Bosses/managers of Reddit: what's the stupidest excuse for calling in to work you've ever heard?

ii_akinae_ii · 5 months

I have heard a lot of stupid excuses, but I had one girl who worked for me that kept calling in with "food poisoning". One day, her mother calls in for her and says that she had been sexually assaulted the night before, and would be out for a while. Since I didnt think something like this could be a lie, I told her to take all the time she needs, blah blah. Later, I called her home and asked if there was anything we could do to help her and that she had our support. Her mother didnt know what I was talking about. Turns out she had a friend call and say she was her mother, and was lying about being raped.

thegauntlet · 5 months

Late 90's I worked in a grocery store as the 4pm-1am manager. One night I was about an hour from leaving and got a call from my relief who informed me she wouldn't make it in due to a mountain lion attack. We lived near the beach so I figured she was full of shit. Next night comes and 12:45 she strolls into work all bandaged up. Turned out she worked at a pet emergency place from 5pm-12:30 then came into work for the night shift at our work. Some guy pulled in with a mountain lion he hit and he told them it was dead and in his truck, just needed to dispose of it. They open the trunk and he jumped out attacking everyone and ended up roaming the gated parking lot until animal control came to tranquilize him.

ODSTSpooky · 5 months

I think the stupidest excuse my boss heard once was that I was going to be late because the cat peed in the laundry basket.

We used to have a dress code where I work, and I'd just done all my laundry the night before, all my work clothes, pants, etc. Everything was folded in the laundry basket, and one of our cats decided it was a rockin place to piddle. I tried to ask if I could come in casual, the answer was no, so I had to wait until laundry finished before I could come in to work.

He still pokes fun at me about it as the lamest excuse ever.

plb49 · 5 months

Power failure--can't open my garage door.

brewfunksoulkitchen · 5 months

"sorry i cant come in today, i have a job interview..."

_Pepe_Silvia · 5 months

Not a boss/manager, but at my first job a co-worker called after he was already hours late for his shift to explain he was walking to work when "a gang of black guys started chasing him for some reason" and that he'd been "running away from them for hours".

Lasmrah · 5 months

Where I live, I can only get to where my work is through one freeway (and a road that parallels that freeway). One day, there was a brushfire that got out of control and spread to both sides of the freeway, so both the freeway and the road next to it were closed.

That day, I had to call in to work that I couldn't come in because the freeway was on fire.

Uriniass · 5 months

"I caught the crabs from some bitch last night"

BulkVanderhuge · 5 months

I was an assistant manager at a small grocery store. This new bag boy named Gil called in and said he thinks he had a stroke. I asked how he knew and he said it just felt like a stroke and he wouldn't be able to get to work. So I told him not to come in. Then I patiently watched through the glass on the front door of the store as he loaded up his truck with beach equipment and drove away with his girlfriend; he lived right across the street from the store.

blustosa · 5 months

Driving to work with a few co-workers, see a girl that works there walking on the streets holding hands with what I assume to be a boyfriend. Get to work and we receive a phone call, same girl, and she says she's unable to get to work because she has a flat tire and is 50 miles away from work.

This was all happening over speaker phone, with all of the other supervisors standing around it doing their dandiest not to laugh. I then confront her "Oh, in X city huh. I could have sworn I saw you walking by starbucks..." She then replies "Well... I'm just gonna go right ahead and say I quit..."

AbeLouDog · 5 months

Kid whom I worked with gauges his ears up far to quickly with very large, very heavy jewelry. "That may not be a very good idea. You'll rip your ears.", I say.

Next day: The kid's earlobes are red and swollen around the jewelry. "Maybe you should take those out.That can't be good for you.", I say.

Next day: Kid comes into work complaining of a headache, neck ache, & feeling faint. His ears are red, swollen, encrusted in puss. "You need to go home and take care of yourself", I say.

Next day: Kid does not come to work. Turns out, he was in the hospital after giving himself a terrible infection.

