I feel like my dignity is being attacked for being nice. How do I deal with this?

herr_tichy · 1 year

Treat people like you'd treat your dog. Be nice. If they fuck up, tell them immediately and clearly. Then, when they're sorry, be nice again. If people misinterpret you being nice as being exploitable (imagine your dog jumping up your chest and demanding a treat), immediately push them back firmly into their place. Then be nice again. It works.

If you're a wussy towards a dog, it will do whatever the hell it pleases. If you shout at and beat a dog, it will be scared and aggressive towards you. If you're just consistent and stand by your demands, the dog will respect you and like you. Same with people.

Feed_Me_Seymour · 1 year

Stop giving a fuck. Seriously.

You seem upset about this, so try to adopt the following rule:

"I will be nice to anyone and everyone first. If they fail to return that kindness, I will respond with either apathy, aloofness, or outright rudeness."

Stop defending your "niceness", and tell these people to fuck off. Or simply shrug, walk away, and pretend like they don't exist.

dropkickdog · 1 year

OP I was you once, strikingly similar, actually. And people used me like i was nothing. Then I started drinking a lot. It got to a point where I was completely depressed all the time because I felt like everybody around me hated me And then one day, I realized it didn't matter. I'd say 90% of the people you're nice to, or are worried about pissing off, just generally don't matter in the scheme of things. So I started being nice to the people that mattered. My family, my boss, some co-workers, and the other people, I was truly myself around. I said whatever the fuck I wanted to say. I called the jerks if they were being jerks, I was vulgar, I was despicable, and I was honest to a fault.

And people fucking loved me. And to this day I don't understand it half the time. I've called people idiots (and meant it) and they'll still talk to me five minutes later. I'll tell people I was just thinking about them naked and they'll laugh it off like a joke and make one right back. I'm pretty much turned into the guy I use to hate, but I'm a lot happier. People don't walk over me, and in truth seem to like me more now. I can still be the nice guy, I open doors, I smile, I'd like to think that overall, I'm a nice person, I'm just 100% honest no matter what. And I urge you to do the same.

dontlookatmynameok · 1 year

Stop being a nice person. Be a fair person.
People treat you the way you treat yourself.
You gave several examples but didn't mention your reaction. Did you call them out on their rudeness, or did you just keep smiling? How often do you stand up for yourself? See #2.
People probably don't even think you're nice. Chances are they think it's a defensive mechanism ("don't hurt me, I'm harmless") and you are wimpy.

dshigure · 1 year

You sound like an awesome person who is in the middle of a run of douchebags. To hell with them, I say.

Don't invite these assholes to BBQs. Find other people to associate with. There are people out there that would enjoy your company, both platonically and romantically. Don't waste time with the people you described.

As for people in your workplace, you deserve to be treated professionally by your coworkers and supervisors. It's ok to forgive an occasional smart remark, but if people are making your workplace uncomfortable, ask them to stop. If your manager is being unprofessional, ask him to stop. If they don't stop, take it to HR.

Don't give in to these jerkwads who don't appreciate you. Stay yourself :-)

itsscience · 1 year

I'm a nice person. I think the difference between us is that I'm not insecure. I also don't put up with crap from people. If they are rude and I have to deal with them I'll call them on it. If I don't have to deal with them, I'll avoid them. For this purpose I separate people into two groups: those whose opinions matter to me, and those who don't. I make sure to know who falls into which category, and treat them appropriately.

People who want to fight me I'll definitely not fight if I can avoid it. They can think me a wimp if they want, but since their opinion doesn't matter I really don't care (if their opinion used to matter, this is something that will change them into the other group). If they actually do start a fight, I'll make sure they start the physical part and try like hell to kick their ass. Then no matter what the outcome I would call the police and press charges for assault, like any reasonable adult.

scarredwaits · 1 year

Wow, you've touched upon a subject that I have extensively thought about, mainly because it's very relevant to me personally. I think I know what is happening to you -- let me see if I can explain it so that it makes sense.

There are various reasons for being nice. People can be nice because they are truly good-natured individuals, they can pretend to be nice in order to gain something, or they can be nice because they feel like they have no choice but being nice. This last scenario is important, it's linked to insecurity and it's usually perceived as weakness.

