What's the most jaw-dropping insult you ever heard?

phi_is_all · 11 months

In the forth grade one upset kids response to another kids insult. "I bet you liked it when your daddy jerked you off." His dad was just previously imprisoned for molesting him. 4th grade public school Indiana.

Alpha60 · 11 months

"I'm sick of the suicide threats. You aren't going to hang yourself because you're too fat to pull it off."

Astro493 · 11 months

"You're the reason our children are fucking ugly!"

Screamed by what looked like a disgruntled wife at an over-bearing husband in a restaurant I was eating in in Spain.

Poopface11678 · 11 months

there is an insult in Mandarin that roughly translates: "I fuck you and your ancestors 18 generations deep" ... I always thought that was just bold

mincerray · 11 months

"I hope you outlive your children."

tanmandu · 11 months

"You should have been a facial." 10 years later and it still hurts. Well, fuck you, Mom.

JackWagon · 11 months

"When you're inside me, I feel nothing."

aaronbot3000 · 11 months

"May your fingers break through the toilet paper."

Gangringo · 11 months

"Everyone who ever loved you was wrong"

theplanetofthecats · 11 months

"Get a wife."

(Instead of "Get a life.") Said by a seventh-grader classmate of mine to my recently divorced and incredibly depressed father. It was the most awkward moment I've ever experienced to date.

[deleted] · 11 months

"I hope you step on a Lego. Barefoot."

QuiteExecutive · 11 months

Overheard being said to a loner kid in HS: "Seriously, just give up. Stop trying to make friends."

doctechnical · 11 months

"Die screaming" has always been a favorite of mine. I read this on Reddit not long ago: "I'd call you a cunt, but you have neither the depth nor warmth."

DirtyMcNasty · 11 months

Your face looks like it caught fire and was put out with a fork.

anona_Mouse · 11 months

I was 22 and I was hanging out with a girl I was really into, with a group of our friends. She said to someone "wow I really don't like it when he drinks." I overheard it and for some reason I said to her, "why? Its not like I'm going to beat you like your father does," in front of like 10 people. (insert awkward pause). Then I figured out why she didn't like when I drank.

VulcanJaded · 11 months

"At least my parents live under the same roof." A month after my parents got divorced when I was in 6th grade.

patpend · 11 months

You mother fucks for bricks to build your sister a whorehouse.

GaryLeHam · 11 months

The joke often repeated about Sarah Palin:

"What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina? Only half the things that come out of her vagina are retarded."

I hate Sarah Palin, too, but when I heard that I gasped in shock.

CowJam · 11 months

"You can't even butter your toast to the edge."

therealryanstev · 11 months

"Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"

polygonosaurus · 11 months

I'm going to call you Monday, because no one likes you.

bubbo · 11 months

You are the punchline to the world's saddest joke.

tchick · 11 months

"I'm going to find the slut who gave birth to you, cut out her cunt and wear it as a little hat" (relayed from a friend who said his Greek father used to regularly yell this - and many others just as creative - at other drivers on the road)

ChainBlue · 11 months

A crusty old Maintenance guy to a n00b intern engineering student who was telling him the correct way to do his job, " Shut the fuck up you little nutsack. I have work boots older than you."

Uprocker · 11 months

"Past instances in which I profesessed to like you were fraudulent."

CaptSkyhawk · 11 months

I still like this historical gem: "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." - Winston Churchill

[deleted] · 11 months

Heard on reddit, "You're so dumb so you could be in a room full of titties and still come out sucking your thumb"

madtown_union_thug · 11 months

I once overheard a bartender ask a woman "Is that a new perfume you're wearing, or is there a urinal doughnut between your tits?"

rollerboogie · 11 months

"You could've played hard to get 20 pounds ago."

the_walrus_was_ringo · 11 months

If all the village idiots moved to a village, you would be that village's idiot.

Ijustdoeyes · 11 months

Not heard but used:

"Lady I wouldn't fuck you with a rented dick"

Rob_V · 11 months

Your mom steals ketchup at McDonald's.

venoz · 11 months

When I first transferred to my new work location I was leading a store meeting to cover some new products coming out. I work somewhere where the bulk of my team members are between 17 and 19 years old. We had one black guy on the team and he was in the middle of roleplaying what we say at regisiter for the new promotion. One of my 17 year olds pipes up and in front of the entire store says: "We don't live in the hood, you know. We speak normal here."

I was literally speachless.

Carl262 · 11 months

"At least I have a Dad!"

-My 10-year-old cousin said this to a 10-year-old girl whose Dad had committed suicide about 4 months earlier...My cousin then got his head kicked through the school bus window by her friend, requiring my cousin to get stitches.

