Male Redditors: What are some hints females gave you, but you didn't get them until after you had your chance?

doug · 1 year

Her: So this girl I know likes this guy I know but he's been oblivious to all of her signals, so what does she have to do to tell him she likes him?
Me: I don't know, just tell him she likes him?
Her: Like, "I like you?" Just like that?
Me: Yeah, like that.
Her: I like you.
Me: Yeah, tell her to tell him that, and she'll be all set.
pause
Her: ...I like you.
Me: Yup, you've got it... was there anything else?

A year before that a girl pulled me aside in the hallway and just flat out said "Look, I've been trying to hit on you for the past two weeks and I've given up god damn it, so do you like me or not?"
Me: "Um... are you asking me out or something?"

Then when we started dating and I told people their reactions were all "FINALLY, JESUS CHRIST."

cornrow · 1 year

A girl once asked me to keep my dorm door unlocked so that she could wake me up in the morning. The next morning she crawled into bed with me, and I couldn't understand why she would come over if she was so tired.

I stayed perfectly still so that she would be able to sleep.

ginstrom · 1 year

I was at my tutor's house, and for some reason was in her bedroom. I lay down on the bed (feet touching floor), and she came over and straddled me. I just kind of stared up at her; she looked down at me for a few moments, then got off and said OK, let's do the lesson.

It wasn't until a couple of months later that I was like hey, she was waiting for me to make a move. I was clueless because she was my teacher, and she talked about her boyfriend fairly frequently anyway.

dingledog · 1 year

She ordered an ice-cream cone, 'accidentally' smeared it on her cheek, and asked me to get it off. I grabbed the last napkin and wiped it off. Persistent as ever, she 'accidentally' smears ice-cream on her other cheek and politely informs me that I can get it off with my mouth, given our napkin deficit. I just said, "Nah, I hate strawberry", and used my dry elbows to get it off.

In hindsight, I should have used my shirt.

BillBrasky_ · 1 year

Her: "No one has even asked me to homecoming!"

Me: "Yeah, me either. So what are you going to do?"

Her: "Well, I guess if no one is going to ask me... I'll probably just stay home."

Me: "That's probably what I'll end up doing too."

Her: "Yeah, so... it would be really nice to go though."

Me: "I agree, but oh well!"

Her: "o_O"

Me: "Mind if I call you that night?"

Her: "Ummm, sure.. "

ErmBern · 1 year

I was coming back home and I was at the bag pickup. This really cute girl and I started talking. The conversation was about how she was just visiting Miami and really didn't know where to go. After a while we realized that we were the only two people who haden't gotten their bags cause we were at the wrong conveyor. After some joking and a trip to the baggage claim we got our bags and stayed there talking for a bit. My mom called me telling me that she was outside. I said I had to go and I saw a small look of confusion/frown on her face. I got into the car and then it hit me: she wanted me to show her around town, duh. I just look at my mom and said, "you have raised the biggest idiot on the planet" and she called me gay once I told her the story.

tlpTRON · 1 year

had two girls come to my hotel room on vacation and ask if they could stay in my room, becauee they were locked out of theirs, I proceeded to figure out how to pick the lock to their room.

pigvwu · 1 year

This girl and I were alone in my apartment, and we'd just finished watching a movie. She'd had her head resting on my lap the entire time. Afterwards we were spooning on the couch, she cuddled up against me, kissed me on the cheek, and looked up at me expectantly. I stared at her for a few moments and then said, "so... what do you want to do?". After a while I ended up taking her home.

Tasty_Burger · 1 year

I don't know if anybody else does this. When a girl is nice to me, I assume she is just fucking with me. Like one of the hottest girls in the school was being nice to me, and everyone told me to talk to her. I chose not to and turned out later that she liked nerdy guys. I've never had a girlfriend :(

bechus · 1 year

In high school, a girl asked me for a ride home from a football game one time, to which I agreed. She asked if I wanted to come in and see her room (I forget why this seemed like a normal thing), and that it wouldn't bother her parents because they weren't home.

So, I went in and had a tour of her house, then left. I was pretty pissed off when I figured it out a while later.

sotek2345 · 1 year

I was in a girls bedroom when she tells me that she is now on birth control so she can have sex anytime. I said" oh, thats nice" (facepalm)

ZipBoxer · 1 year

1: "I'm so drunk I could have a threesome!"

