Please tell me your worst date story so I can forget mine. What follows happened today and is completely true.

Reapr · 1 year

Copypasta from another post of mine

We're at her place and I offer to give her a "massage" (i.e an excuse for me to get her hot).

15 mins later she is naked except for panties , she on her stomach and im stradling her legs, rubing up inside her thighs, light feather touches on the now moist panties.. she's moaing softly... she slowly sits up, covers her boobs with her hands, looks me in the eyes and asks me to leave because she needs to masturbate.

lowfat_raisin · 1 year

We met at a diner and drank coffee for 15 minutes. The next part of our date required us to drive somewhere in her car. As soon as I sat down in the passenger seat, I was overcome with the most powerful, foulest mildew odor that ever existed. "Sorry about the smell," she said. "I left my windows open in the rain."

We drove a half block and approached a four-way stop. She definitely did not have the right of way; a cop to our right did. Despite this, she gunned it through the intersection and turned left, meaning the cop she had just cut off (and almost had an accident with) was now driving behind us.

He pulled us over. As soon as he walked up to the car, she said to him, "What?! I didn't do anything!" He asked for her license and registration. Over the next two minutes, it was determined she didn't have either of those, nor did she have insurance, a sticker on her license place, a city sticker, or anything else she needed to drive legally.

He told us to follow him to the police station. We pulled up in the parking lot, and the cop walked up to the car, told her to get out, put handcuffs on her, and took her away. I sat there in the mildew for a couple minutes not sure of what I should do but couldn't take it anymore and left. The whole date lasted about 25 minutes, and I never spoke to her again.

Kijamon · 1 year

You say worst, I say bullet dodged!

docbond · 1 year

This is the story of the worst date that I watched unfold, only it happened to my mother.

When I was 13 my twice-divorced mother was a recovering heroin addict and we lived in welfare assisted apartments. She believed that she could never date above her class and so began going out with other recovering drug addicts and alcoholics. That is until she met Gary, a non-drinking, non-smoking doesn't do drugs sort of guy.

Gary was a checker at the local Raley's supermarket. I'd seen him a few times, he was always friendly to me and my mom and when she told me she had made a Saturday breakfast date with him I thought it might be a good idea. After all, this guy had a job so that made him WAY better than anyone else who had traipsed through our apartment in a long time. She'd have her date and I'd go to baseball practice.

Gary shows up an hour and 45 minutes late for their date. My mom had already called his house twice and canceled (this story takes place before mobile phones) because she was hungry and decided to leave on her own. When he got there my mom had already changed out of "date clothes" and we were on our way out. She decided to go change back into her other clothes and left Gary and I alone.

Gary was shitfaced. Stone drunk. 9:45am. He told me he was so nervous about going out with my mom that he fell off the wagon and drank a half a bottle of vodka in his truck after he left his house. Then he started crying. My mom came downstairs and saw him hugging me and sobbing his eyes out. They sat down on the couch to talk and I sat in front of my computer on the opposite side of the room. Gary told her everything that had transpired and then yelled "AND THAT FUCKER (me) DOESN'T EVEN CARE!"

Then he picked up the baseball from my mitt and beaned me in the back of the head.

tl;dr Addicts attract other addicts and they have a good aim.

kleinbl00 · 1 year

So in the Golden Age of Match.com (2001-2003) I made a deal with myself - I wouldn't give them any money, but I'd go out on at least one (1) date with any girl who approached me.

This took mere weeks, actually, before I had a date with a girl who had no picture. The plan was to meet her at her place and figure out next steps; her place was downtown, in a condo with a lovely view of the Space Needle, but the inside was kind of like a polyester explosion that hadn't been vacuumed in a couple months. I briefly met a gay male roommate who glared at me, and we started walking (I had a car but she didn't and was only used to her local sphere of influence).

We wound up going for a dyke bar (that charged cover on a tuesday) where buttery nipples were readily available but bourbon wasn't. So as I'm drinking my not-Bushmill's irish whiskey on the rocks, I'm trying to find out what the hell I've attached myself to that evening.

It should be noted right off that she was unattractive. I was there only because of my cosmic bargain with myself. She was maybe 40lbs overweight, stringy black hair, and an inability to look me in the eyes. So - what does she do?

She goes to school. She's in math right now. Like, calculus? No. Pre calc? No. Algebra? Algebra was a word she recognized; she mentioned that she was only five classes away from algebra. I tried to do the numbers in my head and deduced that she was currently making her way through Numbered Blocks 101 or possibly Carry The 4 200.

So you're old enough that this isn't a right-outta-high-school adventure, I say (I was 26, she was a little older, I think). Well, yes, she says, she dropped out of high school and only recently got over a crippling crystal meth habit. Hmm. Best not discuss that.

I'm not even sure how it came up - we discussed travel. She mentioned that she really liked New York City. Oh? And when were you in NYC?

"wheniwasonrickilake"

...she says, and sips her green cocktail.

Beg pardon? I say.

"When I was on Ricki Lake."

Now she looks me in the eye. As it turns out, she thought she'd been flown in for a makeover (don't they always). And she found herself on a show titled "I'm Your Gay Roommate And I Want You To Have My Baby."

So... you had a gay male roommate... and he wanted you to have his baby, I say. More than somewhat incredulously.

"Have," she says.

This was when? I ask.

"About four months ago."

Drained the whiskey. Tabbed out. Walked her back to her apartment. She invited me in - you can bet I had to work early the next morning. Roommate glared at me again. And I went home and had still more whiskey.

She called me two weeks later. She'd been laid off from her job in the call center at Qwest. She wondered if I had any leads for her.

ultra-nihilist · 1 year

[deleted]

HashRunner · 1 year

Ok, here we go…

p1

I am a pretty avid runner and one of my biggest hobbies is Hashing, or Hashrunning (bet you never would have guessed..) I had just completed a hash run one faithful afternoon back in April and was sitting around and drinking with the others when I noticed a virgin (new hasher). She was a cute greek chick and I had somehow missed her during the run, we will call her “Jenny” (I suck at names). Well Jenny was a recent transplant from New York and we fell into conversation for about an hour. Once the conversation came to an end I got up and got into my vehicle to go meet some friends at a local bar. As I was about to drive away Jenny taps on my window and asks if she could tag along, considering I had the choice of drinking with 4 guys or 4 guys and a girl, I chose the latter. We drive off and I suppose this is where my story actually begins.

p2

10-15 mins into the trip we are making polite conversation and everything seems fine, she seems to enjoy hashing, liquor, some nerd culture and seems chill. I don’t know what prompted it, but I turn to look at her for a moment and she smirks and says something I will never forget… “ So, when are you going to rape me?” she says with a giggle..

I am the first to admit that I have a pretty odd sense of humor, but this actually threw me for a loop. I stared at her for a moment and, after regaining my composure, I say, “Well, to be honest, I was going to wait until the second date at least…”. She smiled and replies, “Well that’s good, because I always carry a knife.” At this point I am thoroughly perplexed, I am wondering if this is a real life troll, a crackpot or some chick with a really odd sense of humor… I shake it off and say, “Well I guess it’s a good thing you are wearing running shorts and have no pockets, haha”. I now believe this conversation to be over, unfortunately I was wrong… Her next reply was, “Well i’m a girl, I don’t need pockets, I could hide it anywhere...”

An older, wiser, more sober me may have pushed her out of my car at this point and drove off, I was none of those things at the time.. The next few minutes go without incident as I feverishly try to process what the fuck is going on and begin to wonder if Greece’s main export is crazy.. As my cogs turn I hear a cork pop, something unmistakable but rather odd to hear in a car driving down interstate. I look over and see her sitting in my passenger seat chugging a bottle of wine I had won in a race earlier that week. After downing about half of it she stops and offers some to me, I take a sip and realize 2 things…

This is a bad idea

And

While drinking, she isn’t talking or knifing me…

I say nothing and allow her to finish while I get off of interstate, find the bar and park.

pt3

As we sit in the parking lot of the first bar, I call my friends to see where he is and she finishes off the wine. Unfortunately for me, my friend is a flake and decides to no longer answer his phone. I, noticing that my cohort is done drinking and about to begin chatting, nervously suggest we go inside and order a drink until he calls me back. I should note that this bar is slightly upscale, more of a martini and top shelf liquor establishment than I am familiar with (as a broke new grad).

