy with all my heart. DAMN it's hard to be punk rock when you are soooo damn sappy about your kids. Bonus pic from my living room. http://imgur.com/Y74UX

but yes, the moment I saw both of them....it's a REALLY wierd feeling. I lost it and cried when I held them.

qoou · 4 months

No and I don't know.

I [father] was lead to believe that seeing my first born would be a joyful, tear inducing, love-at-first-sight moment. Nothing could be further from the truth. He came out all blue and cone headed and gross. I'm looking at him and thinking where are the angels. I fell in love over time as I cared for him and interacted with him.

On the other question: I love all 3 of my children. Each love is as unique as their personalities. I couldn't honestly say if I love one more than the others because it's like comparing apples and oranges.

Edge767 · 4 months

I was a Marine Sergeant when my daughter was born. I remember seeing her and being amazed that this little bundle of awesome was my flesh and blood; my little girl. We took her home, and I remember sitting in a chair and staring at her for a long while. Nothing really happened. I actively thought about it and didn't "feel" what I thought I should be feeling, or what I expected to feel. A few hours later, I went to sleep. I was awakened at around 1 a.m. by a hungry baby, and as soon as I stepped up to the cradle, I saw this crying baby and the realization hit me: "This child is not only yours, but now depends on you for its survival." It was frightening, but the next thing that happened surprised me. It made me feel awesome, like I actually had a purpose far larger than myself. I was responsible for this life, to not only nourish, feed, and protect her, but to raise her to be a good person, a nice person, someone I would want to be friends with forever. At that point, I had this overwhelming feeling of love, and that I understood what my mom meant when she said she'd give her life for me or my sister.

That was nineteen years ago. My daughter and son are the two most important people in my world. I'm divorced, but I received full custody of both of them whey they were 8 and 6. My kids, being older and beyond their formative years, are in the process of transitioning into a grown-up relationship with me, and we're getting to be friends. I'll always be the Dad who gives them advice, helps them, and mentors them, but I'm not the one who disciplines them or tells them to do their homework. It's pretty awesome that they are neat little adults that are actually funny, nice, and good people.

My daughter will probably start having kids within the next 5 years. The crazy part is I already love her unborn children. I love them because they'll be a part of her.

flexible_concrete · 4 months

Father of 3 reporting in (7, 2, 7mos). Honestly, I think that instant bond/love develops much more easily and more quickly for the mother- as in instantaneously. For me, it takes longer. I didn't really feel that kind of connection until they started to develop more personality- usually around the 6 month range.

A friend of mine was getting ready to be a first-time daddy, and I explained this to him. "Just try and hold on until 6 months." He looked at me strange up until the baby was born. Then he understood. Now they have a very close connection, but again for many fathers I think it just naturally takes longer.

popgoestheshelby · 4 months

[deleted]

makeskidskill · 4 months

I never wanted to be a father, not in the least.

The second I saw my infant son, it was like a switch was flipped, some deep biological imperative, I had no control over, and my hind brain said "That, right there, that squalling pink lump, that what you live for, and if necessary, die for, from this second onward"

deadletter · 4 months

Nah. At first he was an interest project. Makes Real Poo Flavors! Try Not To Let It Die! After about a year of bouncing him on a theraball with him in a sling he leveled up and started walking. Later that year talking started, and that seemed cool.

When he started talking it grew much more interesting, and then I started to feel something.

Honestly, it wasn't really till he could read, by which point he could also go to the arcade, and have hobbies, and skateboard, and do martial arts. Now it's pretty awesome.

Also: I wasn't gonna have any kids ever, so I had to get used the idea. Also: from baby to now (11 years) my son is way more demanding and interactive than most kids, WAY more. For contrast, his mom had a new baby recently (new husband) and the new one is the delightful little armbaby she thought we would have. I was like, "have you met me?" Any baby of mine is bound to be spaztastic.

He's in his bedroom nook checking his Smurf farming on his tablet, and we are about to watch the rest Pirates of Penzance on this day off.

goodvibes8807 · 4 months

I don't mean to be cynical, just honest. It's hard to love someone that you don't know yet... but I totally understand where that comes from when women say they loved their babies before they were born. For me it was more of anticipation to meet the little bugger. I definitely cried when I had her, I'm not sure exactly what I was feeling because it was so overwhelming but I can tell you this: I didn't fall in love with my daughter until her personality started to come through. The first few weeks she was a pooping, eating, sleeping machine. I loved her but didn't fall in love with her right away. Know what I'm saying?

umbrellarequiem · 4 months

Personally, I was in love with my kid before she was born, but that may have something to do with being able to feel her moving around in there. Some parents fall in love with their kid the moment they see them. For others, it takes longer. Some never love their kids. There's no universal right answer. I only have one child, so I don't know about loving one more than another.

solinar · 4 months

Its hard to admit, but with my first, it took me about a year to really bond with him. I would say I thought he was cute most of the time, and I did everything I possibly could to make his life better, but mostly out of either obligation to my idea of my responsibility as a parent, or with the hope that one day I would truly love him.

I would hear these stories of parents who cried in the delivery room and were filled with intense love the moment they saw their children the first time, and I was a bit ashamed that I didn't feel that way.

At around 12-18 months, things changed though. I don't know if it was him developing his little personality that I could take vicarious wonder in, or whether something changed in me, but I eventually developed that deep bond where I know I would willingly choose to give my life for his if I had to.

With my second, I did cry in the delivery room, and I felt a stronger bond with him earlier on.

Now, they are 6 and 2 and both have wonderfully different personalities. I love them both, although in different ways. If you ask me whether I like filet or sirloin steak better, I have a clear bias; but if you ask me whether I like filet or cheesecake better, its just not an answerable question, as my feelings about the two are just not directly comparable. The same goes for my two children.

Majimanidoo · 4 months

When I met my wife she had a 2 year old boy from a previous relationship. Myself and her son connected almost instantly. And since that point have been really close. Hes definitely turning out to be alot more like me then his father (Hes 9 now) I love my son as if he was my own and would do anything at all to ensure hes always taken care of.

3 years ago we had a little girl together. This was my first biological child. Ive loved my daughter since before she was born. She has always been on my mind always wonderin how my wife and the fetus where doing.

The moment she was born the first time i got to hold her I cried. It was truely one of the most amazing moments in my life to see her for the first time hear her cry and see her little face. 3 years later and Ive never been more whipped by a girl and she pretty much owns me. I wouldnt change her for the world and love her more then i thought possible.

like others have said I tend to try and arrange time alone with my son to ensure he gets quality attention time with me and that we are still close. Having a biological child hasnt lessened my love for my son either. The true father son bond that we have did take time to establish it wasnt instant. But it didnt dimish when my girl came around.