EDIT That same girl called me "N*gger Lips" in 2nd grade, and I've been self conscious of my big lips ever since.

TheSixofSwords · 11 months

This occurred at a neighborhood cookout:

Me- "No thanks, I don't like hotdogs. I'll just wait on the burgers." Neighbor and also teacher- "How can anyone not like hotdogs?" Mom- "It's because she's a dyke!"

...Thanks madre. :/

EDIT: Relevant ==> I'm not a lesbian, just not a girly girl either. I fall somewhere in between nerdy gamer and reasonably sexable. At the time I wasn't really considered dating material, mostly because of instances like the above.

dayjawb · 11 months

"What the fuck do you know? You're a filthy fucking Mexican."

I was correcting some guy at Walmart (he was giving the wrong directions to someone else). The blatantness of it was what got me. Especially in such a public place.

I was born and raised in Arizona my entire life, have no accent, etc. I'm only brown and it's been a constant fight against racism and discrimination here. I'd leave the state if my family would come with me.

mypantsaretight · 11 months

Louis C.K has two of my favorites "Suck a bag of dicks" and "I hope you rollerblade into an aids tree"

furbait · 11 months

As a response to "fuck you":

"Not even if you let me videotape."

HittingSmoke · 11 months

Had a few room mates, one of them was half Philippino and half American Indian.

He was in an argument with a white room mate. The white room mate got backed into a corner and eventually he just said, "Well at least my skin's not brown."

Was a serious WTF moment for me. Later on he ended up getting pretty strung out on meth and one day came home with a home-made Third Reich tattoo. The idiot who did it managed to draw the swastika backwards. After he sobered up a few weeks later he tried to say that it was backwards as a mockery to Nazis and that it was a symbol of peace that way...

Fuckin moron. I got back at him by having sex with his sister.

aveganzombie · 11 months

You know that person when you were young that told you to be yourself? That was the worst advice anyone could have given you.

with_the_quickness · 11 months

there was a kid who went to my high school. i actually can't remember his name, shit. whatever, i guess that's what 10 years of drugs will do to you.

anyway, his mom died when he was 14 or 15 or so, and people made fun of him for it. it wasn't even like it was just a couple people, a decent sized group did it. i just remembered the name, so i'll do a re-enactment.

"hey adam, you piece of shit, your mom died, fuck you!"

i have absolutely no idea what it was supposed to accomplish.

arcadeflyer · 11 months

I was wrapping up teaching a class of Colloquial English to Chinese students in Shenzhen, China. One of the better students came up to ask me a question. Nice girl, very respectful and curious. One of the class clowns (a boy) swings around beside her and says something to her in Chinese, and his buddies laugh.

Without skipping a beat, she pauses her halting English question to me to turn her head, barks out in Chinese "I hope your baby is born without skin!" and turns back to me sweetly as if nothing happened.

"Oh, you understood that? Your Chinese is getting better," she said.

thebrokendoctor · 11 months

"At least I didn't blow guys in the 6th grade because my parents were divorcing."

This was said by me. I'm a horrible person for saying it and I regret it, even though I really hated her, this was so out of line.

diseasedempires · 11 months

"No wonder your mom ditched you." I'm adopted.

jayobear · 11 months

Anytime someone lazily returns your own insult ie.

Me: "You're a dumbass"

You: "No you're a dumbass"

I reply with: "If I wanted my own comeback I'd wipe it off your mother's face."

I take no credit for this insult, and I'm pretty sure I saw it on reddit somewhere, but every time I've used it (college student, so repetetitive comebacks are pretty common) people are like: "...wait...wha-ohh what the fuck!?!"

Edit: It was on digg (shudders) http://amuzed.tumblr.com/post/855549735/the-perfect-comeback-facebook-arguments-are-just

DongsNPongs · 11 months

Im not the talest guy (5'7") a coworker tried to zing me... "have you ever seen 'The Wiizard Of Oz'? You remind me of the munchkins!" people laughed. I din't miss a beat. "Have you ever seen porn?" he nods. "You remind me of the dick!" His Fbuddy lost it.

[deleted] · 11 months

"The guy on cash cab would never date you"

BenjaminSkanklin · 11 months

"Your gag reflex is as absent as a father figure was in your childhood" - to a girl who's father abandoned her at age 4...

LaCuchara · 11 months

High School Student #1: Hey, how about that (insert friend's sister's name) and that sexy ass?

