What is the strangest way you have been propositioned for sex?

msa_wreck · 2 years

We were out drinking when one of my friends was approached by a girl who was, well, I thought she was a little drunk but not too bad off.

At any rate she was coming on to my friend pretty heavily and he was shrugging her off. We finally decide to leave since the girl really wouldn't let him alone and as we go she shouts across the bar "FUCK MY CERVIX"

no joke.

chasetopher · 2 years

"If you take me to Red Robin I'll fuck you."

highonfire · 2 years

I've never been propositioned in a weird way, but once I was at this party at a college I didn't go to, so I didn't know anyone. Well, my friend was semi-shy around girls. He needed to work his way up and be all confident and stuff. So I figured hey, I'm drunk, I'll go act like an ass to this girl and then she'll be like, you suck, so when my buddy goes up to her she'll be more receptive.

So I saunter up to her. Slap her ass and say "baby, lemme play with that booty," in the most ghetto assed voice I could.

she did.

i felt sorry for my friend, but he ended up hooking up with another girl.

Porknog · 2 years

I was in my early twenties, sitting with a large group at a blues bar. This cougar with enormous jugs and breath that could pickle cabbage had been eying me up for the better part of an hour, and finally got up the nerve to come over to our table. She leaned over and said "God you're fucking hot. You remind me of my son."

awesomerobot · 2 years

When I was in college working at a retail videogame store:

It's dead, want to close early and fuck in the back room?

It was completely random, we were normally somewhat flirty - but nothing too different from any other time I've worked with a female. Only time in my life I had an actual spit-take. Also; it was awesome.

Koreapsu · 2 years

I was about 16 and a surfer/skater at the time. Myself and a couple of mates were hanging out at a local skate shop a couple of hours after closing, just basically drinking a bit and skating around inside the shop.

Anyway one of the girls working there would've been in her early to mid 20s and was that kind of tattooed hot skater girl. We all wanted her but never thought we had a chance, until this night. I have no idea how it came up but after a bit of drinking and me bragging that I could land a double kick flip off the table she said "If you can land that I'll give you a blow job".

None of us could believe it, but the older guys who worked there laughed and it seemed pretty serious. I'd never actually landed the kicky off a bench or table so I was basically just talking shit. Needless to say I jumped up onto the bench, half drunk and skated to the end. The double kick flip came off flawlessly. I landed it perfectly and spun around and looked right at her. The older guys laughed, she grabbed my hand and we went to the back room and the debt was paid in full.

For a while there I was a fucking legend with the rest of my mates :)

jmblur · 2 years

Held my 21st birthday party at my apartment in college on a Friday night. Girl I was kind of friends with (friend of a friend) and who I had been flirting with for a few weeks shows up, and asks me to unlock my bedroom so she can leave her toothbrush and clothes for tomorrow in there.

aliasforspam · 2 years

One summer for extra cash (I might have been 20 at the time), I took a job with a taxi company that the father of a friend of mine owned. One day I bring a pretty nasty looking, strung-out chick from a housing project to the super market. The meter lands on $5.10 - She looks at me, holds a five out and says, "what can I do to make up the rest?" with a suggestive tone. I just came right back, "If its only worth 10 cents, I don't want it."

okletstrythisagain · 2 years

once I was at a basement bar in Long Island City (Queens NY) and a cute young woman approached me, saying in a very matter of fact way that she was giving blowjobs in the bathroom. i assumed she was kidding, but later when i went to the bathroom there was a line of guys who probably didn't need to urinate. This i could deduce because the door was half open. perhaps the strangest thing is that nobody was gawking or acting oddly. seemed to be business as usual for everyone but me.

i should note this was early evening, because i was meeting for a drink before band rehearsal, couldn't have been any later than 8PM this happened. no crazy last call situation here, she didn't even seem drunk.

assholio · 2 years

I don't want to scare the younger redditors, mine was repeated several times over a 12 month span, it went something like this; "get your cock in here, I've just taken my temperature and I think I'm ovulating".