As we step in we notice that there is a social going on in the bar area and we are clearly underdressed (t-shit/jeans and covered in flour vs. button-ups and collared shirts.). I really don’t want to go back into the car with this chick at the moment so I suck it up, find two bar chairs and order us some drinks.. We sit there in silence for a few minutes before we begin conversing again. Surprisingly, the conversation this time around goes much smoother and there is no mention of rape, weapons or secret compartments. I learn about her family, that she is going to law school and is quite lonely in city removed. We talk at length and order a couple of drinks without incident, until I finally receive a call back from my friend. He has relocated to a new bar and wants to know if I’ll meet him there. I agree, pay the tab and prepare to leave, all while thanking Odin that we made it through this bar without incident.

Odin wasn’t pleased.

As I put on my jacket, Jenny stands up, turns 180 degrees and falls face first onto the floor. There was no tripping, no attempt to catch herself or brace, it was a simple nose dive… I will remind you of the social currently going on around us and décor of this establishment at this time… I’m stunned. Furthermore, as people turn to look at us (about 100-120) they see a girl face down on the ground and me with my arms up, looking as if I decked her (I had just gotten my jacket on). Within moments there are 10-15 people (myself included, I’m not that terrible), gather around Jenny, trying to see if she is ok. As we turn her over, she is smiling as she bleeds from the nose and mouth, confidently telling everyone she is ok. I quickly usher her out the door and into the car as people follow us and ask if she is ok, if I hit her, etc. Once in the car, I throw it into drive and speed to the next bar, naively believing that things couldn’t get worse…

Pt4

As we head to the next bar Jenny quickly begins to show renewed interest in hooking up. I'm not sure if it's the scent of blood, or fear, that turned her on, but she continues to try and climb on my lap and grab my dick as we drive the 2.3 miles to the next bar. Upon arriving, she seductively pulls her shorts down to show no underwear and asks if I still want to go to the bar. Normally I'd submit, however, the traces of blood on her face and the fact that I did not want her to know I lived a mere 3 miles away quickly convinced me to decline the offer. Instead of hot, crazy and possibly murderous sex, we headed into the bar.

Once inside, i quickly located my roommate and friends and thanked the gods for delivering me safely. After the initial introductions, I went to the bar and ordered some beers for us both (remember, more drinking = less crazy shit coming out of her mouth). We get our drinks and take up a small 4 person table near the pool table. As we sit there, I slowly start to calm down and thing that maybe its all ok. We are in a public place and I know friends there, what could go wrong? It is at this moment that she decides she is not entirely happy with the bar and beer there. With a hellish scream, Jenny transforms into a she-hulk, she takes a swing at the table and knocks everyone's beer/water/food off and then turns around and flips the table over. I, being the one person drinking my beer at the time, take a moment to consider what just happened... My friends are stunned, as is the rest of the bar, and Jenny runs into the restroom while crying... I polish off my beer in a few gulps and walk over to pay my tab just as the bouncer comes over to inform me that I must leave with MY DATE >.<... It took about 15 mins of coaxing to get Jenny to leave the bathroom and come with me, which is actually longer than I got to spend with my friends at the goddamn bar.. Jenny and I hope into the car and leave...

Pt5

This finally bit is a bit of a blur, it happened somewhere between 11:30 and 1:00. Either way, i finally begin to wise up and realizing I need to get rid of this girl, her yelling "take me home you mother fucker" may have had something to do with this... That said, I must admit that I was getting mixed messages. Jenny had now progressed to a point that she had 3 separate stages of interaction... Lust, hate and sorrow. As I drove down interstate she would alternate between trying to punch me in the face, to climbing on my lap and unbuttoning/grabbing my dick, to crying in the corner floor board... These actions were cyclical and each happened about 7 -8 times before I realized that I did not have enough gas to take her home....

Finally, 10 miles and 15 minutes later (its a longer trip when you are fighting/kissing/consoling a crazy chick), we reach the gas station I was looking for. I hop out and begin to pump my gas... About 45 secs later I hear my car door shut and see her briskly walking into the service station. "OK" i think to myself, " maybe she needed something to drink". I finish and then walk inside after her to see if she was still ok. As i walk in, I hear "Taxi" and quickly realize that she is phoning a ride home. Instantly re-leaved, i am also feeling a bit remorseful about dragging her out her into this.. I, realizing I have a debit card but no wallet on me (from paying for gas), go over to the ATM and withdraw 20$. I hand this to her and tell her that I apologize for the night and to get the fuck home, I then walk out of the store and to my car. As I open up the door, I hear another door shut behind me. As I turn, I see a van drive off and notice that Jenny is no longer inside the gas station. To cut it down, Jenny decides to take a ride with a random stranger instead of waiting for her taxi, I jump in my car and gun it home. Once home, I realize that I no longer have my wallet in my pocket, it was in my jacket where I put it after I took my debit card to pay for gas. After some searching, I find the wallet, empty, under the passenger seat as well as my GPS gone... 40$ and a gift card were gone, but my ID and charge card was there. Being supremely pissed off, I decide to go to bed... (fuck, hit the character limit, look for pt6 below)

tidderor · 1 year

Went on 2nd date with a guy that I'd actually thought was OK on the first date.

We were at a restaurant and he was ALL OVER me. It was more than just a little flirty touching; I honestly think he had every intention of trying to strip me down and bone me right on the table. I pretty clearly told him more than once that I wasn't comfortable with this sort of public displays of affection and that he needed to stop. His response was to plant his face in my cleavage and lick it. I pushed his face away with a stern "Do NOT touch me again." This did the trick and he did stop with the physical assaults.

But, having been forbidden to touch me, he then launched into the inappropriate questions. He asked about my ex-husband and first asked if he knew how to "ring my bell." I told him I didn't think that was an appropriate question. He responded, "well, then, was he a good kisser?"

I encouraged him to move along to a different topic and we started talking about food and wines that he liked. He said he really liked champagne, then said "You know what champagne is good for?" Me: "No, what?" Him: "Think cold champagne followed by warm tongue. Would you like me to do that to you?" Me: "Umm, not really. You are making me VERY uncomfortable with these kinds of questions." At this point, I know I am never going to see/talk to this guy again, but was just trying to see the date through to its conclusion. I gave it one last try to try to loop back into a normal conversation. Not to be deterred, he ignored my question about hobbies and said, "So do you like to make love?"

I went off on a mini-rant about how inappropriate and creepy his behavior was, got up and RAN out of the restaurant. Never heard from him again.

5647382910 · 1 year

One night, I picked up a guy at his place and drove us across town to hear a local band at a small venue. While we were there, I had too much to drink, including lots of (free) shots with the band. Three-quarters of the way into the night, he was a little drunk, and I was completely face-wasted. A waitress saw me trying to dance and falling over myself, so she helped me to the bathroom, where I proceed to throw up in the toilet. She walked me back out to the dude I was there with and said that I was going to have to leave. She actually helped me get out to my car, where I laid down in the back seat, and also gave me a bottle of water. The dude stayed inside until the show was over. I was laying in the backseat, feeling awful, and I had to open my car door and throw up in the parking lot a couple of times, while still laying down. I could hear the band still playing. Once the show was finally over, the guy came out, jumped in the driver's seat, and drove me back to his place.

We got back to his house, and he said that I should just stay there since there's no way I could drive anywhere. I agreed. We shared a bed, but I doubt that anything really happened since I was too inebriated.