TL;DR: ಠ_ಠ Kid was so hip, he put himself in the ER.

ignoramusaurus · 5 months

My old boss hated me for reasons I did not know. Years later I found out it ws because I came in late once (like 5mins) because I had a massive gash in my foot, saying "Sorry I'm late I have a hole in my foot i had to go put extraa socks on" and he thought I'd said "Sorry I'm late, i have a hole in my sock.

qpfox · 5 months

Was the day manager at a Papa John's. That means I'd come in at 9:30 and open the store, etc and work through until after dinner. We were a pretty low volume store, so I usually only had one driver to take orders until the dinner rush started around 4pm.

Being the daytime driver was the most coveted position in the store, because you actually got full-time hours, and also got to deliver all the way through dinner.

Well, this is the story of Grenada. I don't know how Grenada got the job in the first place, but she had been doing it for awhile. I didn't like her very much, since she showed up late and smoked more pot than anyone else at the store (if you've ever worked at a pizza place, you know what I mean).

One morning, Grenada doesn't show up at 10. No problem, there are no big orders scheduled for lunch, so I can give her a few minutes to get here.

10:30 rolls around. No Grenada.

10:45, and no Grenada. The phone rings, and I take an order for delivery. I tell them it's going to be an hour, which should give me enough time to find out where the fuck Grenada is or call someone in.

I get off the phone, I call Grenada.

"Why aren't you at work?"

"My hurr real rough."

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

"My hurr real rough."

"Are you telling me you didn't come in to work because you're having a bad hair day?"

"Yeah, my hurr real rough."

"If you're not here in ten minutes, don't bother ever coming in again. HAVING A BAD HAIR DAY IS NOT A FUCKING EXCUSE TO MISS WORK."

Needless to say, she did not come in, I called an alternate guy, and ended up having to make that delivery order free since it took way more than an hour. I didn't technically have the authority to fire her, being only an assistant manager, but the general manager LOL'd and agreed that she was gone.

TL;DR Pizza delivery driver tried to call out of work because of a bad hair day and was fired for her idiocy.

alcoholland · 5 months

"I just stopped my pill bender two hours ago and I don't know if I'll be in tomorrow." He had that day off and was calling in sick in advance

Edit: punctuation

CDfm · 5 months

My GF used to work for a major IT Co and part of her job was to keep track of the women's excuses.

The favorite girl excuse was periods .

Favorite line " I am serious Catherine, if you have had 3 periods this month you need to see a doctor cos you are a medical marvel"

baultista · 5 months

Sending an e-mail that says "I'm feeling under the weather" is usually sufficient at my workplace.

ignoramusaurus · 5 months

A friend of a friend has my old job in a university and gets told about this girl who used to come in with ridiculous excuses which they thought might actually be true. This girl was me. Amongst those excuses were:

I woke up this morning with no bedroom window, a massive shard of glass dangling over my head

My front door got kicked in by the police and I cant leave the house because I cant lock the door

The security gates broken and I cant get out of my house

I have scabies

Come_at_me_friend · 5 months

I work in the auto repair industry. We are a bunch of straightforward chaps. Whenever someone calls in they basically lay it out plain and simple "hey man, I got so fucked up last night. I met this chick and we did coke all dam night. I'll make it up to you man." Or "hey, I'm not coming in today. What I don't have a choice? Ok well then fuck you I quit."

Fucking love my job.

Deriox · 5 months

My employee: "I need to miss today, my mother thinks I'm spending too much time at work, and not enough with her." He worked 20 hours a week...

MileHighBarfly · 5 months

A couple of my friends from childhood own their own auto parts business. They have several guys that are delivery drivers to various mechanics and whathaveyoue around the city. One time, they had a guy call in and say he couldn't make it that day... because he had Bird Flu. Said he's going to stay in bed for the day should be back on his feet by tomorrow.

khubbo · 5 months

Not a boss, but co-worker rang in with "I can't make it this evening, my friend and I just bought a box of fireworks." Strangely enough, he never came back, must have had a hell of a lot of fireworks...

fooler2 · 5 months

Had a guy call in sick with "Anal glaucoma"...he then said it was because his ass couldn't see him coming to work that day...100% for serious. Union protection is too strong sometimes. Still laughed heartily.

buyer · 5 months

"I'm waiting for my work trousers to dry" He never came back...

walrus0 · 5 months

The guy who insisted he had to take a month of vacation to fly back to his home country (a developing nation not generally known for the quality of its medical care) to have hemorrhoid surgery, when company health insurance would have covered an examination and surgery in a more modern and world-class facility. He did something that wrecked his ass and then refused to get examined by local doctors.

