Men of Reddit: I just scheduled my vasectomy. Tell me your horror stories.

museling · 1 year

My dad got it done when I was 3. I did not know and jumped on his lap to give him a hug when he got home. Tell your kids.

bolhuijo · 1 year

For me, the strangest part was having another man shave my nuts. (not everything of course, just enough to clear the incision area) After that, I guess the shock wore off. Don't forget to have your samples checked afterwards for sperm. I recommend striding quickly up to the counter with your sample container and say loudly for the others in the reception area to hear, "Here's my sample, I came as quickly as I could."

agent_of_entropy · 1 year

I talked with the surgeon while he did it. Went home and held a bag of frozen peas on my sack for the night. Everything was OK the next day. No big deal, really.

chimney_sweep · 1 year

It wasn't a problem for me. I had the surgery on Friday, and was ready to go back to work on Monday. The jock strap and ice are essential! Keep them on at all times during the first couple days.

There was one scary thing... When I showed up for the surgery, I realized that not only would a resident be doing it, but it was her first vasectomy ever. It was a little disconcerting having the attending physician give her instruction during the procedure like she was baking a cake, but she managed not to cut anything she wasn't supposed to. I would have seriously freaked out, if not for the sedative I took before I arrived.

irishamerican · 1 year

No big deal. Had to ice it down and take it easy for a few days, but overall, I had worse trips to the dentist.

Azured · 1 year

There's this family with 10 kids and it's hellishly expensive. There's your horror story.

Good luck with your surgery.

chriswastaken · 1 year

I had it done when I was 37 (many moons ago), I chose to have general anesthesia and was released about two hours later. That night I slept with an ice bag between my legs. The only problem was that during the following two or three weeks I had that nasty feeling as if somebody had kicked me hard in the nuts, not the pain, but that sensation that goes from your groin area all the way to your chest. The most funny thing was that when I went to the lab about a month later to check for live sperm in the semen was the strange look the nurse gave me when I asked her who was going to draw the sample.

fiftybucks · 1 year

[deleted]

likespie · 1 year

Me: Any plans for the weekend? (while naked from the wait down, trying to make this weird situation normal) Urologist: I'm going to Bermuda for a 10 days for a conference Me: (thinking nothing of it) Oh, great should be fun

He then proceeds to grab my dick and dry shaves my balls. Ouch, and can you unhand my dick? After that we starts massaging my balls. I know from the pamphlet he needs to make my balls relax so he can find the vas deferens, but I'm thinking "wow dude, could you make this any more awkward?". The numbing goes well, no pain.

Urologist: Feel that? Me: no (look down, he's stabbing me with the scalpel, think: jesus christ dude, gentle!) Ur: (singing to himself) Me: (think: what is that I feel dripping off my tail bone?) Ur: wow, you have a lot of blood vessels (he wipes off my ass). I'll have to cauterize all these. Me: (think: so that is the smell of a burning ballsack!)

I then get the most piercing pain traveling through my balls up into my pelvis and into my leg. I guess that is the cauterizing of my vas def. Imagine the pain of getting kicked in the balls, and triple it. Holy fuck. I need more numbing.

The rest goes ok, though he leave me with nice crusty blood on my cheeks. My wife arrives to pick me up, along with our 6 month old twins in car seats. The car is some way from the clinic so I do the gentlemanly thing and carry one of the seats (big mistake!)

Next day (Saturday) I can barely move my leg, and my balls are huge and purple (yes, I did use frozen peas!). I call the Urologist. His answering machine says he'll be gone for 3 weeks. I wait out the weekend. The pamphlet said I'd be better in 3 days.

Monday, I'm dyeing, my balls are huge and purple. Feels like an orange was stuffed into my scrotum. I call in sick to work. My boss says he was mountain biking on the second day after his surgery, what was the matter with me? I have to take the day as a vacation day. Fuckin' prick.

I stake out the Urologist's office and wait for them to open. Turns out the the other Urologist (only two in this town) was also at the same conference. Fuck! I can hardly walk. I go home and make love to the peas.

Tuesday I call in sick again (vacation, sorry) and go to the walkin clinic. I drop my pants for the doctor, he takes one look and says, "That isn't normal. You should see your Urologist!" Fuck! It's bad enough that a guy looks at my mutant genitalia and says "That isn't normal!", then refers me to a non-existant urologist. My wife thought this was the funniest thing in the world. Everytime my wife looked at me she laughed (keep in mind she had just given birth to twins) and said, "payback's a bitch" and laughed some more.

I give up and walk to work. Takes me 45 minutes to walk 4 blocks.