Fast-forward to a few hours later. The sun's up and we wake up. There is vomit everywhere, with chunks of food in it. He immediately blames me, but I say that it must have been him because I didn't eat "that" the day before. He looks more closely at the chunks of food and realizes that yes, he had the Mexican food the previous night, so it was his vomit everywhere. We are both extremely hungover at this point, and although my head is throbbing, I know that I have to get this mess cleaned up and not continue to lay in his vomit. He leaves the room and I start cleaning the carpet, wall, door, and sheets. I go downstairs and throw the sheets in the washing machine. I go back upstairs and realize that he's passed out again, but in a different bed. I continue cleaning, then go back downstairs to check the laundry.

While I'm down there, I notice that his dog needs to go outside. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to let the dog out with no leash, but I did. Of course the dog runs away. I want to start to chase him, but I'm not properly clothed. So, I eventually find my clothes scattered up the stairs and in the room, but I still can't find my shoes. I don't care at this point, and really just need to get the dog back, so I start running down the block, barefoot and hungover, calling the dog's name. I finally see him, but he wants to play a game with me. He'll let me get just close enough to barely grab him, but then run away again. I try various methods of trying to get him to chase me, to no avail. I try throwing sticks to get him to chase those, but no dice either. I finally start walking back to the house, but of course he doesn't follow. I get back to the house and decide to look for dog treats and a leash. I can't find the leash, but I find the treats. I grab a few of them and head back outside. It's hot, I'm still barefoot, and my head is throbbing from my hangover, but I really need to get this dog back. After quite a while of chasing him in and out of neighbors' yards, and up and down several streets, I get close enough to show him that I have dog treats. He stops running, so I give him a treat. I slowly bribe him back home with the treats, rewarding him along the way with 1/2 a treat or so at a time, just to keep him moving. We get inside and I collapse on the couch.

I realize that the laundry is done, so I go to put it back on the bed. Some of the food chunks are still stuck to the comforter. I try to clean it off and run it through the wash a second time. While it's in, I start looking for my car keys; they are nowhere to be found. I go upstairs, and the dude is still passed out, so I wake him up and ask him where my keys are. He doesn't know. I eventually find them on a desk in a room that I hadn't been in the previous night (but since he drove home, that made sense). I went out to my car, and all of my stuff was still there, including my shoes. Now that I was sure that I had all of my belongings, I really just wanted to lay down on the couch and sleep off the hangover.

I get some water for myself and the dog, and a glass for the dude, and I bring it up to him. He says that I should probably leave because his wife will be home soon from a business trip.

I curse under my breath and make a miserable drive home.

EDIT: for formatting

str1cken · 1 year

I picked a girl up at the mall and we went back to my house.

We started watching a movie and she jumped me. I said "Whoa, hey there, just FYI I'm not in the market for a girlfriend. So if that upsets you, I can take you home, no hard feelings. If you still want to fool around, that's great. And if you don't want to fool around but you aren't upset, let's watch the movie and hang out."

She was all "Nuh uh let's do it."

So.

About 10 minutes in she bites my arm. It hurts a little but I'm okay. Then she really gets in to it. I'm in searing, awful pain.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."

I keep fucking away, but it hurts like crazy. She bites harder. I pull out.

"What? I'm really in to pain. And biting."

"I'm not. I can't do it if you're going to bite me like that."

"Okay. I'll stop."

And so I get back to pounding away but before too long she's at it again. I stop again, and we both agree she's not going to bite me any more.

So I'm pounding away again and she starts biting me. Again. So I pull out the moment I feel teeth. Except this time when I pull out, she doesn't stop biting me. She starts biting me harder. And harder.

Her jaw is clamped down on my arm so hard I'm sure she's breaking the skin, I'm going to have a bruise, and at the moment I'm in an unbelievable amount of pain. I make a fist with my free hand and put it in front of her face.

"I don't hit people. I hate violence. But I don't know what else do to. If you don't let go of my arm I'm going to hit you in the head as hard as I can. I'm going to count to three. One. Two."

I pause. I really don't want to hit her. Hitting a woman? In the middle of sex? That feels awful. I feel like a terrible person. But however bad I feel morally, the pain in my arm is so much worse. And so.

"Three."

I pull back with my free hand and punch her in the side of her head as hard as I can. I feel relief in my free arm as I close my eyes, sick over what I've just done but so glad she's off my arm. Except?

It's like the feeling you get when you're expecting cold water to pour out of the faucet onto your hands but get scalding hot instead. For a split second it feels right, but then strange and suddenly oh so wrong.

She never let go of my arm. And she's moaning. In ecstasy.

I go limp and wait for her to let go. It doesn't take long after I've stopped resisted, stopped struggling, stopped fighting her. She loses interest.

I tell her I'm taking her home as I put on my clothes.

DaaraJ · 1 year

Not so much a "date story" as a "my ex-girlfriend turned out to be a psycho" story:

Throughout my senior year in undergrad I had an on again, off again relationship with one of my neighbors. It did not take long before I began to realize the depth of her psychological imbalance (abuse of adderall, ambien, booze, not to mention adderall supplemented anorexia and near-pathological lying).

I put up with all of it because, frankly, she was hot and I wasn't exactly the smoothest with the ladies.

One night though I realized I could do far better. We went to a bar with a group of mutual friends. The evening appeared to be progressing normally enough.... I lost track of her for about an hour which wasn't unusual as we were both talking to different friends in different locations. However, when she came back it was clear that she had been pounding shots and was shitfaced. It did not take long before she began loudly berating me (in front of all our friends) for my lack of sexual prowess.

At that point I was mildly buzzed but kept my wits about me and basically blew her off. When we got back home I told her that I was still pissed and was going to go chill at one of my buddies' houses. Apparently this was not acceptable.

She fucking blew her stack; was on her front porch yelling incoherent slurs at me as I drove off. Seeing as how she was smashed I decided to give her a call a couple hours later (around 1:00 in the AM). To my surprise a police officer answers the phone and proceeds to tell me that she is at the hospital and may have been sexually assaulted.

Apparently she had gone over to a guy's house (also a mutual friend, although not a close one to either of us), drank more, smoked a blunt, got raped, and then trekked barefoot through the snow for awhile until the cops picked her up and took her to the hospital. She refused to be admitted to the hospital, I took the officer's card after they said it was alright for me to drive her home.

Almost as soon as I got done carrying her in the door she stops crying and just bursts out laughing saying something along the lines of "I made it all up. I can't believe everyone bought it etc. etc." At this point I still don't know what to make of the situation. Half of me wanted to drive over to this guy's house and reverse his skull while the other (and apparently more rational) half decided against it and waited until morning.

I called the guy and he gave me the story (confirmed by both male and female friends who I trust who were there): My ex had gotten high, freaked out, locked herself in a bedroom in the basement, climbed out the window of said bedroom (hence the lack of shoes in the snow), and that was the last they saw of her. My ex plead innocent by reason of blacking out to all of this. I still didn't want to let it go and ended up calling her mom who told me that she had pulled almost the exact same stunt before, more than once.

tl;dr: ex-gf got smashed, falsely claimed rape, hiked barefoot through the snow, I got to deal with the cops and associated aftermath.

zoink001100 · 1 year

Dude, hold on to your ass because it's about to get blown away.

Girl that I used to go to high school with moves back to town after many years. She demands we get together and we do and decide to keep seeing each other. After a couple of dates we meet up for drinks near my place after I get off of work.

We get a few drinks, have a good conversation, eat a bite. We're informed by the bartender that while it's not necessarily last call the bar is closing but we can continue to drink in the adjoining restaurant. As we have fresh drinks we do so. From here things get weird.

We finish our drinks and I put forth that: "We should go grab a bottle of wine and head over to my place."

She nods but then a guy walks by while talking on his cell phone and says something about "Hooking up some smoke for later."

She turns to me and says: "I can make any guy do anything."

For the next hour she dry humps this guy while I make small talk with his friends. When closing time comes said guy has realized that she's with me and that she's crazy and gladly leaves with his friends.