People are obsessed with hierarchies. This is a very animal-like characteristic of people that we have yet to shed (and it won't happen for a long time). For example, birds have something called the "pecking order". The most dominant bird can peck the slightly less dominant, the second most dominant can peck the 3rd most dominant etc. This is a very well defined and rigid order, and birds form it spontaneously. Same for humans. I think humans (most of the time without realising) immediately seek out to find out what their position in the hierarchy is in any grouping of people (work, group of friends, school etc). I think once the decision is made, usually the status quo does not change -- such hierarchies tend to be very rigid.

Now, you mentioned insecurities, that you think that you don't look nice, that you are reserved and that things are not going fantastically with the ladies (correct me if I'm wrong, but that's the impression I got). What I'm getting to is the following: I think people at first see a nice person. Then they try to find out why you are nice and they see your insecurities. This leads them to the conclusion that you are nice because you have no choice but be nice, they think you are nice because you're weak.

My advice is this: work on your insecurities. One at a time. It's something you should try to explore for your own benefit. Maybe get over some of them. Or just get a little better. I think there is a difference between being nice because you feel you have no other choice and being nice from a position of power, when you have the choice of being nasty but you choose not to. People are hard-wired to tell the difference (animal instinct) and they'll "smell" it as soon as the change happens. Also, I think it's important that you're exploring acting selfish or rude in some cases: as long as you don't cause too much harm, it's nice to remind yourself that you have the choice, and that you just choose the nice option most times.

Having said all that, the nice option is not always appropriate and sometimes it's worth being rude as a way to communicate your boundaries. If we were all Vulcans, a simple "Excuse me sir, I'm not comfortable with what you're doing" would suffice in all cases, but sometimes you need a "Get off my lawn, motherfucker"! If you can do it convincingly, with an internal smile, and without feeling the self-consuming anger that comes with it, all the better.

Good luck!

tl;dr: They think you are nice because you are weak. Work on your insecurities and continue being nice and it will all change.

Plemer · 1 year

Your problem isn't that other people think you are nice, your problem is that other people think you're weak.

Disregard this adolescent advice about "not giving a fuck". Other people's opinions have a huge impact on your life, they do matter and everyone cares about these opinions (even if they angrily insist that they don't).

Any group, society or living organism is going to punish you if you don't fit into it. Would you agree that you don't really fit where you currently are? Either conform to the norms of masculinity in your current circumstance, which it sounds like you aren't doing, or find a different place with a different culture that has different norms more in line with what you already are. Probably it'll be a mix of both. Btw, this is what you were going to end up doing anyway. :P

Enough preaching then. Good luck.

Catona · 1 year

The way in which others perceive you and build their opinions of you encompasses an incredibly wide range of factors, many of which you are likely unconscious of. there could vary likely be one or many distinct factors that are causing people to react to you in this way, and it may not just be the fact that you are a nice guy by choice.

One thing i feel worth mentioning is something that i had learned while growing up. And that is that when people are developing an opinion of you, and trying to put together a picture of your personality; any and all information that is lacking, any hole in the story so to say, they will fill in themselves. People are generally uncomfortable with the unknown. You mention being a quiet and reserved person, and this may be more of a factor than you realize. People are probably startled by your different approach to social interaction and the whole nice guy thing, and therefor want to know more about who you are and why you are like that. When they are met with little to complete the story they may either fill in the gaps themselves by creating this idea of who you are in their minds, weather it be true or not. Or they may actually be threatened by it, because they can not put a full grasp on your perspective and where it is coming from personality wise. Also, they may be fueled to test you, in a sense, to see where your limits are.

My recommendation, when you're out interacting with new people, try playing with eye contact a bit (you would be greatly surprised how much of a difference this can make in the way people unconsciously perceive you). When you interact with someone new, look them directly in the eye when talking to them, see if this makes any difference.

HalfysReddit · 1 year

Here's the thing, you can't be a nice person. Nice guys finish last. It's unfair, I agree, but that's the rules of the game. You can play by the rules and have a shot at winning, or not play by the rules and never have that chance. Your call.

That being said, stop being nice. Be just. Treat others with respect so long as they respect you. If they disrespect you, then they are not worthy of being respect, and your reactions to them should display this.

