What is the biggest relationship myth?

tah4349 · 1 year

I think the biggest myth, or idea that women lure themselves into, is the idea that love conquers all/love is enough. BS. After many years of a happy marriage to a wonderful man whom I love desperately, the truth is that the key to a happy relationship is nothing more than the ability to get along. The same way you get along with your family, coworkers, roommates, etc etc. Do I love my husband, would I fight ten men plus satan for him? Absolutely. But rarely is that asked of me. What is asked of me all day every day is to get along with him. To peacefully share a living space, parenting style, food preparation, bathroom habits, etc etc etc. Nothing romantic about that, but the base act of being able to get along with the person you live with is the difference between a happy life and a life of misery. It's not that passion and romance don't exist in peaceful relationships, but just that the people in those relationships have learned that the dramatic moments are not the base of the relationship, the every day moments are.

ThatSawyer · 1 year

As a 20 year old guy, I was praying that the top answer would be "sex stops after marriage"
Please tell me you guys only say that to scare us?

rwh99999 · 1 year

"If I marry him, he'll change."

decade240 · 1 year

That when you're in a relationship all of your time should be spent with that person, especially when you're living together. I find that you should be able to live your own life and not fully depend on the other to make you happy.

bluestblue · 1 year

That you need to be in a relationship.

DecafDesperado · 1 year

Anything beginning "All men..." or "All women..."

NalinDecoded · 1 year

You have to sleep in the same bed every night for your relationship to be normal.

I snore. Loudly. Sleeping in the same bed isn't an option for my partner.

Chevron · 1 year

That feeling attraction to another person outside of your relationship is a remotely bad thing.

tdupu10000 · 1 year

That you should wait a couple days to call someone after getting their number.

SmilerClark · 1 year

Though its genesis lies with a schmaltzy movie from the 70's, Love Story, its existence seems to have permeated a few too many minds, and that is the idea of "Being in love means never having to say you're sorry." Utter bullshit. People fuck up all the time and copping to your mistakes is the beginning of a dialogue that'll hopefully ameliorate any hurt feelings and help the relationship. It just brings it back to the cornerstone of any functional relationship, and that's communication. Saying "I'm sorry" when you make a mistake - which will invariably happen - is a tiny fraction of that equation.

brutus66 · 1 year

"We don't need no piece of paper from the city hall..."

You do if you want the following legal benefits:

Joint parental rights of children
Joint adoption
Status as "next-of-kin" for hospital visits and medical decisions
Right to make a decision about the disposal of loved ones remains
Immigration and residency for partners from other countries
Crime victims recovery benefits
Domestic violence protection orders
Judicial protections and immunity
Automatic inheritance in the absence of a will
Public safety officers death benefits
Spousal veterans benefits
Social Security
Medicare
Joint filing of tax returns
Wrongful death benefits for surviving partner and children
Bereavement or sick leave to care for partner or children
Child support
Joint Insurance Plans
Tax credits including: Child tax credit, Hope and lifetime learning credits
Deferred Compensation for pension and IRAs
Estate and gift tax benefits
Welfare and public assistance
Joint housing for elderly
Credit protection
Medical care for survivors and dependents of certain veterans

These are just a few of the 1400 state and federal benefits that gays and lesbians are denied by not being able to marry. Most of these benefits cannot be privately arranged or contracted for within the legal system.

nova912 · 1 year

The notion that having an argument is bad. I think argument is a great relationship tool as it allows you to see or convey a point of view without having to tip-toe around the issue. A "good" argument is almost like a dialog.

Edit: Imagine the first line was said in an annoyed and frustrated tone, and the second line in a defensive tone.

Her: "Can you not do that right now?"
Me:  "What? I'm just strumming some chords lightly..."
Her: "I hate when you play guitar during my show."
Me:  "Oh, I didn't think it was annoying you -- I'll move, no problem."

The problem arises when that is not enough for the other person and this shit comes along...

