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[–]MileHighBarfly 935 points936 points ago

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Here is something that can get ANYBODY talking, ladies love to chat about it, and it can easily lead into more advanced flirting: Tell them you are thinking about taking a vacation sometime really soon, and ask for tip on where to go, or what their favorite place to go is.

[–][deleted] 692 points693 points ago

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Later on tonight, all women out at the bars are wondering why suddenly all these nerds decided to get travel advice from them.

[–]McPantaloons 404 points405 points ago

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I don't have a bar in my computer room.

[–]WileyE 112 points113 points ago

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But if you did, I bet some ladies would show up.

[–]the_eggsalad 214 points215 points ago

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"If you build it, they will come"

[–]mattbluesman 34 points35 points ago

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"if you build it, they will cum...eventually."

[–]IMadeYourDrink 324 points325 points ago

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"Oh you went to Jamaica? I've been thinking Caribbean too. tell me all about it." I find getting her to talk as much as possible and me as little as possible is the best way to go. People love to talk about themselves, and I end up being "mysterious".

[–]MileHighBarfly 410 points411 points ago

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People love to talk about themselves

Nailed it.

[–]OMGnotjustlurking 271 points272 points ago

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In their minds, you guys "had a great conversation".

[–]andytuba 173 points174 points ago

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How to Make Friends and Influence People. Done.

[–]themarkofmarks 24 points25 points ago

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[–][deleted] 43 points44 points ago

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the same reason why if you can't nail "tell us about yourself" in a job interview... you're probably not getting the job.

[–]pastizzi 41 points42 points ago

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Okay, I seriously have no idea what to say to this question in a job interview. What kind of answer is a person looking for when they ask this? I think I need to be more interesting. Or a better liar.

[–]Ericana 55 points56 points ago

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I always go with, "I love challenges and trying/learning new things. Blah blah. I'm very talented.. play sports... energetic." Just telling them good happy things. :p It helps when I apply some where I have no experience.. being able to list off my different hobbies shows I'm likely to stick with something new.

If you're a girl it helps to smile and laugh a LOT. I'm a completely different person once hired. :p

[–]IknowthisIknowthis 14 points15 points ago

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I kinda hate that, if I'm smiling and sassy and maybe throw in a subtle boob adjustment people are sooo ready to be nice and polite, but when I go in serious and ready to rock the shit out of their fragile little minds with my determination and skill, I get terse words and a "We'll let you know."

I've gotten a farther with the application when I went in wearing short shorts once than the 10x times I'd drop it off before. This is a little rant, sorry. Shit just drives me nanners I have to be a femflirt to build resume experience. /ramble

[–]themarkofmarks 19 points20 points ago

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Be lucky that you have the luxury to scapegoat to flirting. I'm pretty sure a crotch adjustment wouldn't help out anyone at all.

[–]IknowthisIknowthis 6 points7 points ago

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Yeah, and thats the part that really bugs me. Why can't we just fucking listen to what someone says and their attitude and professionalism over what type of clothes, hair, shoes, gender and any of that shit? I get in some professions where "WE SELL SUCCESS!" = Everyone looks sleek and slick, but for entry level jobs wtf.

I don't use those tactics. I won't. But I naturally flirt with people to begin with, when I apply for a job I want to be serious and engaged with my activities, so I go out of my way not to be cute and flirty. I wanna be hired based on merit, not fantasy-fucking.

I get what you're saying, and since I live at home yeah, this bitching definitely is a luxury. I just hate the common attitude of it all.

[–]zengonzo 33 points34 points ago

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Outline your interests, particularly those related to your field, and you'll likely start rambling on about shit far more than they wanted to hear.

Work it out on paper now, and talk it through aloud. It'll come easier each time you rehash it.

[–]dadkind 11 points12 points ago

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During the part of the interview when they are asking routine questions about you, you can get a lot of insight into the interviewer(s). Use this to your advantage. These have worked for me. I'm 8/10 in the interview department (not counting "repeat performances").