Coming from an ex-nice guy, I understand where you're coming from. It's not in your nature to be anything but wonderful to people. It may seem wrong, but you can't keep doing that. It's not your responsibility to make anyone but yourself happy.

whostolemyscreenname · 1 year

Follow this man's sage advice....

"I want you to be nice until it's time to not be nice."

If they're still giving you shit, rip their fucking throats out. You probably won't have to do this more than once or twice.

dashrendar · 1 year

You file a discrimination lawsuit against your employer.

danxmason · 1 year

Stop mistaking cowardice for virtue. There is a difference between being kind and being a punching bag. You need to grow a pair and assert yourself when you are being treated unfairly. People naturally push the boundaries on everyone they know. You clearly have not drawn a line anywhere so people will walk all over you and take advantage of you until you do so.

GunnerMcGrath · 1 year

I have trouble believing that you're simply a nice guy and that everyone tries to analyze it and turns into a dick. I don't know you from Adam, but I'd say that maybe there is something in your personality or actions that makes people react to you this way, something that you're either unaware of or trying to pretend isn't there when you tell us your story.

NERDS_AT_WORK · 1 year

This is how Super Villains are created. You'll make them pay soon enough.

On a serious note, this is the beginning of the end of you being Mr. Nice Guy. If I had to guess your edge I'd say between 19-20. I was in a similar position, I grew callous to the comments. I stopped opening doors and quit offering friendly greetings to everyone I came across. All the bullying I went through in my adolescence has left me with a sharp tongue and dry personality. This is all a part of your story, you're growing up. You'll sort these things out in your own head soon enough.

P.S. Ladies don't complain about how there aren't any nice guys. This is what happens to them.

randall82 · 1 year

As far as your boss goes, talk to him directly and discretely, and let him know it's not cool. As far as everyone else goes, I've found it works best for me to be nice and accommodating towards people, but the second they take advantage of that, you have to push back just hard enough to not be considered over reacting.
If a guy says he could beat you in a fight, invite him to try it. If a woman acts that way, walk away from the relationship. It's hard to do if you don't get girls that much, but if they really like you, they'll come after you. And if they don't, then they didn't give a shit about you anyways, they were just using you as an ego boost.

internetwk · 1 year

Don't change. If you change your heart, they win.

Stay nice. Now, that doesn't mean take shit from people. Understand that you are more well-put together than all these people combined, and your badassery cannot be stopped. Gain more confidence in yourself. Confidence does not mean being an asshole. Confidence means being able to take their attacks and eat them for fucking breakfast, brushing them off because you don't have time for their petty shit. Don't look back as your board the Awesome-train and get on the Nice Guy compartment, near the front with the waiters who have wine and those delicious cheeses on platters.

Bobknight · 1 year

upvoted for being a nice guy.

A well developed superiority complex is helpful. So long as it remains hidden :)

disfigured_skater · 1 year

If you are beta people are gonna alpha you. That is how it works.

eatshitsleep · 1 year

Fuck somebody in the ass.

[deleted] · 1 year

start cutting niggers and raping bitches

andycanebt · 1 year

since i'm in the same boat, i really can only verify what you are saying. Most people want to escape their lives and they are afraid.. doesn't really help but I'm trying to find the right way about this too.

[deleted] · 1 year

Watch David Carradine in "Kung-fu."

Maldemonia · 1 year

You don't have to stop being nice to have a change in the way you treat people and in the way they treat you. By not ever standing up for yourself, you're basically telling people that you don't think you're worth being treated properly.

Women probably assume a dominant role with you because you let them. Someone usually has to take charge. In some relationships it's split between the people but in some one person is more dominant and the other is more submissive but the reason is the same: relationships move forward because the people in it make it go forward.

When someone asks you where you want to eat, do you usually go "I don't care, you choose" or something of the like?

MadgeWilkinson · 1 year

It sounds like you need to practise being more assertive dude and if someone's being a dick to you, just tell them to FUCK - OFF. Then let them go back to being assholes and be happy you're not like them.