Her: "It's so frustrating, you ALWAYS do it!"

... The argument was over AND resolved... but yet the partner still feels the need to continue it -- now the intent is to hurt/upset someone.

I've been with the same person for almost 10 years now and we argue all the time. We do it to find out what is bothering the other and it rarely turns spiteful ;)

If both people are accommodating and actually listen then argument can be great relationship tool. It's all just another form of communication.

R3cognizer · 1 year

I agree. I think the biggest myth though is the belief that, if you're patient enough, you can change your significant other. It's a foolish belief that traps so many people it's not even funny. People keep saying they love someone so much that they'd wait as long as it takes, but you better be prepared to wait forever, 'cause the fact of the matter is that someone just isn't going to change unless he or she wants to.

bib4tuna · 1 year

That relationships are 50/50. Anyone that tells you this is full of shit.

Just remember, the relationship is in control of the person who cares the least.

Kixie · 1 year

I think the biggest myth is that "if it's right, it'll be easy." Fuck that noise. When has anything really worthwhile ever been easy? Good relationships take work, they don't just happen.

(That said, if it's unbearably difficult all the time, it's probably not worth the amount of work it'll take to make it "right".)

[deleted] · 1 year

The myth that marriage and kids makes people happy.

If you're unhappy during the engagement, you'll be much more unhappy once you're married with kids.

Be careful who you marry. If you have to talk yourself into it, don't do it.

SmartAssery · 1 year

The biggest myth I've seen represented on Reddit is, "If you have a problem in your relationship, you should immediately break up. There is no way to possibly reconcile differences. Don't even bother trying."

kearneycation · 1 year

The idea that all women want a fancy wedding, a pricey ring, 2 kids, etc.

EDIT: The worst is when people who are married and/or have kids don't believe that you're not interested. My girlfriend hates hanging out with a couple who we know (let's call them John and Jane) because Jane just talks to my girlfriend about babies. When my girl mentions her disinterest, Jane always tells her that she'll come around. It's as if Jane thinks my girlfriend's immature for not wanting kids. John always asks me when I'm going to pop the question. I keep having to explain to him that NEITHER OF US are interested in marriage. He seems to think I'm naive for thinking my girl doesn't secretly want marriage. RRAAAGGE

EDIT: Added names to the edit to make it more readable.

YouOtterKnow · 1 year

That love is simply an emotion, and not also a choice.

Crankingcomplexity · 1 year

I've always had this saying and it's so true but you don't truly love someone till you want to stab them in the face with a dull fork.

You truly love someone when they piss you off so bad and you don't even consider breaking up with them. You know you're in it for the long run and you just gotta deal with the issue.

Derpbot · 1 year

That empty feeling inside of you, that lonely feeling- the one that drives you to get into a relationship, to find that special someone to finally fill it? It never goes away. Love doesn't do it. Marriage doesn't do it. Being comfortably secure knowing you'll always having someone by your side doesn't do it.

You have to learn to live with it. Be comfortable with yourself first, then look for love. Filling this hole can't be the reason you're looking.

dihydrogen_monoxide · 1 year

That bad sex doesn't matter as long as you 2 love each other

monkeytoes77 · 1 year

you get out what you put in. In my experience that's not the case really in any relationship. Most are based on one person giving more than the other.

cdfries · 1 year

"I'd be happier if I was in a relationship"

bluemoon1001 · 1 year

That love conquers all. It seems especially strange given most people's definition of love.

UseThe4s · 1 year

The "one and only" idea just doesn't make sense; the chances of there only being one person in the world you could spend your life with, and the chances you actually find them, nearly impossible. You should think more in lines with one in a million. That essentially means there's almost 7,000 people you'd be perfectly happy with. A lot more realistic.

personguy · 1 year

"Never go to bed angry." Total BS. Sometimes you have to go to bed angry, or you just argue until 3am, wake up pissed off AND tired. Very often, 8 hours of sleep helps put things in perspective. So yeah... go to bed angry.