2: "Me too!"

1: "Lets do it!! hahahaa"

Me: "haha, you girls be safe, I'll see you later"

as I open my front door "OH FUCK THEY MEANT WITH ME" /cry

edit:format

SireBelch · 1 year

I was at a party out of town while visiting a friend at college, and I met a stunning ginger who engaged me in conversation. We began talking and she told me that she was an art major. "That's cool, what kind of art?"

"Mostly sketches. So, would you like to come back to my apartment to see my etchings?"

I had never heard that phrase before, and now 20 years later I still wonder what "they" looked like.

metal_falsetto · 1 year

In college, I had a lot of crazy, curly hair. This girl in one of my classes started chatting me up, and said, "You have good hair. Whenever I see guy with good hair like that, I like to imagine grabbing on to it when he's going down on me."

I was all, like, "Oh, that's interesting."

iDisapprove · 1 year

Freshman year of college a bunch of friends and I were hanging out in my room. This girl who liked me sat on my bed and kept trying to wrangle the bed sheet I was sitting on out from under me. I ended up battling her for it. My friends all got the hint and left. Eventually after a lot of pulling and tugging she left.

I went outside to my friend who asked me "So how'd it go?".

...To which I said "What the hell was her problem, she kept trying to take my sheet!?"

My friend's reaction was probably the same one you're having right now.

Lickw1d · 1 year

One time, a girl kissed me on a school bus without warning and told me that I could get off at her stop and we could walk to her house because her parents weren't home. I said no because I was going to miss dragonball z

Edit: WOW, I never thought my lack of social prowess would translate to massive upvotes. I almost don't regret it now.

Tristor · 1 year

In high school, this chick I was sorta into was in my last class of the day, which happened to be biology. Anyhow, at the time I was 17, had a car, had a job, and I lived on my own in a small 1 bedroom apartment.

Anyhow, she approached me after class one day and asked if she could get a ride home with me. I said yes, of course, not being much bothered by it. As we left, she said "I'm bored, wanna swing by your place first?", so we went to my place.

Long story short, we basically did not much of anything other than play some video games at my place. Once we got to her place, she invited me in, and we both sat and chatted on her bed for awhile. Then almost out of the blue (stronger hints apparently have no effect on me either), she said "I need to take a shower." and just started stripping naked.

Not knowing what to do, and always being the gentleman, I said "well, I don't want to disturb you, so I should probably be going. See you tomorrow in class." and walked out the door. By this point I had already seen titties and vag (she stripped down pretty fast)...

I was so oblivious it makes me sad.

iDisapprove · 1 year

[deleted]

newborn · 1 year

Sitting next to her at a school play:

Her: "My hands are cold."

Me: "Mine too"

Continue to do nothing

sodoh · 1 year

[deleted]

Protophobic · 1 year

High school, sophomore year. A really cute girl who lived down the street called me at around 10pm to say that her skirt zipper was broken and she couldn't take it off. She goes on to say her family isn't home and no one else is in the house to help her remove it, and could I come over and help her because "it's an emergency".

She adds that she'll reward me with a glass of wine, since she just had one herself and her parents aren't home.

I, being the utter genius that I am, walk her through (over the phone) how to dissect a zipper, complete with getting angry at her for being slow to get pliers from her dad's garage like I directed her to do.

After hanging up I felt like a great citizen. Now when I look back on it, I just want to hang myself.

EDIT: In my defense I was on the verge of beating Doom2 w/o the God Mode cheat at the time, and really didn't want to leave the house

shatteredmindofbob · 1 year

I was a geek loner in high school, but I did play guitar.

It was mystery to me why it was not the girl magnet I was always told it was.

That said, a lot of girls had asked for guitar lessons...

yetanothernerd · 1 year

Walking across campus with a girl. She said "Hey, slow down, I can't keep up with you." I slowed down. Then she said "But you couldn't keep up with me in bed." I couldn't think of a witty response to that. I didn't hit it.

CloselyGuardedSecret · 1 year

I was seventeen and was babysitting for this smoking hot MILF across the street who was probably 30. The kids were long since asleep when she got home alone. She asked if I'd like to hang out and have a glass of wine, which I declined because I had no fucking idea what was up. Two months later she was clearly banging her 19 year old gardener.