  • If there is more than one interviewer, identify the "boss" (if they don't express it explicitly). Direct more of your answers to the boss, but include some direct eye contact/ answers to the other(s) so that they can see that you value their contribution to the team.
  • If the interview is in someone's office, scan their office to gather as much about them as possible (married/kids, their hobbies, their awards, etc). That way when you talk about you, you can provide answers that relate to what the interviewer can relate to. It will make it seem like you "belong" there or that you "get them."
  • And remember, you got to the interview stage. So (on paper) you ARE qualified for the job. Just tell them why you are the BEST person for the job. You are just pointing out facts about you that they don't know yet.
  • Then (this is the important part) when you get the job, work harder than the rest of your co-workers to prove they were right in hiring you. (There's nothing nicer than getting a phone call from an old boss asking if you're available to work on a new project they just got)

[–]fingapapits 29 points30 points ago

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I'd like to note that your approach also stays away from asking questions.

interrogation is not seduction.

[–]IMadeYourDrink 17 points18 points ago

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Yup. Asking a few questions that get long answers lets her open up her guard too. No one reveals anything about themselves while answering pointed yes or no, or list oriented questions. Ask about a specific experience, how the felt, what they remember, and then shut the fuck up. Ladies, this works equally well on dudes too.

[–]da3dalus 27 points28 points ago

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Surprised that THIS was your tip on talking to the ladies, Mr. "IMadeYourDrink".

[–]IMadeYourDrink 56 points57 points ago

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Hahaha. Actually, it's my name because I've been a bartender. I picked up these ideas working behind a bar trying to make people like me so they tip me more. Figured it might work in the real world.

Also, roofie-coladas.

[–]FaceOfBear15 12 points13 points ago

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If you like roofie-caladas! And passing out in the rain!

[–]DangerDean 155 points156 points ago

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You are a genius. Give that bitch mysterious, bitches love mysterious.

[–]smackie 153 points154 points ago

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call them bitch. Makes them feel very relaxed and ready to share.

[–]Seyris 45 points46 points ago

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Send her a smiley face, bitches love smiley faces.

[–]ralree 702 points703 points ago

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Tell her you've got tickets to Portugal, then start espousing how South America is going to be so awesome.

Love, GOB.

[–]RansomHoliday 153 points154 points ago

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I thought of this yesterday when trying to convince a coworker that Brazilians speak Portuguese, not Spanish, despite being located in "Spanish America."

[–]canijoinin 405 points406 points ago

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Is your co-worker a retard? Tell them I think they're retarded.

[–]Thisisntclever 340 points341 points ago

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"Hey Paula, the internet thinks you are retarded. Take care!"

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]skelente 30 points31 points ago

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We need this made, pronto.

[–]LOFTIE 7 points8 points ago

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http://i.imgur.com/xCZ0a.png

You go ahead and print that off RansomHoliday and give it to your co-worker.

I left a blank space for you to handwrite the name

[–]Anticitizen_One 26 points27 points ago

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"Who are you?"
"I'm from the Internet. Here's your certificate. Congratulations, you are now officially retarded."

[–]esdevil4u 18 points19 points ago

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"Of course it's legit. It's the INTERNET."

[–]BDaught 59 points60 points ago

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Yup.

If there is a hell, I'll see you there.

[–]donpapillon 34 points35 points ago

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Next time shock him by saying that people in Asia don't speak Asian.

[–]runrein10 161 points162 points ago

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As long as the next guy doesn't come along and say something like, "I'm from a different planet. Seriously!"

[–]MileHighBarfly 178 points179 points ago*

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"Hey there. Is this guy boring you? You should talk to me instead. I'm from different planet"

[–]spielzebub 64 points65 points ago

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Well, to be fair, he really was from another planet.

[–]trimalchio-worktime 47 points48 points ago

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Seriously, fuck Zaphod Beeblebrox. I totally would've had a chance with Tricia if it weren't for his stupid spaceship.

[–]guywhoishere 33 points34 points ago

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Now that is just not fair. His space ship was actually quite intelligent.

[–]anotherjames 44 points45 points ago

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Wanna see my spaceship?

[–]TundraWolf_ 26 points27 points ago

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There's always a zaphod at the party. Goddamn zaphod.

[–][deleted] 106 points107 points ago

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Grab the nearest woman look her deep in the eyes and say "we're going to fuck tonight"

50% of the time it works ALL of the time

the other 50% you end up in jail

[–]anotherMrLizard 102 points103 points ago

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the other 50% you end up in jail

...where you may become the recipient of the above line.

[–][deleted] 170 points171 points ago

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hence why it works 100% of the time

[–]Anarchitect 22 points23 points ago

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Holy shit, that is a very nice one.