DanLar75 · 2 years

A girl in her 20s once looked me straight in the eyes (we had never talked) and continued to pour her entire drink in her own lap. She then waved me over and told me 'see how wet you make me'..

Yeah, I fucked her..

HaCutLf · 2 years

Some girl I was talking to over AIM said she was "waiting" for me to date her. This is a girl who I only talked to once in highschool, so it was like 4 years later (she found me on MySpace). She said all of this stuff about how we were supposed to be together and engage in copious amounts of sex. Needless to say, I was pretty shocked, so I sat there trying to think of something to say, then she calls me and says that it was her cousin typing to me on her AIM name, or something. She then said something like "either way, I'm willing to fuck if you are."

She was a very strange person.

bloomed · 2 years

I was a freshman in college, having a party in my apartment, as we did pretty much every weekend.

There were 20 or so people there, and some people I didn't know, which was cool.

After things cooled down a small group of us watched some TV in my room (which I shared with a roomate) for a while until people started going home. Except for this girl.

She was decently attractive, but the whole night she had been playing up how "DRUNK~!" she was.

My roomate and I were ready to sleep, so we told her: "Here's a blanket and sleeping bag, you can sleep on my bed, and i'll sleep on the floor."

She insisted she wanted to sleep on the floor, so we set her up and started getting ready for bed. As we were getting in bed, she opened her purse and set a few condoms on the table next to her and said "you guys can do whatever you want with me, but just make sure to use these and clean up when you're done." and she just passed out.

Needless to say, we didn't touch her, and we woke up the next morning and she was gone.

MrSnoobs · 2 years

When I 18 and working at a summer camp, a 14 year old camper came up to me and said "I've been told I give good blowjobs" I told her "I've been told statutory's a bitch"

bmb0x · 2 years

The summer after senior year of high school, I was hanging out with a good friend and his girlfriend. She had a very hot friend over; I knew this girls name but that's about it. We are all watching a movie, and this girl grabs a blanket and sits right next to me. It's June, so blankets aren't needed, unless of course you want to secretly jerk someone off under it. Which is exactly what she wanted to do.

After a few minutes of this she stands up and says "bmb0x and I would like to chat in private for a few minutes" and motions to the spare bedroom down the hall. She askes me to grab a drink for her. No idea whats going on, I grab a drink and head to the room. Open then door, and she is naked except a thong on the bed. We have wild amazing sex for an hour, never hear from her again.

raegx · 2 years

I was at a college party that was being hosted by my two friends. The rest of the party attenders were mutual friends and a smattering of people who were friends of friends.

One of the people I didn't know was a dark haired girl with pale/ivory skin; my personal favorite. I watch her for a little and determine she is just an attention whore. She is hanging off literally every guy who gets close to her and proceeded to strip to "win" at beer pong. I decide she isn't worth my time and just enjoy the party and ignore her.

A bit later I decide its time to leave the party. Its late and I am loaded and I have a long walk back to my place. As I'm putting my shoes on by the door Mrs. Dark Hair comes over and grabs my arm and says "Where are YOUUUUUUUU going?",

Me: "Home, I am going to crash hard."

Her: "Oh can I come?"

Me: "You mean you need a ride? I am way not cool to drive."

Her: "No, can I come home with you?"

Me: <blank stare>

Me: <realization that grin on her face means something>

Me: "No."

I left. She ended up sleeping with one of my friends. After she was done she went across the hall and slept with my other friend. Neither knew they had both done her until I asked who she was a week later. Both said "yea she slept over and I hit that". The conversation after that was an attempt to establish who got sloppy seconds.

pushad · 2 years

The condoms were for her penis

sibtiger · 2 years

Alright, the D&D bit of your story reminded me of an one time that was indeed quite strange.