Shit.

oh_i_get_it · 1 year

a girl once asked to use my shower, and left the door wide open as an invitation. so i thought i'd be a funny guy and throw ice cubes at her.

NO REGRET.

sodoh · 1 year

There is also the reverse hint. My first meeting with an actual Chinese National (while in China). She kept going on about how she heard that westerners like to have crazy sex all the time. Then asking me if this is true and what do I do that normally turns me/women on.

So taking this to be some kind of hint I suggested she come back to my Hotel room and find out. At which point she started getting angry with me saying she had a boyfriend and I was a typical westerner trying to have sex with Asians. :/

[deleted] · 1 year

I realize there's already a billion comments here, but my story is pretty great, so I thought I'd share.

Back in my undergraduate days, I was after a particular girl. To try and get in good with her, I was also making friends with her roommate. Little did I know that the roommate was actually trying to put the moves on me.

We're sitting together in the main cafeteria, chatting about our day. She tells me that she has obnoxious homework - she's supposed to watch this French movie, for her French course, and do a report on it. She tells me how it's an old black and white film, supposed to be very romantic, etc. She invites me to come over and watch it with her.

What she was saying: "Do you want to come to my room, alone, and watch a romantic movie in the dark?"

What I heard: "Do you want to do my French homework for me?"

My response: "Hahaha... absolutely not."

It was not until 2 months later that someone informed me she was after me, and that this really upset her.

Chickens_dont_clap · 1 year

Freshmen year of college, a girl gave me a mix-tape for my birthday (yes I'm old.) The first song was "Why don't we do it in the road?" I didn't ask her out for another 3 months, because I am stupid.

She is now my wife :)

Beelzebubba · 1 year

End of my freshman year of college, I had become friends with this girl in my German class. Study buddies, basically. I had a gf when we met, I was definitely in the friend zone.

I'm at her dorm room, a single, and she's telling me how much she's been working out. Lifts up her shirt, asks me to feel her flat, tight abs. She's a cute blonde with a great body. Then she's asking me if I would let her take off her shirt and lie down and if I would give her a massage.

I actually declined, I think I said it would be kinda weird. But wait, that's not all.

She steers the conversation to sex, starts telling me about this guy that told her he wanted to "go down on her" and she didn't know what that meant.

I told her I didn't know either. (I had never heard that expression before).

I didn't realize for years what had transpired that afternoon.

SloaneRanger · 1 year

I was at a house party and started feeling a little sleepy so I went for a lie down in a bedroom (I was staying over as I lived a long distance away so they gave me a room for the night).

One of my friends, who was the younger sister of the girl having the party, came and lay down next to me on the bed. I'd known her since we were young kids, so it didn't feel particularly awkward or suggestive. We chatted a bit and snoozed a bit, and after about an hour, she said "you can make love to me if you want". I thought she was joking and laughed.

She sent me an email a few weeks later when we were hundreds of miles apart. Turned out she wasn't.

mescalitospoke · 1 year

I don't know if this counts, it's more a story about how I'm a giant pussy. I went out on a "sorta" date with a female friend of mine, who I was completely obsessed with. After dinner and a movie, we went to a convenience store, she told me to go inside and get "anything I needed". So I come out with a bag of sun chips and two raspberry flavored water bottles. She does a face palm (which existed only action and not in text at the time) and tells me to grab condoms. She goes back with me, I'm nervous as hell because I'm a virgin. I fumble over several different types, the clerk looks like she is trying to restrain her laughter. So we leave, and this girl takes me to the place she went to elementary school (creepy now that I think of it). We go out into the field and sit down and she starts getting up all over me, I tell her I left the condoms in the car. I remember doing that on purpose, because I was ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED of disappointing her. I didn't lose my virginity that night, and there's a monument to what a pussy I was in the parking lot of that school to this day.

AmbitionOfPhilipJFry · 1 year

I once had a cute female in my bed. Said she was cold. So...I gave her another blanket.

Wait, I... oh.