It took me 2 weeks to recover from "large and purple". I would get home from work (no peas there) and have a look at my poor balls. The skin was splitting from the swelling until I got those precious peas between my legs. Ahh... heaven.

Moral of the story: Don't lift anything heavy after surgery, don't let your Urologist leave town, and keep lots of peas.

And mountain biking day after surgery man? Fuck you!

mastertwisted · 1 year

If at 28, you are sure you want no more kids, go for it. I had mine in my 40's after 3 kids, and it was pretty painless. snipsnip and done. The volume of ejaculate doesn't seems the same, but the velocity is, FWIW.

kane2742 · 1 year

we have two kids (ages 5 & 3), and we do not want anymore

I somehow skipped over "and" the first time I read that.

metastable2 · 1 year

The week before I had my snip I was talking to a couple of friends who both had the snip procedure. The one guy said it was painless afterwards, and the other guy said it hurt like hell. The no-pain guy went on the explain that after his snip he took two or three days off of work, and didn't get off the couch. The other guy said, 'Oh, i went back to work that afternoon.' I took this as a sign, took three days off, hung out doing nothing at home, and had no problems what-so-ever. Probably the fear of it being uncomfortable was the worse part.

My Reddit post afterwards

freedomischaos · 1 year

My dad had it done a few years back. He has never complained about it. It is a very in-out procedure anymore.

ratfood · 1 year

My doctor didn't wait QUITE long enough for the anesthetic to work 100% before making the first snip. OW! He waited another minute before making the second snip. Second snip was painless.

Fortunately I had a Valium IV, so it hurt like hell but I didn't care.

So make sure the doc isn't in a hurry.

dillywash · 1 year

I got mine done about 2.5 years ago. I shaved my balls the night before and they still had to do a trim on "the spots". The novacaine (or whatever they used) kind of stung but once the Dr. started playing marionette puppeteer with my testicles I couldn't stop laughing. It was a nervous laughter, but overall not that bad.

[deleted] · 1 year

My dad said it was like getting punched in the nuts for 40 minutes straight.

honeyboots · 1 year

Mine was a 5 min procedure. Went in shaved, was prepped by the nurse, and watched the entire thing via a mirror on the ceiling while making conversation with the doctor. Having my wisdom teeth extracted was much much worse.

After care was simple. I had some tenderness at the incision site and wore briefs to keep everything in one place for 3 days. After day 2 the bruising appeared but it was not painful, just unsightly, and was gone in a week. As far as medication, I took regular Tylenol before the surgery and for 2 days after.

Worst parts:

Waiting in a room with three other guys who were there to "get fixed".
Worrying that my cock would invert as the nurse tied it out of the way with a rubber band and clip. (It didn't.)
Worrying that the doctor would "slip" and cut something that shouldn't be cut.

Bottom line: It was a snap and I have no regrets at all.

mobilehypo · 1 year

My ex fiance had sex twice on the day he has his vasectomy and was fine. It isn't that bad.

Advice from my other ex: Don't look at what they take out, it will ruin elbow macaroni for you for-ev-er.

thisusernametakentoo · 1 year

Let me see if I can find No_Nuts_Jim to post.

angryshark · 1 year

Dad of 2 kids here, had it done a few years after the second one. Figured she'd lived long enough by now and was probably gonna make it, so off to the doc.

No big deal with the operation, but like Bill Cosby says, if I ever lose my legs, I know I'll be able to walk using my butt. And, I was able to see every dot on that drop ceiling in the office in hi-def during the procedure.

But the only caution I would give you, is to not take a hot shower too soon afterwards. A few days after I got home and felt healthy and refreshed, I took what I thought was just a barely warm shower. Well, the twig and berries drooped a bit like you would expect, and the discomfort nearly put me down hard. So...cold showers.

chrisldenton · 1 year

How does getting this done work? Do you contact your GP first, or go straight to a urologist? How do you find the least nightmarish urologist? Any keywords to pay attention to ("painless", "uses rusty rose clippers")?

natemare · 1 year

Not a big deal really, i did it after my daughter was 9 months, my brother in law did it after 2 kids then reversed and then redone after another kid. Reversal is worse.

Frijid · 1 year

Well, my balls are gone.

fegiflu · 1 year

Got a vasectomy... 2 years later i had octuplets. Just joking never happened.... OR DID IT

xxbondsxx · 1 year

My father had it done and said it was the worst decision of his life. He says the pain returns all the time and he wouldn't do it again if he was paid. Every once in a while he will wince in pain - his friends have the same stories and all wish they hadn't done it.

chrisldenton · 1 year

Im going to be candid here because I would like to know. Does anything come out after the Vasectomy? If no, then hit up the wife for some more slow dome!