So I'm living in Banff National Park in Alberta for the summer, at a hotel in the middle of nowhere. We occasionally would go down the mountain to the small (VERY small) village for a change of drinking scenery.

One time I go down with two female coworkers to this really scuzzy bar- the best way to describe it would be that it felt like you were living in an AC/DC song. While we're hanging out drinking there, I go off for a bit to talk to some other acquaintances and come back to find my two coworkers talking to this girl. She was definitely attractive- curvy, pale skin, black hair type. One of the girls gives me a "We found one for you!" look and introduces us.

We start talking, and the conversation brings about two important pieces of information. One, she's a big nerd, in fact possibly a bigger nerd than me- she'd gone to star wars conventions in cosplay, even. She also says she was a lesbian- I suppose she was actually trying to get with one of my coworkers. Whatever, I think, I actually enjoy talking with her so we continue to do so for a while, both of us being intensely nerdy.

Then all of a sudden, she moves in closer to me and says "... you know, I just want to get laid tonight." "...I thought you were a lesbian?" "I am. But I'm not a very good lesbian."

How can I counter logic like that?

Harry_Seaward · 2 years

A prisoner named Bill said, "You're going to be sleeping under me for a while."

Turns out I had been sold for some cigarettes.

orangepotion · 2 years

You should totally write a movie script with it.

The Jude Apatow angle: she gets pregnant, you both marry, and have zany kids, one of which is Micheal Cera.

The Morgan Freeman version: she teaches the depth of the human soul: "I'll never forget the day I first lay eyes on craygirlwithabagofcondoms."

The Wes Craven story: she takes you to an abandoned school, drugs you and proceeds to eviscerate you while you have vivid nightmares about the whole process.

The David Lynch show: Like the above one, but she is also having sex with you as she eviscerates you.

The indie comedy: She is played by Zooey Deschanel, and proceeds to fuck your brains out and then dumps you for the singer in a Mexican Jewish hip hop band that lives in New York.

The stupid indie comedy: Ellen Page proceeds to get pregnant while drinking all your whisky. Also, the condoms had holes in them.

The French film: The girl falls in love with you, and you for her; you travel the world together,and then she dies while drinking coffee.

The Mexican contemporary film: She has sex with you, and you travel throughout the country trying to see her again, only to find out that you have unresolved homoerotic tendencies and that your dog is a killer.

The Indian film: it is great tragedy,but everybody dances and sing for 3 hours. It is also a complete success, but nobody in the US has heard of it. Amitabh Bachan acts as the father of the bride.

creatineluster · 2 years

So, did you used to play dungeons and dragons??

Inanna26 · 2 years

I go to college on this tiny campus (Lawrence University) in Wisconsin. This is a place where security's a joke, because NOTHING bad happens. I was walking home kinda late one night when this car comes driving by, stops, and the driver leans out and asks 'Where can we find prostitutes?' I told him 'I don't know', to which he replied 'Well, will YOU sleep with my friend here? We'll pay you a lot!' I said that my boyfriend would be rather annoyed if I slept with someone else, even for money. He told me I was really sexy, I thanked him and walked away.

phalcon · 2 years

When I was 16 my friend and I were looking around Spencer's. He wandered off and some older (mid twenties, maybe) chick sidled up to me and says, "Hey, have you ever had oral sex?" I wasn't sure I heard her right, so I ask her to repeat herself. "Have you ever had oral sex?" I tell her no, so she says "Do you want to?" Now, I know BJs are relatively hard to come by at that age when you're kind of a geek, but something inside me told me that good things probably wouldn't come of saying yes. I told her no and left to wait outside for my friend. He laughed at me all the way to the car.

ParanoydAndroid · 2 years

I don't know if it's technically the strangest, but the ballsiest I've been propositioned was at a party at my college dorm.

The guy was the friend of a friend, flown in to visit us in sunny Hawai'i. We have a welcome-party, and about 2 hours into it (i.e., two hours into meeting him at all) we run out of liquor and I have to grab more from my room.

