Reddit: Tell me a story of a time where you laughed at something and realized, if there's a Hell, i've got a fast pass to get in.

scarysockpuppet

I had a autistic step brother. He was 16 and his class ( all "special needs") was putting on a christmas play. He got to be the christmas tree and was wicked excited. The night of the play I had this feeling that this could be the most awesome night of my life so me and my little brother each took about a 1/4 of boomers and walked to the school.

Now this is Missouri in the winter so not really the best time for Orsia Indias to be hitting ya, but this makes the story all that much better. We sat down in the stands and after a small introduction from the principal the kids took the stage. I have never seen more leg braces, wheel chairs and smiles in my life. I look over at my brother and the look in his eyes told me two things, one the boomers had kicked in for him and that tonight was going to be pure farking awesomeness.

The play gets started and I have no clue why they even tried to give the kids lines, they mostly just shuffled around and would laugh and clap and every now and then one would say "Merry Christmas!!!" and the rest would clap louder. But here is where my step brother really made the night. He gets really bored just standing around ( and being the tree not like that was a active role) so he starts wandering all over the stage, his costume bumping into wheelchairs and off balance special kids so the chaos is really starting to ramp up. And so are the mushrooms :)

Well they try to get the kids to sing "Jingle Bells" and even the director is pretty much given up hope that this play is going to end well, and all they were trying to do was get these kids to sing so the night might end before all hell broke loose, and there was no way i was going to let that happen.

The kids are horrible and you can just imagine what a stage full of special needs kids all dressed in christmas costumes trying to sing look like. So just as they were finishing up the first verse of the song I stand up and yell as loud as i can " Can we fix it!!! ( Step brother LOVES bob the builder) Of course he screams back Yes we can!!! and then all hell breaks lose, kids start shouting "can we fix it!" and "Yes we can" loudly and then they all start trying to break free from the places on the stage and run around. So now costumes are knocking people down, others are getting lost on the stage and starting to cry, others are getting angry and singing their own christmas songs.

Parents are laughing, I know I just earned 36 evil points and now I look over and my brother is wide eyed and has this look of awe. I know he is peaking pretty hard I talk him into getting up and getting our step brother to dance on the stage. He walks up to the stage and yells for Brian ( our step brother) to "headbang" Brian promptly starts to make the most wicked scene possible as he starts to headbang, dressed in full christmas tree costume on a stage full of special kids running around.

We quickly left and headed back home. Needless to say our dad called and filled us in on the details. They had to spend almost 30 mins trying to get the kids moved off the stage, and one had shat himself in the confusion. Good times :)

porfavoray

[deleted]

zeppelin_one

I make fun of the Amish on the internets because I know they will never read it.

themorningbellss

My one friend lost a mother to cancer. So he's having one of his inane arguments with my other friend. So the friend with the surviving mother says, "Well at least I can still do this," and proceeds to yell upstairs, "Hey Mom! I love you!" I can't tell you how bad I felt but how funny it was at the same time.

i_am_j

i was eating with some friends in the college cafeteria and one of them starts saying some really mean shit about this mute girl. We tried to stop him and eventually pointed out to him that she was sitting right behind him and could hear everything he just said. His reply: "eh, what's she going say?"

DonutsCureCancer

A work colleague who talked about organizing a bungee jumping event for mentally handicapped kids asked me for ideas on what to call it, since he probably couldn't use "spastics on elastics".

I don't know whether he meant it as a joke or not (I assume so) or whether it was original (I assume not), but I couldn't stop giggling while being equally horrified.

punkwalrus

I was working at AOL's International Help Desk (in the US). Our German help desk were assisting diagnose a connection with AOL France, Transpac, and Global One. The problem had been one of those issues that just seem to go on forever, and after 6 hours of a conference call with lots of long pauses, we were all getting a little giddy. AOL Germany was in Duisburg, and AOL France was in Lens.