GiddyGodsTrousers · 5 months

"There are ants in my clothes - I have to stay home and wash them." She was supposed to make a presentation that day, which fell to me to improvise. Color me annoyed.

Edibleface · 5 months

worst one ive heard was 'I am not coming in today, it's a beautiful day outside.' during one of the most hectic work days ive experienced.

this was not only allowed, but this person was recently promoted.

walbern1 · 5 months

We actually use to give an award for this, the two most memorable were "I was bit by a raccoon" and "My brother stabbed me last night".

archangel09 · 5 months

My tag is expired and I don't want to get a ticket. My boyfriend is driving me to get the renewal today and so I will be there tomorrow. (This is in June).

The next day she shows up and her tag has a November sticker on it.

thequeen23 · 5 months

I once asked for a few days off to get a boob job. My boss was so uncomfortable, he had no idea what to say and started opening and closing random drawers in his desk. It was hilarious. I had a complication from the anestesia and called in with a collapsed lung 3 days after the surgery. A week later (i had also recently had a promotion) he asked me if I had any regrets. I said "no, I love them!" He said, "i meant the new job". Laughs followed after a moment of awkward realization.

landdolphinman · 5 months

Not a manager, but was later told this as I was indirectly referenced.

Someone at work was having trouble adhering to the start time of their shift. When confronted, the employee gave some half-assed sob story about how hard it is for him to get up in the morning. No disabilities or responsibilities, it was just really hard.

Cue my manager to him: "You can't get up that early? That's your excuse? I have a guy on this team who got hit by a bus -- A BUS -- on his way in and he still got here on time. I have a guy who found out one Monday morning that one of his best friends committed a murder-suicide, and he still got here on time. And your excuse is that its just too hard to get up at 7:00?"

dwightmoody · 5 months

I overheard a coworker explaining to his supervisor that he was late because he spaced out in the shower and his mom didn't tell him to hurry up. A few months later he came into work on time but immediately hopped into the shower and stayed in there for about half an hour. When questioned about why he had to shower right then, he said he didn't want to smell like sex all day.

jhudsui · 5 months

OP is a classic player-hater.

goodytwotoes · 5 months

"My vagina is so swollen I can't walk."

bluerex · 5 months

[deleted]

THKMass · 5 months

I had recently been promoted to manager of a few restraunts for valet, which means nothing since there is about 8 managers above me. At any rate it was a nice fall saturday and a friend of mine planned to host a party that evening that i really wished to attend. So i called work around 2 (due in at 5) and told my boss "i had been towed while apple picking with my girlfriend in western mass" he of course responds with "there is no way there is tow companies out there who do that". Little did he know i was ready for that, i had google a company in the area and got a quote of what their tow cost. It was at this point he knew there was little he could do so he decided to put me on speaker and have me repeat the whole story so the entire office could laugh at me. It was well worth the shame, great party and no trouble at work the next day.

RazorEddie · 5 months

How about the funniest?

I was working in our store before it opened and I answer the phone to a collect call from Suchandsuch County Jail from "Thisis<dude>pleasedon'thangup!!!" I laughed and hung up, because he's a funny guy, right? That's some funny shit.

Phone rings again. Collect call from Suchandsuchcountyjail..."Noseriouslyrazoreddiedon'thangup." Okay now it's doubly funny because it's not a prank call. I accept the charges because I just have to know what's going on and get "I can't come in today because I'm in jail. Also, can you call my girlfriend and beg her to come bail me out?" I'm cracking up and I decide since he's amused me so thoroughly I will do exactly that. So I call her up and she's Angry Black Girling out about how he can stay in jail, while I am trying not to laugh too overtly, but I'm cracking up.