Their happyness and well being are the single most important things to me.

kitd · 4 months

I'm a father of 3. They have all pissed me off royally at times, and still do. But there is absolutely no question of not loving them. It is effortless love and is the same for all of them.

whistlewhileyouwork · 4 months

My mother-in-law always told me that I couldn't know what love was until I had a child. It royally pissed me off, especially when after having my first child I didn't feel that instant love that everyone spoke of as a given.

I loved my daughter and wanted to be with her and take care of her but was waiting for some ethereal feeling that didn't come until one day I looked back and felt it all at once. I think for some parents it's a feeling that grows over time. They are so 'lump on a log' in the beginning and you don't really get anything back from them so it's hard.

After my 2nd, the feeling came on sooner because I'd had that previous experience and I was in a more understanding place of how much I was going to love this person.

My kids are complete and total opposites but I love them both fiercely, THEY'RE not the same but my love for them is the same.

Note - I still think my MIL was wrong, it's certainly a different kind of love you feel for your kids, but I love my husband like crazy too.

jgoodstein · 4 months

No, didn't know who they were or their personality or anything. freaked about being a parent. But our second we did because we knew what we were in for.

As for one more then the other. I act differently to each and it could be perceived as loving one more then the other, but in reality I don't.

ifalldown · 4 months

The love I felt was so overwhelming that it scared me a bit, made me feel small and inadequate. My husband, however, was fascinated by the placenta.

wheezymustafa · 4 months

There's a huge backstory but I didn't get to meet my son until he was 3 months old. Me, being 23 at the time and not initially wanting kids at all, I didn't know what to expect. I think the situation was so new at the time that I didnt know how to react.

2 years later and getting to regularly see him now, he is the absolute core of my happiness. When he's with his mom, I miss him terribly. When he's with me, I just want to squeeze him until he explodes.

So, to answer your question, for me it took some time to really understand the situation as a whole, but eventually I grew to love my kid immensely.

Bonus picture!

idream · 4 months

I remember feeling like I was in love with my daughter, who was my firstborn. When my son was born, I remember looking at him and feeling like I had waited a lifetime to see him. It was more instantaneous and powerful than my previous experience with my daughter.

I believe that this was because he was to play a more powerful role in changing who I was and who I would become. We discovered several years later that he was autistic. He really changed my life from the one I thought that I wanted into a much more meaningful and raw sort of in the moment kind of life.

Ironically, my daughter is the "perfect" daughter that everyone would want, and she makes me so proud in everything that she does. She is very easygoing, mature and content.

My son creates this sort of constant, intense struggle within our family to manage things and maintain balance. He keeps me constantly questioning and analyzing everything that I do. I can never get comfortable in anything, which has caused me to grow in ways that I could not have imagined and to face fears that I didn't even know that I had. He's opened my eyes and my mind to many possibilities and exposed my many failings as a person and as a mother so that I can strive to be a better person for my children and for myself. He has broken me open and broken me down into my basic, compassionate and loving self, although sometimes the damaged and wounded parts of myself still make an occasional appearance.

As far as expectations for my children, I hope my daughter is able to do what makes her happy and whatever she is passionate about and that this meets her practical and financial needs. I really have no fear about what her future will hold. She is strong and intelligent and has good judgment, so I know that she will be fine.

My expectations for my son are more fluid. I hope he will always be happy and well cared for. I hope that at the point I am unable to care for him that whoever takes over will recognize him for the teacher that he is and he is treated with respect. Occasionally I do feel disappointed when I look at the handsome teenager that he has become and realize that he will probably never have the kind of life that most people want (or that I had hoped he would have) but I also realize that he probably doesn't realize how different his life is than most boys his age, and this makes it easier. He's truly taught me to focus on the journey and not the destination.

NewRino · 4 months

When my first daughter was born, I thought I was in love. I did feel an incredible amount of responsibility for her. I spent a lot of time with her and got to "know" her. On day when she was about 6 weeks old and I was changing her. I was talking and looking at her and she was responding back and I suddenly realized that I was in LOVE. It was a moment I will never forget. At that time I had been with my wife for over 16 years and I knew how long it took to grow a love like that. I suddenly realized that I had that love already with my daughter.

I have 2 more daughters and it is amazing how different they are, but I can honestly say I love them all. Sure as Missfegg says they all have there own traits but it isn't like you are looking for a friend. There are things that are more difficult with one than another but I love them more for having those things as not. When my kids were younger and were being difficult and didn't want to leave the house or something and I could not convince them to go out. I tried to remember how when a 14 year old boy wanted to get her to sleep with him that the same tenacity will be to my advantage.

loolwat · 4 months

Male here. At the beginning, it's a responsibility you know you have to bare. The love grew for me. And at almost 2 years old, i get it. It's just that when they're tiny, they can't do much. When they're 1, they can laugh at fart jokes. What I'm trying to say is, I won't love them unless they laugh at me farting. This explains it better.

http://www.ted.com/talks/rufus_griscom_alisa_volkman_let_s_talk_parenting_taboos.html

stevos_hate_ditch · 4 months

I felt awkwardly distant and un-attached to my son when he was born. He came out all purple and limp (as babies are wont to do), and I was slightly mortified. I fawned over my wife immediately, not knowing what to do.

Two days later, as I laid in the hospital bed while my wife took a shower, I was holding him. It was late in the evening, and sunlight was streaming in through the window. His wisp of blonde hair turned gold in the light, and he squirmed slightly against the tightly wrapped blankets. I loosened them, and he stretched both arms out and let loose a huge yawn, smacked his lips, and opened his eyes. He looked directly into my eyes for what seemed like forever, and coo'ed, ever so quietly.

It was then, that I realized it.

gbimmer · 4 months

I can't answer your second question but to the first: I lost my shit when my daughter was born. Seeing her pop out of my wife's vagina only to be followed shortly thereafter by an assload of blood, mucus and placenta was one of the happiest moments of my life.

NoMoreNicksLeft · 4 months

I am told that it's different for everyone. Loved mine the first time I saw it, which was about 5 months before she was born. Chuckled at how she was trying to kick the ultrasound technician away.

Just the one, but I expect to love all of mine equally should we have more.

ghostbackwards · 4 months

I am an only child so I'm really hoping my parents love me.