DonaldJWafer · 1 year

"If you don't fight, your relationship is not healthy."

My GF and I don't fight. We disagree and talk about it, then still have make up sex, but no heated arguments for almost 2 years.

annabobanna · 1 year

The idea that if you have to work at it, something is wrong. All relationships require effort.

thunderlips · 1 year

The biggest myth is that Girls like it on their face. Porn why you gotta lie like that?

chompsky · 1 year

The idea that you shouldn't date a good friend because it could "ruin" things.

velicos · 1 year

The biggest myth that I've debunked is: "She's always right, no matter what!" What is she a customer at my store? No, she's an equal part in the relationship. This is something older married men always try to tell me. I think they're just too scared to deal with a situation head on and decide to take the easy road and ignore it.

I'll gladly call her out on her bullshit just as I would expect her to call me out on my own.

hax · 1 year

Reading relationship advice on reddit will improve your relationships.

Pizzadude · 1 year

"Your relationship is unhealthy because you two never fight."

...Says the person who is either single or in a shitty relationship. What kind of insane logic is that?

BitterDivorcedDad · 1 year

"Happily ever after"

Didorian · 1 year

Relationships are a myth..for me ;_;

faschwaa · 1 year

That there are any actual rules that always apply. Evidence is in the comments, it seems.

oettinger · 1 year

After a breakup, "Can we still be friends?"

ohwelp · 1 year

"Everything happens for a reason"

"Opposites attract"

"Good things break apart so better things can come together"

or any other childish, pseudophilosophical bullshit used to justify or dismiss any lack of logic or emotional greed on the part of the believer of the statement

a-boy-named-Sue · 1 year

Soul mates and true love.

Kriszta · 1 year

Don't treat girls well, because you will get to their friend zone, and never will get them.

poniesftw · 1 year

I think the biggest myth is that women withhold sex to get what they want.

If my boyfriend doesn't want to take out the trash I'm not going to not have sex with him; I'm going to not have sex with him because it's late, I'm tired, sex involves a lot of cleanup afterwards, and 25% of the time I don't even get off.

MyNameIsntJohn · 1 year

That you need a SO to be happy in life

zitler · 1 year

That girlfriends doesn't read your comment history on Reddit when you're not watching. Yeah, you.

yourstalker · 1 year

That no one, ever, will care about you the way I do. I can see you from my car right now.

revslaughter · 1 year

That marriage means the end of your life and that romance dies after the honeymoon.

Meat_Related · 1 year

I agree with you OP that there isn't only one person in the world who is ideal for you.

For me personally the biggest myth is that if you're not having lots of sex then something is wrong.

elliesays · 1 year

I agree that "the one" is a pretty well-sustained myth.

As much as I love the Beatles, I think they perpetuated the biggest relationship myth. Love is not all you need. A lot of being able to spend your life, or even a portion of it, with another human being is simply circumstantial. It's not romantic, but I think it's incredibly true. Love is great, but if the pieces of your individual lives do not fit well together for any reason, the relationship is doomed.

between2 · 1 year

While not a myth, I'd like to share the two things that stuck in my head re: marriage.

cooking lasts, fucking doesn't.
marry someone you love to talk to, cause that's what you'll be doing more than anything else

[deleted] · 1 year

I think the biggest myth is that women and men are profoundly different. Get past that and you're at a whole new level of mutual respect and understanding.

Never tell yourself that a misunderstanding is just a gender thing, it's always something you can relate to if you try.

mordaunt0 · 1 year

that your parents love you

:'(

KanadaKid19 · 1 year

Women's desires are incomprehensibly complex.

peturoh · 1 year

The Idea that sex is not important in a loving relationship. Fuck that, sex plays a huge part in a healthy relationship. Anyone that has gone a few weeks with out having sex and also tried going a few weeks having sex every day will tell you that it brings you together with your SO and connects you in a way that flowers an sweet nothings never can.

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