::bangs head on desk::

myonkin · 1 year

I was in high school, and a girl that I had a total crush on, and with whom I was in computer classes, called me up one night around 10PM. She said she was having computer issues, and, knowing that I was pretty savvy with such things, decided to call me for help first. I figure she got my number from the phone book as this was 1994...I'm showing my age...anyway.

I hate tech support calls, but I was totally digging on this girl so I was willing to make an exception. Here is a paraphrased transcript:

Me: Hello.

Her: Oh hi Mark, this is Heather, from school.

Me: Oh hey Heather, what's up?

Her: Well, I was having trouble with my computer, and my parents are out of town. My older sister has no clue what the problem is, so I was wondering if you could help me out.

Me: Sure what's the problem?

...she tells me the problem, I attempt to fix it over the phone...

Her: I just don't seem to get it. Could you come over and help me out?

Me: Not tonight, I have a math test tomorrow. How about tomorrow?

Her: No, my dad will be back in town by then, but I REALLY need to get this solved tonight. Are you sure you can't?

Me: Yeah...sorry. I wish I could.

Her: OK, fine. Maybe some other time.

It was about 8 years later, as I was home on leave that she approached me in a bar. She told me the whole story, and told me how pissed she was and that I must not have really been all that smart.

What a dumb ass...

tl;dr : A girl called me in the late evening looking for some "help" with her "computer" because her parents were out of town. I told her no because I had a test the next day.

edit: Fixed formatting and time frame.

epicgeek · 1 year

I am 100% oblivious to any hint a woman ever makes.

A shining example from high school :

I'm sitting on the bus, my friend is sitting in the seat behind me. A hot chick walks up and asks "Can I sit here?" And I say sure.

She spends the entire bus ride talking to me and seeming really interested in everything I say and asking me all sorts of questions. I'm completely confused and have no idea why she's asking me questions, so I answer all her questions, but don't really make any effort to assist the conversation. I was about as interesting to talk to as a brick wall, but god damn she just kept trying.

Afterwards my friend was like "Man, that girl was totally trying to hit on you!" And I responded "Oh... is that what that was?"

docbond · 1 year

When I was in high school my next door neighbor was an attractive girl a grade below me. We had lived next to each other for nearly six years and nothing had progressed beyond mild flirtation. During my senior year her friend, who was quite a bit less attractive, had some family issues and moved in with my neighbor's family. Since it was a small apartment complex there really was no privacy and anything you did got around, FAST.

There was talk amongst my friends that one of them had seen the girls kissing from time to time. One afternoon in the summer while our parents were at work I was talking to my neighbor and her friend on their front porch. I asked her if it was true that they had been kissing. They both readily admitted it and told me that it had gone well beyond kissing. Then they asked if I wanted to come in and watch them reenact just how far it had gone. I said no because I didn't want see the ugly girl naked.

tl;dr I missed out on a three-some as my first sexual experience.

nofreee · 1 year

Typical teenager being oblivious.

Gave a girl a ride home, "Want to come in? My parents are at work." Nah, I'm gonna go hang out with my buddies.
Girl made me a mix CD with gooey love songs. Listened to two, threw it away because the music sucks.
Girl comes over, changes into a pair of my boxers and lays in bed. Did nothing, wondered why she's wearing them, they are obviously too big for her.
Hung out with girl regularly and she proceeds to walk me out to my car every night we are together. We stand around the car for 20 minutes having what seems to be awkward conversations every time. Did nothing and left.
Made friends with an older woman. Constantly told me to call her at any time night or day if I want to get together. Never called.
Drunk with a girl alone by ourselves, she says she is tired and that we should go to bed. I take her up to bed and then proceed to go downstairs and sleep on the couch.
Drunk with friends playing card game. Two girls go upstairs and motion me to come. "Hold on, I need to finish this game."

this_time_i_mean_it · 1 year

Her: Can you take some pics of me while I masturbate?

Me: I'm not that good at photography.

weggy · 1 year

Lesson for any females reading this thread:

Guys often don't get hints. Please endeavour to make it obvious.

zenon · 1 year

My brain likes to take these memories out and fondle them:

I met this cool girl at a friend's party. She sat in my lap and we talked about music. For some reason I can't recall, I had to leave the party before it was over. She complained about it and tried to convince me that I should stay.

Went right over my head.