[deleted] · 1 year

Making comments that directly attack my manhood. Let's say if the subject of fighting comes up a man will usually make a comment how I wouldn't be able to take them in a fight even if we're similar in physique and so forth.

your body language is that of a beta monkey, and other beta monkeys are just beating up on you because they can. if someone tells you they can take you, just point out calmly that they can suck a dick too, but you're not bringing up every single inconsequential detail of their shitty little lives. or you could say, "yeah, haha, it's funny you bring that up, i think about killing you sometimes."

for example. harden up a bit, and stop being a pussy. to put it bluntly.

as for your boss, it depends on whether you want to keep your job. it may not be an option. i would go to HR if there's HR. otherwise, go up to him later, and set some boundaries respectfully. tell him that belittling you in front of people is unacceptable, and he will not do it again. no matter what he says, you say, "ok" and repeat yourself, until he accepts. or, prank the fuck out of that asshole in a way that makes him look like a child. you can, for example, take apart an office chair and put a fistful of brine shrimp in the column. or you can get one of those make-you-go-crazy random high-pitched squealy beepers from thinkgeek and put it in his office.

another thing to consider is that men interact aggressively with their friends. you may need to just tell people to fuck off good naturedly, and you'll have loads of new buddies who respect you.

[deleted] · 1 year

Dude, I apologize honestly, heartily, and profusely for the rude comment I left previously, I didn't read your entire comment all the way through.

Especially this part:

By the way I don't look nice, that's why people don't attack me off the bat but wait until they get to know me.

You know what. Fuck them. Fuck them straight to hell.

My previous advice about lifting weights still applies though.

There are plenty of really ugly dudes that have overcome their appearance via the weight room.

See e.g.Randall "Tex" Cobb

If you can't be an Adonis, be a badass. The ladies like both.

Failing that, just OWN your look.

There are plenty of celebrities (something that usually requires a nice appearance) that aren't very attractive. I haven't seen you, but odds are, you're doing better aesthetically than many of those folks.

It's not your appearance that's the problem, it's your self-consciousness about it.

You're 22 amigo, you get a little therapy and hit the weight room, and you'll be pretty fucking awesome in 12-18 months.

Then you'll have the rest of your 20s to enjoy as a well-adjusted and confident individual.

Good luck man.

Again, apologies for the previous comment.

22maginlabat · 1 year

I've always been a fairly nice guy, at least in that I don't act like a dick to people unless I have a really, really good reason to. I've definitely run into some of the problems you mention. It sounds like I'm younger than you, and for a while i've been in the position of being the "nice guy who will fuck you up if you cross the line" (I got in a few drunken brawls with assholes and came out on top). This is a pretty sweet situation to be in. Girls seem to love it when you are polite and generous and gracious, but might beat someone up if they get to close to your face or your girl.

But of course times change, I'm getting older, and close to the point at which I shouldn't really be getting in fights with people to offset my generally meek demeanor. Haven't really figured out how i'm going to convince girls I"m not a pussy if I can't knock an asshole out every now and then.

I think sometimes you just have to be a bit of an asshole when your instincts tell you you should, but your sense of decency would normally stop you. I broke up with a girlfriend a while back. She seemed to want nothing to do with me for a month. Then, by chance, I ended up in an awkward situation with her and her new "male friend" present. The new friend made some kind of subtley-snarky, falsely-friendly comment to me, and I snapped and told him to "fuck off, faggot". He backed off and walked away. I instantly felt like an asshole, but the next day the ex-gf called me up to hang out and have sex (blowing off her new friend in the process). The whole time she was admonishing me for being rude to him, but it was hilariously clear that the whole "alpha-male" dynamic was in play and determining who she was attracted to.

technologyisnatural · 1 year

Misanthropy.

rlbond86 · 1 year

This is why I don't hang around people who read Ayn Rand.

TheLawofGravity · 1 year

This is incredibly vague, how are we supposed to help you? From what you say all that differentiates you from "other people" is that you say thank-you and don't get angry easily. From that description all I can say is that these "other people" are just assholes and you probably shouldn't hang around with them and/or should move to a more liberal city.

Now if there was something you aren't telling us...

cantheasswonder · 1 year

Try to learn how to express your anger instead of repressing and ignoring it.