AdaroTeiji · 4 months

I don't get it when people ask if you love one 'more' than other. To me, love is less like a guage and more like something behind a locked door. The door is locked, or it isn't locked. It isn't going to be more unlocked for some people than others. It's just... unlocked. I'm not a parent, so I can't speak about the rest of your question. Just kind of my two cents on love.

MissFegg · 4 months

I think is impossible to love all your kids the same, some will have traits you like and others you don't like that will make you love them more or less, is not like a huge difference, but it will not be the same love.

saddadthrowaway · 4 months

(Now single dad, raising both kids myself, married at the time of birth)

I did not, and I've dealt with it everyday for the last 7 years. Seeing my son born, was one of the worst feelings in my life. It was like a years depression falling on me at once. I felt like shit, and wanted to be anywhere else on the planet. I was confused, and indescribably hurt by this reaction. I concentrated on my wife, to make sure she was OK. I gave the baby nothing but glancing looks, and pretended he wasn't there. I never talked to anyone about it, because I felt like such a failure for not loving him like everyone said I would, or said I should. What horrible asshole was I? I wanted him gone, just gone and away from me. But I hid it mostly well.

Time went on, and my life started to fall apart. I couldn't' pay the medical bills from the birth, and Christmas was coming up. I was short tempered with the baby, and found myself having to take care of him alone while other were doing Christmas stuff. He was extremely colic, which had kept me untested for months. He wouldn't stop crying and I just snapped. I pinched him. I pinched my own son because nobody knew the pain I was feeling and I HATED HIM for it. The combination of money stress, family stress, having a baby I didn't want, and no sleep just overtook me. I was even pissing the bed randomly from all the stress and guilt I was under. I never wanted to feel this way. (This all takes the world by surprise. I was never violent, a good kid, never in trouble before. I just hated my son, my baby boy so much.)

The wife found the bruises, and I told her what happened. This coincided with days of an incident of her falling down the stairs (on her ass) and she wanted to make sure the bruises were from me, and not her grabbing him during that fall. So we took him to the hospital to get checked out from the fall. And I asked about counseling for anger, or whatever the fuck was wrong with me. This was a stupid mistake. Long story short. Never talk to police, never admit anything to police, they are lying to you from the moment they say HI, and get a lawyer if one shows up. Get arrested, night in jail, 25,000 bail, lost job as a result (months later). Mom was never perfect either, didn't like responsibility so she bails, leaving me alone with two children to raise. Thankfully I had a decent job, and had filed bankruptcy after the arrest so I could afford a good babysitter, and the debts were behind me.

I can type more to the story, but I need to get back to work.

diamond · 4 months

Yeah, absolutely. No question about it.

I remember when my wife was pregnant, I really worried that something was wrong with me, because I just didn't "feel it". I mean, I was very protective of her, and I know I would have been devastated if the pregnancy failed. But at the same time, I didn't have any kind of real, emotional connection with the child that was growing inside of her. I heard stories about fathers who cried the first time they heard their child's heartbeat on an ultrasound, or the first time they saw the child's silhouette. But that never happened to me. And I was really, really worried that I was just not going to be a good father at all; that I wouldn't really love my son.

But those doubts completely and instantly vanished the second he was born and I first held him. It was an immediate connection, and there was no way I could have denied it even if I wanted to.

alteffeight · 4 months

To the first question, absolutely. I bawled like a baby when both my daughters were born, and at that instant I would have given my life for either of them without a second thought. Call it nature, call it instinct, call it whatever you want - it's real and it's there.

Do I love one more than the other? My answer to that is no - but only because when you have 100% unconditional love, it cannot be measured against another instance of 100% unconditional love.

As far as disappointment, no - not in the way I think you're implying. Am I disappointed in them when they do something I told them not to do, or when they misbehave? Yes, but that's different. I could never bring myself to feel disappointment in the way they "turned out" or something of that nature.

In the realm of expectations, I guess I'll have to shrug my shoulders. I didn't have any expectations of my children before they were born, so they didn't have anything to live up to.

I'm now a single father, so I do whatever is in my power to make my children happy and ensure they have a fun, educational, fruitful life. I pay my child support every month without fail (I couldn't possibly win a custody battle, to quote the lawyer - her family is rich) and without complaint. When I do get to see them, we spend every possible moment together doing something fun. They are 11 and 8 and I've only ever once hired a babysitter for a few hours - and that was for my GF's birthday. I spent the entire evening wishing I was back home with them. I have sacrificed a lot for my children, and I would and will sacrifice anything in the future.

So yes. I loved my children the moment the were born. And I love them even more every single day.

tarnin · 4 months

I love both of my kids equally, its not like love is this limited thing. Also, from the second they were born I loved them. I can't even fathom not loving them at any point.

dRwEedThuMb · 4 months

I wouldnt say I love one child more than the other, but would say they def each have their great qualities. I have 2 girls, one is a talkative bounce off the wall, motor mouth while the younger one is a sweet cuddler. They are my everything. I loved them when they were born but didnt fall in love with them untill I got to know them for who they were going to be. Now they are just fucking rad.

optimaloutcome · 4 months

I wasn't immediately in love with my kid. I had a sense of protection and responsibility but didn't immediately feel that 'love' emotion. For the first three months my kid was just this thing that made it so I didn't sleep, didn't eat when I wanted, couldn't go out when I wanted, etc. Plus my wife was trying to recover from giving birth so the pressure was really on, trying to care for her while she healed and also was having to care for a newborn. It's a stressful time.

After life settled down a little bit and I started spending time with the baby we bonded quickly and then it was LLLLOOOVVVVEEEE. Now she's almost 2 and I put off errands until after she goes to bed in order to make sure I get home in time to spend time with her. I take her out, just her and I every weekend so my wife can sleep in and we get some together time. It's great.

lzilligen · 4 months

I have three children and for two of them I was "in love" with them before I physically touched them! with my second child (in labor for 2 weeks contractions 5 minutes apart) I was in so much pain and not progressing they gave me 2 serious sleeping pills and sent me home at 12am, I was back in the hospital at 4am in active labor. When she was born at 7:01am I just felt weird, almost detached. After I got a few hours of sleep it all came rushing in. It was like a fucking lifetime movie. I am pretty sure it is a chemical your body produces (if your body is already chemically balanced)

4 months

[deleted]

zohmg · 4 months

I can tell you I was very curious about how I would react when my daughter was born. There's this huge buildup for 9 months before the big event, so I kind of figured it would be a pretty easy event to get through, as I thought I was mentally prepared for it.