[–]MileHighBarfly 17 points18 points ago

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Yeah, get the ladies imagining that nice trip to a cafe in Paris, and they wont even realize that you are in this imaginary trip.

[–]iSmokeTheXS 10 points11 points ago

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Haha, I don't know why but as I read the first sentence I felt like it was building to the climax of a hilarious joke... and then it was serious advice. But good advice. Listen here OP, this guy is right. It will get them to talk about trips they have been on, and as you know girls like to talk about themselves.

[–]NotMarkus 4 points5 points ago

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I had a very long, interesting conversation on my first date with my current lady friend and it started out this way. It was completely sincere, I do want to take a vacation and it turns out she's traveled quite a bit. I didn't realize it until just now, but I'll be using this in the future.

[–]iaccidentlytheworld 564 points565 points ago

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Be human. Practice going outside before the party so your eyes can adjust to the world above ground.

[–]PeriodBlood 827 points828 points ago

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Flirt your motherfucking ass off. Do not use any "pick up lines" you see on the fucking internet. Be real, bro.

If you mention your ex, I will hunt you down and dick-slap you.

[–]anotherjames 460 points461 points ago

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Within this seemingly frat-tastic message, there is wisdom. Be somewhat directly flirtatious with the girls from the beginning. Otherwise, you're just a dude, or a friend who wants to talk about vacations and where she went to college and what she does for a living and her favorite restaurants and if she's a cat person or a dog person or if she thinks Casey Anthony was guilty and bla bla bla. Sure these things are important, but save it for the next week when you meet her for a drink. Initially, YOUR ABSOLUTE PRIORITY is to get her to laugh. That is an art that you must learn and develop. If she doesn't laugh, maybe you're not funny, maybe you are funny but she's not, maybe she's nervous, who knows why? Just don't over think it. And be sure to talk to everyone, men, girls, pets, everyone. You're at a party, not a bar, so you have the opportunity to really network and build any girls perception of your social worth. Don't overdo it and be fake, but be sure to have some level of acquaintance with most everyone. The point is, you're there to separate yourself from the other men in her mind. Being some random unknown dude who wants to monopolize her time by discussing her favorite band will not do that. Introducing yourself, then asking her to please hold your beer, handing it to her, then instructing her to now follow you around for the rest of the night, might. God speed.

[–]SoItsThatKindaParty 202 points203 points ago

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and if that doesn't work you can always stick your dick in the mashed potatoes!

[–]IntentToContribute 158 points159 points ago

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so it's that kind of party

[–]LoveGoblin 124 points125 points ago

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Initially, YOUR ABSOLUTE PRIORITY is to get her to laugh.

This is true wisdom right here.

[–]ro6023a 21 points22 points ago

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But in all seriousness, this is what you should do. Girls (I can't speak for women in his most likely age group, but if they're anything like 20somethings, this holds true) put so much weight on image alone. If you look like you're having fun, know people, people like you, etc, they'll dig talking to you.

[–]HeyyZeus 56 points57 points ago

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TL;DR Confidence and a touch of cockiness. Words all single men should live by.

[–]MikeyThndrFngrs 7 points8 points ago*

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I see r/seduction has shown up.

[–]igotfiveonit 79 points80 points ago

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DICK SLAPPIN'S MY GAME!

Woo!

[–]fcuhrrmiasn 368 points369 points ago

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bang the wing woman

[–]thatwasntveryraven 163 points164 points ago

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Bang the wing woman and you fuck for a night.

Get someone else to bang the wing woman and she'll have girls fucking you every night.

[–]trevorfiasco 48 points49 points ago

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that's what Confucksious say

[–]Weeabos 14 points15 points ago

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Yea, don't be wingist. Wing-ladies need some too.

[–][deleted] 654 points655 points ago

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A guy goes to a party, meets a good looking woman and they start talking. After a while he notices she's wearing a wedding ring. She says, "Yeah, my husband left me because he thought I was too kinky." The guy says, "Really? My wife left me because I was too kinky." She says, "Interesting... you know, I just live right down the street, maybe we should blow off this party, go to my place and see what happens." So they go over to her place and she says, "Make yourself at home, I'm gonna change." She goes into her bedroom and changes into a black mini-skirt, leather bra, fishnet stockings, thigh-high boots, spiky dog collar, picks up a riding crop and saunters out into the living room, and sees the guy heading out the door. She says, "Where are you going? I thought we were gonna get kinky!" He says, "Hey, I fucked your dog, I took a shit in your purse. I'm outta here!"