Even worse: A girl I was going to the gym with was engaged and in a long-distance relationship with some dude. That probably did not go so well, because at one point she removed her engagement ring and asked me to come up to her apartment. I brought a mutual friend so we could ... talk about the gym and stuff. It's been 10 years and this still annoys me.

theeasyride · 1 year

anyone else spend the whole work day reading this thread, facepalming in sympathy after reading each post?

lennort · 1 year

[deleted]

billyblaze · 1 year

Man, who came up with this fucking hint system? I don't wanna play detective, I want to play doctor.

noir145 · 1 year

'Hey want to watch a movie at my place? It'll be fun, I'm inviting some of my friends too.'

Turns out there weren't any friends, we finish watching the movie and I go home and facepalm a few days later.

circus_ugly · 1 year

Over time this thread will come to be known as the Cera Thread. Countless screenwriters will drink from this well for decades to come.

sb76117 · 1 year

I too once had a cute female on my bed. I got tired of waiting so I said "Why are your clothes still on?" to which she replied "Because you haven't taken them off of me yet."

I did nothing.

goots · 1 year

One girl in college came up to me, basically put her large boobs in my face, and asked if she could help me find books at the bookstore, since I was going there. I said thanks, but since I wasn't looking for more than one, I'd be fine doing it myself.

Later, at a party, she was asked something along the lines of "out of all the guys there, who would she make out with?"

She said, in front of everyone and me included, that she would "make out with goots...hardcore." I said an awkward "Heh" and kept sipping my beer, clearly not taking advantage of the situation. I think my roommate was flabbergasted.

Just thinking about this pisses me off at my own stupidity. Thanks for ruining the day.

MysteryBowler · 1 year

I'm a little late to the comment party, but I'll share.

Back during my adolescence and into my young teens, my mother spent most weekends touring around the southern US bowling in tournaments and travel leagues. Her and my father disliked hotels, so they purchased an RV. My parents weren't comfortable leaving me at home by myself just yet and my sister had moved off to college, so I got taken around to all the great and not-so-great bowling alleys south of Tennessee and east of New Mexico.

I got to meet quite a few girls through those travels and being away from home (and out of my small community) allowed me to get out of my shell a little bit. I can't remember the town, but somewhere in central Louisiana I got friendly with this very lovely brunette who's mother was in the same tournament. She was 14, I was 13. I was stoked to even be around a girl that cute, so imagine my elation when she seemed to be happy to be around me as well.

We played arcade games together until I ran out of quarters. Then we just hung around the bowling alley for a while chatting. Sensing that we needed somewhere else to be, I said "Hey, we can go play Nintendo in my parents' RV!" "You've got an RV?" she asked. "Yeah, my parents hate hotels. Come on!"

Out to the RV we go. And we played Super Mario Bros on the original Nintendo 8-bit console we had in the RV. She sat really close to me. Close enough that her left leg was pressed up against my right leg. I felt a little lightheaded and fidgety. Through my peripheral vision I could see her looking at me the whole time and not the screen.

It made it really difficult to play Super Mario Bros.

After a few levels she says, "I'm going to go get a Coke." and I say, "Ok, I'll catch up to you in a bit." Which was my way of avoiding standing up right then. Or going back inside until the visible evidence of my excitement went away.

The cute brunette was noticeably more chilly to me the rest of the day. I was very confused.

My sister came home to visit the next weekend and I told her about this encounter and how girls are confusing. She laughed at me and said, "You are totally clueless. She wanted you to kiss her."

OOOOOOOOOooooohhh...wait...FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU

MomentsInTruth · 1 year

Long-time lurker, first-time poster. I went on a first date with this one girl long ago, back when I didn't have much dating experience and also didn't realize that it's generally good to have a plan or activity for the night. Instead of immediately doing something fun we met at a mall, walked around, and jumped in her car to figure out our next move. She put on the song "Put It In My Mouth" as we sat idling in the parking lot, then slyly asked where I'd like her to take me.

My idiot response: "Oh, I don't know, have you ever been to the Texas Roadhouse down the street?"

There are many other fails, but I still regularly facepalm over that one.

copasetic · 1 year

Another interesting question would be to ask female redditors what hints they gave that flew right on over a guy's head.

1 year

[deleted]

kiwibonga · 1 year

In high school, the younger sister of this girl in my class (1 year difference) asked me to come to her house to fix her computer after school.