Then it happened. Her head popped out and she began to cry, and I realized my life had just changed forever. I looked at my girlfriend and saw how much pain she had endured and we both cried and held each other while our child was rushed into the other room.

At the time, we had no idea, but she was born with a short umbilical cord. It snapped when she was pulled out, and she lost a lot of blood. Thankfully, our doctor was incredible, and 10 minutes later they brought her back into the room. When they told us what happened, it only solidified how much we cared about this new being we had seen for the first time. It's an amazing feeling that I can only describe as love.

However, I loved her even more when I started seeing her personality develop.

kiefstone · 4 months

I have two daughters. One is 2 1/2 years old and the other is only 6 months. Of course, you "love" your children and want to protect them immediately - if only for primal, genetic reasons. That said, I don't really enjoy babies at all. I have a great relationship with my 2-year-old right now and I really enjoy how smart and cognitive she's become. I can say that I truly love her now. She's even started to ask to play video games with me (basically just holds the controller and hits some buttons in New Super Mario Bros. or something) which is really exiting. She paints and "plays" piano every day. I've started teaching her how to throw and catch and things like that. As for my baby daughter, I like her and can get her to smile and all that jazz, but really I feel like I'm just waiting for her to grow up a little bit so that I can treat her like a person. My wife is the opposite though and wishes they could stay babies forever.

yllw · 4 months

http://www.ted.com/talks/rufus_griscom_alisa_volkman_let_s_talk_parenting_taboos.html

This is a good TED talk about parenting taboos, one of them being "You have to love your kid the second it's born".

I think it's very relevant to your question.

lolzsupbrah · 4 months

I Loved my child when I found out my wife was pregnant. I immediately thought about them and what I can do to properly welcome our baby into this world.

chubby_prince · 4 months

Mothers fall in love the second they feel something moving inside them.

Dads...it takes about half a year to fall in love...or at least until the first smile. We are more practical and need some feedback first. That's been my experience. When my first child was born, I was more concerned with making sure she was OK and healthy than I was about whether I heard harps and violins playing, etc.

curvy_lady_92 · 4 months

Not exactly personal experience, but my mom told me when I was born, she thought I was the ugliest baby she'd ever seen (I was born at just over 4 lbs and had virtually no body fat), to the extent that she said she would "have to love this kid because no one else was ever going to".

ezenbrowntown · 4 months

There isn't anything in the world like it. I've done all kinds of drugs, participated in lewd sexual acts and had some wonderful "feelings" in this life. Nothing comes close to that moment when your child is born. The best way I can describe it, is it's like goosebumps on steroids. It made time move slow. I wept and felt like I was in a haze. There are pictures of me, and it looks like I'm looking past people. It's overwhelming in every sense of the word.

LinaeveWorkman · 4 months

Absolutely not. It scared the hell out of me.

I didn't have pain medication while in labor, but I was a little 'hazy' with the post-pregnancy 'buzz'. They handed me my daughter and I remember thinking 'I've never been with an Asian man....' (again, I was out of it). The next few days, as I breastfed, I remember thinking this wasn't how I read about it. I didn't feel an immediate attachment nor did I feel that insane love. I was terrified that something was wrong with me.

Once I was out of the hospital, I couldn't relax because I thought something was going to happen to her. I didn't know what I was doing. Eventually, maybe weeks later, the feeling of love and attachment started to really blossom and I felt much, much better.

Fuck all those books that romanticize early parenting. If I hadn't been expecting such lovey-dovey stuff, the whole process would have been less stressful to an extreme.

Edit: Huh. Reading the other comments, it seems I AM the only person who went through this?

HAYHAY22 · 4 months

I was pregnant this summer and i lost my baby.I loved that baby the second i knew i was pregnant, and i always will.

Pyrofusion · 4 months

I love my son and would do anything for him. He's a little shit some times and gets ornery. But he's a kid. He's funny, he's fun to play with and when he was a baby (born a mere 4lbs 12oz) he's grown up fast. He's already 14months on the 25th and keeps me busy. I love coming home from work and he's happy to see me and greets me with a hug and has to tell me a story.

So, yes, you love your child immediately. I wasn't ready, when he was born, all the emotions came at once and it was a scary birth because he almost didn't make it, but, when he did. I cried. It was so emotional and the cry was mainly from relief. But, it's all good now, he's healthy and amazing.

I'm waiting a few more years to have my 2nd child, I hope for a girl, but I'll love my children no matter what. The reason I hope for a girl is because I can get fixed then, that's all I want, 1 boy, 1 girl. Not to mention my wife and I can't decide on another boy name...so if it's a boy .. it'll be troublesome naming him.

This comment was way longer than I intended, but I can talk about my child forever. Every parent loves their child more than anything. I don't think I'll love one child of mine more than the other, although good behavior is rewarded more than bad behavior is.

atheos · 4 months

the entire process is pretty fascinating, and you'll be pretty stoked. Things do start to fade by the time they reach 15, so cherish it while you can.

bodycounters · 4 months

I loved her even before she was born. She is my only one so I can't answer your other question.

witchyboi · 4 months

A) Yes

B) Yes, but just for a couple of years. The new baby was not nearly as fun or interesting as the kid I already had.

Thatoneguy1013 · 4 months

This actually pertains to one of the reasons I do not want kids... I am afraid that I will dislike the child.

jellyfishjam · 4 months

No, not immediately. I loved him, but now nearly to the extent I do now. Now its a "head over heels, unconditional" type love.

[deleted] · 4 months

I did fall in love with my baby once I seen her. She is the love of my life. And I have a step son who I love just as much. As they get older their habbits and such can get annoying, but they are still the love of your life. I love my parents even more after having kids, because now I understand & appreciate them more. They are even the loves of my life. Family is everything to me, and I can't imagine my life without them. I want more kids to spread the love. I am not disappointed at all in my children. All they need is for parents to spend more time with them.

freezemizer · 4 months

My experience was that it's like finding an Easter egg you didn't know was in a computer program that opens up all kinds of new capabilities. I totally loved my son from the beginning in a way I didn't even knew I had before that point. It was, and still is, amazing.

The_Maddog · 4 months

I love my kids equally and have done since the moment they came into this world.

siouxsie_sioux · 4 months

My mother, when she was coming out of open heart surgery, kept calling out for my sister. My other sister and I were the only ones who could make it to visit her but she kept pushing us away and calling out for the other sister who wasn't there. It kind of stings when you find out who the favorite is.

Hitomi_seed1 · 4 months

3 kids.