So I got to call the general manager of our store to tell her we needed a replacement for Dude because he was in jail.

happywhale · 5 months

Actually have heard this excuse several times ... "My husband won't let me drive in the snow." WTF?

thechristoph · 5 months

I've called in to work citing extreme disinterest. I think that's pretty lame, but not lame enough to get reprimanded for.

punkrockmcduck · 5 months

Once when I worked at a grocery store in high school I called in on an unseasonably nice Friday afternoon and told my manager I wasn't coming in. She asked why, and having not prepared any kind of excuse I just said "I just don't feel like it. There are lots of things I'd rather be doing." Somehow I didn't get fired.

Some years later I worked the overnight shift at a gas station. I had to wait for the morning crew to get there before I could go home. There was one guy who would always call in and say he was running behind and he would be five minutes late. Then he would show up (usually more like 10-15 minutes late) holding a bag o' McDonalds breakfast. Every damn time. I couldn't stand that guy.

geekcangirl · 5 months

"I'm at the beauty salon and they are taking too long to do my hair and I won't be able to come in cause I'll be late".

Philososaurus-Rex · 5 months

I'm a supervisor and the other day (retail just before Christmas is really busy) say that she had a headache and wants to go home. Pulls this shit at least once a week so I told her to drink lots of water, take a panadol and suck it up. Even though it was 2 days after payday she said that she couldn't afford a panadol, so water it is then. I was proven right when she was in 2 hours after her shift finished with her bf buying a chapstick. tl;dr just a small headache

socialstatus · 5 months

Related: I work at a skilled nursing facility and it's against policy for people related to patient care (see: certified nursing assistants, nurses, etc) to wear fake nails, nail polish, and the like. An NAC turned in a DOCTOR'S note explaining why she needed to be excused from policy and allowing her to wear the fake nails.

....still pisses me off that they allowed it.

seanmg · 5 months

I called in one time because I ate a cap full of really hot hot sauce that turned my insides into what felt like solidified concrete. I vomited, and still I couldn't move for several hours. At that point there were two employees named "Kenny" there. The one I needed to talk to was the host as well. I accidently asked for "Kenny the Hostess" when I called too. It was awful. He just laughed at me and told me I was an idiot.

Galle24 · 5 months

Not a manager, but a co-worker called in because he was stuck in his house. In a bright spring day.

At a later time, the same guy called in because he went to his former home (he had left in bad terms) and didn't find any cars there.

TheBeef33 · 5 months

I had a guy ring up to say he couldn't come in to work because he had just saved a girl from being attacked by a savage dog and he had to give a statement to police. An hour later he had obviously forgotten his excuse and rang in again to say he'd been attacked by a dog. About an hour or so later he rings again, apparently he couldn't make it in because a dog bit him and gave him leg cancer (I think he was slurring by now, could be the meds, more likely the lager).

Next day he rings in, still slurring and sounding a bit confused, he has to go to Harley Street to see his private doctor about his leg cancer.

Came in the day after, right as rain, and looked really confused when we asked about his miraculous recovery. He said he couldn't remember phoning more than once and totally denied anything other than having an early night and going to bed with a headache (the last bit was probably true, in fairness)

NumbbSkulll · 5 months

When I was in college, I worked the midnight shift in a gas station. I got wrote up for having friends hanging around about a month after having received my first annual raise. The write up mentioned something like.. You just received a raise, you should know better.

It didn't set well with me, so I called in pissed that night. The manager asked.. Are you sick? I said no, just pissed, and if I came in, I know I would quit, so someone will need to cover my shift either way...

edeneleven11 · 5 months

Just yesterday I had an employee call in because she was "stung by a bee on her Index finger" Now, we're dog groomers so if your hand swells it usually means you can't work so I let it slide. Fast forward to today she shows up late, no marks whatsoever and without even doing us the courtesy of wearing a band-aid or something!