AOL France: Okay, Transpac is running a second test circuit, we asked the guys downstairs to turn it up. I'll call back in when I get back.

AOL Germany: Okay... [hear France click off]... Jesus man, how long have we been doing this?

Me: My phone says six hours, four minutes.

AOL Germany: This crossed an entire shift change!

Me: I agree, this is excruciatingly slow.

AOL Germany: Dude, I could have driven there and fixed this shit myself by now. What is taking them so long?

Me: Maybe you should have.

AOL Germany: How come AOL France doesn't just let US go down there and take over?

Me: ... yeah, that really worked out for you in 1940.

AOL Germany: [long pause]

AOL Germany: [via IM in large font] OMG DUDE I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT LOL! I had to hit "mute" because we're dyin here! OH NO MY BOSS IS COMING IN!

AOL UK: ... Did... did someone on the call just say what I think they said?

MY BOSS: Let's move on, guys.

Yeah, later, my boss told me to be more sensitive to international issues after that, but even he said that was funny.

banditkeith

I have a friend, jim, who has a bad habit of making "your mom" jokes. one day in highschool, he walked up as someone was finishing a sentence and hears "...died," to which he automatically replies "your mom died... wait, that's not funny" and walks off. the guy had been telling his friends that his mother had recently passed away.

fast forward a few years, a mutual friend's mother had died in a car accident a few weeks prior after a long battle with cancer. jim is playing left4dead online with him and a few other people. our mutual friend gets killed and over voice chat complains about "damn zombies." to which jim replies "yeah, your mom's a zombie". at this point chat goes dead and everyone just stops, and a minute later jim just yells "god damnit" and logs out.

both horrible, but i still laugh remembering them

alwaysthedude

I was working at my local movie theater in high school when a coworker and I saw a woman playing with her baby on a trash can. She stood him up and was holding on because he was trying to stand.

Then THWOOMP

The baby fell into the trash can. It happened so quickly, it was like it was there one second and gone the next. I don't think I've ever felt that bad after laughing at something.

tychobrahesmoose

I was at a vigil talking to a friend of a diplomat who was hit and killed by a car in Washington D.C. and all I could think of was "Don't make a joke about diplomatic immunity."

Affero-Dolor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AYujWCCHRk

I'm sorry everyone.

moose09876

My boss was showing everyone a news story yesterday about how a GMC Jimmy had rolled on the highway, I laughed and asked if it had a good transmission (My blazer has a bad transmission and I need a new one.) Everyone just looked at me. The guy driving was his neighbor's brother, and he died.

There's also this:

http://img.moonbuggy.org.nyud.net/thhhhff-huahfhhhhblllflff/

Dr__Acula

I laugh at deaf people.

ANewDedication

I once yelled at a friend to "Stop walking like you just got out of prison"

Found out later his gf had been pegging him.

prof0ak

Dead baby jokes. I feel an equal amount of joy (from laughter), disgust, and guilt.

lanoux

I also made a Halloween joke by asking a new hire - who happened to be on crutches at the time - if he was going as a cripple.

Years later he's still crutching his crippled self around, but seems to do an OK job of avoiding me.

eternaldalmatian

My friend does football coaching with special needs kids, and they'd had a game, and I asked her if it was any good, and she said "oh, nobody scored, they were just dribbling everywhere". She meant dribbling the ball, but I COULD NOT stop laughing!! And the other day, my flute teacher was telling me about how I had to go and play in an old folks home, and I must have looked nervous because she started going on about how they're an "unassuming" audience, and how if any of them started heckling "a nurse would just come and wheel them away, they have no idea what's happening most of the time". I don't think she realised that what she was saying was bad, 'case she's quite old herself and old fashioned. My chinese friends little sister was waiting outside for her lesson, and she said to me "oh dear, we better finish now, Wing's peeping in". I cracked up and she didn't get what I was laughing at. xD

CM816

I was leaving a basketball game in college with a friend. Big arena, so a pretty big crowd leaving after the game ended. We get to the street corner to cross the street & head back to our dorm. Since most of the people aren't from the city, a bunch of them are just waiting to cross for no apparent reason, blocking the crosswalk & sidewalk. My friend, never much of a patient guy, gets irritated, kind of barges through the crowd, and says fairly loudly, "And we're walking, because we can" -- meant as, 'Why the fuck are you all just waiting here?' But of course I looked immediately to our left to see a man sitting in a wheelchair. "And we're walking, because we can" obviously became the inside joke the rest of our time in school.