Fell in love with each of them immediately. I love them all equally. The amount of love in your heart is never divided when a new child is born, it just increases.

PukaDelivery · 4 months

The statement is 100% true. At the age of 24 I found out my gf was pregnant. We had only been together for a bit over 2 years but I knew I loved her. When I first found out she was pregnant I didnt know what to do, the thought of abortion seemed really good to me but at the same time I didnt really want that to happen either.

Months go by and then its time, 1 am we go to the Hospital as shes obviously in labour. 13 hours later were having a C section with her being slightly nervous and I'm trying to remain cool and optimistic.

In the OR I get to sit with her while they're getting the baby out and i finally get the ok to come see and take pictures. Literally the second that I saw my daugther laying there my eyes turned into silent waterfalls and it was impossible to stop which was very troublesome as I was trying to take pictures. I kept crying for probably 10 minutes through them cleaning her up and then letting me wheel her out to meet the parents to which I caused my father to start crying as well

So yes, despite knowing my daughter was coming It wasnt until i literally first laid eyes on her that I truly felt the love for my daugther

nevermorebe · 4 months

I didn't fall in love with my daughter the minute she was born, it was a happy moment in my life without a doubt but I also didn't really expect to (I think I was skeptical, much like you are). I'm sure there are parents that fall in love with their children the moment they see them but I wasn't one of them, it was a lot to take in and I didn't quite yet grok the extent of how my life was about to change.

For me it kind of snuck up on me, taking care of a little creature like that, I also didn't expect the first year to be too exciting, "they eat and they poop" I figured. I was very wrong about that though. Unless you're a parent I doubt you can imagine they joy I experienced the first time she smiled voluntarily, it's an awesome, overwhelming emotion. In a way looking back on it it's easy to dismiss those little things she did as right now (she is two) she is taking leaps and bounds and learns new things every day but something as simple as her rolling over on her own was a huge deal.

The birth itself though is a nice memory but I don't want to turn it into more than it was. I get disgusted by some parents (and no, I'm not attacking anyone here, I haven't read any comments yet) who would claim it was love at first sight and aren't impressed by their children which is sadly much more common than I realized before I started paying attention to it. I remember being happy that she was such a pretty baby, she wasn't blotchy whatsoever, she was a little yellow (apparently babies need quite a bit of daylight and their little bodies are still adjusting to handling "waste" on their own) which made her look kind of asian and as much as we had prepared ourselves we really didn't know what to do.

I also don't feel guilty about not being in love with her right away, we did our best to take care of her to the extent that people would say we smothered her (people are such idiots when a baby is born, let me tell ya) so having the love slowly seep in to the point where you can't imagine a life without her is to me at least as great. I still tend to be skeptical of parents who say it was love at first sight, I'm sure it's true for some but I think most just convince themselves of that so they wouldn't have to think of themselves as bad parents. I honestly don't see the need for that, I prefer to just do as much as I can to make her life the best we can provide her and leave all the self doubt and deception for what it is. Those first few weeks won't be what makes you good/bad parents (in general), you have the rest of your life to make sure you are.

edit:spelling

pimpernel666 · 4 months

Item 1: For me I'm going to say, "Yes, most definitely!". Your mileage may vary, but the moment I saw and held each of my children (I have three) I was overwhelmed by the enormity and suddenness of the emotion. What surprised me was I thought it would fade with each successive child - 'well, I've already done that, so surely I'll feel a little more 'meh' this time - nope! Didn't happen. Each kid knocked me out instantly .

Item 2: Flippant answer: I do have a favorite child. It's just a different one depending on the day.

gildedyak · 4 months

When they put my daughter in my arms, I honestly was like, "meh." then they had to rush her to the nicu due to breathing issues. I couldn't see her for a few hours, but when I did, and saw her hooked up to all of this machines, my heart broke into a million pieces and THAT is when I fell in love with her. I always felt like a bitch for that until I met other mothers who admitted at first they didn't have that overwhelming sensation of love. I loved her the moment I knew I was pregnant, but just didn't have that intense emotional outburst when she was born. God I love her more than everything now, though.

bripilot · 4 months

I would joke and say that it was about 10 minutes after they were born before I loved them, but that wouldn't be true. Even with all the yuck on them, they're still wonderful from moment 1. My kids are now 4 and 5 and I love them both 100% equally. They are completely different people. My 5 year old is very competitive and a go-getter, and my 4 year old is about as laid back as they come. Sometimes I feel bad for my 4 year old because I feel that sometimes he gets the raw end of the stick, but I've never been disappointed in him one bit.

Random_Illianer · 4 months

It is different for men and women. My wife loves my kids before they were born... but she had a lot longer to interact with them before I did. Until the second they were born, she could have been playing an elaborate joke on me.

Once they were born, I assumed I would love them right away... not true. It took me a few weeks with both of them, but to be honest it was not until they started acting like humans a bit (smiling, clinging to me, etc) that I really felt deeply for them.

I did not know what to expect with my first child. For my second, I expected months of waking up to bottle feed them daily, and lots of sleeping, and I got exactly that.

If my parents told me "I didnt love you right away" it would not matter a bit... they love me now.

My wife didn't love me until she got to know me... doesn't bother me :)

jaguy · 4 months

I had my little girl this December, she is now a month old. I am a first time mom and I can say that it was not an instant overwhelming love when she first came out. I was tired and in pain when they placed her on my belly and I remember thinking, "Omg, this is mine...this came out of me"! The first week was kind of like that, I knew that this girl was my world but I did not feel this immediate absolute love that some mother describe when they have their babies.

However, I can say now, without a doubt, that she is one of the most precious loves of my life(along with the hubby); and all I ever want to do is hug her and squeeze her all day long cause she is so darn cute!!!11!!11!1!!!! :D

Aldrak · 4 months

I really didnt believe in the whole "Love at first sight" thing when my son was born. I was really nervous and wasnt really sold completely on being a Dad (We were married at the time, but were having a child sooner rather than later due to a medical condition my wife has that will make it more and more unlikely that she will be able to concieve as she gets older). My son was a C-Section, and when the doctor brought him over the screen separating my wife from the surgery he was a little ball of screaming human. I was kind of shocked and I had no idea what to do.

A nurse took him and placed him on a side table and starting checking his breathing and stuff and I was just staring at him. I noticed his eyes were squeezed shut and his head was going from side to side as he was crying, and I realized it was because he really didnt like the bright light that was situated above the side table. I leaned in and interposed my hand between the light and his face, about 6 inches away from his head. As soon as I did that, he calmed slightly and opened his eyes a crack, staring at me. As soon as I saw those tiny blue eyes, the "Love" emotion slammed me in the head and I started to cry a little.