[–]shmageggy 310 points311 points ago

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And this, friends, is why we keep on scrolling down.

[–]cwkoss 37 points38 points ago

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I logged in just to upvote this. You aren't going to get many this far down, so I thought I would let you know.

[–]vsTerminus 1552 points1553 points ago

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Make sure you talk about your ex constantly. Women love that.

[–]strongo 957 points958 points ago

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tear up and cry a little too

[–]MyopicClarity 608 points609 points ago

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Blow your nose on your shirt. If she gives you a shoulder to cry on, blow it on her shirt.

[–]johnh2o2 433 points434 points ago

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Without breaking inappropriately intense eye contact, casually ask strange, prying questions about their sex lives. Women love that.

[–]Antikristus 531 points532 points ago

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sob "So, do you like to take it up in the ass?" blow nose on shirt is my #1 pickup line.

[–]pantsthemusical 291 points292 points ago

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sob "Sheila always took it up the ass...." total breakdown

[–]Scarker 47 points48 points ago

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notices that she's uncomfortable "Fine, you know... I took it up the ass too sometimes..."

[–]aiowen 55 points56 points ago

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Make sure you wash your face with some Sex Panther eau de toilette before asking any anal questions, though. It has a 60% chance of giving you a better result!

[–][deleted] 95 points96 points ago

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It has a 60% chance of giving you a better result every time!

FTFY

[–]someguywhocanfly 176 points177 points ago

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"Anyway, how is your sex life?"

[–]Nabonidus3 59 points60 points ago

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upvote for "The Room" reference

[–]billyboogie 77 points78 points ago

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oh hi mark

[–]Naffler 46 points47 points ago

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oh hi doggy

[–]ebenhaim 23 points24 points ago*

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YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA! *syntax change

[–]Scallywagger 31 points32 points ago

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One time, I knew a girl. She had 20 guys. One of them found out...beat her up so bad she ended up in a hospital on Guerrero Street.

Aha ha haha ha.

[–]supersymmetry 62 points63 points ago

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"I did not hit her! It's not true! It's BULLSHIT! I did not HIT HER! I did NAAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHT!... Oh Hi there, do you want a drink?"

[–]SimBech 65 points66 points ago

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blow it on her shirt.

your nose

ಠ_ಠ

[–]ireallyshouldbworkin 17 points18 points ago

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Just make sure once you're done crying you get violently angry and break something... and then immediately go back to crying.

[–]calrogman 50 points51 points ago

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"When you can put a stiff penis in her hand and weep profusely the while, you're getting near any woman's heart. But don't forget the tears." - Tom Connolly, ~1871

[–]HenryKillinger 375 points376 points ago

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yo, fuck girls.

Just go out and dance. Throw your wallet on the floor and dance around it with your friends.

[–]runninginmysleep 147 points148 points ago

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No chicks tonight, I just came to dance

[–]strongo 25 points26 points ago

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shit im going to do this right now

[–]SimBech 84 points85 points ago

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solid

[–]Scunt_Brundi 97 points98 points ago

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Cover yourself in a zesty sauce, perhaps one based off of a ranch dressing (not buttermilk, though). The ladies will find you irresistible as they try to get close to your delicious and tangy body.

[–]niklz 23 points24 points ago

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also, fake a phone call and say "Hi mum, I'm in Zurich".

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points ago

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It's better to find out up front if they see kids in their future.

[–]CaptainMoroni 18 points19 points ago

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So, you wanna go make a baby?

[–]DaisyPoppleton 22 points23 points ago

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So, you wanna go practice making babies? Shouldn't commit to too much up front.

[–]ThePigs 42 points43 points ago

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You don't look anything like Summer.

[–]araq1579 393 points394 points ago

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the sky and landed on an ice cream truck?

And then throw cats at her

[–]relevant_meter 135 points136 points ago

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1.5 Cuils

[–]elegylegacy 22 points23 points ago

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May I please have a hamburger?

[–]muad_dib 23 points24 points ago

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*hands you a raccoon*

[–]MrJebbers 21 points22 points ago

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*your hands are now hamburgers

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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*The sky has melted into a salmon pastry

[–]truesound 279 points280 points ago

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Bring cocaine. Chicks love cocaine.