Excalepicbur · 1 year

People in general like to test other people limits, so they may try to see what yours are, know when to tell them no, actually be quick to tell them NO!. Show them you have short limits(even if it's not true) instead of almost unlimited limits. If they think they reached your limits they won't try to go further with your limits.

Cmonkey67 · 1 year

MAN! Do I hate all of these "quit being a bitch" responses. I don't have an answer for you dude, but it seems (if you only take into account these responses) the only successful and happy people in the world are all ass-holes.

[deleted] · 1 year

There will always be people who will mistake kindness for weakness and try to take advantage of it. The strongest thing you can do is stop worrying about what others think of you.

“Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter and Those Who Matter Don't Mind.” Dr Seuss

TangLikeAnAstronaut · 1 year

Move to Minnesota. They have that whole "Minnesota Nice" thing going on over there.

benzu · 1 year

Can I ask what kind of work you do? Your coworkers are douchebags.

vexleir · 1 year

Well, I don't mean this to be rude.. but I think you have a sense of denial here about your being nice by choice. Seriously, I'm not saying this in a degrading way but an understanding one because I used to be exactly like you and I used to rationalize it away with the same reason "I'm doing this by choice"

The truth is, people in general are not nice and if they are it's often because they are seeking some degree of approval due to a lack of personal worth. Yes there are exceptions but the above counts for the majority of them. When it comes down to it, most humans still can't get out of the pecking order mentality.. they have to size up where you stand in relation to them and then if they determine you are under them, they are gonna make sure you know it.

So what I had to do was change my perspective and make a distinction in my desire to please people vs need to please them. Or being kind vs being nice. Remember that being kind is a gift you are giving them but the second they disrespect you for it or misinterpret it as being nice.. you take it away harshly.

A good tactic to use is to also call out their actions on their most broken down level. If I guy starts sizing you up and saying how he could take you.. don't challenge him back and don't try to tell him how unnecessary it is. Say something along the lines of "wow, seriously dude.. are you that pathetic and insecure that you need to try and alpha me in front of everyone to feel superior. Way to go primate." Calling out actions for what they really are usually puts people on the defensive and in a sense, makes you the new alpha since everything we do is often just a facade for primitive underlying actions.

Just have the strength and appreciation in your character and self to never EVER let anyone disrespect you. Don't sink to their level and become an ass just to gain social advantage, but once they pull those tactics on you they not only should be taken down a notch, but it is you're obligation as a more evolved being to do so.

Just remember.. if you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've been getting. So try something new.

feyrath · 1 year

I feel for you man. I've been in similar situations and the SHOCK of people treating me like sh*t when I've been nice to them usually precludes me giving an appropriate response. which is surprising because I like to think of myself as quick witted.

I do think you need ot have a discussion with your boss. He needs to show you some respect.

wisewizard · 1 year

Stop being nice start kicking arse

saurellia · 1 year

I don't think you're giving us the whole story. Not because you're hiding something, but because you may not have an accurate appraisal of how others view you and your behavior. I would pose this question to someone who knows you. They can fill in the missing pieces that we cannot.

But let's assume you are giving us an accurate picture - that you are just a decent, self-confident, genuinely nice, affable guy, and for some reason the people around you find this a reason to treat you like a doormat and call you a pussy. The answer is simple, if not easy: find new friends and coworkers, these people are worse than douche bags.

Arntegio · 1 year

I'm a nice person. I dealt with this same thing for a while, and came to a few conclusions. You do not need to be a doormat. You do not need to even be "nice" to people - being polite and courteous in public is the same. Seriously.

This doesn't mean be a dick, but just be polite and keep boundaries - being nice doesn't mean letting everyone in. Unfortunately, people can't read thoughts, which means that they're reading all kinds of things into your behavior based on personal biases. Just be polite and aloof from things. You don't have to be rude, and you can be seen as a nice person simply by not talking behind people's backs or insulting anyone.

mountainjew · 1 year

People are just jealous because their lives are full of misery. That's as simple as it gets. They want to be like you, so they try to find some way of feeling superior. And that involves breaking you down. It's a playground mentality really. Bullies always pick on kids who are better than them. I was the opposite of you, until 2 years ago i was an asshole and i wanted to be percieved that way (a form of protection). But now i've turned that around, and it's really hard to get people who knew me before to accept that. They still see the grumpy asshole i was.