E_pubicus_unum · 5 months

"I'm too high."
"My cat is sick." (He was crying; I think his cat really was sick.)
"I'm too tired." I made her come in. Everyone already at work had to be there at 6 a.m. and it was 10 a.m. when she called.

turingfail · 5 months

Skyrim

kyrpa · 5 months

"I can't find my other shoe".

TosTosT · 5 months

You're responsible for a starving puppy out there!

darksober · 5 months

Dude, she got a puppy.... how is that not a legitimate excuse?!

MewMeowMeow · 5 months

my coworker said his dog shit in the floor

bubbo · 5 months

One of my student employees left a voicemail message in the middle of the night saying he was stuck somewhere out of own and would not be back in time for his shift so he was taking the day off. He probably should not have called from his on campus dorm telephone since that showed where he was calling from.

The stupidest part was that we had a very liberal call in policy for the students. They could call in for just about anything, we didn't care. These were workstudy positions, if they needed the money they would come to work. He could have just called in and said he was tired.

EvaSylvestre · 5 months

"I thought I was going to jail, so I stayed up late letting my neighbor (14) gimme 'jail-tears' tattoos on my face."

He didn't go to jail.

Heatherette · 5 months

"It's raining and I can't drive my electric car to work."

korukyu · 5 months

"There's a hole in my kitchen ceiling!"

Usually, this would be legit, right? That's actually a big deal. The only problem is that this dude was a friend of mine. That hole had been there for at least a month when he called in about it.

I alerted the office manager that took the call and recorded his absence (I'm a tech manager, not a personnel manager), and we collectively face-palmed.

o235l2c · 5 months

I actually got locked in my house once... Damn dead locks brothers gf took my keys and left the house I had no spare keys in my house. Sucked balls got locked in for 5 hours

kindredflame · 5 months

"I can't come to work today, I'm mentally ill." We were pretty sure he wasn't lying. Same guy also called in for "bad farts," "ingrown hairs in my private, unmentionable areas," and "religious observatories."

anaximander · 5 months

In high school, thanks to a 5 year program (thanks, Ontario) combined with a legal quirk, once we hit 18 we were legally allowed to call ourselves out, giving whatever reason we wanted - they couldn't do much until you hit 40 days absent, at which point they simply failed you.

I have called myself in "dead" "hung over" (after I turned 18), "too bored," "It's a beautiful day and I'm going to go take pictures," "I don't feel like it," and "bitchy."

RockyCoon · 5 months

How lame to fire her for being honest. If she had faked being sick, it'd probably be fine. Dumb. Still, she should've known to lie - you can't get far in the world without lying.

P.S. You're so handsome!

jhudsui · 5 months

Really, if your employer doesn't offer paid sick time, you don't fucking owe them an excuse. You're not coming in because you're not coming in, end of story.

nonpet · 5 months

Several jobs back, my old boss used to call in sick by hitting me up on AIM and telling me he was hung over and not coming in. He actually expected me to cover for him to his boss.

He did this at least once a month.

I didn't cover for nothin'.

NumbbSkulll · 5 months

I manage an IT team, and I guess I'm pretty easy to work for...

I've got one guy that has been known to "call in" (email, actually) from the bar at closing time....

it usually says something like... stuck around till close, probably gonna be sick tomorrow....

itsacaptcha · 5 months

This guy calling in late makes me laugh every time I hear it.

sac02 · 5 months

Him: "I can't come in today, I'm sick."

Me: "Can [your roommate that also works at the restaurant ] cover for you?"

Him: "No, we partied pretty hard last night and we're both pretty hungover."

Me: "Get your ass to work right now."

portitforward · 5 months

Showed up before work at one job to pick up my check, did not show up for my scheduled shift

had to deliver food from job 2 to some one at job 1 the very same day

pigsymagic · 5 months

"I got on the bus and realised that I was wearing my night slippers."

sac02 · 5 months

If it was a cat, she would have gotten a promotion.

dyl666 · 5 months

A chav from work called Aaron didn't want to come in one day, so he got his girlfriend (or maybe it was his sister...or maybe they were the same person, who knows) to call up and let us know he was sick. But of course he wanted to make it believable and maybe serious so he could have two days off in a row or something.