There's also this: http://randomfunnypicture.com/wp2/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/stevie-wonder-is-now-using-twitter.jpg

ugotamesij

My best friend knows me so well, he's always second-guessing me. This suggestion that I'm so damn predictable does annoy me a little, so I usually try my best to throw him off. Anyway...

So I arrive at my friend's house and go up to his room whilst he's finishing getting ready as we're heading out. There's a copy of that day's newspaper on his bed so I pick it up and start flicking through and reading the odd article.

One grabs my attention, something stupid and funny (I forget the exact details), and I start chuckling. My friend calls through from the other room: "Ha, you reading about [that funny story]? Yeah, made me laugh too."

Slightly annoyed that, out of the whole damn newspaper, he was able to perfectly guess which story had made me laugh, I replied, "No; actually, I was reading this story here" and, without looking, just point down to the next article on the page.

He wanders in to look that the article that I claimed I was reading and that had made me laugh. The (approximate) headline: 'Nuns raped and murdered in three-hour horror gang attack'.

Ah.

Holliday88

When I saw this on the funny picture thread:

http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f346/boldasboognish/wtf-you-just-call-me-bish.jpg

Creampo0f

Seeing how excited my first grader was to be taller than a very short little person. "She's a grownup and I'm taller than her!"

PandaJerky

Knock Knock.

mellobeth

Laughing through this Hallmark movie about a teacher with Tourette's syndrome.

epicgeek

God created Adam.

He later noticed that Adam was lonely and said "Adam, I will create for you a mate, a woman. She'll be beautiful, intelligent, cook for you, clean for you, have sex with you and support you. She will be perfect in every way."

Adam said "Wow! That's amazing, is there any catch?"

God said "Yes. It will cost you an arm and a leg."

Adam said "Huh... what can I get for a rib?"

abedneg0

I laughed at "The city formerly known as Port au Prince."

Does this reserve a first-class ticket to Hell for me?

SirBrittanicvs

My senior year in High School we were subject to numerous mandatory assemblies about drunk driving. This particular one started with this video. Half of our class found it cheezy, and myself and some friends in my row sang along with the chorus. Someone a few rows over got booted out cuz they were audibly laughing.

Good times.

guthmund

I laugh at deaf people who try to talk.

I'm not proud of it. I just get a kick out listening to them say...well, just about everything.

There was a commercial that was floating around some time ago with the deaf Miss America talking about food safety and, I swear, no matter how many times I hear her say it, when she says "chill" I crack up uncontrollably.

I admire her tenacity, I just think it's funny as Hell, which I'm sure is right where I'm headed.

EDIT: to make sure the link was the right video, I had to preview it with the sound off so my co-workers don't think I'm some sort of deaf-hating bastard.

ALBIM

Last summer I was having an Amish kid over my house for god knows why. I had the following conversation with my mom before he got there.

Mom: ALBIM, vacuum the basement Me: What's the point? He's used to dirt floors.

Second story: I was looking through this facebook album with a friend of mine of a kid I hate. It was a picture of the kid standing in front of the Supreme Court in DC and a bunch of oter similar photos Me: Why the fuck does this kid have to take a picture of all this? (scroll down) "2009 Make a Wish Trip"

I've reached Dante's lowest level of hell

virtueandwine

this.