I dont know if that feeling would be lessened if subsequent children, but I think it would be, as I wouldnt be utterly shocked and wrong-footed by the entire emotional spectrum I would go through.

Edit for correct tense and spelling.

RoniRoo · 4 months

My step-mom told me that you always love your first-born the most. I'm the middle child.

MatthewX5000 · 4 months

Not a parent but the first time I picked up my niece I said, 'I don't know who you are, but I know that I love you.' It was weird too say the least.

LeiLow · 4 months

I loved my daughters as soon as they were born, but my love has dramatically grown over the last 5 1/2 (and 3 1/2) years.

When they first arrive, they don't know you, and you don't know them. In reality, they're strangers. I was expecting a magical Mommy/Baby moment, but truthfully, I was exhausted and sore, and just happy that they were out.

As the weeks and months pass, though, they start smiling and laughing. You start getting excited for them to hit their new milestones. I loved watching my girls change, and develop their own unique personalities. I looked forward to waking up to the sound of their baby babble and coos. They started becoming the very best part of my day. I don't know when it happened exactly, but they started becoming more apart of me, than when I was pregnant with them. They started becoming my heart.

Years have passed now, and the love I feel for them, is so powerful, and so overwhelming, that it would be impossible to explain how much they mean to me. They're very different from one another, but when I look at them, I can't imagine loving any person more.

My oldest is 5 1/2, and she is very thoughtful and compassionate. She's my old soul. She's very sensitive, and doesn't disguise her emotions. In turn, she'll say some pretty sophisticated and insightful things. She blows me away. I am so proud of her sense of intuition and her inclination to empathize with others. I know that sounds silly for a 5 year old, but she has the biggest heart I've ever seen in a child. The Mom part of me wants to protect her, because I know she's susceptible to heart break...but I also can't wait to see her grow and use her talents.

...Then there's my youngest. She's 3 1/2 and has the comedic timing of a pro. She's absolutely fearless. She can be an attention hog, but in a wonderfully, delightful way. No kid (or adult) is immune to her level of cuteness and sass. I've seen older kids try and dismiss her as "just a baby," and she effortlessly shuts them down with a quick fart or poop joke. Her laugh and expressions are priceless. She's the type of kid who gets into mischief, and instead of throwing a fit when you catch her, just winks and says "you can't blame me for trying." (you know, if she could wink) :-)

When I look at the two of them, there is no way I could pick a favorite. Individually, they touch different parts of my soul, but together, I love them with my whole damn heart. They're my world.

Keybored_Warrior · 4 months

Oxytocin. 'Nuff said.

moxie79 · 4 months

While I only have one child and thus can't answer your favorites question, here's my two-fold take on the falling in love phenomenon:

Love is a verb, and we are built to bond with our children.

When my daughter was first born, I had no idea who she was going to be. I still don't, really, although she has personality now and I can begin to appreciate her as a person. Did I love her for who she is at birth? No. Did I love her actively regardless? Yes. I told her over and over that I loved her, and promised to take care of her, and I did my best through the very difficult newborn period (and since then as well) to be an engaged and loving parent. Love is a verb. Caring for her was loving her.

Now, regarding the hormonal part - in a truly animal sense, I loved her innately. Her smell and the look of her and the sounds she made all wrung involuntary responses out of me that were intense and powerful and a little bit alien. I could tell it was a hormonal response, similar to the way you can be angry while PMSing and know it's not normal anger. My body was literally rewarding me chemically every time I interacted with her, and punishing me any time I was away or she cried (overactive letdown HURTS for me, and whenever she cried my boobs went on red alert).

That being said, because I was fortunate enough to be having a planned baby in a loving and supportive situation, I lapped that brain-chemistry goodness up like a kitten on a dairy farm. She smells so GOOD.

Churchie · 4 months

Saw someone post this last time someone asked this...

"Do you love your right hand more than your left hand?"

HARDonE · 4 months

Pedobear loves your child the minute its born and love all children equally

raydude · 4 months

Every relationship is unique. Comparing relationships is like comparing apples and oranges.

Having expectations of your kids is probably normal, but its not healthy. In my opinion, our responsibility as parents is to love our kids unconditionally (for reals) and help them mature into responsible, loving, caring, concerned, compassionate, contemplative, rational, balanced, whole and healthy individuals. Whether or not they make it is up to them.

As parents all we can do is guide them. In the beginning we give them hard walls, but short hard walls, and we encourage them to climb over the barriers we erect so they can define their own boundaries. This is how they mature.

This is of course not easy. It helps to be whole and healthy as a parent. In fact, if your goal is whole and healthy children, you'll have to become whole and healthy to help them become whole and healthy. Children follow the examples around them. As parents we have to walk the walk as well as talk the talk.

To return to your original question: everyone is unique. Every relationship is unique. And although my sister and I had different relationships with our Mom, it doesn't mean that one of us had a lower quality relationship. Our mother loves us both, even if it may feel different and be expressed in different ways.

Likewise, my wife and I love both our children. They are completely different styles of individuals. So we love them differently. We express our love differently. But we love them both without hesitation and we don't hold back for any reason. At different times, one child may feel unloved, but you can be certain that's because they disagree with our method of demonstrating our love, not because we don't actually love them.

Crotchfirefly · 4 months

Every single time this question comes up there are a lot of weaseling/evasive answers from parents and a lot of responses from bitter kids.

I suspect this one will go pretty much the same way.

bucksatan731 · 4 months

Yes and No. Pure and Simple

johninbigd · 4 months

I didn't really start to love either my kids until they were old enough to start interacting with them beyond changing diapers and feeding them. I'm a total softy, but I did not cry when they were born and I was not overwhelmed with feelings other than, "Holy shit...wtf do I do with this thing now??" It took a few months with each of them before I really started to connect with them. I love them both immensely now, more than anything else.

[deleted] · 4 months

The assertion that you will fall in love straight away is not true for many parents, both mothers and fathers. It's a harmful myth because parents who don't bond immediately often feel a lot of trouble and guilt etc with it. Good parents tear themselves apart worrying about feeling the 'right' things, which is madness. It also serves to make it harder for women with post partum depression to seek help since they sometimes/often(?) have trouble with bonding and feel bad about it, there can be a lot stigma and fear of judgement.