We end up back at my place. She's crazy drunk and ends up passing out on my floor.

The next day: She insists on mimosas and quiche the supplies of which are easily purchased from a Trader Joe's just a few blocks away. I had to work so she puts away a whole bottle of cheap sparkling wine in about an hour.

While getting ready to leave she notices she's missing a sweater. Assumes she left it at the bar and so goes there upon taking her leave.

Four hours into my shift I get a call from her that isn't her: "Wake up, wake up. If you don't wake up we're going to have to call an ambulance."

At the end of my shift I get a call from her. She's at a hospital and has been admitted for alcohol poisoning. She needs me to come get her because they won't release her because when she was admitted she claimed to be suicidal. She couldn't call anyone else because she's had two DUI's and if the police found out she would have gone to jail.

Apparently, after she left my place she went to the bar and started drinking again. Got a phone call from an ex and drank even more.

I spent the night in the ER with her. Paid for a cab to take us back to her place. Made sure everything was all right and then got the fuck out of there.

Hope she's doing well.

Edit- No sex

Edit 2- grammar

[deleted] · 1 year

Ok. This isn't that bad, but its the worst i've got.

I should preface this story with the disclaimer that I am in no way a lady's man, and should not be seen as such. i've been in a total of five relationships in my life (six if you count some heavy hand-holding in middle school).

Anyway, my (now ex-girlfriend) was visiting my home town, which is extremely small and it is not uncommon to see about 50% familiar faces when downtown. So I was showing her the sights (all three of them), and was mostly showing her places I used to smoke pot when i was in high school.

I had planned a nice evening for us in which we would eat dinner and then go sit outside together. Anyway, so as we're walking to the restaurant, I happen to see another ex walking towards us. She greets me congenially, and ignores ex#1, listing to me about 25 inside jokes which entirely excluded ex #1 from the conversation. Ex #2 then asked if i still had her number, and forced me to take out my phone and prove to her that (while i may not have had the motivation) I had the potential to call her if i wanted to. Feeling death stares from Ex#1, I politely informed Ex #2 that we were late for our dinner reservation, and she left me with an unnecessarily long hug.

So literally 15 steps later I happen to glance over toward a garbage can and I see someone skitter behind it. Immediately, I recognize the king-tut-esque bumpit-ized hair on the overly makeuped face of yet another ex (Ex #3). Having realized not just who was hiding, but also who they were hiding from and their motivation for doing so (it was an awkward relationship with an even more awkward breakup which consisted of a ridiculously high cell phone bill due to texts.. not minutes), I decide it best to keep going. Unfortunately, I soon learn that Ex #1 has noticed Ex #3, and is obviously curious. At this point I can't take anymore, and so I nearly drag ex #1 to the restaurant wherein I explain to her the situation.

The funny thing is that I'm not a big dater. all of my relationships can be considered long-term, and there have been few. so why the fuck i ran in to two exes in one evening, i have no idea.

You don't need to hear the rest, but basically she started crying, we didn't eat, we sat in the car yelling for a few hours, I left her a few months later when I realized that this sequence of events (minus the part where i'm a mothafuckin P.I.M.P.) basically summed up our entire relationship.

anyway, you win. great story. you're lucky to have gotten out of there.

martann3 · 1 year

Went to breakfast with a total jackass. First he yelled at the waiter after the waiter spilled a little bit of orange juice on MY side of the table. It wasn't a big deal, but he made a scene yelling at the waiter and telling him he wasn't going to get a tip. Poor waiter, you could tell he was a little slow (grrrr.... I should have done more). Breakfast was okay aside from him trying to convince me to go back to his place afterward. After finishing his meal he decided he wanted more. Instead of waiting for the waiter to come back, he went back to the kitchen area and yelled "Can I get some fucking service over here you mother fuckers". I had had enough. I went up to register, paid the bill, and took off.

rudeandnotginger · 1 year

Well we seem to be getting a lot of stories from guys, so I'll chuck in a girls version.

So I was 15, on my first proper 'date' with this guy who I had met through a camp thing. I was totally giddy in a 15 year old way, that there was finally this guy who liked me and actually wanted to go on a date with me. Going to an all girls school, I had no real experience with guys, so this was a pretty big deal for me.

Anyway, so we get to the movies. He insists on buying my ticket and we go in. Now as soon as the lights go down, his hands start wandering. Lots of boob groping and kissing my neck. Keeping in mind that I had never kissed a boy at this stage, I freaked out. I was really uncomfortable, but I really wanted him to like me, so I put up with it. Time passes and he gets more forward, his hands start to unbutton my jeans. Now I knew that was a line I didn't want him to cross, so I said no. He keeps on trying, I say no. Cue 10 mins of him trying to get his hands into my pants, with me trying to get him to stop. Eventually the movie finishes, we part ways, I get home and cry myself to sleep

tl;dr: on first date ever, boy didn't understand no means no

unoriginalusername · 1 year

Don't forget to return the movie. That shit adds up.

Annaeus · 1 year

Based on an almost-certainly false assumption that this is an accurate and complete description of the girl in question, I have to say that this is the very, very best way this date could have turned out.

You describe a woman who has severe emotional problems, and a significant probability of a history of abuse. Involvement with her would likely involve you being 'responsible' for whatever she's feeling, even (and especially) when it has nothing to do with you. Hence the 'just feels wrong' conclusion. And by 'involvement' I mean 'as long as she decides', regardless of your intentions.

Let me put it to you this way: you know the line in Good Will Hunting? Something like "you just dropped $40,000 on an education that you could have got for free with a library card"? Yeah - you just spent $40 learning what a really-bad-idea looks like which costs a lot of guys tens of thousands of dollars and years of their lives. Don't forget this date, it may not have been the most enjoyable, but it may very well end up being the most valuable you'll ever go on.

Ives_vdf · 1 year

[deleted]

candidkiss · 1 year

We went to go see Wall-E. She didn't laugh once.

Bullet-dodged. I only want to date women with souls.

olafthebent · 1 year

I was at a party where the host had lined up ALL his bookcases with small paper cups with shots in them as well as a keg. So I'm standing there with a beer in each hand feeling all right, when my buddy decides to introduce me to a lovely young lady.

Total brain fart, but I end up spilling beer all over her pants... thinking quickly, I promptly spill my remaining beer on my own lap, look up at her and proclaim "Now we're even." I figured if she had fopund it funny, then I had a shot.

She didn't find it funny and I ended up walking around looking like I peed myself.

NeptunesWrath · 1 year

This happened in 2003. A fairly attractive girl asked me out while I was at work (I think she was a vendor dropping off supplies). I agree to meet up with her at an Italian restaurant.

We get there and it's totally normal. Halfway through the date she reaches into her purse and says, "I brought you a gift". Score, right!?! The Book of Mormon comes out and she starts telling me their divine history.

Partway through I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I walk around to the bar and tell the bartender how my first date is unfolding. He buys me a shot and shows me how to exit out through the kitchen.

1 year

[deleted]

JohnnyBeagle · 1 year

Met a girl at a bar. She was with her friends and they wanted to leave. She looked at me and asked if she could stay and get a ride to her place later with me. I thought that was a great idea. The girl was hot! Right after her friends left, she downed her drink and said, "Let's go to my place." I drove to her house and she suggested that I park in her garage as she had nosy neighbors and did not want them to see my car in her driveway in the morning. Once inside, she pours us both a drink and we sit in the living room. She tells me she's had enough to drink and wants to go upstairs, but tells me to give her a few minutes to "get ready". I wait a while, go upstairs and she's in bed. I strip down and hop into the bed, start making moves - just standard foreplay. She starts off in a rant about how I am not supposed to hurt her, how this was not her idea, how she's afraid of being raped and how her ex-husband is a cop and still wants to get back with her and she's thinking of calling him to get me out of her house!
I get out of bed, scramble for my clothes and almost fall down the stairs trying to get out. Once in the garage, I can't find the button to open the electric door, so I reach up and (somehow) snap a connection and open it manually. I've had too much to drink and should not be driving, but I had no other choice. On the way home, I drive through a sobriety check point but my car was a 4-door sedan and I had a suit on and I guess I looked sober, so the cops waved me through. (Amazing) I get home and pass out on the sofa.
At 6:00 in the morning, the girl calls me - telling me that I broke her garage door. I replied, "Well, you broke my heart, so we're even!"....and I never heard from her again....

ubelblatt · 1 year

Back when I was freshly single I was lurking the craigslist personals to see if anyone caught my eye when I came across this beautiful girl who seemed really intelligent and interesting. Thinking she can't be real I send her a message expecting to get back the standard bot response, but she responds and we agree to go out on a date. We go out on 2 dates both pretty good, 2nd one ends with us making out in the parking lot at a bar after last call.