He accompanies me and suddenly points a finger down the hall, *point* "Hey, what's that?"

I look for "that", and he roughly (the good rough) pushes me against the wall and dives in for a kiss.

It was a pretty adorable mix of childish trickey and manly confidence; his gambit payed off.

Exponential · 2 years

A very large fat naked man tried to trick me into following him behind the sand dunes. I barely staved off rape.

Spring break, freshman year, College. My two friends and I headed down south in a rental car. We stayed with my grandparents in Pensacola and joked about how lame we were, sitting on my grandma's couch, watching "real" college kids get crazy on MTV. We wanted the College experience but were too dumb to really know where to go. We went to a strip club, and drank, but Pensacola is not by any stretch of the imagination, a spring break town.

My grandpa had joked that they had a nearby nudist beach and we might want to check it out. We had visions of Porky's 3 and hot chicks everywhere. What we got were weird old sweaty people eating chips and fat men drinking beer out of coolers by themselves.

We said, "let's get the hell out of here" as the elderly man who looked like a prune bent over for a frisbee.

"Oh shit, where are the keys!"? My friend said,

We all looked through our pockets and couldn't find them.

"We musta dropped them down on the sand, let's spread out", I said.

So I head in one direction, they in theirs. As I'm WALK-SPRINTING along the beach trying to avoid looking at 59 year old naked people, scanning up and down the beach for the keys, this HUGE guy, 6 foot 6, huge pot-belly, tanned to leather and huge schlong right in my face approaches and says,

"Hey what's that sign say?" He's pointing to the sign next to the dunes that says, "Stay off of the dunes!". Clearly this creep is not a first timer at this beach and knows what the signs say.

"Uh, stay off the dunes, hey I gotta go, looking for something", I mumble and try to walk off.

"You think anybody ever goes back there?" he says, in a serious tone.

"I don't know, look I gotta go."

"Hey you look good. I know this real rich girl. She's a millionaire. She likes to screw like five dudes at once and she'll pay you like 600 dollars. You ever do anything like that?"

!!!!!!!!

"Hey I gotta go. Sorry" was all I could think of saying.

"Hey, let's just go behind those dunes there!", he said with a creepy grin, huge penis wagging in the wind.

I sprinted to the car. My friend found the keys in one of our bags.

lear · 2 years

A couple of weeks ago this guy walked up to me and asked, "can I get some money from you?"

I was in a hurry to get to a meeting for work and I honestly didn't have any so I told him the truth, "sorry man, I don't have any."

"Okay, so can I get a ride somewhere?"

"Look, I'm kind of late as it is, I'm sorry."

"Are you pregnant?"

"What? No."

"...you wanna be?" followed by an eyebrow waggle.

It was the weirdest exchange I've had with a panderer/ person in need of a ride/ someone coming on to me.

diggcalledtheymissu · 2 years

WHERE ARE ALL THESE HORNY, READY-TO-FUCK WOMEN YOU GUYS ARE RUNNING INTO?!?!

midnight_train · 2 years

i got a call from my girlfriend telling me her two friends and her were looking for a place to drink the bottles of strawberry hill they had acquired, and asked if they could come over.

told her, sure...

my girlfriend is blonde and swedish, having arrived a few years earlier, and one of her friends a petite brunette with gorgeous pale skin, and the other a more filled out brunette - all three just gorgeous.

they came over and popped open the bottles and after they had a buzz going, my girlfriend goes into the kitchen saying she's going to make a peanut butter and honey sandwich.

she calls out asking where the honey is. i tell her. she says she can't find it.

so i go to the kitchen to get it for her and she surprises me by squishing the plastic-bear-bottle of honey with its lid off over my head.

i was like, "WTF?" and the three girls erupt with laughter.

i rack it up to them getting drunk and having a laugh, so i don't get very mad. i tell them to pardon me, i'm hopping in the shower to wash off the honey.

i go through my bedroom to my bathroom, turn on the water to heat up the shower, pull off my clothes, and get in.

was in there for maybe a minute when the bathroom door opens and all three girls get into the shower with me.

ended up in bed the happiest guy on earth

Tomble · 2 years

My friend, an Australian, overseas in a bar. Talking to two attractive girls and flirting.