[–]Rockyn 90 points91 points ago*

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It is true.

[–]Edgar_Allan_Rich 91 points92 points ago

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No, really. It's true.

[–]a_pound_of_blow 47 points48 points ago

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This guy knows what's up.

[–]freakscene 506 points507 points ago

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Don't use stupid lines. Be friendly and talk to women like regular people.

[–]jjbcn 280 points281 points ago

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"Hello regular person. I understand that at parties it is normal to engage in light conversation. Do you want to start or shall I? I shall take your silence as meaning that I should start.

I have recently been reading a book about military actions in Belgium during the final days of the Second World War. I shall talk about that for a minute and then you can comment on it..."

[–]Lsevenweenie 94 points95 points ago

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You know, if I weren't married and some guy came up to me and started talking about the military actions of Belgium during the second World War... I might buy him a drink. Just saying, we do exist.

[–]jjbcn 159 points160 points ago

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I am very glad we share common interests! I shall begin my discourse, and I hope to include some witty puns and word-play of a military nature that I hope will amuse you.

I wasn't staring at your breasts just then.

[–]doctork91 10 points11 points ago

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Is this Third Rock from the Sun?

[–]jjbcn 27 points28 points ago

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Would you prefer to talk about the solar system? I am quite knowledgeable about the planetary movements and their formation. One moment, I'll get some paper and a pen so that I can draw diagrams and write equations...

[–]DasMess 5 points6 points ago

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I think so. That's how my brain choose to read it. I'm think i'm gonna go google what John Lithgow has been doing these days...

[–]bcbrz 656 points657 points ago

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Treat women, like people? Soon enough we'll be letting them vote too...

[–]ignignoktt 30 points31 points ago

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"Look, he thinks he's people.

Can you believe it Mother?"

[–]codepoet 189 points190 points ago

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The last one got out of my kitchen. It was just downhill ever since.

[–]B_S_O_D 62 points63 points ago

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And not a single sandwich was eaten ever since?

[–]Rimm 58 points59 points ago

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Wrong! you need to stare directly at their tits, NEVER BREAK EYE CONTACT! Next, blow in their face, women love that. From this point you've already sealed the deal so just ask them if they know of anywhere you can bang.

[–]vsTerminus 117 points118 points ago

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[–]MistaPitts 21 points22 points ago

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regular people

I don't buy it.

[–]ralree 11 points12 points ago

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Take my wife, please!

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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I take my wife everywhere but she finds her way home!

[–]DethroTull 208 points209 points ago

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Man screw going out and meeting ladies, use this as a time to get hammered and act all stupid. If you haven't been single since you were 15, it's definitely time to do so.

[–]akatherder 72 points73 points ago

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Some people are allowed to go out, get hammered, and act stupid even when they have a girlfriend/wife...

[–]epicsexmetalquestwin 106 points107 points ago

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I think they keep score.

[–]abnormalsyndrome 46 points47 points ago

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That's dark. Sadly, true too.

[–]gnimmargorp 161 points162 points ago

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Alternate drinks between alcohol and soft drinks - otherwise you'll end up a mess and end up spilling your heart out about the ex. stay cool.

[–]schneider20000 46 points47 points ago

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This is good advice for anyone

[–]wsf 400 points401 points ago

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Ask questions. Listen to the answers as if your life depended on it. Do not try to "top" the answers.

Bad: I went to Pakistan last year. Yeah? well I went to Borneo last year.

Good: I went to Pakistan last year. Really? What's life like in Pakistan?

Act as if she is the only other other person in the room.

[–]kwheel596 649 points650 points ago

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I prefer to act as if no one is in the room and just fap in the corner.

[–]thedeejus 139 points140 points ago

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Corner? Prude.

[–]Balrog_of_Morgoth 247 points248 points ago

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This also has potential.

[–]codepoet 31 points32 points ago

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If no one was in the room, why not do that in the dead center of it instead? Live a little! It's only jail.

[–]derped 35 points36 points ago

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It's not illegal. It's frowned upon.

[–]decorius 9 points10 points ago

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saturday nights at the library here I come

[–]mybreathyourlung 208 points209 points ago

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No, no, no. A girl doesn't want to start talking to a strange guy who behaves as if she's the only girl in the room. Girlfriends like this, first encounters, no.