So anyway, this extremely poorly spoken girl (if you don't know what a chav is, here's a comedy example) calls us up and advises us that Aaron can't come in because he's had brain surgery.

I don't think they thought it through very well, though, because when asked why he'd had brain surgery (and if he was ok, etc.) she said "he just needed it for his brain and stuff". The conversation just got more awkward from there.

He never came in again, which is probably just as well because I don't think we'd have been able to stop laughing.

The ironic thing is if he'd called up and said he had a cold, he would have been fine.

xjeepdotorg · 5 months

we had a guy call out saying his grandmother died. company sent flowers to his dad. his dad made him come in and apologize

doctorfeelgood21 · 5 months

"I'm not going to make it in today, my cat ate all of my insulin"

or

"Sorry i'm late, I got shot at on my way over here"

Same guy, he lived in a crappy neighborhood, but not to the point he would get shot at (not to mention nothing was reported to the police).

[deleted] · 5 months

Girl I work with called out because she had a hangnail on her big toe. Got a doctor's note and everything. Also called out one time because her mom got a new dog and didn't her to be alone with it. She's still employed.

TheFapman · 5 months

At my old job someone continually called in on Saturday and Sunday mornings because he was still drunk from the night before and coudlnt legally drive in. He never got in trouble. I envy him.

Megling1285 · 5 months

"I fell asleep in the shower"

girlwhodidyourhair · 5 months

A guy I work with regularly calls in 15 minutes after we open to tell us that he'll be 5 minutes late. Then when you casually point out that he is actually going to be 20 minutes late he gets angry at you.

Leelluu · 5 months

"My daughter doesn't want to get up, so we have to stay in bed."

anyanka123 · 5 months

In a text message, "it's too cold, c u Tuesday"

Regrobrght · 5 months

Not management but they have to call me to let me know.

I'm not coming in today i got "Stuff to do".

zjunk · 5 months

My work has a makeup day policy - so, if you call in sick, you have to make it up during the next weekend morning unless you have sick days available (which starts after three months on staff). So, over and over, we'll get calls with people who are new and "really really traumatically unable to make it in". That's usually their first time hearing about the policy, and it's surprising how quickly those illnesses clear up before their shift starts.

username_redacted · 5 months

A co-worker called in sick to her shift as a server in our restaurant. I saw her drinking in the bar literally next door. My boss told me to go confront her and her explanation was: "I'm too sick to work, but not too sick to drink." touche.

Tyranical · 5 months

We had a guy call into work because he was snowed in. We had some bad ice and snow storms, but for a week it had been cloudy outside with some flurries. Well, this guy text a friend and says "can't get out of my drive way." The picture was literally a quarter inch of snow, up on his tires, we had 5 inches a week and a half ago and he made it in. He said he was going to try and shovel it up and make it in but to no avail, couldn't do it.

We were pretty much the guy was a huge druggie, just from how he acted. We didn't know if he just wanted to call in and needed an excuse, or he was so fucked up he thought he had an avalanche under his car.

Jerry_say · 5 months

A girl had to get her hair done, after my jaw dropped in disbelief my co-worker told me "well, what she was getting done does take a long time" I wish I had the power to fire people.

Aperture_client · 5 months

Not a manager, but I once had to call in late because my pants were really wrinkly and I had to iron them. My managers still make fun of me for it.

absinthevisions · 5 months

not a boss/manager, but my best friend and I once called into work blue. She had recently dyed her hair blue and I was helping her wash it and it turned most of her face/body and my hands/fore arms blue. we worked in an appearance centric place so we couldn't go to work.

leicanthrope · 5 months

The best/worst one was a guy who called off because he had a "bit of stomach flu that feels rather like what I hear having entirely too many psychadelic mushrooms the night before does".

Edit: Forgot about one of the classics... I get a voice mail from a guy that was more or less the following: "Hey, this is so-and-so, I'm down in Gilroy. I just found out that apparently I have a warrant out for my arrest. I'm being booked. I'll call you back later."

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