Girl: "So.. do you want to come back to our place for an Aussie sandwich?"

My friend : "Oh, no thanks, I've already eaten".

Girls : (Disappointed) "Oh.. okay. Well, bye then!"

My friend two hours later, back home. "Wait a second.... THEY DIDN'T MEAN FOOD"

That_Fking_Guy · 2 years

Well, there was this one time while I was out, some chick waved at me, not knowing her I just smiled and waved back. Turns out her boyfriend was behind me and they proceeded to make out infront of me.

I hope you all got fucking aids from these whores.

expires2010 · 2 years

"we either want to suck your blood or have sex" - two girls to my brother and I.

2 years

[deleted]

Knute5 · 2 years

"Dear Reddit Forum, I never believed this could happen to me..."

dakboy · 2 years

I was Best Man in a wedding a few years back (single at the time). The Maid of Honor & I got along well, we'd never met before the weekend. She had a boyfriend back at college a few states away, but we were friendly throughout the weekend, maybe the occasional flirting.

She mentioned that she hadn't gotten a room at the hotel where the reception was being held, so she was going to have to catch a ride back to the bride's mother's house after the festivities were over. My hotel room had 2 double beds, so I suggested to her that she crash in my room. At some point early in the weekend, she makes it known that she's "in the process of breaking up with her boyfriend."

After the wedding reception, most of us in the wedding party, aside from the newlyweds of course, kept partying because we had no transportation concerns. The MoH, one bridesmaid (under 21), another groomsman & I closed up the hotel bar and were all pretty well lit.

The 4 of us retreated to my room. The bridesmaid was supposed to be staying in her mother's hotel room, but she was under 21 and completely hammered - she'd have been in a heap of trouble coming back to the room that drunk. She sat down on one of the beds, fell backward & immediately passed out. The groomsman sat next to her, fell backwards, and also passed out.

MoH & I changed into gym shorts & t-shirts to sleep, and hopped into the other bed. After a few minutes, things started getting frisky. She hopped on top of me and I told her "uh, I wasn't expecting this to happen, I didn't bring anything."

Her response: "I don't care."

tyrmanosaurusflex · 2 years

after having several casual cups of jager, i brought a girl back to my friends place in ellensburg. I was wearing a particularly flattering light blue shirt with 5 whales on it, and "Rockport, Mass." written at the top. She proceeded to stroke my chest, while seductively whispering "Are they sperm whales?"

I fucked her and sold the shirt to a friend for $30.

mimiro · 2 years

There was a girl I had seen around a few times, one of those angles girls. Some angles she seemed nerdily cute, other angles she looked like a horrifyingly creepy girl that would kill me in my sleep. You know the type. I am an amateur photographer and so am always taking pictures of everything, she ended up in a few pictures giving what I thought was her 'I'm insane and want to kill you' look, as I later found out it was her attempt at playing seductive.

So I dance with her one time (swing dancing) because I am a nice guy and won't turn a girl down, and jokingly mention that she gives some interesting, and somewhat frightening, facial expressions. At which point she says I have no need to worry, she isn't armed tonight. Not even a little knife... And that even if she was, killing people is against her religion. But then again runs her finger down my spine and a little lower "so is sex but that doesn't stop me there" while then squeezing my butt. I made haste to get away...