Make very short conversation with the girl to start. Like, as you're passing her in the hallway just be like "Hey, nice shoes" then keep walking. She'll be all "What? Was he gay or flirting?" but now her curiosity is piqued and if interested at all will observe you further to answer this question.

Flirt with other girls near her. She'll notice this and her fact proven female desire to win will kick in. Then, talk to her again, this time you should have an applicable topic to bring up. But, after a bit, turn your back to her and start speaking to someone else, then, back to her.

Basically, keep her on a lead for the night. At the end of the night when you're full on talking, shell feel as though she beat out all the other girls at the party.

Win.

[–]forresja 205 points206 points ago

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Note: This method only works if you are attractive.

[–]beatingoffeverywhere 75 points76 points ago

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Secondary note: this only works if you aren't unattractive.

[–]kilgore_trout89 33 points34 points ago

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This might be misleading. I'd probably amend it to "This method only works if you aren't horrible looking. I'm not god's gift to womankind but this kind of stuff still works for me most of the time.

[–]robotpirateninja 39 points40 points ago

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It should also be noted, with proper diet and exercise, 95% of humans aren't horrible looking.

[–]freshpressed 21 points22 points ago

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Note II: Most redditors don't know that they are attractive.

[–]hepcecob 28 points29 points ago

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Now you're just giving false hope

[–]Okimoe 28 points29 points ago

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Don't come in with an agenda. Be curious and make friends.

[–]sn3rge 78 points79 points ago

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Completely do the opposite of most of the advices on this thread and you should be fine.

[–]imasickcunt 274 points275 points ago*

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Talk about Star Trek and baffle the ladies with your knowledge on the subject. Mention how Stephen Hawking once appeared in The Next Generation.

TL; DR: Bitches love Star Trek

[–]ApathyJacks 100 points101 points ago

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As someone who married a girl who loves Star Trek, I can confirm this.

[–]yruoc 17 points18 points ago

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My wife used to hate Star Trek, but she had barely watched it. Now that she's watched several seasons worth of TNG and Voyager, she loves it. Still can't get her into the movies, though.

[–]Bardlet 24 points25 points ago

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Well, this bitch loves Star Trek, anyway.

[–]ProbablyHittingOnYou 1131 points1132 points ago

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Women love it when you just approach them without saying anything and then start stroking their hair and muttering "so soft and pretty... just like hers used to be..."

[–]vsTerminus 581 points582 points ago

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Make sure to breath heavily and drool a little

[–][deleted] 268 points269 points ago

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This is easily my favorite so far.. thank you.

[–]webby_mc_webberson 55 points56 points ago

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be sure to post an update on how it all went!

[–]tychobrahesmoose 106 points107 points ago

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"You smell pretty. What's your cup size?"

[–]StickyToffee 18 points19 points ago

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SNIIIIFFFFF

"Mmmm, you smell better when you're awake..."

Works every time.

[–]TheRealBigLou 277 points278 points ago

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And when she turns around in disgust and yells, "Excuse me!", simply hiss at her, cover your face with your jacket as if it were a cape, and walk backwards while huddling down and speaking tongues under your breath.

She will be wet.

[–]ProbablyHittingOnYou 116 points117 points ago

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I really enjoyed picturing this.

Don't forget to maintain eye contact while retreating, OP.

[–]ralree 11 points12 points ago

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And introduce yourself as Hans Reiser.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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  1. ENJOY BEING SINGLE

  2. YOU ALMOST GOT MARRIED BEFORE YOU WERE 30, THE FUCK?

  3. FUCK BITCHES, GET MONEY YOU HANDSOME ROGUE

[–][deleted] 65 points66 points ago

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Dude! Dude! Dude! Over here!

Don't talk about your ex, even once, even if you're asked.

Otherwise, be funny instead of cool.

[–]elcoremino 32 points33 points ago

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And be fun instead of funny.

[–]nickles 30 points31 points ago

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Tell her about how you find the most erotic part of a woman to be the boobies.

[–]zoidbort 91 points92 points ago

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Tip #1: Women love violent aggressive yelling

[–]onrushing 80 points81 points ago

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Tip #2: Try yelling about completely nonsensical things.

For example, "WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU PUT MY PEANUT BUTTER WOMAN"

Works like a charm.