Then she just drops off the planet, doesn't return my calls, AIMs or anything just gone. You would think after this I would learn my lesson but we end up reconnecting and she invites me out on another date. I agree and we decide to meet on Sunday at a bar to have some drinks and watch the football game.

So everything is going normally when I notice this girl is just slamming back beers, she is on her 6th when I am on my 2nd. Since we both drove to the bar I realize that someone is going to have to drive us out of there so I slow down a little. The game ends and she is on beer 10 I'm on 4 or so when she realizes she is out of cigarettes. I don't smoke so she goes trolling the bar for a cigarette to bum and manages to get one off this 40 year old UGLY (this is important later) lesbian chick.

A while later 2 beers come to our table from the bar and the lesbian woman comes over and seats herself at our table. The girl I am with is completely smashed and her and the lesbian chick are doing this weird flirty annoying banter. When the lesbian chick gets up to go to the bathroom my date leans over and says: "You know I don't really like her right? I'm just doing this for free drinks" At this point I know the date is hosed so I'm just enjoying my free beer.

The lesbian comes back from the bathroom and starts telling me (and my date) about how she is a psychologist at the local medical center and how her mom owns the bar we are in and that she is sorry if she is hyper but she just did a bunch of coke in the bathroom. I laugh but am thinking to myself: "you're like 40!"

The next downpour in the date shit storm was her gay friends now come out and start hitting on me. Probably because my date was now too enamored with getting free drinks from this ugly lesbian (beer 14 now by the way). I politely inform them I am straight as an arrow and at this point I'm ready to call it a night.

My date however is smashed beyond any hope of driving so being the gentleman that I am I wait up for her to finish. I look back over and her and the lesbian are making out (which I couldn't help but think man this would be hot if that lesbian wasn't SO damn ugly and old) and the gay guy is now intently giving me the "come hither look". So I decide to beat a hasty exit (my date has now decided she is done and is now coming with me)

I get ahead of her outside and take a seat on one of the nearby benches and wait up for her to get out. She comes out and walks in front of me and then falls down and face plants on the sidewalk. She gets up and says: "YOU TRIPPED ME!" I respond: "no way, you were a good FIVE feet from my legs". So she sits down at the bench and tries a shot at making out with me. But after watching her get down with the crypt keeper in there I'm having no part of it.

So she stumbles over to her car and can't even get the keys out. I tell her she is in no condition to drive and I'll give her a ride home. So I get in the car and she is literally hanging on my door handle. At this point I've had about enough so I ask her: "you getting in?" She hops in and I end up dumping her off at her house.

Its always a bad night when your date ends up going ugly lesbian on you...

bochibochi · 1 year

About a year or so ago my best friend was visiting from out of town (he lives in Seoul, I live in Osaka) for the weekend, and we decided to go up to Nara (the first "permanent" capital of Japan, about an hour away by train.) Now, at that time, there had been a guy begging me to come up and go out on a date with him for a few months, and since he lived in Nara, I thought it'd be a good chance to meet him (it was an internet thing, and I figured having my best friend with me would help keep the potential psycho shit to a minimum.)

I was horribly mistaken. The psycho shit came out in full force. He was about fifteen or twenty years older than his pictures, resembled a skinny, borderline schizophrenic, shaved Master Splinter from TNMT, and wore a long "yes, I am in the Matrix" black trench coat. Both my best friend and I, once he had his back turned to walk us to the restaurant, exchanged a look of "what the fuck did we get ourselves into?" and then quickly found out as he started in on the most insane bad Engrish conversation possible with us, drank one glass of wine and got flush red but ONLY on his multitudinous acne scars which gave him a very Freddy Kruger kind of vibe.

Luckily, the guy fancied my best friend a lot more so I was able to just sit back, drink a copious amount of beer (which he paid for) and enjoyed watching my worst date ever unfold in front of me as if in a dream.

My best friend wasn't pleased. But, he also didn't have a lot of money for his vacation, as I reminded him, and dinner and drinks in Japan aren't cheap. He still wasn't pleased.

revbobdobbs · 1 year

Dude - everything that happened actually makes perfect sense.

Honest.

This girl really wanted to get laid. By you. But she isn't that great at seduction, and she could sense that you just weren't that into her. But she didn't want to admit it to herself.

She finally asked you to leave because she just couldn't handle it anymore. She was pissed off at your unwillingness and/or lack of confidence. Eventually the natural tension became just too awkward and she got pissed off that you never really made the first effort. I bet she's fuming that she "went to all that effort", dropping all of those cues for you to take (as clumsy as they were) and you didn't jump.

From the sounds of you weren't really wanting to sex her anyway.

Better luck next time.

xevb3k · 1 year

What the hell... haha

Worst I've ever had was a guy who spent months chasing after me, I finally agreed to go to the cinema with him and the entire night he showed me scars from where he has been carving his ex's name into his skin with a knife.... but your story makes mine sound completely normal!

darkbeanie · 1 year

Back to college, 1992 (before the web was popular, internet was primarily text based). I was online in my dorm room, chatting on IRC, when at some point a bunch of people started dropping off. Didn't think much about it. A little while later, a conversation with a couple girls starts heating up a bit; we're getting a bit flirty and we start saying stuff about where we are. The two girls are friends and roommates and it dawns on us as we narrow things down that we're at the same university, both on the same side of campus. None of us realize that the earlier dropoffs are due to a network disconnect from the local server we're on, and that therefore it makes perfect sense that we're all in the same local area. So it seems extra awesome and fortuitous when it turned out they were in the dorm building next to mine, and in fact on the facing side. We figure out that if we lean out the window, we could probably see each other. It's late at night, so I could not make out much besides a couple faces and a waving arm but still, how cool. Naturally, we make plans to get together for lunch the next day, at a quiet little place nearby.

The next part is going to make some folks think poorly of me, but I'll be truthful about it anyway. I got there first, and when they walked in, my stomach knotted up. There must have been close to 700 pounds between the two of them. They were the largest college students I'd ever seen, and one of them had a full-on moustache. At that point I figured the only thing I could do was to be friendly, but really, really nerdy. I didn't want them to hate me as a person, but I wanted them to lose all interest in ever hanging around with me again. So I talked a lot about computers and programming, and made my laugh sound as grating and irritating as possible while still being believable. Perhaps they had the same plan when they saw me (I'm not very attractive either), and were correspondingly dull and uncommunicative.

I was pretty relieved to find that the technique apparently worked. Never heard from them again.