Snufflesaur · 2 years

The first time I ever got drunk was when I was 15. My friend had a house by the beach in Santa Monica and his parents were out of town. There were 3 guys including myself and my friend invited 3 girls over who I had never met that went to some private school. We got drunk at his house and decided to walk over to the beach and hang out at a lifeguard tower because there's no one there at night, except for the random homeless guy, and cops generally didn't patrol there. One of the girls quickly expressed interest in me and was hanging all over me all night. I was a virgin at the time and had never done anything but make out before. This girl, although not bad looking, was trashed beyond belief and she was begging to give me a blow job right there on the beach. I'll admit I was kinda afraid, so I yelled for help from my friend and he came over and pulled her off of me. It's a good thing I didn't go for it because soon after, she proceeded to urinate all over herself. That was an awesome night.

jun2san · 2 years

So I have a profile on a dating website and I get a message from a pregnant chick saying "are you free tonight?" and out of curiousity I reply "sure what's up?" she replies back "well, I liked your profile and I'm just looking for a guy to come over between 9 and 10pm, give me a cream pie and leave. By the way, Ive done some porn and if you google Judy marie porn you should find me. The rule is, come over, creampie, no condom and leave." I looked her up and she was from my city but there was no way I was going to fall for this ploy. I reply telling her (or whoever it was) to stop wasting my time and go find some other idiot to fall for this. She replied back cussing me out. I feel bad for anyone who fell for this. Couple things came to mind: robbery attempt or finding a sucker to frame.

oCasta · 2 years

This just happened as I was reading the thread, so I might as well share: a friend of mine texted me and told me that we need to go penis hiding when we get back to school. She says she bought some sexy underwear and she is sad that no one will see them now that she and her boyfriend have separated.

In other news, I just got a new camera for my birthday...

sfacets · 2 years

Some girl sent me an email. How weird is that?

Dog-E-Style · 2 years

Sigh

In high school my best friend rented a hotel room and threw a little party because he was leaving for the Navy soon. Thing is, the party was not a party at all. I got there and it was just me and him. He was a good guy and my best bud, so I didn't think a ton of it at the time. Then he whips out his dick and asks me to show him mine. Nope. I still brushed it off and the incident didn't change much. I went on to be best man in his wedding. A few months later he came out of the closet as flaming-ass gay. He was a fucktoy for some fairly rich and famous people. It wasn't till he came out of the closet that I realized that hotel room thing was a proposition for gay sex. Weird.

She got in the cab and asked me to take her friends home first. After they got out of the cab she hopped up front and started whipping out her perky cans. The showing of cans is a common occurence so I didn't think much of it at the time, but when we pulled in to her parking lot she points me to a spot right in front of her door, right under the light, and says the truck we are next to is her husbands. then she handed me $20, ripped my pants open and buried her face on my bone. That was finished quick. She was good. Then she hops in the back of the cab, pulls down her pants and bends over. Nope. Had my money. Already blew one wad. It was bar close time and had to go.

Another one just kept staring at me and saying "In and out". This went on for twenty minutes. She was hammered big time. She wouldn't get out of the cab. She kept trying to climb onto my lap. Again this was at bar close time. When I finally got her to get out of the cab she fell flat on her ass and couldn't get up. Hammered. She's still staring at me saying "in and out". I pick her up and help her to the apartment. I finally ask her, do you mean that you want to fuck? She nods in agreement and pulls my face to her cans and utters her apartment number. She comes to a little more and just starts yanking me in to her room. She rips open her shirt and throws herself on the bed. I was basically creeped the fuck out and left. I either had to help her inside or call the cops. I couldn't just leave the bitch outside in the winter. But still, this chick was ready to fuck within two minutes of meeting. Her pick-up line was "in and out". She was persistent.

I got a call to pick two people up. I get there and it's an older dude with some stinky fat young broad. We get to the destination. he goes in to the store and has me and the chick wait outside. Within a minute of him being gone she starts talking about how much she loves to fuck and she whips out her cans. She asks if I want to come in to the back and fuck her. I smiled and said no thanks. She then went on to tell me that she had just an hour earlier had anal sex with some dude for $20.