Also, props for showing true bravery.

[deleted] · 1 year

I think it's a great thing for the world. However, my father advised against it. He told me it never "worked the same" afterwards. maybe he's paranoid, but i'm good with the condoms.

AdamAnderson320 · 1 year

I went to a clinic where you could get sedation in addition to anesthesia. It's like I was blackout drunk; I was conscious during the procedure, but I don't remember any of it now. My wife has some amusing stories of my stupid behavior while I was doped up, too. I would recommend sedation to anyone.

haxtheaxe · 1 year

Got mine done when I was 27, earlier this year in fact. It was painless, but I was walking funny for a week.

Big thing my doctor never told me that kinda freaked me out...huge lumps where they do the incision is normal for some time after the surgery.

The_Wind_Walker · 1 year

I haven't had one; but I know which kind I'm going to get: an open-ended one.

There are cases of sperm-production leading to visible bulges and painful cyst-like structures from doing it the tradition "cut it and close the sack" method.

[deleted] · 1 year

Mine - completely pain free, during and after - not even any significant tenderness. Bring headphones or book to read cause it is boring during the procedure to just look at the ceiling. Most annoying thing was not "working out" for two days (supposed to be 5 but I couldn't last). The single worst thing you have to deal with is the anticipation of the first time you cum afterwards - you think its going to feel weird or something but there is no change.

co-workers - developed staph infection afterward - had giant swollen balls for 2 weeks and in and out of hospital twice. No penis damage though!

IronTek · 1 year

relevant, even if it is only the first 30 seconds of the bit...

frequentpooper · 1 year

Mine was really no big deal, but I did take it easy afterward. Bought some bags of frozen peas to keep down the swelling. Also, bought an XBox to give me something to do while sitting on the coach icing my sack. Told my wife, "I'm getting my balls cut open at your request. I'm buying an XBox."

One thing during the procedure was a little odd: it took them a while to fish out the vas deferens. Mine was apparently thick and difficult to cut. I wondered if this was from years of excessive masturbation, but I didn't ask.

Did you find a doctor who does the least invasive procedure? One a small hole, rather than big slices.

3ti3nn3 · 1 year

The doctor had to administer a second anesthesia because I felt he was messing with my right ball and it hurt like shit. I can't say it was fun, I guess I'm a sissy.

mrdelayer · 1 year

The sperm was coming from INSIDE THE BALLS!

HisSelf · 1 year

Never row a boat across a large lake, the day after your vasectomy. Take my word for it.

strolls · 1 year

It was a doddle. Went to a wake after, spent the weekend pissed. Congrats on a great decision.

Stucco_x · 1 year

http://discotent.blogspot.com/2006/12/el-juevos-grandes-warning-graphic.html

Good luck!

omaca · 1 year

Zombies ate my family.

Gerace · 1 year

My dad got one done when I was 5 or so.
My parents sent me to the grandparents' house, cause "daddy's pee-pee hurt"

oldguy60 · 1 year

A friend of mine was a general surgeon who often did them. He recommended getting a general anesthetic; not because the pain was bad but because seeing someone cutting on your junk apparently freaks out some people. Can't imagine why.

alongfortheride · 1 year

I am a nurse. I had been working at the Urology Clinic in San Francisco for about 6 months. This was about by third vasectomy for which I had assisted. During this procedure, the MD would cut, suture then cauterize the tubes to ensure they would not reform a link. Part of my duties including turing on the cauterizer. The machine was used/old, of course, the dial was worn where one could not see the numbers very well. Someone had placed two ink pen marks on the dial, and I could not remember which mark I was to set the machine... the higher on the dial one went, the more electricity went thru the machine to the cauterizing element, and yes, this element is what touches the vas deferens in the nerve filled sac we call the scrotum....

Of course I know that at this moment, I need to be smart, and careful. The MD indicated that he was ready, I bent over and turned on the machine, MD pushed the trigger, I heard the current.... the MD said, "increase the load". I turned the knob up to the first first ink pen mark, MD pushed the trigger, I heard the current.... the MD said, "increase the load." I turned the knob half way to the next ink pen mark, MD pushed the trigger, I heard the current... the MD said, "INCREASE the load". In my nervousness, I turned the knob past the second ink pen mark, MD pushed the trigger, I heard the current spark, the patient yell and the MD say, "decrease the load." I often wonder if the patient ever speaks of me?

mingo83 · 1 year

Never. Ever.

Kickstone · 1 year

I heard your balls shrink. My mate said his shrank to the size of acorns, whilst telling me his wife came out and affirmed this whilst making fun of his childlike testicals. My mate laughed but I could sense a broken man behind the joviality.