I am not a mother but I was one of the first few people to hold my cousin's newborns, literally before they were cleaned and dressed. I was the first/one of the first to feed them too. I felt some very strong emotions and I even found it a heart-tug to leave the hospital without a baby.

I have never been strongly maternal or baby-wanting so it was quite a shock, those experiences are what taught me that I do want one eventually, that it really can be very rewarding. It was one of those life changing 'oooh, I get it now' things. (Oh, and with the amount of babies in my family I know all about the poop, vomit and crying, and that's probably what stopped me getting too broody before, I never had the magical 'omg this is a brand new life' moment, just wiping up projectile poos and dodging urine fountains)

coferj · 4 months

A very good female friend of mine admitted it took about 6 months for her maternal love feeling to kick in...longer for her husband.

jamaidens · 4 months

I watched all three of my sons take their first breath, and was the first to hold each (both my ex's were c-section). I can honestly tell you that it is a feeling that far exceeds the "love" you knew up to then. I can't really explain it better then: It is the most fulfilling, amazing, and inspirational thing that has ever happen to me. I love all of my sons the same... I could not imagine "loving" one more then the others. I also can not imagine not feeling these feelings for my boys. I guess that is why I can not comprehend parents that abuse their children. It infuriates me to no end... a parent that abuses their child should be beaten within an inch of their lives.

Chastain86 · 4 months

I cried when my daughter was born but for me it was a very reflexive act -- being involved in that kind of situation is very stressful. My daughter was born via C-section, and my wife was heavily sedated for the surgery. I was having all kinds of thoughts and worries about whether or not I'd ever be able to speak to her again, whether or not our baby would be ok, and a million other things. So when I heard her cry, it was like a release valve opening on a lot of stresses I put upon myself.

I love my child beyond anything else in this world now, but I can't lie to you and say I had an instant love.

rwh1085 · 4 months

I always heard the stories of "falling in love" with your child at first sight. That didn't happen with my daughter when she was born. I don't know if my wife have c-section had anything to do with it. I did feel a very strong bond/connection with her when she was born probably because i had been there with my wife during the whole pregnancy and got to experience her development. Over the past 4 months though I have gained a love for her that knows no bounds. I cannot put into words the feelings I have for that little girl. I can't imagine my life without her now.

galactica216 · 4 months

As a mother I didn't fall in "love" the moment they were born. It took some time for me as I cared and spent time with them. I find that my second daughter currently pulls more of my attention but I believe that it is because she is a handful and still young. Like others have said its comparing apples to oranges.

yourotherusername · 4 months

I was completely surprised at how love just appeared when I held my son for the first time. I didn't expect much on child #2 because, I love my kid already right? Totally blown away again. #3 was just as much a surprise. It's an amazing feeling.

And second part, no, I love them all different, but the same.

shakamalaka · 4 months

I'm a dad. I loved my daughter from the moment she was born. It's a real phenomenon. You just feel this intense connection to your child.

If we have any more kids, I'm sure I'll go through the same experience, although I do wonder whether it will be slightly less mind-blowing because we've already gone through it once before.

othersomethings · 4 months

Yes and I hope not.

DrivenTooFar · 4 months

When my first daughter was born it was surreal. I cried and had this huge mix of emotions and I knew that I was extremely happy. I could say that it was at that moment that I fell in love with her. I was preparing for it the whole time my wife was pregnant but at that moment is when it hit me.

When my other two daughters were born, 6 and 7 years later respectively, I did not have the same reaction. That's not to say that I didn't fall in love with them but I just didn't have the same reaction. There were differences of course. With my first child I was 19, so I was younger, more emotional, and not as defeated by life. Also, I was in there with the first one but I had to sit in the waiting room with the second and third child so I didn't actually witness the birth.

I can honestly say that I love all my children the same and I am not disappointed in them at all (although they can be annoying at times). The only thing that I would have wanted was a boy (3 girls) but it ultimately didn't matter. However, all of my children are young right now. I have a feeling that once they become teenagers and adults, I'll probably end up having a favorite. Not that I would love anyone more or less, just someone I would rather be around.

MikeOnFire · 4 months

Love isn't simple. There's definitely a fascination with the newborn, and a bond develops over time (sometimes minutes, sometimes months). Is it hearts and flowers and butterflies at first sight? Not for me.

I have two boys and I love them both to death and back. I don't have a favorite, and I can't see how I ever could. They both have their characteristics that irk the shit out of me, and also make me laugh and further endear me to them.

clintmemo · 4 months

I have only one child. I distinctly remember the rush of emotion the first item I held her. The desire to protect her was overwhelming.

kittenfacesarah · 4 months

I didn't really feel a huge connection with my son until he was able to do a few things (smile, make noises besides crying etc) but the desire to protect him was always there.

silverglade00 · 4 months

Do you love one of your children more than the other?

Not a parent yet, but I am pretty sure the answer is you love them differently, not more or less.

errantapostrophe · 4 months

this is a tricky one. I'm a mom and I didn't feel an instant connection to either child. It took several months. I don't love one more than the other, but I do understand one better, so it might seem that way to the other.

simperingfool · 4 months

I didn't really bond with my 1st child until I had to take care of him full time (well mainly take care of him, had flexible work hours). When he was first born he kinda scared/intimidated me, no doubt that was due to apprehension at what the following weeks/months would bring; he looked like a little lizard alien thing and always wanted mama and he only had 3 states, asleep, feeding, and upset as hell with no way to communicate it other than howling. Having to take care of him for the entire day made me face that this is something I had to deal with, and so his being upset bothered me less and I grew past the anxiety of his being upset to the state of mind which allowed me to soothe him better. I think my experience is less likely to happen with the mother (barring PPD) since she had to gestate and likely has more bonding opportunities due to breastfeeding (cue the "not everyone can breastfeed" brigade).

I don't love one more than the other, but I do like the older one more (he's got a leg up, being able to talk and all), as the younger one is still kind of an asshole. I hope he grows out of it. When he's not in a pissy/needy mood he's pretty great.

I only feel disappointed in them when they don't treat each other with respect. I didn't really have any expectations to fulfill or fall short of; I still don't know what to expect. They surprise me on a nearly daily basis.

littletinybabycat · 4 months

I'm not a parent, just a child who was told by her mother that I was not the favorite, my little brother was. I still had a wonderful childhood and she loved me very much, but I think she wanted it out in the open that when he got more praise for the same grades as me, or more presents on special occasions, that I knew it was just how things were going to be. Thankfully my father saw how much it hurt me sometimes, and he tried to make up for it. It's because of that that I can say I love my parents unequally. I would chose my father over my mother every time, so I would advise parents to hide their favoritism if they have it.

spinozasrobot · 4 months

I did love them immediately. Also, loving one more than another isn't a distinction that works for me... they're so different, I couldn't distinguish that way.