SummerOfSassy · 1 year

Worst date ever. I had just broken up with a long term girlfriend (who is now my wife) and I hit plenty of fish to find some company. I girl who looks cute enough messages me and we start talking and decide to hang out the following weekend. I forgot the cardinal rule of online dating though: never trust pictures. I would also create a second cardinal rule of online dating that night: you cannot trust anything anyone says in an online conversation. At any rate, the night of our date comes and I get home from work, shave, shower, whatever and drive out to pick her up. I get to her apartment to pick her up, which is basically in a trailer park, and call her to figure out which building to go to. She answers and says she will be right down which I assume means we are going to go out as planned. I got out of my car to greet her (it was dark at this point) and as I got closer I realized what a horrible mistake I had made. She was in very tight capri sweat pants that were too short in all the wrong places, a tiny little tshirt that was tight in all the wrong places and slippers. There were definitely (skin showing) muffin tops and a visible ass crack in this image. She was also nowhere near as cute as her pictures would lead you to believe. I should have made up some excuse, turned around right there and left but I was too nice. She invited me up to her apartment and it became very apparent that she lived with her mother, who fortunately was not home. I only know this because there were family portraits everywhere and the apartment actually had nice things in it. Being the gentleman that I am I tried to talk to her only to realize that she was possibly the most annoying person on earth, a perfect mix of a white trash hillbilly and Alicia Silverstone in the movie Clueless. I don't recall exactly what we talked about for the time I was there but I do know it was awful. Oh, and her dog kept humping my leg. I finally managed to make up some excuse that got the fuck out of there. This all probably makes me seem shallow, and maybe I am, but I never dated online again after that.

lanoitar · 1 year

She sounded nervous/excited and made dumb comments - who the fuck hasn't on a date with a crush. She dropped some huge fucking hints that didn't get her anywhere and kicked you out - she sounds pretty normal to me. I mean c'mon 20 minutes and the best you can do is put your arm around her? smooth.

ps, good job making HER sound like the crazy one!

esquilax · 1 year

First date. She took me to see "Kids." I was like, what's this movie about? She just said, "I dunno, kids?"

O_O

yoric · 1 year

DISCLAIMER: I posted this on my blog after the date (said blog should now be unavailable to the average internet user). This woman found my blog and said I was "lower than a dog's smegma." If I'd known she knew the word "smegma" I would have dated her again.

It was a disaster. seriously, so bad it was funny as hell. she said she was 23, short, asian, attractive, and exciting. two of those things were instantly verifiable. one was inconclusive. the other two were blatantly false.

she had beady eyes that managed to bulge out of her face behind her thick green horn-rimmed glasses, which she wore so low on her nose that it was hard to tell where she was looking most of the time. her small chin alternated between jutting out like a goat and disappearing back into her fat neck like a frog. she had tremendous wet red lips that she kept open at all times except when swallowing, and they protruded grossly beneath a nose that was so flat and wide that it was no wonder she had trouble with her glasses (and no wonder that she was a mouth-breather). her hair was neck-length and stringy (which was, i have to say, probably due to the rain), and she kept on pushing it out of her face and then tipping her head so that it fell forward again.

once i asked her what she did for a living she started speaking and didn't really stop until her food arrived. she would pause for a second and i would begin to speak, and then she would pick right up again. i guess she was taking time to breathe. a couple of times i managed to finish a sentence, but my words were like bumps in the road of her monologue. her conversation centered on some strange friend-group of about 30 people who for some reason live in the same house in brighton, and only one of whom she actually likes. she mentioned that she got a degree in journalism from BU but she doesn't like journalism, and she is now applying to grad school in seattle for library science. she also managed to talk about her ex-boyfriend for a while as well as the last guy she went on a date with.

it was a tremendous relief to me when the food arrived because it meant that we were getting closer to leaving. i got a bacon and bleu burger with fries; she got buffalo chicken strips. what commenced was the most grotesquely fascinating thing i have ever witnessed from less than three feet away, other than the time i had a boil on my knee lanced.

she first used a knife and fork to separate the individual strips into bite-sized chunks. she stabbed a chunk and dipped it in a saucer of bleu cheese, then held her fork over her platter like a lollypop. when she felt like she had reached an appropriate place in her monologue to take a break she would lunge at the food, stretching her pasty neck and pointed chin out and pushing her fat lips forward until they enveloped about half of the chunk, and take a bite. it looked more like she was french kissing the food than like she was eating it. her mouth would inevitably become smeared with buffalo sauce and bleu cheese, but rather than using a napkin or licking it off she just left the sauces there. her stained lips remained open while she chewed, providing a lush and nuanced soundtrack to the horror that was her ingestion. i had to look away to eat my own food, but the rest of the time i just stared at her, having given up the notion of carrying on a dialogue.

one of the things that intrigued me about her prior to our date was her insistence in the personal ad that respondents read books that weren't by eggers or safran foer. i decided during the lull that accompanied our early digestion that i would make an attempt to carry the conversation along on this vein. "so, you don't like eggers or jonathan safran foer?"

she looked down, and her glasses and hair slipped in front of her face. "mumble mumble to read Everything Is Illuminated, and i didn't like it."

"what didn't you like about it?"

she paused and looked at me. at least, i think she was looking at me. then her moonlike cheeks quivered and she said "i can't really say. i only read about ten pages."

"what about eggers?"

"i haven't read anything by him... i don't really finish many books."

after another ten minutes of tortured conversation i drained the last of my beer and said something about having to get up early for work.

she stood and picked up her raincoat. "well, it seems like we have a lot in common."

i mumbled something and smiled a little bit. she looked eager. "do you want to have dinner again thursday or saturday?"

"we'll see... i might have to move some stuff from allston to cambridge..."

"okay then!" she gave me a hug.

i waited to see which direction she would walk to get to the T, and then i went the other way.

smithzc · 1 year

Met a gal on an online dating site, we talked on the phone after some emails. She sounded nice & normal, we decided to meet for lunch one day. I suggest a place that's about 5 minutes from where I work, and tell her what time I'll be there. Now, I had seen a photo on her profile but never seen her in person. My photo was pretty accurate, it had been taken a few weeks prior.

So I'm sitting there outside the restaurant, waiting for her to show up. I see this woman walk in, look around for a minute, then walk right back out past me. We make eye contact for a minute and I say "Mary?". Turns out it was her... but here's the kicker, she looks nothing like her profile photo. I mean the photo must have been from 20 years ago, because in that photo she actually had some front teeth, and her gums looked like she'd been sucking on Red Man all day every day for years.

So I decide to give her the benefit of the doubt, and continue the lunch date. We order (she orders a bunch of food and ends up taking some to-go on my dime), and start talking about ourselves. She goes on and on about her 4 kids, how she used to be a stripper, yadda yadda yadda. The worst part is our Waiter is a friend of mine (who I hadn't seen in a while and didn't know he worked there). He saw me with this woman and gave me a look like "WTF are you doing with this trailer trash?"

In the end we parted ways after lunch, she suggested I call her and we go out again. I went back to work and immediately added her number to my blocked call list.

TLDR; Woman showed up, looked nothing like her photo, half her teeth w/ nasty black gums, former stripper with 4 kids.

greenRiverThriller · 1 year

The day I realized that girls can be creepy and clingy is the day I lost any shyness I had around women.

the_girl · 1 year

The time: a couple years ago, I was about 20.

The place: my first real apartment, conveniently located just behind frat row at my uni and so heavily populated with post-frat bros.

The characters: Myself and the random male neighbor that happened to walk by to see me hanging out in my apartment by myself.

The set-up: It was customary in that apartment complex to leave your doors open, everyone was very congenial and friendly, plus I think they liked to pretend they still lived on frat row. My roommate and I were literally the only females living in the entire complex.

Then this happened:

A guy who I'd met only briefly invited me back to his apartment to smoke a bowl and watch a movie. That being my weakness, I agreed.

While we were still in my apartment, he said, "The only way you get to come with me is if you kiss me right now." I was still pretty green in the ways of men and women, and so while uncomfortable I thought it was a harmless request. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and off we went.

On the walk to his apartment, he repeatedly tried to put his arm around me. I was confused, oscillating between being flattered and put-off. I wasn't that attracted to him, but I wasn't accustomed to guys paying attention to me, so I wasn't sure what to do.

Once we got inside his place and he closed the door, he turned to me and said simply, "Okay, I want you to get naked."

I said, "Uh, what?" and he responded, "C'mon, take off your shirt. I want to see your ass, too, so take your pants off as well. When you're naked, you're going to help me undress and then you're going to blow me."