It scared me.

babywriter · 1 year

The doctor began cutting on me before the anaesthetic had fully taken effect. I think he was annoyed that I had asked about being put under because I was stressing about the procedure (I hate, hate, hate, needles - and the thought of a knife down there - well, you get the picture.) It took everything I had not to kick him through the wall.

lectrik · 1 year

You'll be told to use ice on your boys. This is a good idea.
An even better idea is a few bags of frozen peas.
They mold around yer nuts and keep everything cool.

dnc · 1 year

I had mine about a month ago, the procedure went well although in the middle he cut something and it felt like i'd been punched in the balls and got that stomach ache feeling - that wasn't fun at all. I think the anesthetic just hadn't kicked in totally.

He gave me a lot of valium to take before the procedure, so i was nice and spaced out afterwards.

A bit of pain/discomfort for a few days afterwards, I've got some stitches unfortunately, which are annoying the crap out of me. They are supposed to dissolve over time, but only one of them has.

The first ejaculation after the procedure made my balls hurt like hell, but thankfully every time so far after that has been fine.

All in all, very happy with the procedure. Not done the sperm tests yet to see if it all worked. So my biggest worry is that i'll have to have it re-done and i'll be worried about that mid-operation pain again.... but to be fair, i just swore a bit and breathed deeply and it went away.

tstretch · 1 year

Vasectomy gone bad. NSFW

lafinass · 1 year

Not really a horror story, but minor complications.

The procedure itself went smoothly and after two weeks I had pretty much returned to normal, though I was still tender. Perhaps six months later one of the testicles developed a hard lump and was tender/painful to the touch. Sitting down or adjusting in my seat would cause a twinge of pain that was vaguely like being kicked in the groin. Doc said it was congestive epididymitis, or "post-vasectomy pain syndrome'. He basically told me that if it didn't go away on its own, I'd either have to live with it or undergo another surgery. Fortunately it went away and other than that brief few weeks of pain I've had no complications in well over a year.

TL;DR - Our cat keeps climbing into the reptile tank.

TheHumorist · 1 year

It felt like I was kicked in the balls as soon as it was snipped. I couldn't walk for 3 days. They told me to go home and put ice on it but I questioned where I could find that much ice. Anyway, I ended up sitting in the ice freezer at a convenience store and just handed out bags as people opened the door. I recall going back to work and and asking all the ladies to "kiss it" and make it feel better. I'd also just like to mention that they did mine in a lumber yard. As the doctor was walking away I yelled, "call me!" I still lay out in the middle of the street on occasion and lick them. The guys that said it didn't hurt had micro surgery. I'm not sure it was all worth it to shoot blanks.

hedgecore77 · 1 year

Yes, let's here from some parents here.

hallbuzz · 1 year

I chickened out while my wife was preggo with our last child. Due to a freaky rare circumstance she lost her uterus. I guess it worked out that I chickened out.

Grandpajoe · 1 year

My surgery was done by a skilled surgeon and his trainee. The trainee did the prep and opening and the closing. I made sure the surgeon was going to do the "skilled" parts. See most of the operation is pretty easy. But when it comes to cutting the actual vas it is wrapped with a blood supply. So the surgeon must carefully remove this blood supply from the area to be removed. If he fails, your balls really hurt, turn black and fall off like a past its prime peach. The actual cut on the balls didn't hurt much at all. What REALLY FUCKING OMG OW HURT was when they went to numb the vas. They inject a local into it. It hurts. A lot. For like 3 seconds that you will never ever forget. Don't think about getting kicked in the balls, think having them removed by a small dog with bad aim while you are tied down. Anywho once that is past, the local doesn't actually work fully well. So when they are cutting it still hurts, but think getting kicked in the balls bad, not so bad. Then they sewed me back up and sent me on my way. A couple of days of tighty whiteys and rest and I was as good as new.

One note: it does affect the hang a little. They feel like they hang a bit lower and heavier, like something supporting them is missing. Also during pissing or happy time with the prostitutes I often feel a momentary pain, not horrible, just a high pressure like I accidentally took a misstep and tangled my balls. It fades a few moments after initial release.

I am single and only have one kid. I totally support this and I'm so glad I did it, just for my piece of mind.

Bonus: My GF at the time had a high power microscope. We fixed up some slides and looked at the results. A barren wasteland with no life. Success!

nmill11b · 1 year

I saw a guy with a hydrocele from a botched vasectomy. The affected side of the scrotum measured about 12" down.. the other side was normal. It's normally not a problem unless, it gets as big as this guy's and is painful.

TheInceptionist · 1 year

Now how on Earth would anyone be able to convince you to undergo a vasectomy?

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