I do it all the time but the most recent one would be a couple days ago. ET was reporting on Marie Osmond's sons funeral. At the end the reporter said the family released tons of red balloons with messages on them "into the sky"..... but the shot was focused on all the balloons that got stuck in the dead tree. My bf and I looked at each other and started laughing really hard.

zaptal_47

This video.

lanoux

In college I took a geology course taught by a nun older than some of the rocks we were studying. On an outing to the shore of Lake Superior, the path we were on made a somewhat perilous turn down a steep embankment before leading to the shore.

She was leading the group down when she lost her footing and pitched headfirst down the slope. Not a stumble downward type of fall either - rather, she assumed the vertical position of an olympic ski jumper - body straight as a board with hands back at her site.

I believe she landed directly on her chin.

While everyone with a modicum of compassion rushed to her to her in concern, by buddy and I broke out into immediate e and uncontrollable guffaws.

She ended up only spraining her wrist and scraping her face. I meanwhile, got my ticket punched for sure - express.

wpm

I'm not sure if its just because I laughed, but because I was disappointed to learn that someone had already made it

shitshowmartinez

I have a friend with multiple sclerosis. We were in a fight over a game of celebrity, and I just yelled, "go take your diabetes!"

Which doesn't even make sense. But I still laugh about it when I think of it.

zanthraxnl

There was something on the news on TV about a nursing home being evacuated because of a fake fire alarm. When it showed some old people scurrying out of there with their strollers and walkers I LOLed.

pillage

Jim Jeffries Has a funny bit on it.

"religious people worry because they believe that there is a heaven and if there is a heaven there must be a hell. And everyone who has read that book knows that they've done enough shit to go to hell."

Str8C-SectionStudent

For a real life situation...

I was at a bar with a good friend one night and this one chick who has awful teeth, we call her "Bear Trap," continuously hit on him for a couple hours but he did not budge. Finally she went across the bar and texted him, "make a move, hun." He responded "with who?" She immediately sends "with me you ass." He responed with "ouch gay."

edited for grammar, sincerity

Str8C-SectionStudent

http://mariojumper.ytmnd.com/

It's like skydiving without a parachute

NeoShweaty

This is probably just one of many times. I was in Japan summer of '05 doing a home stay and this was our last night in Tokyo before we flew back home. I, like an idiot, agree to go to Electric town with some kid from one of the other homestay groups who had a horrible time and smelled like ass. I managed to talk to other people in his homestay and they mentioned how he was a loner and generally not a good time. In any case, this kid bought me a psp game for going with him so it turned out to be okay.

In any case, as we get back to the hotel, I see my friends motioning me to come over and they say "dude, we got some weed". If you know anything about Japan, you know that they totally believed the reefer madness bullshit and are super serious about cracking down on any drugs (other than pills of course because the Japanese are pill popping fiends). We proceed to smoke it in our hotel room with other people we met before and it turned out we ended up smoking some opium. The night is going well and we go to the smokers section of the hotel. These guys are telling increasingly more ridiculous stories and I am dying of laughter at some of them. Then this one guys starts in about some retard at a basketball game. After hearing the word "retard", I laughed for about five minutes gasping for air as I could. Needless to say, I started myself on the path towards hell that day.

tl;dr In Japan, smoked opium. Laughed my ass off at a story about a retard without hearing anything else but the word retard.

usebombswisely

I laughed and talked loudly during a movie. I'm going to a special sort of hell.

jonuggs

Every time I hear this joke I chortle like a drunken Norseman and am shunned from Valhalla:

What's the opposite of Christoper Reeve?

insidethebox

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine had a get together at his house. He's married. His wife is cool, but... I'm "that single guy" to them. I play in a band, party all night on occasion. They remodel their living room and take pictures of their cats when they are sleeping. We're not exactly on the same level.

For some background info, they have had two unsuccessful attempts to have children. Each time lost several months in. Not funny. Anyway, they don't entertain very often anymore and I was excited to see them. The night was fun. We played cards and drank beer and things were starting to wind down. There was only 5 or so of us left, standing in a circle talking about life and old high school teachers, blah blah blah. A conversation separate from my own talked about a couple that I didn't know. My friends wife mentions that the woman in question was pregnant and lost the baby.