[–]epicsexmetalquestwin 13 points14 points ago

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That sounds incredibly sensible. Sometimes I just want to know where the fuck she put the peanut butter.

[–]tepman16 40 points41 points ago

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I recommend you read into a little something called the D.E.N.N.I.S. system.

[–]LuckoftheFryish 6 points7 points ago

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I got my magnum condoms, I got my wad of hundreds; I'm ready to plow!

[–]SimpleRy 88 points89 points ago

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Stop thinking of women like they're some puzzle you have to figure out, and the right combination of comments will make them like you. Hang out and try to have fun if you can.

Also, talk about beaches. Bitches love beaches.

[–]Tripleberst 164 points165 points ago

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Do magic tricks.

Bitches love magic.

[–]ralree 150 points151 points ago

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A trick is something a whore does for money.

.... or cocaine!

That aside, get some fireball igniters in your sleeves. Then, when your old relationship comes up, say "it all went down in flames", and hit the trigger - that would get any woman to say yes.

[–]Balrog_of_Morgoth 54 points55 points ago

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It might be awkward when a dove flies out though, or when you accidentally shower her with 100 pennies.

[–]fross 69 points70 points ago

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shower her with 100..... oh, pennies.

[–]Balrog_of_Morgoth 30 points31 points ago

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And he showers her with DIAMONDS! Clubs. Club sauce. And he covers her in club sauce.

[–]dylan89 20 points21 points ago

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Woah! Where did the lighter fluid come from?

[–]FrankZilla 20 points21 points ago

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But where did the lighter fluid come from!?

[–]Xarddrax 18 points19 points ago

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Its not a trick... its an ILLUSION!

[–]beeline 106 points107 points ago

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I always like to start off with a cool "Yo, you wonno to get yo ass licked?"

[–]joculator 36 points37 points ago

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...you know...I know a guy who used that line and it worked.

[–]beeline 46 points47 points ago

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I take them out for a whole can of corn for dinner before the deed.

[–]thedeejus 49 points50 points ago

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Maybe poop yourself a little

[–]overrun_saneman 35 points36 points ago

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wait until 4am then ask her to coffee back at your place

[–]damndirtyaliens 22 points23 points ago

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Be sure to do it within an extremely confined space too. This is key.

[–]unholymackerel 61 points62 points ago

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the trunk of a car is good

[–]MissCherryPi 5 points6 points ago

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In an elevator.

[–]daugherk 74 points75 points ago

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I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?

[–]vsTerminus 36 points37 points ago

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More commonly, replace 'virginity' with 'number'. Or, if you're a woman, you could try replacing 'virginity' with 'babies' and see how many takers there are :P

[–]freezingman66 55 points56 points ago

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I think after the Casey Anthony trial, being a woman that says "I lost my babies" might not be the best idea.

[–]s1c4r1o 55 points56 points ago

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wat trial?

[–]Bloody_Vagina 96 points97 points ago

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Dry leg hump is a great way to introduce yourself.

[–]Shumaa1 71 points72 points ago

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Clearly that hasn't worked out well for your genitals...

[–]me_and_batman 22 points23 points ago

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Wet leg hump is better?

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

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Confidence (even the pretend kind) can probably score you a number or two.

[–]Elkram 36 points37 points ago

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Text them some smiley faces.

Bitches love smiley faces.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]megaghost 42 points43 points ago

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Dude, just go and have fun and don't expect to score. If you go in thinking you are gonna mack it to some young thing, it ain't gonna work. Besides, you probably wouldn't know what to do with it if you got a hold of it. Spend some time fapping for a few months to see what it's really like to be single. Not just THINK you know what it's like, but really KNOW.

[–]SimpleRy 18 points19 points ago

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Forgot the girls going are on reddit, do not upvote this shit please Edit: .......the front page in 45 mins.... thank you.

If you really don't want people to see it, you could just delete it instead of whining when you handed redditors an "embarrass me" button then asked them not to push it. This is the fucking internet.

[–]evileddy 29 points30 points ago

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Just get them to talk about themselves.. women LOVE talking about themselves.

[–]speaker_for_the_dead 5 points6 points ago

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Go up to a woman and say: "Lets play house; you be the door and I'll bang you."

With a line like that you will be fine.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Wait, people are actually sending you private messages because you said you were engaged and they think you're a girl? Without divulging the names of the people who sent them could you give us a taste of what they say?