Redshoe9 · 4 months

I think love is not the right word...it's a instinct to protect them even in the womb and it's unexplainable. It seems to over power you. Reality is that in a few weeks you are so exhausted yet still in protect mode and then their personalities start to emerge. They grow on you and you just start to adore them so much They smell so sweet ( Mothers can identify their babies by smell and so do the infants to the mom). You can't imagine how you would ever go on living if anything happened to them.

When I birthed my second son the moment I saw him I said to myself..."oh he doesn't look anything like my first son this is different and his face wasn't as cute..so I didn't instantly fall in love but I did have the insane protective instinct. I was too used to loving the facial features of the first born and stupidly thought the second would look the same = equal loving.

Over the next 4 months his face filled out and he became so appealing and cute to me and of course the personality comes out ( he's a spitfire pistol, first son is a angel) and we love them both for their fantastic differences. Now they both look so much alike that their is no doubt they are brothers. Even today when I compare their baby pics....2nd son pics still remind of that feeling of..."who are you and how did you come from me, you don't look like my tribe".....

I also appreciate the calmness and maturity of the older child and the laughs and tricks of the younger one. It's just a different love but I could never pick one over the other they are as combined in my emotions as if they were one.

1Turd_Ferguson1 · 4 months

Not about my own child, but my mom disappeared at the end of high school and left me with a shitty step dad. Well she came back and told me she was pregnant I didn't care for everything going down due to being a HS dip shit, but a few months later I was the only person in the delivery room for the C-section and first person to hold her. My little sister is the most precious thing to me and I can not wait to have children of my own. We are 20 years apart and are inseparable. If anything ever happens to her I would burn this world to the ground......

Gonenutz · 4 months

Okay I'm going to be 100% honest about this question. I have 4 children ( 10, 6, 5, and 5 ). My oldest no I didn't fall in love with him right away, the minute I had him ppd kicked in I disliked him had to be forced to hold him with time and help I got over it and bonded with him more and more but it took a good year. My second son instantly loved him and bonded right away. My youngest twins was the opposite of my oldest. I got pregnant when my middle child was 3 months old and finding out I was having twins killed me I wanted nothing to do with being pregnant I hated every second of it and couldn't even bring myself to look at baby stuff , and then i went into labor and something just switched. I went into labor early with them and instantly went into mama bear mode and loved them right away. Do I love my kids all the same now ? Yes and no . I love them all with all my heart but some of their personalitys blend better with mine then others.

coronalmassejection · 4 months

I had an overwhelming need to hold, protect and nurture my children from the moment they were born, but "love" didn't develop until I could communicate with them. This may be due to the definitions were using here.

Now, as for the other question, I do not favor one of my children over the other, but sometimes I do find it easier to express affection for one or the other depending on our various moods. I also find that I am constantly evaluating who needs my attention/affection most at any given moment and directing it that way.

It's hard to explain, but I love each of them the most.

wrestlegirl · 4 months

I "fell in love" with our son when I was pregnant with him. I thought 'it can't get any better than this!' every time I felt him move, every time I got to hear his heartbeat or see him via ultrasound.

Then the whole birthing process happened. When my OB laid him screaming on my belly the love I'd felt before he was born was just completely eclipsed by a new, different sort of love. It was mindblowing and I don't have the words to really explain the difference between "I love my unborn baby" and "HOLY FUCKING SHIT this child I just birthed is the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me!"

Sometimes all I can do is sit and stare at him in wonder. Sometimes all I can do is sit and stare at him while fearing all the ugly in the world and wanting desperately to protect him from it.

He's 3 weeks old now. I still love him like I did when I first held him.

DibleDog · 4 months

I admit I have more powerful feelings for my biological kids than my stepson, but I love them all. Of my biological kids, I love them both dearly, but confess that my son feels like another me, 30 years younger. His disposition, sense of humor, and personality are so synced with mine that we have the closest thing to telepathy possible. He is my best friend and he's 5. My daughter is more like my wife, so our relationship develops more like she's a girlfriend (with the exception of all obvious physicality). It works best when I remember that. Treating her the same way I treat my son just makes her upset and disinterested. She is awesome in a completely different way from my boy.

solinvictus21 · 4 months

No and no, but I believe it does happen. Some parents may love their children the moment they lay eyes on them, though I suspect most parents who say that are just spouting the proper bullshit that they believe society expects of them and don't, deep down, actually feel that way. Maybe I'm wrong, but that certainly wasn't my experience. My love for my children grew out of years of interaction and caring for them, just like your love for anyone else in your life. Kids don't have any sort of magical superpower that makes you feel love for them just because you watch them emerge from the womb. People who say they do probably also still believe in other magical bullshit like "love at first sight". As for loving your children in differing quantities, that hasn't been my experience, but I do believe that it honestly does happen. In my experience, my love for my daughter and my son are vastly different kinds of love, but when I try to wrap my head around quantifying which love is "greater", I can't honestly see a clear winner.

As for kids as babies, omfg yes I hate babies. I see them as "cute" when viewed from an outside perspective, but actually caring for a baby yourself is a freaking nightmare. You get no sleep, and you'll get pissed on, shit on, screamed at, drooled on, puked on, cried to, scratched, and kicked more than you've ever experienced. How ANYone could honestly enjoy caring for a baby 24/7 is beyond me. I enjoy my kids FAR more and we are much closer now that they are teenagers and mostly able to care for themselves.

kryptick · 4 months

It took me a few months to fall in love with my first daughter. The second one was when I saw her. Same with my son. I also contribute my age as a factor of how long it took me to not feel like a babysitter.

I don't however love one more than the other, but I do have a favorites.

wonderlandjunki · 4 months

I loved my daughter before she was even born. The minute she came into my arms I was awstruck. My husband never gets, he didn't when she was born, when I got diagnosed with cancer, never. The one time I actually saw him cry was in the middle of the second night when she woke up and I had just finished feeding her and was just so fucking tired. I tried to sleep and woke up to the most touching conversation. He told her all about how we met and what family she will have. He choked up a little and just kept saying I love your mother very much, but the love I feel for you is so strong and unbreakable. I let him have his moment and eventually fell asleep. I still haven't told him, but I told Reddit!

you'll need to login or register to do that

create a new account

login