High School Student #2: Hey, how about that (insert friend's mom's name) and that sexy brain cancer.

gaulPiamatti · 11 months

When I witnessed your birth at the hospital, I remember thinking to myself, "Damn...Look at that cunt forcing a cunt out of her cunt."

moonskye · 11 months

'Nobody would miss you if you died.' Gah, thanks, Dad.

ronswansong · 11 months

"YOU PLAY BALL LIKE A GIRL"

PhantomRedFistPhoton · 11 months

One of the best I have ever heard was from the movie bad santa " 'Cause you're an emotional fucking cripple. Your soul is dog shit. Every single fuckin' thing about you is ugly"

Amitai45 · 11 months

"You're gonna kill yourself when you're 16."

I'm 19 and still going strong so I don't take it to heart.

eemiiilyy · 11 months

My ex-boyfriend, who became the biggest bully to me after I dumped him for cheating, once went "I bet you're jealous of her because she has a dad and you don't."

My ex was one of the few people who actually knew how touchy that subject is for me...to go that low was just cruel.

ExtremeSnipe · 11 months

Not jaw-droppingly insulting, but:

"Get to math class!"

Shouted by some random people speeding down the road (they had to stop for me, albeit it was very close)

Note: I'm an Asian in Canada.

Seriously, wtf.

It was biology class.

Edit: I'm in high-school.

peak10_account · 11 months

You look adopted.

FuzzyMcBitty · 11 months

You fight like a dairy farmer!

karamawari · 11 months

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”

DelayingAdulthood · 11 months

"Your mom should have swallowed you."

whitemagnum369 · 11 months

"I hope your children come out autistic" i feel bad even putting this on the internet

jasonsan3 · 11 months

From Party Down.

"Tell him I'm gonna fuck his face off and when he goes down to pick it up I'm gonna fuck him in the ass."

blackwaltzno2 · 11 months

"I'm sorry you survived the abortion"

woolymarmot · 11 months

Go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut.

Inked_Cellist · 11 months

My sister has the incredible knack of saying horrible things without realizing it:

In high school she was trying to read something out loud in class and someone was talking. In front of everyone she said "Dana, you should either stop talking or leave because no one would miss you."

xenzor · 11 months

Not that bad but i like: "I hope your ears turn to assholes and you shit on your shoulders"

Edit: I just remembered it's a quote from Spartacus

Ialmostthewholepost · 11 months

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas. I’ll bet you couldn’t pour !@#$ out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won’t go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You’re a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformation. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You’re a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won’t have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral[size] equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meat slapper.

On a good day you’re a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You smarmy lager lout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oink artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid.

You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I’m sorry. I can’t go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don’t have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn’t really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe

Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good.

[deleted] · 11 months

Not sure why I thought of this when I read the title.

Peter Banning: I bet you don't even have a fourth grade reading level.

Rufio: Hemorrhoidal suck naval.

Peter Banning: Or maybe a fifth grade reading level.

Rufio: Boil dripping beef fart sniffing bubble butt.

Peter Banning: Someone has a severe ca-ca mouth, you know that?

Rufio: You are fart factory, cheesy, scab picked, pimple squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side.

Peter Banning: Substitute chemistry teacher.

Rufio: Mung tongue.

Peter Banning: Math tutor.

Rufio: Pinhead.

Peter Banning: Prison barber.

Rufio: Mother lover.

Peter Banning: Nearsighted gynecologist.

Rufio: In your face, camel cake.

Peter Banning: In your rear, cow derrière.

Rufio: Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig.

Peter Banning: You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude.

Rufio: You... you man! You stupid, stupid man!

Peter Banning: Rufio, if I'm a maggot burger why don't you EAT ME, you two-toned zebra-headed paramecium brain, munchin' on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy?

Don't Ask: What's a paramecium brain?

Peter Banning: I'll tell you what a paramecium is. It's a one-celled critter with no brain, that can't fly. Don't mess with me man, I'm a lawyer!

youcancallmeBilly · 11 months

Friends and I were in a bar and a goddess walked by. One of my friends (the more he drinks, the more obnoxious he gets) fearlessly shouted, "Why don't you come over here and let us all buy you drinks!"

Without missing a step she said she wouldn't waste her time on anyone who didn't have a 10" dick.

I told her that she wasn't worth cutting 2" off.

C-4 · 11 months

Landlord to my obvious jewish friend. "This place doesn't have an attic but has new appliances including the oven"

zeritor · 11 months

Someone once said to me, "Fuck you and everything you stand for."

It was from a good friend and it hit me pretty hard.

CrabappleMcNasty · 11 months

"Cum guzzling gutter slut" is a pretty good one.

Shageen · 11 months

"Nigglet" towards an African American Child.

ds2k7 · 11 months

"you walking shit machine", said by a ~20 year old kitchen manager to ~14 year old kitchen hand. Kid was slacking off and having a lot of attitude about being asked to do work.

11 months

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