I'm not even gonna go on, but there is more.

sirbruce · 2 years

Some Fillipino guy who moved into an apartment a few doors down sees me one night and asks me, "Do you suck cock?" After an awkward silence and some strange conversation I go back to my apartment. A few days later he leaves a handwritten note taped to my front door, written in broken english, saying in effect he wants to suck my cock. I never talked to him again.

mokita · 2 years

Late one night last spring, I checked into a hotel in Bali and struck up a conversation with one of the guys who worked there. I was moving a little gingerly because I'd just spent 3 hours on a motorcycle. The guy noticed and offered to give me a massage, "for free, just for you!" Now, in general a free massage from a strange man is never a good idea, but he was a small man, and talking to me was making him so nervous that he was actually stammering. I was sore as hell, so I decided to accept the offer, figuring that he was much too timid to try anything untoward.

We go to my hotel room, the back massage commences, and the guy behaves himself like a gentlemen. Doesn't even try for the side-boob. Just as I'm really starting to relax, a HUGE guy who also works at the hotel comes barreling in the door. His arms are as big around as my waist, his chest is bare and covered in tattoos, and his face is uncannily orc-like. He shoves the little guy to the side and jumps on the bed, straddles my back, and starts kneading my shoulders like I'm the goddamn pillsbury dough girl. I freeze for a few seconds, trying to decide what to do. I'm lying on my stomach and my head is turned to one side, so the only thing I can see is the little guy, cowering against the wall and looking absolutely miserable.

At this point, the big guy announces, "Your body is too cool. You need some hot man muscle inside you."

I cracked up and kicked them both out. Took me a good five minutes to stop giggling.

vspazv · 2 years

Drunk girl said something in Japanese and stuck her hand down my pants.

I need to visit Tokyo again.

rust2bridges · 2 years

One night, I had dropped acid with some friends, and then a few hours later we proceeded to get really stoned as well. So, I'm upstairs from where I live, at my friends place. I'm tripping balls and decide I really need to sleep, so I pack up the last of my weed and head down to my apartment. It took me a good 20 minutes to get down the stairs, since I'd sort of space out every few steps (at least I assume it did, I was way fucked up).
My buddy's skanky gf apparently came down after me, cause she wanted more of my weed. When I refused her, she offered to fuck me for the pot. In my addled mind, I was searching for reasons to turn her down (I had the crazy idea that if I just said no, my buddy would be all offended. Go drugs!) so I told her I had no condoms, so couldn't do it. She then suggested I just wrap my cock with a bedsheet and give it to her that way. Some sort of primal part of my mind saw through the haze of LSD and pot, and recognized how fucking bad the rugburn on my cock would be if I did that, and I was able to remain coherent long enough to get her out of my apartment.

Then I passed out to hallucinations of Transformers.

calico_cat · 2 years

Not one, but two! Both occurred when I lived in Japan. I'm white but I speak and read Japanese pretty well.

1: I used to live in a small town in Japan. I used to ride my bike for an hour in the mornings before going to work. I notice this van is following me, so I stop and turn around.

This short guy (maybe 5') jumps out, bows, and asks in oh-so-polite Japanese "I'm so sorry to have bothered you. I would like to ask if you have a boyfriend". I say yes, yes I do. He thinks for a bit, then says "Would you like to have sex with me?" I say no. He bows three times more while saying "I'm so sorry to have disturbed you" and drives off.

Apparently he was the pharmacist in the next town over. At least, that's what the van he was driving said.

2: I was at an enkai (after-work party) and the wasted vice-principal asks if I want to have sex with him. I point to his wedding ring and say "No! You are married!" He replies, "Yes, I'm married in [nearby city where he lives] but not here!"