I said, "I think you have the wrong idea, I didn't come here for that. I thought we were just going to hang out ..."

He said, "Whatever you thought was wrong, we're in my place now and I'm bigger than you so don't make me hold you down. No matter what you do I'll tell everyone you're a whore, so you might as well do it."

I said, "What? What the hell is going on? I'm not taking my clothes off and I'm sure as hell not going to blow you!"

Then he slapped me, started ripping my shirt off and shoving his hand down the front of my pants.

I started screaming and twisting and trying to push him off. He picked me up and threw me on his bed and said, "Christ, what the hell? Who cares if you're a whore? Calm down, everybody does it!" while he pushed his pants down to his ankles and took my hand and started rubbing his junk with it.

At that point my brain checked out and my body took over. I started punching and kicking and writhing and shoving until he finally said, "Jesus, what the fuck? FINE. FINE. I'll walk you back to your place. Christ. You didn't need to get all weird." Then he made me help him pull his pants up while he said, "Thanks, Mommy."

He walked me back to my apartment. I was silent the whole time. He saw fit to tell me I was lucky he paid any attention to me, because I "wasn't even that good-looking."

On the way, we passed a group of dude neighbors sitting in the courtyard. They were all staring at us. He flashed them a thumbs-up.

Ijustdoeyes · 1 year

How about this: I've never been asked on a date.

KevyMetal · 1 year

The real fucking tragedy of this story is that they don't sell salsa verde Doritios where I live. Thanks for fucking my day up.

BucketsMcGaughey · 1 year

I should probably start this by saying I'm a straight guy.

I'd just gone back to university for the start of my third year. It was Saturday evening and I was moving into my new place, which had been rented out to some people short-term over the summer, two of whom were still there as I was moving in.

One of them was a French guy who seemed cool. As I unpacked, we chatted about music and this and that, just passing the time of day. The evening wore on and he suggested going to the cinema for a midnight showing just for something to do. The film was The Fifth Element, which at the time hadn't been out for long and I hadn't seen it, so I thought "Yeah, why not?"

So I drove us there, and in we went. As we took our seats, I remember looking around the cinema and thinking "Wow, there's an awful lot of gay couples in here", but I thought nothing of it, because it was a town with a famously large gay population.

Watched the film, drove home, and shuffled off to bed, and that was that. French guy moved out the next day.

And then my new friend started sending me mixtapes in the post...

Y'know that scene at the end of The Usual Suspects where the penny drops? That's what happened in my head about then. Suddenly I realised the poor guy had been trying to make a move and I was completely oblivious to it, because, well, I'm straight and had a shiny new girlfriend at the time.

In his defence, he was a perfect gentleman and never pushed his luck at all. Just not my type...

TL;DR - I went on a gay date without realising

_NetWorK_ · 1 year

[deleted]

four20blackbirds · 1 year

please don't say dropping your v card

reakt80 · 1 year

I once met a girl for drinks & dinner at a bar I frequent. The beginning of the date was perfectly pleasant... we had great conversation, she seemed fairly free of insanity... so far so good. We decided to do a bit of a pub crawl, checking out a new bar, hitting a few of my usual haunts. At about the third stop she started to get a little tipsy (I was the DD for the evening). She asked a couple of her friends to join us and they were very cool people, so all was well.

Then we went to the final location, a tiki-esque bar with a bit of a hipster flavor. She was moderately drunk at this point, and started trying to order me around and generally act like I expect Paris Hilton might. We went to the dance floor and she pulled me close, where she told me that the DJ was probably staring at us and jealous of me because they'd previously dated. True enough... he was staring me down. She also chose this moment to inform me that she's actually a divorcée and has a couple of kids (this was all news to me).

We headed back to the table where she proceeded to demand a drink, and then... she spat on a total stranger. He happened to be looking the other way and thought the AC had dripped on him, but no, this insane girl had just expectorated upon his person. Her friends just rolled their eyes.

At this point I was already done with this girl, but her car was parked at the first place we'd gone, and she was far too drunk to drive. Her friends, understandably mortified, gave their goodbyes and escaped. I was forced to take her to my place where she blessedly fell asleep quickly in my bed while I took residence on my couch. In the morning she remembered very little about the evening, but did apologize for getting so drunk. Suffice to say I did not call.

TL/DR - My date spat on a stranger at a bar.

1 year

[deleted]

piney · 1 year

This really cute girl used to talk to me sometimes at the retail store where I worked in college. We had what you might call a good rapport, and had a lot in common. She'd recently transferred to my school. Anyway, one night right before closing she came in and asked me out. She seemed really nervous. It never occurred to me that someone so cute would be into me, because I'm really nothing special in the looks department. I was psyched! So we set it up.

So how did I botch this?

I couldn't believe this girl interested in me, and I just... I just clammed up. I felt like all I could do was stare. I stammered. Tried too hard. Our chemistry evaporated. I was aware of it, I could feel it happening, but I couldn't change it or fix it. She was herself - charming, adorable. But I was in the headlights. I never saw her again.

Senor_Throawae · 1 year

I'm so bad at formatting!

apm9167 · 1 year

This is by far one of the worst things that's ever happened to me.

So, it begins with me and ex-g/f of a year, after being broken up for a few months decide to do the "let's try and make it work" thing. She invites me over, I stop at the store and get some beers. It was a relaxing evening, just me and her drinking til about 2 am. Finally I'm sufficiently shit faced enough to turn-in. She invites me to stay over and I go la in her bed while she cleans herself up before joining me. I pass out in what must have been 10 seconds after my head hitting the pillow.

While I was asleep she starts searching through my cell phone and finds some rather scandalous texts form another girl. She proceeds to wake me up by straddling me and throwing what must have been 10-15 punches directly into my nose (those puerto rican girls really can throw a punch). I throw her off of me, and she sprints out of the house. I wait about 15 min for her to come back. Doesn't happen. So i decided to go look for her because i know in my heart of hearts, she's a psycho hose beast and is no doubt up to something stupid. I go outside, turn down one block, nothing, turn down another, nothing. So i start walking down the main street and i see her lying in the sidewalk under a street light. I thought to myself "Wow, she must be wasted if she feel asleep right there". I run over to her to find her in pool of blood.

She had slashed both of her wrists rather deeply, not one of those pussy "I want attention" cuts, like a "Holy fuck you're laying in a pool of blood with a 4 foot radius" cut. I proceed to call the amber lamps and rip my shirt off to wrap her wrists up. They show up and I'm in tears, blood all over my chest and hands, she's barely conscious begging me to just leave her there. I end up spending the rest of the night in the ER as she needed to get her wrists sewn up, psych evaluation, blood transfusion.

Worst. Date. Ever.

SirPlus · 1 year

I'd been going over to a friend of mine's place to eat and hang out for a week or so when I realised that she had a crush on me. She was a great girl in many ways but wildly hormonal, very loud and weighed at least 300lbs, which is not my bag. A couple of times after we'd been out, she had tried to prevent me from leaving her apartment and it was becoming more and more difficult to get away from her clutches or think up excuses as to why I couldn't spend the night.

So, this one night, I arranged for my flatmate to accompany us so that he could aid me in my escape at the alloted time (he was well aware of her proclivity to cause immense scenes if thwarted). We went to the pub and ended up back at her place where she proceeded, once again, to get me to stay the night. At a pre-arranged signal, my flatmate was supposed to phone a cab and have the front door open ready so that I could leap into it once she started getting too hot and heavy (with the emphasis on heavy). As she got up to go into the kitchen, I signaled my mate who dutifully phoned the cab and went outside to wait for it. She see's him leaving and uses this as a cue to wrap her stuff around me, assuming I have got rid of him so that we can be alone. Despite my protests, she isn't letting go but, after a couple of minutes of sweaty struggling, I manage to break free and head for the door with her in hot pursuit. I burst through it and grab the handle of the front door and try to turn it but it won't budge. Hearing laughter from outside, I look through the door window to see my mate hanging onto the handle from the other side. I'm screaming and swearing at him bit it's no good: she scoops me up and heads back inside her apartment where I was sexually molested on her disgusting bed until my escape the next morning.

framauro13 · 1 year

After graduating college I did some consulting work, which included some traveling. One weekend back, I'm hanging out with some college friends and meet one of my buddy's girlfriend's friends. We talk, hang out most of the night. I left the state on work, and her and I talked via AIM almost every night. I was coming back home every other weekend, so we made plans to have dinner when I got back.