Don't let those people destroy your personality. People like you are rare. if you don't like the company you're in, change it. And being honest with poeple != being mean.

marshal_mellow · 1 year

Let's say if the subject of fighting comes up a man will usually make a comment how I wouldn't be able to take them in a fight even if we're similar in physique and so forth.

This makes you sound weak, believe in yourself and your fighting abilities.

stripesonfire · 1 year

sounds like you avoid any real questioning about yourself...can't form your own opinion so you avoid it.

nuuur32 · 1 year

I noticed this too, that people interact with overwhelming concern over my wellbeing. It could have to do with how people interpret confidence. People can also paint certain body language onto you, as if you are a holographic film or substrate, and they in turn read that imprint from you next time. It's a means for neurotypicals to interpret reality, and by definition they will always be one step ahead.

reignfive · 1 year

Alright bro, I'm really glad you posted this, because I was the same way in highschool. I was just generally a really nice guy to everyone and people gave me crap for that and took advantage of that. It was only towards the end that I learned something that would really put others in place.

First let me introduce myself and let me be clear, my religion has has a huge influence in my upbringing. I'm Muslim. Islam is my religion. (Christianity:Christian as Islam:Muslim). I am 20 years old, born and raised in Southern California. Islam teaches me to be nice, but once someone lays a hand on me (physically) it is OKAY to lay a hand back, you can leave them alone if you want to, but that is protecting your dignity if you choose to respond force with force.

Now lets look at other people and understand them. Men are naturally rough with each other, and naturally they will be rough with you, only that you're the exception and they are not used to guys like you. They mistake your kindness for weakness and they will never take your kindness to mean strength unless you're some activist like Ghandi (which I would not bank on... for the record, historically, he actually delayed India's Independence than extending it, but that's an entirely different story). SO kindness does not necessarily work in the world of Men.

Now lets look at Women. Naturally, most women are attracted to the alpha male. Men are their "protectors" -- this implies that women often like men who are rough and have the stereotypical "manly" characteristics, which is why you'll find a lot of women going out with jerks. Jerks stand out in the crowd, their ego is huge (nothing is better than them). In AMERICAN society (i can at least talk on that behalf) it takes a woman a really reallly long time until she goes for the nice guy. Early stages in life (teen, 20's) women will shurg the nice guy off as only a friend. She naturally looks down on you because they perceive that you lack confidence, your character is weak and, when it comes to a time when you will need to stand up for something, you will not do it. Please note that I am generalizing, you may find exceptions, but this is what your attitude will give them an impression of.

What qualities you should have as a Man: First off, some confidence. Someone is pushing you around, push back. You know what you're going to find out? The other person respects that. Why? Because you're standing for what you believe in. Don't go around talking about world peace to back you up, no one is going to care for that because people don't care about things like that in the material world we're living in. Most people you know are 1) Materialistic 2) Have weak morals or good morals, depends on your community/who youre with 3) Talk about sex and are very sexualized and 4) Shallow. I am a man so I'm of course talking about men, women may be different but I've seen the same type of thing.

Living in the Muslim community and knowing strong Muslims moves me away from shallow individuals like those I just described above. If you know any practicing Muslims (I'm talking about young college activists), you would be surprised by their character. These people have an amazing attitude, are nice to others but are not afraid to put you on the spot if you start talking crap. This exists in other people, but I have seen the most of it out in the Muslim community during our time. In a Muslim community, I am genuinely able to be nice to literally anyone with them being genuinely nice back.

Lastly, it isn't about Peace, it's about Justice (I was reading your later posts). You can fable about peace all you want. People are way too often taken off of the straight path and are consumed by something else. It's about balance in your personality, be nice to those who deserve it and give those who aren't a chance to put them straight. Humans naturally thrive off discipline... when someone commits a crime it doesn't take a "nice guy attitude" to get set them straight. It takes discipline.

TLDR; Someone pushes you, you push back. It's not about world peace, it's about giving justice where it's due- justice by itself brings peace. This is an easy concept you can grasp and implement on both a small and large scale.

[deleted] · 1 year

/r/seduction is this way.