Another single friend of mine, who had at this point had smoked a lot of weed and drank close to a twelve pack blurts out "IT'S LIKE A SICK GAME OF FREEZE TAG!!!"......... silence............. I can't take it. My brain says "oh that was wrong!" but my body erupts in a hyena-like fit of laughter. This causes everyone else in the room to erupt into a very similar hyena-like fit laughter. At this point, it's more contagious than tuberculosis. Each person laughing causes the next to laugh harder. Almost to the point where we forget what we are laughing about. Tears are running down my face. My cheeks and head hurt. People are trying to tell me to stop laughing so that they too may stop. But. I. Can't. At this point, my face is buried in my shirt and I still can't stop laughing. "That was so fucking inappropriate" I keep saying...

The whole time, my friends wife is staring at me and everyone else as if to say "Really? I'm right here." She then gets up and walks out of the room, slamming the door behind her..... I haven't heard from them since....

bo4sho

My brother was volunteering as a camp counselor for a sleep-away underprivileged blind kids camp. My mom and I were dropping him off in his cabin with his stuff, and the blind kids he was in charge of were already in there. This was the first time that my brother or I had ever gone to a sleep-away camp, and my overprotective mom was very nervous about the whole ordeal. Anyways, she starts tearing up and looks at the blind kids as we are about to leave, and while choking up she says to the BLIND kids "Ok everybody, this is Michael he's the one wearing the red shirt." I had to run outside and hold in my laughter. My mom probably figured it out 2 minutes later, and glared at me for the entire walk back to the car. Once we got to the car, she burst out laughing, and said "Oh god, I'm going to hell."

Jmjonkman

An obligatory video in relation to yours http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1770138

zaklauersdorf

I was eating lunch at school with a friend one day. She points across campus and says "Aw, look at my friend go! He's so goofy!" I said "Wait, the guy in the green shirt?" Her response... "Not the deaf kid doing sign language you jerk!"

sweetcuppincakes

You shouldn't feel bad about laughing at that video. No one can withstand Yakety Sax.

Tornsys

This... http://imagemacros.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/maybellinesu4kr0.jpg

cday119

I hope someone reads this.

Me and a bunch of friends were sitting around being bored watching cheerleading, idk why we were all 18-20 year old guys and it doesnt show much skin. A cheer routine starts and everything is going as usual. Then one of my friends says "hey, isn't that girl a little overweight to be a cheerleader?". Then I said "I think one of them just fell over?" We all get a little chuckle. Then the close up. It was a close up of one of the cheerleaders. Thats when we all realized at once - its the special Olympics cheer leading team. A hush falls on the group followed by the loudest most hysterical laughing of all time. After about 10 minutes of laughter I do the recharge laugh and say - We are all going to hell.

Bermnerfs

Fenga Pappit!

GNG

There was a video posted on reddit of some guys basically abusing a cat. It was clear that the cat didn't want them to touch it (it may have been feral), but one eventually did pick it up from behind, and held it at the shoulders. The guy then spun around, holding the cat out at arms' length for a good while. When he finally finished spinning, he set the cat down, and it proceeded to barrel roll along the ground in what seemed almost like a full-body spasm for a good 30 seconds.

Animal abuse is a terrible thing, but I could not stop laughing.

haddock420

Once, at school, my friend and I saw a cat get ran over. Like the car ran over its back legs and the cat crawled out of the road, obviously with two broken back legs. There was a whole crowd gathered round like "oh my god did you see that cat", and me and my friend were just there laughing our asses off.

Felt good to be Beavis and Butthead for a little while.

klenow

Gary the Retard, Wendy the Retard, and Eric the Midget.

When they sent Gary to the moon, I laughed so hard I cried, and I am going to hell for that.

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