2 years

[deleted]

vshzr · 2 years

A girl walked up to me and just grabbed my balls, and said its ok its her birthday...

dullac · 2 years

go on.......

gemurph · 2 years

In New Orleans, on a date, I stepped outside for a smoke. This noticeably athletic - and it turned out pretty - girl is coming down the sidewalk. She comes straight up to me and asks for a cigarette. As I light it for her she says, "Thanks. You're cute." Then, "Listen, I just got out of jail and I haven't had any in a while. Would you like to screw for a few hours?" I answered, "Sorry, hon, I can't. I'm on date." "Damn!" she said, "Well... thanks for the smoke." Then she smiled, kissed me on the cheek very affectionately, looked me in the eyes and said, "I bet it would have been fun," and went inside the club.

Loufoque · 2 years

It was late one night in July, I think, the summer that I turned eighteen. I had met up with some friends for coffee, but I wasn't really feeling it, so I bailed and walked around downtown by myself for a while, feeling introspective. It started to get dark, so I decided to call my older brother for a ride and wait at the base of some steps that lead up to an old theatre. I couldn't get a hold of him, but as I was trying to find a way home, a man approached me. He was probably in his fifties, with a dirty t-shirt stretched over a big gut, and a couple of teeth missing. I was small and skinny (and seriously flat-chested and young-looking) in ripped jeans, sneakers, and a Kids In The Hall t-shirt. He looked me up and down and then started to talk nervously. "Are you... working?" he asked. I wasn't really sure what he meant, but I assumed he thought I was working at the theatre behind me. Not wanting to seem like I was just lingering there, I lied and said "Um, no, I just got off. I'm waiting for a ride." It didn't even occur to me that he was trying to proposition me, I thought he was just a weirdo making conversation. Then he started telling me that he had a girlfriend and an apartment, and I could "join" them if I liked. I said, "Uh.. no, thank you. I really have to go. But um.. have fun." And without another word, he waddled off down the street and I sat there, gobsmacked, wondering if I had just been mistaken for a hooker.

d3f4ult · 2 years

I was about 16 at the time and my family owned a little convenience store in the french quarter of New Orleans. God knows why, but my parents often let me work the night (4pm-12am) shift alone. It's Halloween, and being so close to Frenchman street, there's a steady stream of costumed revelers coming in to buy beer, condoms, or whatever other supplies they needed to make mischief.

Keep in mind that Halloween in New Orleans is serious business. I'd already seen more than my fair share of outlandishly costumed and/or half-naked people, when in walk god and the devil. Or, at least, a goddess and the devil - two chicks wearing parallel costumes. One girl is tall, lithe and blonde with long hair, blue eyes, and a gorgeous smile. She had a beautiful pair that were basically erupting from the white, lacy corset thing that she had on, along with a pair of wings, a set of fishnet stockings, and a halo. Her counterpart was equally gorgeous. Dark hair, dark eyes, red corset, fishnets, leather wings and devil horns.

It was one of the few lulls I had that night when the devil throws in the swinging door and barges into the store, dragging the angel behind her semi-reluctantly. She didn't even bother to look around, just walks in, sees me behind the counter, and gets this, well...devilish look on her face. She starts towards me when her friend stops her and half-whispers something along the lines of.

"....but he's so young..."

At this point they, of course, had my attention.

The devil blows off her friend who, I soon found out, was just making a show. She starts stroking my hand with her finger, leans in and says suggestively:

"Are you a virgin?"

".....yes....." I replied weakly after regaining my senses. I had never really done anything with a girl, so my heart is hammering away in my chest. BOOM BOOM BOOM. No way this is happening..

"Do you want to be?"

"No."

1: I used to live in a small town in Japan. I used to ride my bike for an hour in the mornings before going to work. I notice this van is following me, so I stop and turn around.

2: I was at an enkai (after-work party) and the wasted vice-principal asks if I want to have sex with him. I point to his wedding ring and say "No! You are married!" He replies, "Yes, I'm married in [nearby city where he lives] but not here!"

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