Perditionishere · 1 year

And now, you have discovered the way of the world. Do with this knowledge what you will.

nuwzillund · 1 year

This comes across as a self esteem thing to me. Sorry if that's a little blunt. You gotta find your own path through it, but for me, I just reached a time in my life when I realised, "my friends understand me, they're the people whose opinions I care about. All others are outside this line and if I don't like their shit I can just go 'meh'."

[deleted] · 1 year

I haven't seen anyone say this, but I recommend the 'strength in numbers' approach. Befriend other 'nice' people, and use numerical advantage to promote courtesy as the norm, rather than a weakness.

I was able to do this at my workplace during college. My boss had a personality similar to the OP; I'm not especially nice, just normal, but basically introverted - not a talker. One day a girl (I agree that women are especially vicious once they sense weakness) started harassing me at the punchclock, demanding to know why I don't talk more, and what was 'wrong' with me. My boss overheard and shamed her for being so rude, basically tearing her down. That was the last I heard from her.

the2ndblahmonster · 1 year

You lack aggression. People intuit this, and they're calling you out on it. Think of their behavior as the strong in the pack alienating the weak. It's a survival instinct, and unless you become more aggressive, it will never stop. You can either choose to live with it and ignore it as well as you can, or you can stop being a pussy and the pack will accept you. The choice is yours.

lozenge_chewer · 1 year

There's respectable-nice, and there's spineless, simpering, exploitable-doormat-nice.

If someone attacks your character, stand your ground and tell them why you do what you do without being overly insulting; don't just apologize or walk off in anger, which validates their attack.

As far as mannerisms go, they are only the front for your character. If you're not living a respectable life, that layer will only disguise the fact for a short while.

[deleted] · 1 year

No good deed goes unpunished. I think about Jesus when I have a hard time with this concept. Think about how his kindness was repaid. (please not atheist flaming on my post)

[deleted] · 1 year

How do I deal with this?

Don't take abuse. Be nice, be yourself, but TAKE NO SHIT. Hone your sense of what abuse is, once you can can identify it instantly you can stop it instantly, the trick is to stop it at the source. Then people understand they have to find another victim.

triffideater · 1 year

Shit in a jar and leave it on his desk.

Seriously, I don't have an answer. Maybe you are seen as an insincere person? In any case, keep investigating, and let us know.

I_TYPE_IN_ALL_CAPS · 1 year

YOU SOUND CRAZY, NEUROTIC, TERRIBLY INSECURE, AND IT SEEMS THAT YOU DON'T LIKE YOURSELF.

OF COURSE, YOU NOW PROBABLY THINK I DON'T LIKE YOU AND I'M BEING MEAN OR TRYING TO DOMINATE YOU. I DON'T. I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU DO, HOW YOU FEEL, ETC. I'M JUST AN ANONYMOUS VOICE ON THE INTERNET TELLING YOU WHAT I SEE IN WHAT YOU WROTE.

I THINK YOU NEED THERAPY AND A DIFFERENT JOB. WITH AN EMPHASIS ON THERAPY.

tapdance · 1 year

There are too few genuinely nice people in the world. It may be hard sometimes, but I think you are making the world a better place by not having conditions. Maybe I'm just a quack from the midwest, but I think it makes you the better person.

Tarantina · 1 year

If there's one thing a woman (or anyone else) can't bear, it's a coward.

Roguecop · 1 year

Always be kind. Always be gentle. Always be ready to commit rabid violence @ a moments notice to those who harm you. Always be feared before respected. Always be respected before loved.

wfox · 1 year

Stop being a bitch.

dolgar · 1 year

How do you deal with it? Grow a pair, metrosexual.

whatisnanda · 1 year

You need to realize that people are shit and they NEVER fucking grow up. NEVER! If a guy says that he could take you in a fight look him in the eye and say quietly that you don't think that he could. Carry a hidden knife or better carry a gun. If he starts something, shoot/cut him and call the police. Seriously. Don't be a doormat for assholes.

Do your best to keep these assholes out of your life and out of your brain. Don't take any shit from the stupids. They are living out some type of fantasy that has been implanted in their brain by TV and hollywood. They are insane.

Look for a secure woman who is not alpha-male insane. Women are hard to read but maybe you can figure them out after a few conversations. Dump the crazy ones.

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