They were 3 sisters, and I happened to talk to the third and youngest sister during the lunch break... I'm like "I'm coming to your house tonight! [Your sister] asked me to come help with the computer."

Then she's like... "Our parents are out of town, we're staying at our grandma's house... She's not allowed to invite you over! Plus, the computer's not even broken!"

Sister warfare ensued. Plans cancelled.

Kyton · 1 year

Girl and I were up late cuddling outside at a party. She told me to meet her around 1 later on, that she had a "surprise" for me.

I happily go to sleep and set the alarm for "12:30" THE NEXT DAY, completely oblivious to the fact she meant 1 AM, that night, as opposed to the next afternoon...

goots · 1 year

An attractive female Army cadet came over while I was putting up my tent during a field training exercise. She said she thought I was the cutest guy in the class. I said thanks, and continued to hammer in tent stakes. She lives in Hawaii now and I'm such a fucking dumbass for not taking advantage of the situation.

psmerling · 1 year

I'll repost the biggest regret of my life, so I can get over it.

I was in the drum line, and we were standing in formation waiting for the curtains.

It was the last show for the seniors, one of which was a gorgeous, overachieving, super intelligent track star.

She was also the section leader. I was infatuated.

So infatuated, in fact, that I was unknowingly missing every sign that she threw my way to show that she, too, had the hots for me; This was a low point in my life, so I thought there was no way an athletic, tanned, sexy, Cuban latina like her would have any interest in a skinny, dorky, clumsy untalented burnout like me.

But she did. she gazed lovingly and smiled at me for several months; I thought she was mocking me. She would call my name and put her finger in her mouth; I thought she was taunting me.

She would even call out "I love you Psmerling" on a regular(weekly) basis, and I would respond with a meek "I love you too"; I thought she was doing what all my other lady friends were trying to do- show that they love me in a friendly, platonic way.

I was wrong. Dead wrong. She was honestly head over heels crazy about me, and sadly, so was I with her, but to put it in her own words, "I have bigger balls than you psmerling"

So there we were, in line formation, waiting in our sections: tenors, snares in the middle and bass drums. i was on bottom base, and was zoning out as usual, so I didn't notice her put her snare down and starts saying goodbye to everyone in the drum line.

She said goodbye to her fellow snares and started working her way down the bass line, hugging and exchanging words with the friends she had made over her 4 year career of band.

She got to me last; I tried to be as nonchalant as possible as she hugged me, but she didn't say goodbye as she did with everyone else, which was what I was thinking would happen.

No, in a quiet voice, one she never used, she looked at me and said "kiss me" My brain could not register this. I heard" lkajfjlklskddf" and so I thought of the closest approximation : "you'll miss me"

"Of course I'll miss you," I said in the friendliest way I could. " you're the best section leader I could ever ask for."

For some reason I could not comprehend, this statement made her expression go rapidly from a previous look of extreme expectation to utter disappointment.

She chuckled and smiled without saying anything. She proceeded to cup her hand around my ear and whisper something in it. My half-deaf ear.

I'm pretty sure now(5 years later)that she said "I want you to kiss me"

But I heard "alkdsfjldskldfj"

So I said, "huh?"

FUCK ME!

A look of utter exasperation came over her, and she placed her hands on my chest and softly called my name.

She could have given up there.

But she was confident, and did not give up. She truly loved me, and so she tried to again.

She closed her eyes and pointed to her closed lips(which were 12 inches from mine), and waited.

For 10-15 seconds.

I thought she was contemplating something, so I did nothing. Absolutely nothing.

And that turned out to be the worst possible option.

Her entire face scrunched up in what I bet was the ultimate lump-in-the-throat I have ever seen.

Tears streamed across her face and the sexiest, most confident girl I had ever met walked away looking the most sad and dejected I've ever seen anyone.

My fellow drummer turned, looked at me with a sneer and said "psmerling, you're pathetic"

And no, there was no happy ending. I miss her.

TL;DR: the girl of my dreams(literally) asked me to kiss her 3 times-in front of all her closest friends, no less- on the most important day of her life up to that point; through a combination of hard hearing and idiocy I did nothing but stare at her a stupid gri on my face

WRXRated · 1 year

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