She lived in the northern part of the state, and I lived in the city (central area). The drive was about 3 hours, so we agreed to meet somewhere in the middle. This was in February, so there's snow on the ground. The day comes and I'm driving north, about 15 minutes from the meeting place, when a block of ice flips off of a semi and slams into my windshield. The windshield is completely shattered (barely still held together).... I pull off to the side of interstate and slowly drive to the next exit with my head out the window since I can't see out the windshield.

I pull into a gas station, call her and explain what happened. My truck was towed to the nearest shop, so I'm sitting inside a gas station talking to her when I notice my phone is about dead. Frantically, I write down her number so I can call her back from a pay phone when my battery quits. It eventually does, so using what change I have I call her back using the pay phone in the station to ask her to come pick me up.

She wouldn't. It was too late, and if she drove me home it might be dark when she gets back, and she hates driving in the dark. She then proceeds to drive back home (she's only 15 minutes MAX from me) and leaves me in the gas station.

My cell phone is dead, I have no numbers (who remembers phone numbers these days?) and only enough change to make one call. I have to call my parents (it's the only number I remember), who live three hours away. I'm 26 years old (at the time), sitting in a cold gas station in February reading the same 2-paged local newspaper over and over again while FREEZING my ass off until my parents show up to take me home.

From the time I left until the time I got back almost 5 hours had passed. 400 dollars to get the windshield replaced in my car. I ended up having a late, late dinner at Cracker Barrel with my parents. Not how I wanted the date to go. But at least I got a story.

TL;DR: My vehicle became disabled driving a long distance to have dinner with a girl. She wouldn't pick me up or help me get home, left me in the gas station with no cell phone, so I have to have my parents pick me up.

loveinatrashcan · 1 year

I knew a girl for a number of months before getting the courage to ask her out. She smiled, we had an awkward moment but she said yes and I set up our first date for a few days later.

Well... it started quite terribly. I planned to go to a moderately priced restaurant with my own bottle of wine because it was our first date and we had gone out to eat plenty of times before so I wanted to make it special. I was waiting in the restaurant patiently when she comes in, plops herself at our table and barely says hi. I thought... "oh shit, this is going to be bad."

The next hour or so proceeded with her barely being interested in her food, extremely dry conversation, few laugh (except my nervous ones), and awkward moments.

I pay for the bill, she goes to the washroom. No, not even a "hey thanks for picking up the bill." Just... leaves to the washroom. We walk to the subway and she speeds ahead of me obviously trying to finish this date as soon as possible. I just keep a brave face and try to make jokes.

After arriving at our mutual subway stop, I offer to walk her home (since it was late at night). She was adamant that I didn't. So I said, okay what the fuck, what's going on? She says, "Yeah so I was thinking about this for the last few days, and I don't think I'd take this as seriously as you would."

Fine. Except maybe if she had said that earlier and cancelled the date I wouldn't have cared as much. I would've accepted it as is. But she basically waited till after built up expectations as well as being a really horrible date to reveal all that, something I wouldn't have expected from a friend.

I still don't really understand. She gets visibly uncomfortable when I bring new girls to large meetups or talk about new girls I've seen. I just think, "what the fuck do you care?"

Apathetic_Dragon · 1 year

not really a date but about as close as I get - in the interest of not posting my identity all over the internet, let's call me Bob.

I had a job selling newspaper subscriptions door to door and had been working for about 4 hours not selling anything...old person, old person, old person, hottest girl I had ever seen.

so I did what any socially retarded person would do, stood there for 30 seconds with my mouth wide open. After she started looking really creeped out I decided to say something...so out comes "uhhhhhh...Bob?(yep a question) uhhhhhhhhhhh...newspaper?"

she just looked really creeped out, said no, and shut the door. call me Mr. Smooth

[deleted] · 1 year

Am I the only one that thinks the OP was a douche? I mean jesus, if you're going out on a date with someone you either go all in or you don't do it. This dude started all half hearted, and all around sounded to be a generally uninteresting individual. Sounds like she was the one on a god awful date.

lurking_misanthrope · 1 year

copied & pasted from a previous post of mine:

i was 18 (many moons ago) and living with my dad for the summer in key largo. a guy walked into the marina where i worked and began to flirt. he was from colombia, thick accent, dark & mysterious...i was so incredibly naive. anyway, he asked me out, and wanted me to drive from the keys up to miami and meet him at his apartment. my dad said no way and of course i was pissed...thought i was so grown up....anyway, he drove down and took me to dinner and on the way out of the restaurant he asked me to marry him. i said no, and he proceeded to ask me again and again and again. we were about 40 minutes from home, and when i finally got him to stop asking me to marry him, he started asking me to call him "papito" and kiss him...down there.

"Call me Papito...kimme a kiss here (pointing)" Call me PAPITO!!! Say OOOh Papito I love you and want to make you feel so goooooood."

i was out of the car before it stopped moving and still cannot believe how lucky i was to make it home unviolated (and unmarried)...

fishbutt · 1 year

I met a guy from that cesspool of humanity Ok Cupid. We were supposed to meet for a quick coffee at 2pm. At 5 pm I was still sitting there nursing my drink wondering how the eff to escape. Every time I made any noises about leaving he'd grab my forearm with both hands and say that he hadn't been able to talk to someone for such a long time and he was so lonely. I eventually managed to go to the bathroom and call my friend who just couldn't stop laughing. By 7pm I just had to say to him 'LOOK, I have to GO'. I left, he sent me a text immediately saying what a good time he'd had. I ignored it, then he sent me another asking why I wasn't responding and he hoped he hadn't done anything to offend me. Fucking nutjob.

1 year

[deleted]

PatRobertsonHatesYou · 1 year

I picked this girl up at her parents house that I had met on Match. First thing I noticed is that she was "larger" in person than she was in her pictures. As we're driving to the Braves game, she starts bragging about a couple of DUI's she had in the past and the time she spent in jail for said offenses. At this point we're over half way there and didn't feel like dealing with the drama of turning around.

So we get to the ball field and basically sit there in silence till around the 5th inning. Then she gets a text from a friend of hers that also happens to be there asking if we wanted to hang out and have some drinks. I tell her to go and I'll watch the rest of the inning then come join them.

2 innings later I send her a text saying I'm not feeling that great and can she get a ride home from her friend. She responds with something along the lines of, "Am I really that bad to be around". I lie and say that I'm just tired and not feeling great. Then she decides to get angry and says "You're just a fucking asshole. I'm too good for you anyway." The shit's on now. I respond back "I may be an asshole but at least my ass can fit in the seat. Enjoy your life in pie eating contests."

Fearing that she might come back and try to eat me, or do something to my car like try to eat the doughnut that she heard people sometimes put on them, I hauled ass outta there.

My reaction was kinda over the top and I did feel bad about it later, but don't post old pictures and then tell me I'm the asshole.

bkh · 1 year

I was a 20 year old girl trying to play it smooth with the guy I really liked. He was a computer science major and had also introduced me to reddit.

Now, I know that Valentine's Day is overhyped, overplayed, and totally lame, etc. However, I'm a girl. Those of you who do well with women know that, on some level, this shit (and it is shit) is important to us.

Anyway, he asked what I wanted to do for Valentine's and I said I didn't care. I didn't mean to set him up, I just didn't want him to think I was some emotionally unstable immature girl. I was trying to play it smooth.

He took me to McDonald's drivethrough and we ate in the parking lot.

Yeah, worst date ever, but it was my fault. :-\

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